Munching on my caesar salad, my leg bounced nonstop. I had agreed to meet Shawn for lunch at a restaurant not too far from my office. As each minute ticked away the more my patience dwindled. Considering that he was the one who requested my presence he should've been here long before me. Had he not been prolonging the divorce process I would've told him to go to hell, and I'd be back at my desk doing something much more productive.
I didn't have much of a social media presence, as time and my lifestyle did not permit me such a luxury. However, to prevent myself from calling it quits and ultimately storming out of the restaurant I used the opportunity to scroll through my Facebook. There wasn't anything of interest to me, that is, until I came across Lance's art page. It's most recent post was uploaded yesterday, compliments Ameer. Since Lance had been locked up again Ameer had requested for me to get him paint supplies so he could continue where his father left off, and once he acquired his Facebook password it was a done deal. He had been fighting hard to get his grades back up so he could get his hands on the camera as well. A smile graced my lips just thinking about him. He was such a sweet kid, and although somedays he drove me to the edge I wouldn't trade him for anything.
"Somebody's happy to see me." Shawn said, taking a seat across from me. His chipper mood instantly caused my smile to disappear, it was now replaced by a scowl.
"Negro you wish. I gotta get back to work so make this quick." I said curtly. His smile soon disappeared as well.
"It's like that Mia?" He had the nerve to sound hurt.
"Yes Shawn, can you hurry this along please?" He hung his head and reached across the table trying to hold my hands but I snatched them way. Judging from his shoulder movements, he was now sobbing. I sat there, unfazed by his sudden show of emotion.
"Mia, I miss you. Can we just work this out? I was stupid and I'm sorry." He pleaded.
"Shawn, it's not like we got into an argument or something. You cheated and what made it even worse was you gave me an STD incase you forgot."
"I...It wasn't intentional. I was weak and it just kind of happened." It was hard for him to get his words out through his tears.
I snickered at him,"Just kinda happened huh? So you telling me you just slipped and fell between another woman's legs? Is that what you're telling me?"
"What? No Mia. It was just sex, honestly. She means nothing to me." He stated as if that somehow would pacify me.
I released a humorless laugh,"You're acting like you were deprived!" I semi-yelled. He sighed heavily, his tears subsiding.
"I just wanted to feel like a man again okay? It crushed me knowing I couldn't give you another child, and with Lance coming into the picture, he just served as a reminder of my inadequacy." He said sadly. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath.
"Shawn that's no excuse. We could've talked about it. I've been trying to for the longest and everytime you just shoot the conversation down."
"I know, and I'm sorry."
We ended up staying at the restaurant and having a civilized lunch together, though he kept pestering me about working things out and seeking counseling but I was uninterested. Truth be told, I felt my heart drifting elsewhere and though I did love Shawn, the currents pulling my heart in another direction were much stronger. By the time we had wrapped up lunch he had agreed to cooperate. We were due to have a hearing next week.
"Are you sure about this Mia?" He questioned once he walked me to my car.
"Yes Shawn, and if you love me like you say you do you'd let me go." Stepping away from my car window, he stood there watching me pull out of the parking lot. Looking in my rearview mirror one last time, I gave one last glance at the symbol of my failed marriage. Accelerating once more, I sped into the direction of the person who held the answer to a question that had been nagging me for a while.
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Placing my personal items into the assigned locker I was soon escorted through security. I absolutely hated this process. I felt violated everytime I had to be patted down and scanned, but nonetheless like a brave soldier I endured. I just hoped my person of interest was willing to see me. As was the case yesterday, I was seated at the metal table before Lance came out. He was taking longer than yesterday and I tapped my nails nervously against the metal, hoping that he'd show. When he finally surfaced I breathed a sigh of relief. A look of curiosity was etched across his face. Atleast it wasn't anger, I thought to myself.
"Mia? Everything aight?" He inquired once he sat down opposite me.
"Yeah, I... I just came to check on you. I know you were lying when you told Ameer you were okay and it's been bothering me a little bit." I said practically all in one breath. He offered me a smile and took one of my hands in his. The touch sent tingles coursing through me.
"Don't worry about me. I'm aight." He said though his eyes told a different story.
"Did you get into a fight or something?" I questioned, closing my hand around his.
"Nah. I'm trying to get outta here, that would be stupid of me don't you think?"
"I guess. I just wanna know that you're okay, that's all." He smiled again and assured me he was fine. I sighed and accepted the fact that he'd tell me what happened whenever he was ready so I didn't press the issue any further.
"How you been though?"
I shrugged,"I guess I've been okay. I'm sure you already heard what happened." I said referring to my impending divorce.
"Nah, wassup?" He seemed genuinely clueless. I informed him of my dilemma, which cause his hand to tighten around mine as he looked at me apologetically.
"Damn, what happened?"
"Shawn cheated." He closed his eyes and took calming breaths. Must've been a technique he was encouraged to do in anger management. He inquired if I was okay to which I responded that I was hurt but I wasn't about to pine away over the situation. I had given Shawn almost six years of my life but it was no use dwelling on the past. I appreciated our time together but I also accepted that the end had arrived.
"Don't worry bout him. Any man who allows himself to lose you is stupid." Lance said. I chuckled and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"You included?" I questioned. He sighed and smiled sheepishly.
"Me included. I hope to get you back though." He stated seriously, which caused me to pull my hand away from him and shake my head.
"No Lance. You're not about to toy with me. I've been through enough."
"What you mean?" His brows furrowed. He appeared confused by my statement.
"One minute you love me, the next you're calling me out my name. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a seesaw dealing with you." I said truthfully.
"I'm really sorry about that, I was mad at the time."
"So that's what you're gonna do everything I make you mad?" He sighed heavily in response.
"No. Like I said I'm really sorry, and you acting like you didn't do the same to me. 'You a sorry excuse for a man, nigga you ain't shit'." He said, trying his best to mimic my voice which caused us both to erupt in laughter. Once that died down I too apologize and admitted that I had said those things to him because I was upset as well.
"See, we even. I propose we start over though." He said, extending his hand for me to shake. I shook it signifying my agreement.
"My name is Lance Carter, freelance photographer and artist. I'm currently locked up over some bullshit but I'ma be out. I have a nine year old son and baby momma who be frontin like she don't love me." He said smiling at me. I playfully rolled my eyes at him.
"A'mia Daniels, CPA. I have a nine year old son and a conceited baby daddy who has this dumb idea that I love him."
"Ohh so it's like that huh?" He questioned as we both shared a laughed. We continued talking for the remainding time of the visit. I learnt that he was eligible for early release once he remained on his best behaviour and attended all anger management sessions. I could only hope that he had truly learnt from his past mistakes and steered clear of trouble no matter the circumstances.
"No kiss or nothing?" He said once I indicated that I was leaving. I looked at him like he was crazy but realized he was very serious when he puckered his lips. I stared at him for while, contemplating if I should comply. I inhaled deeply before I leaned in and gave him two pecks before any of the guards noticed.
"Bye now." I said and scurried out of the visitation area. Retrieving my things from the locker, I wasted no time exiting the building and hurrying to my car. Slamming the door shut, I sunk into my seat and squeezed my eyes shut. I was barely out of one relationship and found myself dabbling in another. I needed to totally rid myself of Shawn before giving myself wholeheartedly to Lance. However, I questioned if that was something I really wanted to do. In my mind Lance and I never really had what would be considered a normal, stable relationship. It was always something and I wasn't sure if I was willing to endure any more drama in my lifetime. Still it wouldn't hurt to try, I wanted us to be a family but I couldn't help but think at what expense?
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I had abandoned the idea of being productive today as I pulled into the parking lot of my sister's dance studio. Ever since we were kids she had always been much more relatable than Amoya so she was typically the one I went to whenever I needed advice or just a listening ear.
"Wassup babysis?" She questioned once I entered her studio and sat beside her joining in with her stretches. I hoped I didn't rip my good work pants.
"Not much, had somewhat of a busy day." I replied.
"Them clients working you hard huh?"
"Well, not really. I been out of the office most of the day. I met with Shawn and then went to see Lance."
"Oh." She said, ceasing her stretching and looking at me with a raised brow.
"How did both meetings go?"
"Shawn finally stopped being difficult, so we should be able to finalize everything next week."
"The visit with Lance was quite... interesting." I said, unsure of what word to use. I went on to recount what had taken place.
"You sure you're ready for that?" She questioned, with regards to me wanting to pursue a relationship with Lance, again.
"I know sis. I'm not sure what to do. It's just... it's something about him. I feel like we connect on a spiritual level if that makes sense." I said shrugging. She shook her head and offered a small smile.
"I can't with you guys, but you're a grown woman. I trust that you'd make a good decision, just make sure it's one you're comfortable with." I reached over and hugged her showing my appreciation for her always being there for me. I decided to bring up the topic of our mother once more.
"Have you thought about going to see momma?" I questioned, cautiously.
"Mia, it's barely been twenty four hours since you told me, damn. You expect me to just up and go visit her and act like she didn't treat me like crap growing up?"
"She's sick Ayisha!" I couldn't understand why she was being so difficult.
"So what? You're the baby, so she hardly anytime to do anything to you. There are things Amoya and I been through that you have no clue about okay? Sick or not, excuse me for not sweeping all that shit under the rug. We can't all be forgiving like you." I could tell she was getting upset so I thought it was best I leave her to cool off. Getting up off the floor, she walked me to the door and gave me a hug before I left.
"I'm sorry, but you really wouldn't understand."
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There we have it guys!
Team L'Amia?🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️We'll see...😈😈
Love n Respect
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Z.A.