"So, Juan, what would you like for your ninth birthday?" Jacinta asked as she pushed the shopping cart towards the electronics area of the department store.
Juan, walking two steps behind his mother, looked her over, admiring her smart fashion sense; a simple white blouse, gray blazer and a peasant skirt with an intricate red, gray and white Aztec design, black hose and three inch heels.
Her hair was pulled back tightly and woven into a single braid that swung back and forth, a large, red bow on the end, brushed the small of her back.
Mesmerized by the swaying of the bow, Juan almost missed his mom's question.
After a pause, he quickly realized what she had asked.
Taking a deep breath, he hesitantly, quietly replied, "A dress."
"What," Jacinta asked her son as she brought the shopping cart to a halt, not completely sure he had said what she thought she heard.
They were stopped at the end of the birthday decoration aisle.
Without responding to his mom, Juan ran down the aisle and grabbed several items from the shelf.
"And these," he continued as he returned, tossing Barbie image paper plates, party hats, napkins and table cloth in the cart.
"Juan, what are you saying?" Jacinta asked as she crouched down eye-to-eye with the smile on her son's face.
The smile quickly faded and moisture began to well up in his eyes.
Jacinta understood.
Ever since her husband had died a painful death from lung cancer caused by exposure to high levels of asbestos dust in the factory, she had found it hard to say no to her son. She found it especially difficult when he was convincingly serious about what he wanted.
Jacinta sighed before standing upright and turning the shopping cart towards the girls clothes.
She looked down at her son, ready to ask him if he was sure this was what he really wanted, but she didn't get the words out before seeing a single tear trickle from one eye, drip off his cheek and onto his shirt.
From the other eye, another tear quickly followed.
Jacinta took a deep breath and paused. Thoughts crowded her mind as she wrestled with what to do.
"Mom," Juan finally asked, snapping Jacinta out of her thoughts. "We gonna stand here all day?"
Realizing she had been lost in thought for an unnaturally long time, Jacinta looked around then down at her son.
"Come on," she softly instructed as she began to walk.
By the time they arrived at the misses department, Jacinta was feeling a heavy weight on her shoulders. Her heart pounding in her chest.
She looked around.
In her mind, she could hear her late husband, in a stern, demanding voice, ask her what she thought she was doing. It was a voice she often heard, guiding her decisions and actions.
She stopped, and almost turned away before replying to the voice.
What I know in my gut I should have done three years ago, instead of listening to you in my head and trying to explain the subtle signs away, telling myself it was nothing more than him just trying to deal with your sickness and death.
Jacinta pushed the cart forward, moving between the racks of skirts, dresses, blouses, and jeans.
"What kind of dress do you want?"
"That one," Juan quickly responded, pointing to a white quinceañera style dress with puffy sleeves, a wide, floor-length skirt and too many lacy petticoat layers to count. A dress that would make any little girl look like a princess.
Jacinta reached for the only white one.
"I think it might fit," she decided with a slight smile as she held it up in front of him.
"You want to get some shoes to go with it," she asked, carefully holding the dress up against Juan, before placing it in their cart.
Juan shyly nodded and Jacinta headed toward the shoe department.
Seeing the device used to measure foot size, Jacinta picked it up off the bench and had her son remove a sneaker so that she could measure her son's foot. He then tried on several pairs until he found one that not only fit, but would look lovely with the dress.
"Juan, I think I want these, mom."
Two days later was Juan's birthday and that afternoon when he entered the dinning room, it was covered in pink streamers and and pink balloons that read, "IT'S A GIRL" on them.
Barbie plates, party hats, napkins, and cups were positioned in front of two chairs at the table, a small round ice cream cake in the center of the table, next to a centerpiece of pink roses, read happy birthday princess, in hot pink letters surrounded by glitter.
"What to you think of the name Gabriela," Jacinta asked.
"I like it," he answered as he took a seat, as best he could, in his new dress and sandals with thick three-quarter inch heels, his legs encased in thick white tights.
"You're not going to change your mind about being my daughter, are you, " Jacinta asked.
"No mom, I don't think so. It's who I've always believed I am." Juan replied. "I was just too afraid of what dad would do, to come out and say so before. Afraid of how disappointed he'd be in me."
"I got another surprise for you." Jacinta said as she cut into the cake.
"What is it, mom?"
"Just wait."
She served him a slice of the ice-cream cake, which was a bright pink on the inside and then placed three Barbie gift-paper wrapped packages on the table.
Gabriela opened the first present to find his first purse. It was a small blue leather handbag with fringe and tassles and inside he discovered several bottles of nail polish and a pale pink tube of lipgloss.
The second present contained two long skirts and matching blouses.
In the third he found a doll with a display stand; a beautiful girl with jet black hair and eyes they matched his own. Her skin was the sane sun-browned tone as his and the beautiful dress she had on was very similar to the one he currently wore.
Gabriela grinned from ear-to-ear as he stood the 45cm tall doll in its stand, on the table next to his plate.
Jacinta sat quietly watching her child as he returned to the ice-cream cake.
"What mom?" Gabiela asked as his red polished fingers gripped a glass of chocolate milk and finished it.
"Let's go for a drive and you'll see." Jacinta said with a smile.
Gabriela grabbed his new doll and held it tightly against his chest as he excitedly headed to the car and they began to travel towards a location Jacinta kept secret until they neared.
Jacinta parked outside the mall and led Gabriela to a store inside that sold brightly colored costume jewelry and other accessories to tween and teen girls.
Stopping outside, she looked at Gabriela without saying anything, just smiled.
"What mom? What is it?"
She then asked Gabriela if he'd like to get his ears pierced.
A big grin spread across his face as he responded with an enthusiastic yes.
Gabriela left that shop with a large hot pink plastic bangle on one wrist, matching thick plastic hoops in a small plastic bag, and shiny silver starter studs in his ears.
"Juan, we have one more place to go if you're up to it," Jacinta told her child over lunch in the food court.
"Mom, I thought you were going to call me Gabriela."
"Sorry, Gabriela. Would you like to go to the salon and have your hair styled?"
Gabriela didn't speak a word but the smile on his face, the sparkle in his eyes and the shy head nod said it all.
When they left the mall that day, Gabriela sported a multi-layered bob in several different shades of blonde. The colors were a radical departure from Juan's natural jet black hair, and left her unrecognizable as her former self.
Well, almost.
"Look at the sissy," Carlos giggled and pointed from across the street when Janice walked out of her house the next day in a blue blouse with framed pictures of teddy bears on it, a blue knee length skirt and simple white leather sandals that showed off her painted toes.
She headed towards her mom's car, ignoring Carlos' statement.
"The girly boy even has a purse slung on his shoulder."
"Oh quit it," Francine, a girl standing next to Carlos, chided.
"His father died recently of a cancer." Lori, another girl reminded Carlos. "Let him deal with his feelings in his own way."
The teasing and laughing continued for several weeks, but over time, it lessened until eventually, it stopped.
By the time school started again in the fall, the three kids; Carlos, Lori and Francine had completely accepted that Juan was gone for good, permanently replaced by Gabriela.
As they waited for the bus on the first day of school they all three vowed to protect Gabriela and make sure everyone knew that Juan no longer existed.
From the living room window, Jacinta watched her daughter's interaction with the others at the bus stop. She worried about how Gabriela would be treated at school, and worried if she had made the right decision that day in the store.
As she continued to observe the acceptance Janice was receiving, her fears began to subside.