"Kaidan, please," Jay said from the other side of the door. There was a faint sound as if he'd put his hand against the wood.
"Can't I get ready in peace?" I asked, almost snapping.
He paused as if he was unsure how to respond. "Can't we talk about this?"
"Apparently not," I said as I got up from the floor.
Taking a deep breath, I put my clothes in the centre of the room and went over to the shower.
"Babe, please," he said softly. I could hardly hear him and knew I wouldn't have been able to if I'd started the shower already.
I couldn't reply to him right now, I just didn't want to deal with him. By that, I mean I didn't want to deal with his douche behaviour and that of course was another way of saying I didn't want to deal with what I'd said last night. I hadn't even had time to think about it between saying it and falling asleep, and then waking up and Jay snapping at me.
I shook my thoughts from my head and turned the shower on. If Jay really cared, he could damn well wait. I took my time in the shower, as if trying to lengthen the time before I had to see him again. I eventually sighed and turned it off, long done washing by then. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I listened. There didn't seem to be any noise at all. Had Jay gone? Maybe he was downstairs and I could sneak out.
A small towel was on top of its own pile in the stack so I grabbed that to dry myself off with. I slowly dressed, dragging out my time further. After a while I ran out of things to do to prolong by bathroom trip; I went to the toilet, washed my hands - twice, and brushed my teeth. Looking at myself in the mirror, I noted the streaks of black makeup still over my eyes and cheeks. My lips were only a little grey; Jay had probably kissed it all away last night. I saw a bottle of makeup remover and picked it up, searching the room for some cotton wool. I could make this take a while.
When it came for me to finally leave the bathroom, I unlocked it slowly and took hold of the handle, taking a deep breath. I forced myself to relax and opened the door. A surprised gasp was the only sound before Jay was sprawled over the floor.
"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to keep my voice void of any particular emotion.
"I... I was waiting for you," he admitted quietly, sitting up. He had a pair of boxers on now but nothing else.
"By sitting against the door?"
"Yeah..."
I just nodded and stepped past him, going over to my school bag.
"Kaidan, please, come on," Jay said as he stood and moved a little closer.
"Please what? Talk about it? There's nothing to talk about," I replied simply.
"Yes, there is. I'm not talking about what you said last night, I mean about me being a proper dick this morning. I'm sorry, kitten. I overreacted, okay?"
"That's one way of putting it," I muttered, turning around to face him now with my arms crossed.
"It's just... Fuck, I don't even know what it is. My therapist would have a field day with this... I really am sorry. Can you forgive me?"
The sincere look on his face, his wide eyes, and even the damn teeth marks on his lip where he'd been worrying at it, was irresistable. I felt my quickly built walls crumbling as he fidgeted, tugging at a piece of skin beside his nail. I steppeed forward slightly and reached forward to take his hands in mine to stop him from hurting himself.
"I guess so... But just so you know: I don't like bitchy Jay."
His shoulders sagged in relief and his head bowed briefly. He leant down to kiss me softly.
"Thank you, Kaidan. I mean it, thank you," he whispered, resting his forehead against mine with his eyes closed.
"It's okay. Come here," I said gently, almost cooing as if he were a scared animal I didn't want to scare away.
I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close, stroking his back. He quickly returned the embrace, his arms tight as they pinned me to him.
"Are you tired?" I asked, slightly muffled by his chest but that didn't bother me.
He nodded slightly but otherwise stayed quiet.
"Okay," I started, "we can either lie here and you can sleep or we can go and cuddle on the couch downstairs, which would you prefer?"
He was quiet still as he thought for a minute. "In bed here," he eventually said.
I nodded and pushed him towards the bed slowly. I managed to sit him down on the edge of the bed and escape from his grip. Going to his side of the bed, I pulled the covers back and patted it, waiting for him to crawl over and slip in before I lay beside him and pulled the duvet back over us. His arms curled around me again and he sighed - seemingly in relief - as he nuzzled at my hair. I checked the clock quickly.
"I've got an hour and a half before I need to go to college, so you just have a little nap, okay?" I said softly, looking up at him.
He nodded and closed his eyes, falling asleep within moments apparently.
"Set an alarm," he muttered, making me jump. "I'll drive you."
"Are you sure?" I asked, wanting to double check.
He just nodded before he fell asleep for real this time. I smiled slightly and did as he asked, setting the alarm for an hour's time so he could sleep. I closed my eyes and just dozed in his warm embrace.
When the alarm went off, I was practically being crushed. Jay had thrown a leg over mine, keeping me in place, and an arm had snaked around my waist and was holding me tightly. He was half lying on top of me and it made breathing surprisingly difficult.
"Jay," I wheezed slightly, wriggling to no avail. "Jay!" He just mumbled and pulled me further underneath him.
All I could do then was push at him and hope he let go. Eventually he rolled away and pulled my pillow into his arms instead. I sat up and got out of bed quickly in case he changed his mind and decided to try it again. I turned the alarm off and went to the window to pull the curtains across the blinds. He chuffed like he was grateful, which made me smile.
I couldn't help watching him for a few moments before I grabbed my phone, wallet and bag before hurrying down the stairs and outside. I'd just get the bus like I'd planned.
***
When I got to my first class, I was a bit late but after talking with the teacher everything was okay so I went and took my seat next to Mina.
"Hey, hottie," she said casually. "How was last night?"
I blushed a little and glanced around. "It was good. Made a load in tips, let alone after Nick paid us."
"Jesus, maybe I should persuade him to let me do private parties. He only has freelance do that, like Jay. Maybe I should get a penis..." she mused. I couldn't help the funny look I gave her. "What? Vaginas are effort, dude. Do you have any idea how lucky you are?"
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Because I have a dick?"
"Exactly. I mean, you don't bleed from your downstairs every month, do you," she asked rhetorically. "And you don't have to shove a baby out through it. I accidentally clicked on a natural birth video once and, can I just say, my lady area will never look like that."
The almost uncontrollable laugh that escaped me had her hitting my arm and narrowing her eyes at me. When I managed to calm down - ignoring the evil eye from the professor - I just grinned and shook my head.
"Whatever," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Maybe we should swap genitals for a day."
"Mina, that's weird. Can we please stop this discussion? The last time I saw a 'lady area' I felt nauseous."
It was her turn to laugh and roll her eyes now.
"How's Jay anyway? Did he take you home and fuck you? I bet you were teasing each other all night."
"When exactly did we become good enough friends to talk about gentialia and my sex life?" I asked.
"About... Two minutes ago. So spill, how's my favourite pansexual?"
"He's fine. We had a... An argument this morning, I guess."
"Really? Ohmigod, are you okay? What happened?" The concerned look on her face was genuine, which made me smile.
"Everything's fine. I spent like an hour or something ridiculous in the bathroom and gave him the silent treatment before he started begging for forgiveness."
"He begged you to forgive him? Jesus, he must really like you."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean headstrong, confident, emotionally constipated Jay was desperate for you to accept his apology. Anyone who's known him for a while would say that's weird. Have you spoken to the boys?"
"The boys?" I asked, frowning.
"You know, his friends. Nick and the gang. I don't remember the other guys."
"No, I haven't spoken to anyone but you about it."
"Maybe you should?" she suggested.
"Yeah... Yeah, I will. I'll ring them later."
***
"Hello?" said Ollie's voice on the end of the line when it finally stopped ringing.
"Ollie? Hey, it's Kaidan," I said shyly, unsure how to go about this.
"Oh, hi. How'd you get our number?"
"I don't know, Jay must have put it in my phone at some point."
"Oh okay. So, what's up? I was just cleaning while Finn works so--"
"Do you want me to go? I'll go. I'll call back later."
"Kaidan!" Ollie exclaimed, drawing attention from the people opposite me in the library. It was packed and this was the only seat.
"Sorry," I muttered.
"So what's wrong? Clearly there's something."
"Well... Yeah, yeah there is. It's Jay."
"Is everything okay?" he asked immediately, suddenly panicked.
"No, it's nothing like that, don't worry. It's just... Last night, I kind of accidentally maybe, just a little, perhaps, told him I loved him."
There was silence for a few moments, to the point I had to check the line was still open.
"Oh," was all he said for a little while. "Well then..."
"He was all 'no thinking, thinking is for later', and then he didn't sleep a-and then he snapped at me and--"
"Kaidan, you're rambling."
"Sorry."
"It's alright. So... You really said it? Did you mean it?"
"What? No, of course not. I don't even know why it came out. I mean, I know we're close and shit, but it's just a job. There's no emotions or whatever."
"Sure," he scoffed. "Kaidan, listen to me. The last person to tell Jay they loved him had his nose broken with a single punch. And that was Finn. I was trying to get blood out of the pillowcases for days. Before that, the only other person who has ever vocalised his love for Jay was his father."
"R-Really...? He said that?"
"No, but it's not hard to work out. He thinks he's damaged goods, which he is, but he genuinely believes he's not worth anyone's love. He went into porn and all that because everyone knows it's just about money. Apparently. That's what Finn says anyway. You have to be careful, Kaidan, whether you have feelings for him or not. He thinks he's broken. He thinks he isn't capable of love, of affection, and that he doesn't deserve any in return."
"So basically I'm walking on eggshells for the forseeable future because of something I said in the middle of sex," I murmured with a sigh.
"That's how it goes, Kaidan. I wish I could be of more help," he said, sounding sincere.
"No, it's alright, thanks. Is it okay if I talk to you about this stuff? I don't have anyone."
"Of course you can, but you realise I have to tell Finn, right?"
"Yeah, I get that. You tell your Master whatever you want, as long as he doesn't tell Jay, okay?"
"He wouldn't dream of it. I need to get back to today's timetable but ring us whenever you want. There's nearly always one of us in, and you probably have our mobile numbers too."
"Thank you, Ollie. This means a lot to me."
"That's alright. We'll see you soon, yeah? We should go out sometime."
"I like the sound of that," I said with a small smile. "Bye, Ollie."
"Bye-bye."
We both hung up and I just slowly put my phone away, trying to process what Ollie had said.
(A/N Again, I think we all need to say, poor Jay! I got eaten by a baby goat yesterday, it was awesome. Chapter dedicated to DiamondHearts_ for her comment on the last chapter :) ~Beka)