quick A/N for those who read chapter 8 when it was first published, some changes have been made so please go back and reread. Thank you babes, lots of love
Diggy..
It became harder for me to breathe as I tried to explain my child with Jacob to Trevor. Confusion painted his face but there was also hurt. I guess hurt from me not telling him until now about Junior, my child, was such a hard topic to talk about.
"W-what? You have a kid? Why didn't you tell me Daniel?" I could hear the betrayal in his voice and it It broke my heart. I was so scared to tell him the rest. I tried to say something, stuttering over my words until he unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the car door.
" Sit down! Trevor...please. This is hard for me to talk about, so fucking hard so please just give me a minute" I begged, grabbing his arm and dragging him back into his seat. He just had a lost expression on his face.. only if he knew.
"Four years ago, when I was barely twenty one, Jacob and I were in a relationship. We kept it very under the wraps. No one could have known. We were both closeted and young and it would have taken a big toll on Jacobs career had anyone known about us."
I sighed at the memories of Jacob and I together. It was a good relationship at first, but we had so many faults and issues of our own we just couldn't be together without the environment become toxic for the both of us.
"A year into our relationship Jacob got abusive-
"He hit you?!" Trevor looked furious now, more than hurt. I didn't know how to feel at that, at least I knew that what I told him so far hadn't changed his feelings about me yet.
"Don't get me wrong, Trev. Jacob was so good to me until his career started to fail and he took out all his anger and frustrations on me. It began after our one year mark into our relationship."
"I still loved him though, I convinced myself he was just having a hard time and that he would get better when things all blew over. It did at one point... when I found out that I was pregnant with Junior." tears welled up in my eyes and I let out a shallow breath. I always struggled when I said his name out loud.
"After that we were happy again. He took a short break from his career and stayed home with me through the pregnancy, until three years and ten months ago, when I had Junior". A tear escaped and I quickly tried to wipe it away before Trevor could see it. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him to check.
"A-after we had Junior things were cool for a bit. We had our rough patches but a majority of our time together went well until Junior was about ten months old. The abusive behavior came back, the arguing, the accusations, until one night Jacob snapped." at this point I couldn't even hold in my tears. I felt them warm my face as the fell but I had to keep going. I had to tell Trevor.
I forced myself to look at him. He looked worried and the way he watched me was as if he was afraid to say something. I didn't blame him, the topic was very sensitive and I wasn't even sure if I could keep a strong face if I heard the hurt in his voice.
"O-one night, Jacob was drinking. He was drinking a lot. I was in my bedroom sleeping with Junior, he was roughly around two years old..." the tears fell harder as I recalled the events of that night. I started shaking, my throat closed up on me and I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was having a panic attack.
Trevor immediately moved closed to my side, leaning over the center console and pulling me into him, kissing my head. "Shh baby, It's alright you don't have to tell me right now. I can see this is hard for y-"
I shook my head while trying to calm myself down enough to speak to him. "I-if I d-don't tell y-you now I do- don't thi-nk I ev-ever w-will" I was hiccuping between breaths, speaking and sobbing at the same time. "Okay Daniel; but take your time baby. We've got time" he whispered and pulled my head into his neck, rubbing my hair and rocking me slowly.
A few minutes went by of me sobbing into Trevor's shirt and soaking it with tears until I eventually had calmed down enough to speak again.
"That n-night Jacob h-had c-came into t-the room" I cleared my throat, holding back more tears. I let out a deep breath. Breathe, Daniel. Breathe.
"Jacob had come into the room screaming, accusing me of sleeping with Quincy; which was absolutely untrue and ridiculous. He knew it too, he was just pulling shit out of his ass to be angry at me about. I woke up out of my sleep to him throwing shit around the room, calling me a whore and a handful of other names that I don't want to repeat. All in front of our baby."
I replayed the painful events in my head over and over again, my heart shattering more and more each time. " I got up, begging him to be quiet and to take the conversation elsewhere because I didn't want to wake up the baby. He wouldn't listen to me though, he pushed me into our dresser and called me more disgusting names. The, he grabbed me by my neck and slammed me onto the dresser multiple times, I was barely conscious enough to start fighting back, trying to push him off of me"
Trevor was squeezing me now, his jaw was clenched and I knew he wanted to say something. I could see the anger rolling off of him. I didn't give him the chance to speak though. If I stopped I wouldn't be able to find it in myself to continue again.
"Junior had woken up at that point, and he started crying for Jacob to stop. He was wailing and reaching out for me or Jacob, for one of us to pay attention to him. I was too busy scratching at Jacobs wrists and kicking my legs out at him to try and get away. He slammed my head into the side of the dresser and I blacked out-
"Daniel you don't-"
"I could hear my baby crying. I could hear him screaming for me. He was so scared, Trevor. My poor baby was so scared and I couldn't help him" I sobbed into Trevor's arms.
" I fainted to the sound of Junior screaming. When I woke up both he and Jacob were gone. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears when I rushed to search the house for them. Jacob was drunk. His car was gone and so was all of his and Junior's things. It was the worst day of my life.
" It took me forever to find my phone. Jacob must have hid it behind the bed when he left. When I found it I called him right away; didn't look at the time or check for any calls. Nothing. When he answered I started screaming at him, calling him all types of names and threatening him to bring back my son
"I couldn't have been out for very long, maybe an hour at most because he was still drunk. And being the alcoholic he was, I was almost positive he was drinking while on the phone with me. I told him to pull over, and that I would meet him; to not be stupid and drive drunk, especially with Junior in the car. He wouldn't listen to me though, he ignored me completely. I had to beg him to let me speak to my baby" My own shirt was soaked from all the tears at this point. That night couldn't have been any more painful for me.
"Junior was always so talkative. His sentences weren't the best but he could understand certain things and say certain words. As soon as Jacob told him 'Daddy wants to talk to you' I heard my little prince giggle and squeal in joy. I'd heard when he'd grabbed the phone from Jacob. 'Daddy! We're going on a road trip! I love you Daddy! I'll see you soon when we get back" was what he said. The most precious sound in the world to me was my baby's voice." Trevor paled at my last sentence and sat up quickly.
"Was? You keep saying 'was' and using past tense when you talk about him, Daniel. Don't tell me..." He stopped when he saw the tortured expression I wore. I turned my face away, I couldn't look at him. I couldn't take the pain I felt. I couldn't handle it. I wanted to hurt myself.
I wanted that emotional pain that was drowning and killing me to go away. The same way I felt that night, those emotions were creeping back and I couldn't take it again. My head hurt and I couldn't see straight when I told Trevor the rest. I sniffled a bit before forcing myself to continue.
" I told him I loved him, and that I would see him soon. I was so scared for them, Trevor. Not just Junior but for Jacob too. I felt it in my heart and in my stomach that something was going to happen. I begged and pleaded for Jacob to pull over on the side of the road. I should have called the cops I should have got in the car and looked for them, something. I couldn't even hang up the phone I was so scared.
"A few seconds after I'd told Junior that I loved him I heard a the sound of breaks being slammed and glass being broken and I just knew. All I'd heard after that was the sound of a horn blaring."
I'd removed my arms from Trevor and wrapped them around myself, digging my nails into my arms and rocking myself for some kind of self comfort and I cried. Trevor kept his arms around me though, nodding and letting me know to continue when I was ready. I know he felt my pain, anyone could have felt it. The self loathing and hatred was apparent.
" I was in shock. I was praying to God to keep my baby and Jacob safe. I prayed over and over and over on my way to the nearest hospital, hoping they would be there. They weren't. I ended up driving to three different hospitals until I made it to one an hour away, and sitting in the emergency room chair when I entered was Jacob. He was shaking, his head in his hands and blood caking his shirt.
" 'Where's my baby?!' I shouted at him. He looked up at me and I saw it all in his face. He looked like he was being eaten from the inside, the amount of pain on that man's face was so intense and I felt it tenfold when he shook his head and began sobbing. 'I'm so sorry Daniel. I'm so sorry I did this to us'.
" And that's when I knew." That's when I lost it. I couldn't hold myself together anymore. I shook violently as I cried out in agony. It hurt so much. Everything hurt. My body, my head, my heart. I felt like I was reliving that pain. Trevor immediately scooped me up and pulled me over the console and into his lap. "Shhh, shh baby breathe. Breathe my love. I've got you" He rocked me in his arms, kissing my head and face while wiping away my tears.
" My baby was gone. My little prince, the one I held closest to my heart in the whole world was gone."
washpoppinnn it's ya girl cee. I wrote this whole concept for this chap nd i've been working on it all day only to realize it ain't add up with some things said in the last chapter so i had to fix that before i updated this cause i was already 2000 words in and i just couldn't scrap it. I wonder if i had y'all in your feels this chapter. NYGAY i love y'all i hope you go read some fluff ad crack after this depressing chapter. This is XTREEMELy unedited so pls lmk any mistakes i made. LOTS OF LOVE,
-cee