"Fuck a duck, that's not a house it's bloody castle!" I stood in front of one of the biggest houses I had ever seen, having lived in London all my life I was completely lost amongst the green landscapes and open spaces of the Scottish Highlands. Shielding my eyes against the bright sunshine, I looked up at the grey stone building with its turrets, slate-tiled roof and hundreds of white framed windows. I shook my head in disbelief I must be in the wrong place, there was no way this was mine.
My atlas lay open on the bonnet of my car, either the map was wrong or I really had inherited this fortress. Spinning on the spot, I tried to take in all my surroundings; the 'house' was situated in a private area hidden by a huge clump of trees. There was a large lake off to my left, also surrounded by trees, creating a secluded hideaway from the rest of civilisation. I wasn't sure if I liked being so isolated from the rest of humanity, if some disaster occurred it would probably take a week before you found out here. There was a small village about a mile away that was named Glenduggan as well, but you couldn't tell it was there with all the foliage cover.
"What have I let myself in for?" I perched on the car bonnet and looked up at my new home, how was I going to keep this place, who the hell cleans all the windows because I'm guessing they don't have a window cleaner up here. Shit! This definitely not what I was expecting. I thought I'd get up here and find a nice little cottage with a small garden in a small village, somewhere I could live until things settled down in London and I could sort my life out; but no I come up here and find a freaking stately home.
Somewhere behind me was the crunch of gravel as something came towards me, I froze, what the hell was I supposed to do there was nowhere to hide. The steps grew louder and faster as a couple of hairy things rounded the car towards me. I jumped and slid to the ground, landing arse-first on the sharp stones, two small dogs sniffed at my converse trainers and began licking them.
"Hello, who are you two?" I reached out a hand to each dog and scruffed the coarse hair on their backs, they looked up at me with cute faces and began licking my hand. One had a red collar and was tan with a white chest, the other was tan all over with a blue collar; I'd always wanted a dog when I was younger but both mum and Robbie had been allergic, another reason I felt like I didn't quite fit in. Pushing myself up, I moved to crouch on my haunches and wiped the stones from my jeans as the two small canines continued to investigate me.
"Bertie! Freddie! Where are you? You better not be chasing those bloody ducks again! If you're pissing on the roses again, I'll shave all your fur off and knit a jumper for myself . . . oh, sorry I didn't know you were there Hen." I stood up as I heard the sound of a woman calling form the direction the dogs had come from, I turned to look at her careful not to tread on the excited dogs at my feet.
"Oh! Lizzie . . . sorry, it's just, you look so much like Lizzie." The middle-aged gasped and dropped the basket of berries she had been carrying in her left hand. She was small and plump, just how a mother should look, wearing a white apron with purple blackberry stains smeared over it. Her hand covered her mouth as she took a step closer, the two dogs had gone over to the basket to investigate the contents that had spilled all over the gravel at her feet; she didn't seem to mind that they were licking at the juice and eating all the fruit she had collected.
I took a step towards her holding my hands up to show I wasn't a threat, I really didn't need to be scaring the locals on my first day up here. "Sorry, I wasn't sure if I was at the right place. I'm Evie, Evie Adams." I reached out a hand as the woman continued to stare at me, when she didn't take it I pulled it back a little self-conscious; maybe they didn't shake hands up here, they don't like to touch people in some cultures do they.
Looking down at my shoes, I wasn't prepared for the pair of strong arms that clinched around my waist and I froze in panic. Was I being attacked? Was she trying suffocate me but couldn't quite reach my neck? I was about to try and wriggle free and get into a fighting stance I'd learned in a self-defence class I'd taken about six years ago and then quit because the cute male teacher left and was replaced by some hideous female ex-army captain; however she released me and looked at me in disbelief.
"You look so much like her, the spitting image of her. You must be what 27, 28. You have her eyes, the exact same colour. I can't believe . . . I can't believe how much you look like her." She kept hold of my arms while she looked me up and down, shaking her head in disbelief. "Sorry, I'm Alice Jameson. I'm the housekeeper here, I've known Lizzie since school though." Sadness swept over her face and tears formed in her eyes before she wiped them quickly away on her stained apron.
I wasn't quite sure what to say, to be honest I didn't know what I expected when I arrived here; the size of the house and the surroundings had knocked me back. I stood not knowing what to say or what to do, completely overwhelmed by the woman's welcome, it was warmer than I had anticipated given she didn't know and probably hadn't known I existed a month ago.
"Where are my manners? Come in, come in, I'll get a pot of tea on or coffee if you want coffee. You must be tired from the drive, Malcolm said you were in London that's quite a long way south, dear." She released my hands and bent down to pick up the basket of fruit she'd dropped, the two little dogs – Bertie and Freddie – had lost interest when they found it wasn't full of meat. I followed her round the side of the house like a little lost sheep, dazed and confused.
We came to a stable door at the side of the house that led into a large old-fashioned kitchen, a giant wooden table filled the centre of the room with lots of pots and pans hanging from a metal rack on the ceiling above it. The room was edged with more wooden work surfaces that looked like they hadn't been changed since the house had been built. A large fireplace stocked with logs welcomed me from the far end of the room and an enormous Aga gave off a dull warmth as I followed Alice into the room.
She placed her half empty basket on the table and turned towards the kettle that had been nestled on the counter. She filled it with water from the old Belfast sink and placed it on the hotplate of the monstrous cooker; there was no way I'd be able to learn how to cook on that thing and I doubted there were many take-away places around here, it looks like I may be living on sandwiches for a while.
"Do you want tea or coffee, Pet?" She looked at me expectantly and then carried on with her job when I asked for coffee. A few minutes later she placed a tray of steaming coffee and home-made shortbread biscuits on the table. I looked round for a chair, but she pulled a wooden bench out from under the table and sat down. "Take a seat, Hen. Does Malcolm know you're here?" I shook my head as I realised I hadn't had the chance to call him to say I'd arrived.
Before I had chance to explain, the woman was up and out of the door off through what looked like a hall. She called back; "I'll just try him now, he'll want to see you straight away!" I sat still unsure whether I was supposed to wait for her to return before touching anything, but the strong aroma of coffee was just too good to resist. I poured myself a cup from the silver pot, only realising when I put it down that the thing was made of solid silver; Holy Hell, I'm going to have to be super careful with everything here.
Stirring a spoon of sugar into my cup, the woman bustled back into the room and sat down next to me once more. "He'll be here in a few minutes. Are you alright? You look a little pale." She looked at me with concern having poured coffee into her own cup. I looked into her hazel eyes and just broke down there and then, it was just too much; I really wasn't a crier but the last few days had left me feeling like an emotional wreck.
"Come here." She reached an arm around my shoulder and stroked a comforting warmth into me. "It's been a rough couple of days hasn't it." I looked up at her tears still spilling from eyes and nodded trying to smile at her.
"Yeah, I've never had a week like it. First I quit my job before my boss can fire me, then I find out I was adopted, it's like my life has been a lie, then that the birth mother I've never met has died, then I walk in on my boyfriend shagging one of my friends on the dresser in our bedroom. It's not really a week I want to remember in a hurry. Sorry you don't want to know all that do you?" I smiled up at her and wiped the tears from my cheeks, not wanting to show my weaknesses in front her; she probably thinks I cry all the time. I wanted to tell her I'm not usually like this but the words just wouldn't come out.
Shaking her head she continued to comfort me and sip at her coffee. "You didn't know you were adopted? Well that explains why we've never seen you before. Most people didn't know you existed but I've always known about you." I looked into her sad eyes but they were far off remembering some memory from the forgotten past. "Lizzie's father wasn't an easy man to get along with and when he found out she was pregnant he went apeshit. He sent her away and made sure she never returned with you, that's the one thing she really regretted, that she'd never see you again."
"When everyone up here found out you existed they didn't react well, they wondered why you hadn't come up here, you see everybody loved Lizzie and they wondered why you wouldn't. But if you didn't know? This must have come as a hell of a shock." I sighed and nodded, taking another sip of coffee.
The bottom half of the stable door opened and a small, thin old man walked through, he wore a tweed suit with elbow patches and had a pipe hanging out of his mouth. He stopped frozen to the spot when he saw me, his pipe hung down at an odd angle and he managed to catch it before it dropped to the floor.
"Hello Malcolm. This is Evie, she arrived a wee bit ago. It's been a rough morning for her." I smiled hopelessly at him as he regained his composure and strode towards me on surprisingly lithe and nimble limbs. Offering me a hand, he stared in astonishment taking in all my features and opening his mouth to say something but closing it again, rendered mute.
"Hello Mr Fletcher, we spoke on the phone a couple of days ago." I took his hand and shook.
"Uh . . . yes my dear, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. I . . . you just look so much like her, your eyes." He looked at Alice next to me who had stood up to gather a third cup for our new guest, she smiled and nodded her head staring at me as well. I let go of his hand and felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment as both continued to compare me with their lost friend.
"Sorry, I wasn't expecting you like this. I've brought the paperwork I need you to sign and I need to talk to you about the house." He sat on the end of the bench to my left and watched as Alice placed the cup of coffee in front of him. "You haven't got a nip of the hard stuff have you? I need something to calm my nerves a little." He chuckled nervously as he reached out a shaky hand to pick up the small glass of amber liquid placed in front of him.
Alice offered a glass to me which I gratefully took and swallowed in one gulp, coughing as the alcohol burnt the back of my throat. I'd never been a hard liquor drinker but this situation definitely called for something a little stronger. The two of them laughed at me and I felt a little of the weight that had been burdening me for three days beginning to lift.
"That's why you're supposed to drink it slow, savour the warmth in your throat, rather than choke on it." He smiled and finish the last drop of whiskey from his glass, setting it back on the table and turning to the folder he'd brought with him. He placed some of the papers in front of me and offered me a silver-plated, rather expensive looking ballpoint pen and told me to sign where the little sticky notes were.
After signing what seemed like endless amounts of paper I finally reached the wooden table underneath. Malcolm took the papers back and returned them to the folder before anyone could spill coffee over them. I picked up my own cup and drained the last few drops, before I'd even placed my cup back on the table Alice was filling it with more steaming coffee. I smiled in gratitude at her as Malcolm removed his spectacles and turned to look at me.
"All the paperwork's done, so that's good. Now about the house. . . " I had to stifle a chuckle at the use of the word house, there was no way this was a house, a house had four bedrooms, one bathroom, a tiny kitchen and square piece of lawn that was supposedly a garden. "It's not in the best of shapes I'm afraid. There is a large amount of debt attached to the property and the bank is trying to take ownership and sell it off for a profit. Lizzie fought so hard to keep it herself and she was trying to find ways of making money to keep it going."
I furrowed my brow as I looked at the man, he now looked tired and worried. "It needs a lot of work doing to it, there is a lot of structural damage. I know this really isn't what you want to hear when you've only just arrived but I need to tell you. As soon as the bank find out you're here they will descend on the place in numbers, they've been circling like vultures since Lizzie passed away waiting for the new owner to arrive. So I'm just going to warn you they'll be here soon to try and get you to sell the place to them."
"Sorry to spring this on you so soon. If you need any advice, legal or not, I'm here for you. As is Alice and the rest of the staff at the house." He smiled and finished his coffee, I didn't know what to say, I wasn't even sure if I was going to stay or sell and now there were more staff. I was a long way from home, where were Lola and Robbie when you needed them.
"Mum, there's a strange car on the front!" Turning behind me, I saw a woman about my age walk into the room, she had hair the same shade of brown as Alice and looked like a younger, taller version of her. She stopped when she saw the three of us sat at the table and looked at all three of us confusedly. When her eyes rested on me shock registered for half a second then a look of open resentment.
"Yes, it's Evie's, Lizzie's daughter. She's just arrived." Alice stood up and walked over to her daughter.
"What is she doing here?" I turned back to my coffee and tried to ignore the stinging tone in her voice.
"Lexie! This is not the time!" Alice gave her daughter a meaningful look and pushed her through the door out of earshot. "Sorry Evie, Malcolm. I won't be long." Malcolm smiled at me nervously when the two of them had left and there heated conversation was no longer audible. I played with my cup and swirled the last dregs of coffee round the bottom, unsure what to do with myself; I was completely out of my comfort zone.
"Is there anything else you need Hen?" He looked at me tiredly as I thought about what the future held, judging by Alice's daughter's reaction, not everybody was happy that I had shown up.
"Well, I uh, I wondered if you could show me to Lizzie's grave. I'd like to pay my respects." I cleared my throat as my sentence caught on the last few words, it still hadn't sunk in that I'd never meet my birth mother.
"Of course." Malcolm stood and gathered his papers, moving his used cup and glass to the draining board by the sunk. I followed suit and trailed him through the door, where he placed his folder in a rundown Peugeot. He led the way through a gap in the trees and up a small incline to a clearing where there stood a small church built in the same stone as the big house. Once he had guided me to the headstone he left me to my thoughts and I looked gratefully after him as he left.
When I was alone I looked down at my mother's grave and felt the tears come again, everything had happened so fast and now was the time to finally reflect on it all. I crouched down on my haunches and placed a hand tentatively on the freshly carved marble headstone. It read;
Elizabeth Susan McDonald
19th November 1970 – 29th March 2014
A wonderful friend and pillar of the community.
Long May she rest in peace.
In our hearts and minds forever. Gone but never forgotten.