"I don't know why you are complaining," Grace jokes, helping me fold the pile of clothes on my floor, my closet now barren. "I would love to live in New York."
"Yeah, but not right before senior year, with a father you never speak too, and no friends," I roll my eyes, jamming the already folded clothes into my suitcase.
"There are so many places to go though," Grace shrugs, trying to find a happy side to my ever worsening problems. "Imagine all of the shopping."
I laugh, sorting through the diminishing pile of clothes that were yet to be packed. My eye catches a dark grey t-shirt. Sighing, I grab it, smoothing out the edges and folding it with extra care. Grace is eyeing me, a look of pity on her face.
"Do you think you guys will make it work?" She asks softly, brushing her hair behind her ear.
"I hope so," I bite the inside of my cheek. This is the question that had been nagging at me since last weekend when I ran out of Ashton's apartment. It all seemed easy when you said it out loud. Call me every night, FaceTime, once in a while visits. It sounded like it would work, but I think in the end we all know what is going to happen.
It's been affecting Ashton the most. Not that I blame him, we have been in daily contact for the past five years and by this time tomorrow I will be waving to him from the seat of a commercial airplane. Not even that, the boys' plane is leaving in the afternoon, and mine isn't leaving until night. I will be the one saying goodbye.
Everyone has been avoiding mentioning it. We have all made a silent pact to enjoy the time we have while we have it. There is no reason to spend your last moments living in the anxiety of future turmoil when you can be creating new moments to hold on to.
Everyday has consisted of some sort of fun time. There was go-carting, the beach, the arcade, bowling, the waterpark, and yesterday was a barbeque at Ashton's. The happy moments made me forget what was in store. It was a sweet escape.
Today I was forced out of my cave of denial and brought into the sunlight of the truth. The blinding, burning truth. Packing day is hell.
The sound of the doorbell awoke me from my thoughts. I place Luke's shirt neatly in my suitcase and lift myself off the ground.
"It's probably the moving trucks," I shrug at Grace. I wasn't expecting them for another few hours, but at this point I could care less. Grace just smiled smugly at the ground, continuing to fold as I ran downstairs.
Opening the door, there were no moving trucks in my driveway. Instead, there were four aussie boys attacking me in a group hug. My face was buried within their embrace, laughing against their chests. Stepping inside, they let go of me, their laughter filling the house, empty except for scattered piles of boxes.
"We weren't going to let you pack alone," Ashton rubbed my head, messing up my hair. "Our packing didn't take long."
"Well you are only going for three weeks," I give Ashton a push.
"Plus we basically just shoved all of our clothes into a bag," Calum smirked.
"We brought you some things too, but you have to wait," Luke mumbled, placing a box next to the front door.
Everyone walked up to my room, the walls that were once covered with smiling pictures of happy memories were now blank. All of my belongings stuffed in boxes. All that was left was my bed and half a pile of clothes. Grace and I sit down, beginning to fold at once.
Michael sprawled out on my bed, turning on the television and flicking through the channels until he landed on SpongeBob. Luke sat next to me, his knee softly grazing mine as he sat and watched me work, his eyes focused on my every detail, as if he was afraid I would disappear. Ashton attempted to fold a shirt, but gave up after a few seconds, throwing it into the pile.
"How do I look?" Calum strutted in front of us with one of my pink bras on. My face reddened, his hands exploring the cups. "This is actually quite uncomfortable," he mutters, playing with the straps.
"It's uncomfortable for us too mate," Ashton giggles as Michael takes a picture.
"Oh my gosh, please take that off," I cover my face. I could hear Luke's silent laughs next to me. I give him a nudge with my elbow making him laugh even harder.
"It looks much better on you don't worry," Luke giggles in my ear. I swat him away, joining into to everyone's laughter.
I stuff all of my intimate apparel into my suitcase as Grace and I finish up the last of my clothes. Putting in the last few shirts, my suitcase was packed.
"It's not shutting," I groan, trying to force the zipper across.
"Step aside," Calum rolls over to the bag, flexing his barely there biceps. "Michael get over here, make your lazy butt useful."
Michael huffs, slugging his way over to the suitcase before plopping himself on the top with a thud. Calum zips it up with ease, pushing Michael off after.
"All done!" Ashton claps.
I look around my empty room, expecting to feel nostalgic, but instead I feel almost relieved. The house of horrors was no longer my home. Then again, I wasn't sure if it ever was.
Leaning back, I let out a sigh, looking up at the five faces laughing along with me. The five people who are the closest I have to a family. Family is not the blood that runs through your veins, family is the source of your smile, the source of your happy memories, the person whose arms are always held wide open for you, the person who is ready to catch you when you fall.
"Don't get too comfortable," Ashton holds out his hand to me, the other boys slowly getting to their feet. I look at him questioningly, but take his hand and letting him lift me up. I follow them down the stairs to the empty living room. Dusk was setting through the windows. Luke walked over to the door, picking up the box and bringing it over to where we all stood.
"We thought we could each give you a little something, you know to remind you of us," Luke's eyes were set on the ground.
"And we brought a Disney movie and chocolate covered pretzels for after," Michael adds, giving me a weak smile.
Luke bent over, slowly opening the box.
"Wait, stop," I pushed the box shut, Luke's eyes finding mine in confusion. The boys gave me perplexed looks. "I just- I'm not ready for goodbyes." I stared at the ceiling, begging the tears to evaporate. I wasn't ready to admit to myself this was the end.
I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, Luke's head resting on my shoulder. I would miss this feeling.
"Can we just, go for a ride?" I glanced at them, biting the inside of my cheek. My sister used to take me on late night drives when my parents' screams filled the halls, or when I was pulling my hair out over an exam. They were a blissful escape of reality.
"I know just the place we can go," Michael grabbed his car keys off of the table. He led us out to his car, opening the passenger door for Grace to sit. The rest of us squeezed into the back.
Michael began the drive to the middle of nowhere, blasting the radio as we drive down the empty back roads. When Greenday came on everyone screamed, Michael turned up the radio and rolled down all of the windows. Ashton was playing his air drums as the rest of us broke out our air guitars. One of the only musical talents I had was playing the air guitar.
A few green lights later, Ashton was throwing Fruit Loops into Luke's mouth, missing a few times and hitting me in the face. I just laughed, my eyes set on Grace's hand resting casually on the arm rest. Her eyes glancing at Michael every few seconds. He was oblivious, singing softly along to the radio and his eyes scanned the empty roads. I felt a Fruit Loop hit my cheek, giggling I grabbed it, throwing it softly at Michael's cheek. His head turned, glaring back at us.
"Sorry Mikey!" I smirked, knowing exactly what I was doing. He rolled his eyes, about to turn his attention back to the road when he noticed Grace's hand. She was purposefully admiring the passing trees out her window. Michael's cheeks reddened slightly as he lowered his hand, carefully intertwining his fingers with hers. I saw her lips form a smile, glancing over at him. Their eyes met for a moment before Michael was forced to pay attention to the road.
"Guys I'm squished," Calum groaned, complaining as Ashton kept bobbing around in his seat.
"So, you are a squishy lad," Ashton stretched his arms out in front of him.
I felt Luke's hands grab my waist softly, pulling me over to him. "Let's give Calum some room," he whispered in my ear. I smiled, letting him pull me to sit on his lap. Luke's arms wrapped around my waist, my legs resting in between his.
"Michael we are in the middle of nowhere," I look out the window as he begins to drive up a rocky road.
"Shut up and go with it," He gives me a smile. "This is the way it's supposed to be."
Luke squeezes my waist, making me wiggle with giggles. Ashton began rattling off memories from when we were in middle school, making the other guys laugh and tease me. It was nice to remember the good times. Especially when they were all you had left.
"I remember the one time Ashton got detention for tapping on his desk during state testing," I laugh, the story apparently not as funny to everyone else. They enjoyed making fun of me more.
The car came to a halt, the engine stopping as Michael parked the car. Getting out, my feet hit the dusty ground. The car was parked a few feet away from a small cliff, overlooking the fading lights of the sleeping city.
"It's so pretty up here," Grace's hand found Michael's once more, walking over to the edge.
"It's like make believe," I whisper, taking a seat on the hood of the car. Luke hops up to join me.
Michael catches glimpse of us, letting go of Grace's hand for a minute and running up to the car. He jumps behind us, climbing up the hood until he was standing on the roof of the car. Michael opened up his arms, closing his eyes and screaming, "Watch out world, we're coming for you!"
His voice echoed down the mountains, shattering the sound waves in the star filled night sky. Michael jumped off the roof, joining Grace once more.
"Look fireflies!" I pointed to a flickering lights near the bushes. Ashton smiled at me, wiggling his eyebrows before racing over to the bush with me. He pointed them out to me, each of us catching one.
"Mine's name is Stanley," Ashton holds his hand out to me, his eyes watching my smile form.
"I'll name mine Fletcher," I smile at him. He giggles, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue, sending me into a fit of laughter that causes my firefly to escape. "You made me lose him!" I tease Ashton.
"Stanley is gone too," Ashton pouts. I poke his cheek, making his smile return. I would miss his smile. The smile that gave me the strength to be happy. The smile that reminded me of the good in my life. He was the good in my life.
Ashton lifts me off of my feet, carrying me over his shoulder back to where the car was parked. Everyone climbed onto the hood of the car, watching the sun slowly fade and leave us sitting in the darkness. The darkness didn't last for long, specks of light poking through its surface. The stars were the reminder that even in the dark of the night there were still specks of light, you just had to look for them.
Ashton started humming a tune, tapping his hands against his knees. We sat and talked about basically nothing, just enjoying being with one and other.
On the way home, Michael took his time, casually slowing down to hit extra red lights. My legs laid across Ashton lap, playing those old-school hand-clapping games as Luke's fingers ran through the ends of my hair. Calum was teasing me, and I teased him back.
It was a moment I wish could last forever.
Standing in my driveway there was an eerie silence between us all.
Ashton broke the motionless silence first, running over to me and smoldering me in one of his hugs. My arms wrapped around him, holding him as tight as he was holding me. This time we both needed each other. We were both breaking.
"Madds-"He began, hands holding the back of my head.
"Ash, stop," My voice strained to stay even. I was holding onto him as if my life depended on it. As if when I let go, I would fall into the depths of a place I never wanted to reach. "This isn't goodbye."
I let go of him, cupping his cheek and staring into his eyes, finishing the conversation silently. I turn towards everyone. My hand found Luke's, needing to remind myself I still had him, for now.
"I will meet you guys at the airport tomorrow morning," I barely got out before the tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I will see you at e-eleven," I wiped away the tears.
To my surprise Calum walked over, giving me a hug and resting his head on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay Maddie."
I cried into his shoulder, making him squeeze me tighter. He repeated those words in my ear, as if it would somehow make them true. I heard footsteps walk over to us, my eyes shut holding in the tears. Someone whispered to Calum, making him unwrap his arms from me. They were quickly replaced, fluffy hair brushing my cheek.
"Don't cry, this isn't goodbye," Michael whispered into my shoulder. His voice croaked, leading me to believe he was breaking too. "This isn't goodbye," his voice trailed off.
After a few minutes he let go of me. Calum whispered something in his ear, the both of them giving Ashton a silent look. He nodded.
"We will see you tomorrow Madds," Ashton's voice broke as the other two led him to the car. Grace waved goodbye to me, giving me a hug and promising she would come over for dinner tomorrow. She had her own goodbye's too say at the airport.
I heard a sniffle, turning around Luke was staring at the dewy grass, his nose crinkling with each sniffle. I walk over to him slowly, my fingers entwining with his, pulling him close to me. Our lips were mere inches apart, my eyes locking into his.
"I don't want to lose you," Luke breathes, a single tear rolling down his cheek.
"You won't," I whisper back, holding back my tears in fear of ruining one of our last moments. Luke opened his mouth to protest, but I silenced him with a kiss. His lips moved against mine, at first slowly, but then with need and desire. The need to show me how much I mean to him. The need to show me I am his everything.
His hands leave mine, holding the sides of my head instead. I resting mine on either side of his neck, pulling him closer.
The kiss was everything I wished I had the strength to say right now. I need you. I want you. I never want to be without you. You are my everything.
"I love you," Luke breathed into the kiss.
"I love you," I broke away, looking up at him in the moonlight. He brushed a tear off of my cheek, cupping the side of my face.
"This isn't goodbye, do you believe me?" He whispers.
"I believe you."
With that he pulled my head closer, kissing my forehead, his lips lingering there, before reluctantly walking to the car to join the guys. Opening the door he paused, eyes taking me in. I gave him a small wave, a wave of tears joining it.
Watching them pull away I hugged my sides, crying silently.
This couldn't be goodbye.
I'm crying that chapter was painful.
In happy news 5SOS ARE WRITING THEIR NEXT ALBUM HELP GIRL DOWN.
I get anxiety thinking about it.
-Maddie
P.S. I'm 80% serious about this meetup
P.S.S. I was thinking about maybe changing the title/cover of the story idk what do you think?