Was it possible for a heart to stop and for the person to keep on living? Because if not and he was dead, that meant he was in heaven, and she was his angel coming to guide him home. God, she was beautiful with her mile long legs and curves that took his breath away.
Slowly his eyes came to rest on her mouth-watering cleavage and he ached to take them in his mouth again, like he did long ago. But he wasn't quite ready to show her his body yet, didn't want her fingers running over the scars that were a continuous reminder of the horrors he faced after being condemned for a crime he didn't commit.
While he sat frozen in his seat, staring at her, making no effort to move, she sashayed towards him, her hips swaying as she made her way around the tables. She moved with intention and he wasn't sure whether he should run away or stand his ground. He knew that the tension between them would never be settled until they landed in bed together, but unless he handcuffed her to the bed to keep her hands off him, he wouldn't be comfortable doing it.
And Tamara wasn't one to be handcuffed. She didn't play the submissive very well, but rather enjoyed tying him up or handcuffing him in some fashion. The girl he remembered had a drawer full of various handcuffs, so he wasn't surprised in the slightest that she became a cop. It seemed suitable for her personality.
There was a deep heartache in her eyes though, but she did her best to hide it. It was only during the briefest of moments did she let it slip. Logan knew that she had faced some hard times. Caleb had filled him in a little bit on their past and how she now refused to enter into any long term relationships, or any relationships for that matter beyond BDSM.
She stopped in front of the bar, giving him a side glance as she ordered her drink, her lips curling into a sexy grin. He knew that grin. That meant trouble. The last time he saw that look was when they ducked into the janitor closet at school and had a quickie. His member came to life at the memory of her smooth skin under his fingertips. The way her knees buckled when he sought the warmth between her thighs.
They had a connection that words couldn't even begin to describe, not even all the time and distance in the world would be able to break it. He had shoved it to the back of his mind while he tried to straighten his life out, but she kept drawing his soul back with her smoky grey eyes. Her spirit continued to swirl around him until he had no choice but to come back.
Grabbing her drink from the bartender, she came and sat down across from him in the black cushioned chair. Tamara placed her drink on the table and studied him. "Do you want to talk about what just happened in there?"
"Not particularly," he said, bitterness filling his mouth. How was he supposed to tell her what happened to him when he couldn't bring himself to talk to a therapist about it? He was only a boy when he had been thrown in the slammer, but that didn't matter to the perps there. All they saw was another filthy animal who deserved to have their paws all over him and break what innocence he had left. He'd heard about horror stories that took place, but never expected to live it.
His cell didn't even provide him with an escape as he had a nasty cellmate. They all enjoyed picking on the young new guy whom they had nicknamed the surfer. He was glad to finally turn his back on the prison when he was released.
"Okay. We can just sit here in silence if you want." Tamara leaned back in her seat and took a sip of her drink staring out into the atrium. "But I do find it kind of funny."
Logan glared at her. "What's funny about it?"
"I don't like being touched. You don't like being touched. We're a match made in heaven. Don't you think?" she said, smiling wryly.
He didn't find it quite as amusing as she did. Hell, he wanted to touch her. And he wanted her to run her fingers along his body, but not if the end result was having to reveal his painful past. Pushing his chair back. Logan stood up and guzzled the last bit of his drink. "I want to go outside and get some fresh air."
She tilted her head back and downed her drink like a pro, and then jumped up from her chair. "Sounds good to me."
"Mara, please. I need some time alone."
Her nostrils flared in annoyance, but the worst was the hurt tumbling in her eyes. "Fine by me. I'll just ignore you like I planned," she snapped, flipping him off before turning to rush away. It didn't take long for him to catch up and take her by the arm, but she grabbed his finger bending it back. "Did you forget? I don't like being touched."
Yanking his hand back, he sucked on his sore finger and watched her speed walk across the atrium and up the stairs. Their relationship was not off to a very good start. If he didn't find a way to open up to her, he might as well book a ticket home when they docked at the next Port.
She never liked secrets, even the good ones. If she knew you bought a Christmas present, she snooped until she found it. He had to wait until the last second to buy hers because she had a way of wangling the answer out of him.
His present to her this year was meant to be himself, but unless he could figure out how to let her unwrap him and not flinch or have a flashback, this whole trip would be for not. But he didn't know what her reaction would be to his illicit affairs. He found that the more he fought against the brutality in jail, the worse the recovery time.
His name may have been cleared, but his body would always remember his stay. As soon as anyone's hands began to roam, things hit him hard. He hadn't let a woman touch him in years because of it. Funny how he'd almost forgotten all about it just by seeing her again, until Tamara's finger came in contact with the scar on his back. She completely entranced him, pushing past the pain momentarily. The excitement of seeing her brought back so many good memories, and, for a moment, he thought it was going to be fine.
If anyone could help him, it was her. And he knew that the only way to overcome is to open up to someone, despite wanting to bury it so deeply that even he couldn't remember the past. Hmm. What if the answer was to bury his past memories under good memories of the present? Maybe if she let him tie her up, it would be a fresh start.
"Stop trying to talk yourself into it and just do it," he mumbled to himself. Caleb paid good money to have Logan join Tamara on the cruise. If he went back and told him that he chickened out, Caleb would knock him on his ass.
Sucking up a deep breath, he went in search of his high school sweetheart.
***
The stubborn pigheaded man might as well go back from wherever he came from, Tamara thought to herself as she tore off her top and stepped out of her shorts, revealing a hot pink bikini.
Some whistles sounded from the hot tub behind her, which was full of men sipping away on their beer. She didn't bother giving them the time of day as she walked to the edge of the pool. Her stress levels were to the max, and she needed to work off some excess negative energy before she strangled somebody.
Executing a perfect dive, with barely a splash, she stayed under the water as long as her lungs would allow before breaking the surface. Not too many people were swimming, so she almost had the pool to herself.
She sliced through the water, turning her head occasionally to breathe. She pushed her body harder and harder, clearing her mind of all her frustrations, focusing only on the feel of the lukewarm water against her skin. The air was mild, not cold or hot.
Kicking off the wall one final time, she switched up her swim style and started doing the breast stroke, working an entirely different set of muscles. Even before she reached the edge of the pool, she could feel someone new staring and tilted her head up. Her gaze landed on Logan.
"You have some smooth moves there, sweetheart," he said.
Refusing to acknowledge him, she turned her back and dove under the water, cutting him off. Tamara put her legs together and did the dolphin swim—one of her favorite ways to swim. Her family always thought she had the spirit of a mermaid. She didn't argue with that. The water was her second home.
Here, her mind focused on nothing but her body as it moved rhythmically through the liquid blue, like the melody of a song. Nothing else mattered here, not her past nor her future. She liked when her spirit was quiet. It almost felt like she was normal again and not just a shell of her former self.
When she came to a stop at the end of the pool, she looked across its length and noticed that Logan had taken a seat in one of the loungers, watching her. He waved, but instead of responding she turned her back. That man was more fickle than anyone else she knew. First he wants her, then he pushes her away—twice—then he comes to find her again.
She couldn't believe how easily she gave into him. What the bloody hell was she thinking? Well, it wasn't going to happen a second time. He could share her room, but that was it. Her bed was hers. Her body was hers. Her lips, which still tingled from his kiss, were only hers, not his for the taking. Next time he tried, she was going to knock him on his ass, then she would knock Caleb on his ass, too, when she saw him next, for putting her in this predicament. Why would he do this to her when she knew he hated interference himself?
Logan must have twisted his arm something severe. Maybe he had dirt on her brother? No. That wasn't the type of man he was. God! She didn't want to focus on the kind of man he was.
Tamara ducked her head under water and allowed herself to sink to the bottom of the deep end. She slowly exhaled, watching the bubbles float up to the surface. Too bad she wasn't a real mermaid. She'd just dive into the ocean and disappear, away from all the challenges the next day would bring.
But speaking of the coming day, if she didn't get herself to bed, she would miss all the onboard activities. And she planned to try them all. Might as well make the most of out her trip on board and get a full taste for what ship life was like.
Pushing off the bottom of the pool, she launched herself towards the surface and found herself face to face with Logan.
"I was just about to jump in the water and rescue you," he said, giving her a half grin that never reached his eyes.
"Take a hike, Dupon," Tamara snapped, swimming over to the ladder to climb out. His head was liable to pop off with how quickly his personality switched gears. Grabbing a towel off the closest lounger, she gave herself a quick scrub down and then slid her feet into her sandals and picked up her clothes.
When she went to storm off, he took her by the arm. "I'm sorry."
Tamara turned to face him, ready to give him a piece of her mind, but her mouth wouldn't open. His eyes carried the spirit of a broken man. Pain and tragedy filled their depths, drawing her deeply into his tortured soul. She couldn't find the words to speak.
She knew that look. She'd seen it often enough in the victims of abuse that she'd come across in her line of work. Her fingers could still remember the one inch wide silky scar that adorned Logan's back. Did his dad hurt him or did he get it at the prison. Horror stories of prison life always made their rounds on television, and she hated to think that he might have been caught up in that stuff. But if he was there for three years, there was no way for him to have avoided it.
"I'm sorry, too. I guess you know why I've been sent here now," she said, gesturing to the boat around her.
"I can think of worse places to be," Logan replied. His eyes darkened again, sucking away the very air she was breathing.
Tamara placed a hand on his arm, wanting to comfort him. "How about we make a deal? No thinking or speaking bad things while we're here. Let's just focus on having fun, no strings attached. We'll do whatever we want, whenever we want. No fuss, no muss." She wasn't sure why she made that offer, but was relieved to see his face light up.
"I think I like the sound of that."
They could have all the fun they wanted with no expectations on each other. No dreams of happily-ever-afters. Once the boat was done, the dream was done. Simple as that.
"Well then, roomie, let's go get some sleep," she said, pushing him towards the door.
----
A/N
Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Don't forget to hit the vote button and if you have a moment, I hope you will leave me a comment.
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