Gabriel
I continued to breathe evenly through my mouth, wiping my sweaty blonde hair off my face. Just as my lungs felt like they were going to burst, luckily my little apartment came into view. After stopping by the mailbox I bent down and tried to catch my breath. Geez, who knew taking a couple of weeks off running would be so brutal.
Once it felt like I wasn't going to die, I crunched through the snow and up the creaky stairs. The sound of the shower filled the apartment once I opened the door. Grabbing my sweaty hair, I pinned it up before walking into the kitchen for some water. My eyes gravitated towards the few pictures we had displayed on the fridge.
Some people may see the same person sitting with me, but I could tell the difference. Reno was the one scowling with his mouth but smiling with his eyes. Pete was the one hiding halfway behind my body. It was hard at times being married to a man with a multiple personality disorder, and I even felt horrible thinking that. Reno wasn't a disorder; he was a man and someone I loved very much. It was rough going to bed with Pete and waking up with Reno or vice versa, simply because it was always a guessing game. If Reno was mad at me, he could stay away for weeks. If Pete was scared he'd have Reno come out for him. That being said, I wouldn't change my life for anything.
After grabbing my water I sat down at the small kitchen table and started rummaging through the mail. I smiled when I saw my step sister Luna's baby announcement. The day she had found out she was pregnant she called me and basically screamed from excitement. Now I stared at the beautiful pictures of her little baby boy, my nephew. I remember the first time meeting him and absolutely falling in love with him. Pete had been with me that day and was also in love with him.
"Hey," a deep voice said from behind me. I felt a pair of lips kiss my hair as I looked up to see Reno.
"Hey! Look," I said while holding the pictures up for him to see. "Luna sent out birth announcements for Benjamin. Isn't he the cutest?"
Reno raised an eyebrow as he took the pictures out of my hand. "He looks like a normal baby to me."
Rolling my eyes I chuckled while saying, "But he's family so that automatically makes him the cutest baby ever." Taking the pictures back I stared at his little face while feeling my face melt. "God I just want to pinch his cheeks."
"Okay can you stop looking at those pictures like that?" He suddenly asked as he walked over to the fridge. He sounded a little pissed off, which made me put the pictures down. Reno had grabbed a beer from the fridge and was now leaning against the counter.
"How am I staring at them? I'm admiring my nephew."
"Stop staring at them like it'll ever happen to us."
When he said that he sighed before taking a giant sip of the beer. We had never talked about children before, but I guess we were about to now. "What are you talking about?"
Reno gave a hard laugh before spitting out, "We're never having children Gabriel."
It felt like something inside of me dropped when he said that. "That's a pretty big decision Reno; shouldn't we talk about this some more? I mean we've never even talked about children before."
"Well we're talking about it now."
"This isn't talking; you're automatically ruling them out!"
"Yeah, I am. We're not having fucking kids."
Getting up from the table, I crossed my arms over my chest before standing in front of him. "This marriage isn't a dictatorship. We talk about things, we talk things through. Why are you being like this?"
He laughed before throwing the now empty can into the sink. "Why the fuck do you think Gabriel?"
"How would I know? Just talk to me Reno! God, I thought we were finally good with our communication. Are you worried about not having enough time together, or how much money it'll be? Because we can work through th-"
"It's not about that!" He yelled which shut me up. "We can't have kids because how are you going to explain me to them? One day they'll be playing with their dad and the next day they could wake up and have a completely different dad. Is that really fair for a child? No. You'd have to explain to them that their dad is just a fucking disorder and isn't around one hundred percent of the time."
It felt like someone had punched me in the gut when he had said that. I guess I hadn't thought about it like that. "But you'd still be here Reno; you'd still get to see them grow up."
"Yeah maybe fifty percent of the time, and that's a stretch. How do you think that would make me feel? I'd go to sleep and the next time I wake up, shit they could be graduated from high school. I know we have an equal marriage, but I'm putting my foot down. We're not having kids."
"But-"
"Enough!" He yelled while slamming his hand down onto the counter. The action made me jump, which made him sigh. With that he walked passed me and out the front door. The sound of a car starting made me angrily walk over to the window to see him drive away. Stalking over to the couch, I plopped down while staring at the bookcase in front of me. Just as quick as the anger bubbled up into my body, it was gone.
Reno had valid points as to why he didn't want kids. Even if he had told me this when we first got together, this wouldn't have been a deal breaker. I wish this wouldn't have been the first time we've talked about it. My eyes wandered down to the wedding ring sitting on my finger, the one that represented the two people that meant everything to me. I had always wished I could raise a child with those people. It shouldn't bother me as much as it did, because I had to respect Reno's wishes. I needed to be a good husband.
Getting up from the couch, I started to walk into our bedroom before making a stop in the kitchen. Grabbing Luna's card from the table, I took it into our room and buried it deep in my dresser. After making sure it was well hidden, I walked into the bathroom to take a shower. Once the water hit my cold body, I sighed while wetting my long hair. Leaning forward, I rested my head against the tile and cried. I had no reason to cry, at least I felt like I had no reason. I would just never be a father, something I always thought I'd be. Maybe I should adopt a cat.
The tears turned into angry tears, because all I do is cry. I felt like a goddamn chick sometimes and it bothered me. Why couldn't I handle my emotions better? That thought made me roll my eyes before continuing on with my shower. Once I was finally done, I wandered into the kitchen and grabbed a leftover plate of spaghetti. Not even bothering to heat it up, I plopped down onto the couch and turned the TV on. I wrapped a blanket around myself as I settled in for another lonely night.
Reno
My eyes took in the setting sun and the few people brave enough to face the cold. Some were at the park with their friends, laughing and throwing snow at each other. Others were here with their dogs, short little dogs prancing around in expensive looking coats. I sighed while putting my head into my hands. This bench was making my ass cold but I didn't care, I deserve it after yelling at Gabriel like that. It was just unexpected; we had never talked about children before.
I looked back up at the people still mingling around in the park. It truly wasn't fair having to live in a body that isn't truly yours. There's days now that I'm afraid I won't even be here anymore. Pete is a pretty strong person now, and honestly doesn't need me. If I wasn't here, Pete could take care of Gabriel. No one truly needs me and they can't need me because they can't depend on me. I envied every single person in this park, because they didn't have to share their bodies. God, I thought I was over this stupid pity party act.
Standing up and cracking my back, I was about to get back in my car when a pop of color caught my eye. A single flower was sticking up out of the snow, its red contrasting against the bright white. Kneeling down next to the flower I sighed while saying, "We're both in places we don't belong."
A text alert was suddenly blaring from my phone, making me wonder if it was from Gabriel. I frowned when I realized it wasn't from him but Francine instead. New client just booked, can't wait to tell you! She had a bunch of weird emojis after that, making me smile and roll my eyes. She never addressed Pete or I by names in a text unless one of us said it. Even that, my mother in law wasn't always sure who she was talking to. Life has a stupid sense of humor.
I had started to walk back to my car before stopping and turning back for that flower. It rested on my dash on the drive home, and then in my nervous hands as I walked the stairs to our apartment.
The TV was on and most of the lights, making me smile. Gabriel preferred to be in the light, which made us polar opposites. Leaning against the wall, I took in the sight of him sleeping on the couch. He was snuggled up in the blanket I always thought was too itchy, but he loved.
Turning all the lights and TV off, I lifted his small body into my arms and carried him to our bed. I knew it wouldn't fix anything but I placed the flower into his hand. With that I kissed the top of his head and got into bed next to him. While I'm extremely lucky to have ended up with him, sometimes I wish he would have never met Pete. Pete was who led him to me, and so many times I wish he hadn't. Gabriel doesn't deserve such a stressful life, one where he wouldn't know which husband he was going to wake up to. I don't know how he can be so accepting of this lifestyle, I really don't. He was too good of a person to have to live like this. But he was my angel, and angels don't give up.
I took in his sleeping face before pulling him closer to me. I still felt uncertain if Pete was still going to have me around in another ten years. It was scary, because I know I've gotten really used to this life. I didn't want it to be taken away from me, but knew that was just being selfish. Groaning, I pulled Gabriel closer before tightly shutting my eyes. Even if I never came back, at least I had this moment right now. Moments like these made me think of myself of more than a disorder. Disorders aren't meant to have normal lives, they aren't meant to have kids. And that's something Gabriel will never understand.