I have this strange out-of-body experience and it wasn't the fun kind. I watch as they clean up my body and fight over what they should do with me. I'm sad that this scene is neither entertaining nor funny at all. The underlining of the conversation are the words 'Get her out of here'.
But, what hurts the most is watching SiZhui standing still not making a sound or a simple comment. The tugs I feel is suffocating. Though I hate people, he's really calm and collected. More than I can say with the others. Especially JingYi. The only thing that makes me happy is the fact that in the GusuLan sect; not forgotten, not completely, not yet anyway.
Seeing them fight makes my heart drop even more. Though I protected them, more than once, I may add, they still want me gone because of their history. I know I was a terrible person for what I did but the only reason I'm dead is because someone was there to calm me down. I felt some love but, in the end, I was betrayed. This memory is what makes me short of breath or quick to anger.
I feel a sudden pain. I look over to my body to see if anyone is messing with me but no one is there. No person nor spirit. My body begins to shudder as blood drips from my eye. I guess my body is also trying to evoke my emotions. I do feel pained but to see my body break down before me like this hurts even more.
I look around but they're too busy arguing to notice the state of my body. Instead of anger, the emotions overwhelms, cause more blood to fall from my eyes. This is the reason why I don't cry when I'm angry and sad. If I do blood pours from them. This form is a frail and a fickle thing. But crying is a much tedious task to undertake.
I just watch as the streams of blood fall from my closed eyes. To think, I thought being able to see myself while I'm sleeping would be a least a little enjoyable. But, even so, my life is not a fairytale it's more of a complete horror display. Truly a gruesome sight to behold. And that's when the voice I've been longing to hear speaks. "Can't you see that your words affect her even in a resting state?"
The room grows quiet as they turn to see tears of blood still falling from my eyes. The sight appals me greatly, knowing that everyone can see me like this. I close off my emotions resulting in my tears drying, crusting to my pale countenance. It's a complete juxtaposition to my fair skin.
I take a deep breath in and let out all the tension. When SiZhui wipes away the blood from my face gently with a wet towelette, I'm at least happy to know that one person has a heart. Again tears begin to fall, the normal clear salty tears. JingYi snorts, "I guess she's happy now. Considering she's not crying blood anymore. She should just keep on crying out blood. That way she will bleed out to death".
Anger burns inside me, causing blood to sputter out of my mouth. Keeping down the anger damages the mind of clear thinking. My vision on the seen starts to get fuzzy. I feel pain erupt from throat. My eyes fling open as I sit up very fast clenching my heart while coughing up blood.
This body isn't truly mine. What reason is this body so frail? Because the true baby died very young so problems with this body is not uncommon. It only happens when my emotions get all over the place. My throat burns from coughing up so much blood, at least a litre gone.
My breathing becomes rigid as my heart squeezes my insides. Some of my hair sticks to my forehead because of the sweat I produce. This room is making me feel claustrophobic. I rip off the blanket trying run out, only to take a step to fall to the ground. I fall to my side holding my throat and over my heart.
The overwhelming experience is too much, until I hear the qugin playing. A sense of peace washes over me. The pain become less intense almost numbing the pain. I completely relax, feeling arms pick me up. "Why are you always covered in blood? In your own blood at that?"
Chuckling, I weakly smile. "I guess I'm just that talented. This body is so frail. I guess being in this body almost since birth is not a good idea".
WuXian stiffens. "You've been in this body for over a decade?"
"You sound like it's a bad thing. But, in truth, it was fun while it lasted. Pulling pranks, having a family, having things or people that are all firsts. It was nice," my eyes grow heavy. "Though I'm such a good cultivator, this body is far from stable. I'm just surprised I was able to use so much energy. Usually I would've passed out by now. Just like. now". I think I'm making more of a habit passing out from blood loss. Not even in a war zone either. Just a freaking nose bleed. How far I've fallen.
Sorry if this chapter is shorter than the rest. I decided to wait until the anime starts up in January because I know some never read the book. Have a Happy Christmas and Merry New Year. Not edited.