name: starstruck
word count: 3500 words
published on: 19th December, 18.
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N A N D I N I
I walked into the third house for the day, all exhausted and tired by the house hunting. I always thought finding an apartment would be the coolest thing ever but now I know how I was horribly wrong. It just included judging a couple of apartments for nothing and looking for areas where you could compromise.
I initially liked the first apartment I went into, but the area wasn't very appropriate because it had a slum dwelling beside it, so I had to reject. The second apartment was too small to be used just by myself, leave alone sharing with a room mate.
Yes, I wanted a roommate. Not that I was not capable of living alone, but because the idea seemed nice, to have someone with you all the time. And two girls is always the best combination, we could go shopping together, she could teach me how to cook, we would have slumber parties together and it would be so much fun.
I walked into the lift of the fifteen storey building placed in the centre of the most elite buildings of Bandra. Every bit of the Society screamed elegance and though I instantly liked the building and the area, I was afraid I would be charged a bomb.
The apartment my broker showed me was on the tenth floor, a two BHK flat with huge wooden doors and marble furniture, it was simple yet beautiful and felt perfect for a girl like me.
"This is the apartment, ma'am," my broker held the door for me but I ignored him, mesmerised with the apartment already as I walked in trance.
It had a huge living room with a big television set and a black and lavender couch with fur mattresses and golden yellow lights hanging from above, which instantly reminded me of my fireflies.
On the opposite side was a modular kitchen and a small dining area, and in the centre was a passage that lead to two rooms, and one of them had a huge balcony that faced the greenery behind and could see the sun rise.
Every corner of the house was white and was decorated vibrantly with different colours, making it look like a wonderful mosaic. Anyone who would once come into this house would never want to go out, this place was as beautiful as Home.
"Are you sure, this apartment comes into my budget, Mr. Sahai?" I asked hesitantly. It would be such a shame to leave this beautiful master piece for being above my budget. Maybe I could compromise a bit with shopping and books to pay the rent?
I didn't want to take more money from my family although they would be more than willing to help me buy this beauty altogether. But I didn't want to, I was here to prove I could live by myself like an independent girl.
"Since the rent will be divided by two, yes ma'am," he nodded and I let out a deep sigh in relief.
"So do I already have a roommate?" I asked enthusiastically and he nodded again. "I just finalised the deal a few days before, but your roommate will shift in before you, ma'am. You can sign the papers tomorrow if you please and shift in, in a few days," He informed and I nodded happily.
"Okay then, I'd see you at your office tomorrow evening?" I asked and he nodded shaking my hand as he left and I gave one last glance to the apartment, following him.
I was very young when I lost my parents in the crash and I lived with Amms for a few years and then with my Chacha-Chachi, all of them never left anything to make me feel loved and happy. But that was not my home. They were houses where I lived.
But right here, I could feel it. I could feel my life changing in a way I couldn't understand. After living in houses for years, I think I finally felt home.
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M A N I K
As if my mood wasn't already fucked up that my father decided to take advantage of it by engaging me into an uninterested argument, the same one that we have had a hundred times, thinking I might finally lose and give in into his choices but as always, he was wrong.
I felt frustrated, I felt suffocated by my own parents and it felt miserable. I couldn't believe they were the same people who gave birth to me, taught me to laugh and sing and dance and fall in love and now how could they wanted to snatch away the only thing that gives me happiness?
I felt like banging people's head off and I had only one distraction, my music.
Closing my eyes and picking my guitar, I heavily started singing, everytime my finger touched my guitar chord harshly, it pained but the pain was never enough to make me forget the one inside me, of being an orphan even after having parents.
I let myself sooth slowly as the wind touched my face and the splashing sound of the waves against the shore kept attracting me, the water shining because of the reflection of the full moon and all that beautiful stars around it.
"You sing so well," I heard a chime beside me and paused my hands, turning around.
"Uh... thanks, sweetie," I smiled at the little girl who smiled in aww, she looked three or maybe four and had her brown hair tied up on either side. She had brown eyes that shone and a few of her teeth were missing. She was adorable and just made me smile, instantly.
"What is your name?" I asked her and she blinked her eyes at me innocently. "Ruhi," she smiled again and her chubby cheeks reminded me of Nandini.
Although it's been two days since I last saw her, it was like I had a map of her face in the front of my head. Maybe because I had noticed her more than I should to make the nursery rhyme I sang to annoy her. She was cute.
"Whom are you here with? Where are your parents?" I asked her since there was no one around and she pointed in one direction, and I saw someone I knew clumsily walking towards us with ice creams in both her hands and with the way the girl almost tripped once, I knew exactly who it was.
"Hey!" I called out for her, waving and she looked shocked for an instant which she immediately covered up with a smile and waved back. I loved how cheerful and enthusiastic Nandini always was.
"Hey," she was nearly breathless from all the fast walking.
She handed the ice creams to the little girl who thanked her and then ran across the street where someone waited for her, waving from there and then walking away with her elder sister.
Nandini faced me. "Upset over something?" She asked slowly, pointing at the guitar and then at me as she took a seat beside me. I would have lied but I was way too tired lying to the world and she was a friend, and maybe a good talk to a friend is always what is needed to sort out problems of life.
"Uh—...yes," I nodded but immediately realised it was very difficult to talk about your own feelings. I decided to go against it. Fuck feelings before they fuck you.
"You know—....," she started but then stopped looking at me. "I hope I'm not intruding your space?" She asked seriously and I laughed lightly.
"You are a friend now, and friends are family and families can never intrude personal space," I smiled and she gave a weak smile, looking down and then facing the sky and the waters.
"Coincidence na, hum idhar mil gaye! Tell me, tum yaha akele kaise?" I asked and she nodded.
"Actually I had gone apartment hunting today, college toh nahi tha and Mukti has gone to her mother's place, so I just thought about hanging out here!" She smiled and I nodded. "Tum?"
"Just music!" I pointed at the guitar lying next to me. It was just music and me, always.
"I always wanted to learn a guitar, tumhe pata hai, but I was more interested in classical music, my mother used to teach me. But after her death, kabhi utni himmat hi nahi hui, to pick classical music again," she smiled sadly.
Before I could say something, a ring interrupted us. I removed my phone from my pocket and displayed one name: Mom 🌎. Silencing the phone, I kept it back.
"Utha lo na, she must have some work," Nandini nudged me and I nodded negatively. "She always has something to say," I shrugged. I was so disappointed in my mother.
"Then listen to whatever she has to say. Because one day, there will be a time when you'd want her to say something and she'd not speak a word. And with all that silence, you'd be ready to trade your life to listen to her voice just once. So don't take it for granted now," she explained softly and looked away and an unknown guilt ran over me.
The phone rang again and I picked it up this time, keeping it on speaker, i don't know why, I just fell she'd like listening to a mother's voice. "Hi mamma!," I greeted her. No matter how upset I am from my mother, I loved her the most in this world.
"Manik, kahan ho aap, kab aa rahe ho?" She asked softly.
"Mamma, don't wait up! I'm out on—....," my eyes narrowed at the girl sitting next to me and I searched for excuses. "—..On a date with my girlfriend. I'd see you later tomorrow," I informed.
"Okay..., I wont disturb you. Have fun, and I love you!" I knew she was smiling. "I love you too, maa!" I cut the phone.
I almost forgot I had audience listening to me as I looked up at Nandini, who was looking at me surprisingly. "So, mamma's boy haa?" She asked and I gave a small nod, hesitatingly as she laughed.
"Toh jhoot kyu bola? Would she have killed you if you would have told you're with your friend? Or, or—... do you want me to be your girlfriend, hmm?" She teased and I shook my head in disbelief.
"Tum jaanti nahi ho, girls die to talk to me, Manik Malhotra once in their lifetime. They faint with one mere look of mine. And tum...? Ek toh i'm talking to you properly, girlfriend ki baat kar rahi ho!" I faked attitude and she pretended to be offended.
"Oye, me, the beautiful Nandini Murthy is talking to you! Be grateful haa!" She flipped her shoulders showing the fake attitude and I acted to be shocked.
"Acha? Toh the beautiful Nandini Murthy, why are you single then? Nahi, matlab.. if you're so beautiful toh why don't you date someone? Lesbian ho?" I showed interest.
"Tum toh mere lesbian hone ke peeche padh gaye ho yaar! What, are you gay? Isliye I think you feel the entire world is gay!" She huffed and I smirked.
"I am gay? Let me show you what not being gay seems like, baby," I said huskily letting my finger trail her face and she looked at me with a bored expression, slapping my finger on her face.
"I— I don't like you!" She scoffed and I laughed. No girl ever disliked Manik Malhotra.
"Chal jhooti!" I winked and she she sigh laughed as I joined in when something caught my eye.
"Hey, look! Shooting Star! Wish something," I called her with a jerk and she flicked by my shout as I pointed towards the star that moved across the sky, dipping itself into clouds until it vanished, leaving nothing but a trail of stardust behind it.
"So you believe in shooting stars, eh?" She relaxed back, a grin covering her face and I smiled back sheepishly.
"I love to," I accepted and she chuckled.
"But why? I mean, the poor star is dying or most probably already dead. Why wish upon the dead, especially when it is so momentary and temporary?" She asked and I smiled lightly.
"Everything in this world is temporary. What isn't? Sometimes, we're so busy looking for permanent happiness that we end up missing out on thousands of such 'temporary' moments that come our way. Anything will always seem better for a short while than forever," I smiled and she squeezed her eyebrows, all what I knew was she was trapped in the web of my words.
"Why would you not aim for permanent happiness like everyone else? If you ever fall in love, would you just want it for a while and not for a lifetime?" She asked and I tilted my head to look at her.
"Why aim for a lifetime? Why not live a lifetime in every moment spent with your love? Why not find happiness in the smallest things and love in the tiniest places? Why keep bits of your heart covered for the future always? We don't decide whom me we get to spend a lifetime with, the stars do. And if they ever snatch away your love, you'd only regret losing them if you wished you had some more time for some more things. But if you live every moment to the fullest, love every moment as a lifetime, then you'd never have regrets. Then, even a while of love will mean forever," I smiled and she sighed, a surprised smile covering her face.
"I'm left wondering, how can you think so deep? But this is easy for you to say, because you haven't ever lost someone. That pain, that greed for a little more time, the heart break... it haunts like an old ghost. Easy to say, hard to follow," she looked back at the oceans and I closed my eyes looking away. It wasn't easy to say. But only if she knew, I have lost more than she can imagine.
"So, if someone broke your heart, if someone hurt you, what would you do?" I asked her and she thought for a while.
"Maybe I'd become some cold and bold person, maybe I'd learn that love isn't as easygoing and the pain it inflicts is much harder than just talking about it. Maybe then my broken heart will know that it will never love anyone the same again. Maybe I'd learn to break other's heart the way someone broke mine, and not care at all" she spoke slowly but there was no maybe, because everything she spoke sounded true. Her voice was covered with darkness and it felt sad to know someone had hurt a bubbly girl like her so miserably.
"Wrong!" I exclaimed and she looked at me, surprised again. "Maybe, you'd stay in darkness for so long that whenever you'd see light again, you'd learn to appreciate it much more than before. Maybe you'd love harder than you did earlier, because you know what pain feel likes. And maybe, you'd be more kind to everyone around you, because you know what being rude hurts like," I poked her shoulder and she grinned, nodding her head.
"You know, I just don't understand how people with a broken heart become cold and crazy, busy being rude or breaking other's hearts. I believe broken hearts love the hardest, because they know love and they know pain but they choose to love and neglect the pain. I believe the strongest hearts have the most scars, and so they know how to love and make others love them. And everyone should have a broken heart!" I told her and she looked at me as if I was crazy.
"Ofcourse, everyone should have a broken heart. Because, the broken cracks of the heart, that's where the light comes in from. And an unbroken, whole heart is covered with thick walls from everywhere, it has just seen its own self and will never test light that broken hearts would," I explained and she continued staring at me.
She remained silent and let a grin pullover her face, as she looked down, staring everywhere before looking at me and there was something in the way she looked at me with nothing but admiration, as if I held galaxies in my eyes and wore the wings of an angel on this planet just for her.
"You amuse me," she whispered, and clearly, amusement danced in her eyes.
I smiled, "I'm glad I do."
But I wish I could say that wasn't true. I've had my set of mistakes too. I've had my sufferings, I've had my share of pain as well. I've never told this to anyone, not even my own friends and I never will, because I don't want to tell it to anyone. For once, I just want someone to look at me and ask about the scars I hide. I know a lot of people care, but just none of them care enough.
But that doesn't mean I'm depressed. I get upset sometimes, maybe even vulnerable, but I still believe in everything I said. There's hope out there, even for vulnerable souls that this cruel world has broken mercilessly. Even the darkest nights lead to a beautiful sun rise.
I realised I was zoned out for long. Snapping back into reality, I looked at her and she was just staring at the sky, as if creating a castle by the stars and I wouldn't lie, her eyes twinkled in the darkness under the light of a thousand stars and the heart inside her shined. I couldn't see it, but I could feel it beside me.
And she smiled, trying to free open by the cool wind and I couldn't stop myself from disturbing her, "you should keep your hair open often, you look beautiful in them."
Her eyes turned from the stars to me and she stared into them for a minute before she pulled the rubber off and let her long hair out. I sigh smiled and she smiled back, pressing her eyes to me.
I believed in making of a moment just like I told her and right there, as I say there doing nothing, I knew I had to do a lot of work. My mother was waiting for me, I had to make new music, apply for a job, prepare an interview, cover up for the missed work of my college and even design the cover page for my project but I sat there doing nothing, counting stars with her.
And even sitting there with her, doing nothing at all was making the most of a moment because she was different. She felt like magic and I didn't have the strength to wonder why because I was afraid I did not have any answer.
I met her a few days back but I knew we had a long way to go because she was plainly amazing for what she was and doing nothing but just sitting next to her was also like taking a sip of eternity made up of stars that never tasted good before.
~ she wasn't exactly sure when love happened, or even when it started; all she knew for sure was right there and then, she was falling hard and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way ~
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