Dipper's POV
The day began with us going into town with Stan for reasons I didn't know.
Mabel: *takes two nachos and puts them as earrings before laughing* Nachos earrings! I'm hilarious!
Stan: That's debatable.
Stan: *starts honking the car* C'mon, what's with all this traffic? And why is it all-? Covered wagons?!? Oh no, no no!!!! *turns and starts driving away* Not today, not today!!! *stops at the sight of people, then reverses the car*
Dipper: Grunkle Stan, what's going on?!?
Stan: We gotta get out of here before it's too late!!!!! *stops* They've circled the wagons!!!! We're trapped, no!!!!!
Mabel: *looks out the window and sees a cute cow* I have a good feeling about today!
Dipper, Mabel, and Stan: *exit the car*
Dipper: Whoa, look at the town!
Stan: Oi, it's Pioneer day, everyday these yahoos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded.
Toby: *walks over* Welcome to 1863!!!
Stan: I will break you, little man!!!!
Toby: *runs away*
Mabel: Wow, look, candle dipping!!!
Dipper: Woah, gold panning!!!
Dipper and Mabel: *see a man getting married to a woodpecker*
Mabel: What you talking about?!?
Dipper: Oh yeah, I remember this. *takes out his journal and opens it on a certain page* In Gravity Falls it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers.
Man: Oh it's still legal! Very legal...!!!
Announcer: Come one and all, to the opening ceremonies!!!
Mabel: Grunkle Stan, are you coming?!?
Stan: No thank you!!! Just remember: if you come back to the shack talking like these people, you're dead to me!
Dipper: There's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!
Mabel: Well, hornswoggle my haversack!
Dipper and Mabel: *spit on the ground before running off*
Stan: DEAD TO ME!!!
~at the stage~
Blubs: Here-ye here-ye!!! Ye olde commencement ceremony is about to commence!!!
Durland: *winging a bell* Woo!!!! I got a bell!!!!
Thief: *steals an old lady's purse and runs off*
Old Lady: Oh no, police, my purse!!!!
Durland: ... *continues ringing his bell* Ring ring!!! Ring ring!!!
Blubs: *chuckles* He sure loves his bell.
Dipper and Mabel: *reach the front of the crowd*
Pacifica: *taps the mic* Howdy, everyone!!! You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great great granddaughter of town founder Nathaniel Northwest. I'm also very rich.
Audience except Dipper and Mabel: *applause*
Pacifica: Now if you got the pioneer spirit, we asked you to come on up and introduce yourself!!!
Mabel: *gasp* Audience participation!!!
Dipper: I dunno, Mabel, isn't that girl kinda like your arch enemy?
Mabel: That's water under the bridge!!! *runs up to the stage*
Pacifica: Our first newcomer is-!!! *glares at Mabel* Mabel...!
Mabel: Yeah!!! Let's get this Pioneer Day started!!! *blows raspberries* Right guys?!? USA!!! USA!!!
Audience: USA!!! USA!!!
Guy: *crying* USA!!! *wipes some tears away* USA!!!
Pacifica: I'm sorry to break it to you, but Pioneer Day is for serious people, and you look and act ridiculous. I mean a puppy playing basketball? Are you always this silly?
Mabel: *hides the design of her sweater* Hey, I can be serious! *tries to do a serious face*
Pacifica: You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hun.
Mabel: *holds her nacho earrings as she blushes from embarrassment*
Pacifica: Wow, I'm embarrassed for you. Give her a hand, everybody!!!
Audience except Dipper: *applause*
Mabel: ... *walks away sadly*
Pacifica: Now who wants to hear about me?!?
~sitting under the Nathaniel Northwest statue~
Mabel: *sadly eats some butterscotch* Guys can I ask you something? Do you think I'm... silly...?
Dipper: No...........?
Mabel: Ugh, I knew it!!! The nacho, earrings, the sweater, I thought I was being charming, but I guess people see me as a big joke... *takes off her nacho earrings and throws them away before taking off her sweater and throwing it too*
???: *grab the sweater before it hits the ground* You'll regret throwing this away.
Dipper: (y/n)?
You: What? Excepted me to stay home on a day like this?
Mabel: Oh, hey (y/n)...
You: *offer the sweater back to her*
Mabel: ...
You: ... *sigh before wrapping the sweater around your waist*
Dipper: C'mon, Mabel, you love that sweater!
Mabel: I did until Pacifica ruined it... Ugh, she ruins everything!
Dipper: Pacifica! Why does she think that being related to the town founder means she gets to treat everyone like garbage?!?
You: Because some people feed off that.
Dipper: Well someone needs to take her down a peg. *gasp* Wait a minute! *takes out his journal and starts searching through it* I feel like I read something Pacifica's great great grandfather before! Of course!
You: What?!?
Dipper: "In my investigations-" Should- should I do the voice?
You and Mabel: *shakes heads head* Uh-uh.
Dipper: Meh, I'll just read it, normal. "In my investigations, I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the founder of Gravity Falls! I believe the proof of this secret is buried somewhere on the enclosed document." *takes off the document and unfolds it* "If only I could crack the code..."
You: Whoahoho, if this it true it means that brat's family's a fraud!!!
Dipper: This could be a major conspiracy!!!
Mabel: Really?!?
You: We gotta investigate!!! Mystery!!!!!!!
Mabel: Wait, I'm coming with you guys. Conspiracies are serious, right?
Dipper: Oh yeah, definitely.
Mabel: Well if I help you crack this code then nobody could ever call me silly again!!!
Dipper: Yeah!!! *offers a fist bump* Mystery Trio?!?
You: I thought you hated that name~!
Dipper: I'm starting to accept it.
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *fist bump*
And so we go to the Gravity Falls library to see if we could find some clues.
Dipper: Alright, girls, if we can prove that Nathanial Northwest wasn't the real founder of Gravity Falls it'll finally put Pacifica in her place!
Mabel: And solving a mystery will prove that I'm not silly! I'm serious...!!! *eats some more butterscotch still looking at the book in her hands* Serious.......!!!
Dipper: We just need to crack this code! *looking at the pictures on the wall caused by the projector* Let me see... It's not Egyptian, it's not numerology, it's not- wait, of course!!! The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame! Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the secret message!
Mabel: It's so obvious!
Dipper: *takes a candle*
You: You sure about this? If we're wrong, we loose the only clue we have.
Dipper: Not completely, but there's one way to find out! Mabel!
Mabel: *with the map on her head as a hat* Muap! I just made a hat! Uhg, I just did something silly again! *blows raspberries*
You: Wait, Mabel, you folded it into a map!
Dipper: And I was gonna burn it.
Blubs: *from the library door* We're on the lookout for three kids who might be reading.
Durland: *next to Blubs* We're hunting'm down for secret reasons!!! *rings his bell*
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *hide under the table*
Durland: *throws some books down*
Blubs and Durland: *go to another shelf*
You: Maybe we should take this elsewhere.
Mabel: *takes off the map* This map should lead us to...
Outside our destination...
Mabel: The Gravity Falls Museum of History!
Dipper: You realize what this means girls, we're gonna have to break in.
We went to the door to be greeted by a nice woman who gave me a blue balloon, Mabel a pink balloon, and (y/n) a white balloon.
Dipper: We're in.
Mabel: *looking around* What are we gonna do next? Steal Thomas Jefferson's rib cage?
You: Ew...!!!
Dipper: No, according to the map the next clue about the real town founder should be right... *looks at a weird triangle on the wall* Here.
You: That's it?
Dipper: I think so. We have to figure this one out quick, I have a feeling those cops weren't at the library to check out books.
Mabel: I don't think the one with the bell can read.
You: So what is it anyways?
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *stare at the piece of art*
Mabel: *sits on the bench and tilts herself to the side* Hey painting, be less stupid! *turns upside down and gasps* It worked!
Dipper: Huh?
You and Dipper: *sit in the bench and tilt upside down and see a painting of an angel pointing to somewhere*
Dipper: Wait! It's not abstract, it's upside down!
You: I've seen that statue at the cemetery!
Dipper: Let's go, quick!
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *stand up, then hold your heads in pain*
We run past the policemen and go to the cemetery.
Dipper: Hm... The statue must be pointing at the next clue.
You: Mabel, what are you-?!?
Mabel: *with the statue's finger inside Mabel's nose* Ah gross, she's picking my nose!!! *laughs before pulling up the tip of the statue's finger* Ah!
A door opens on the floor.
Dipper: Girls, look!
Mabel: Who's silly now Pacifica? *tries to jump down but stops when her nose gets stuck in the statue's finger, she then takes it out and jumps off*
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *go down the stairs of the opened vault*
Mabel: Now we're getting into real conspiracy mode! *eats another butterscotch*
Dipper: Ok, watch out for booby traps.
Mabel: Hehe, booby traps. *steps on a platform*
A dart lands beside Mabel. Many darts started to fly towards us. We ran past all of them (somehow) and ended up falling down a hole and into a strange room.
You: Woah...!!! What is this place...?!?
Mabel: *picks up some papers* It's a treasure trove of historic-y secret-y things! *switches papers* Oh man, Ben Franklin secretly was a woman!
Dipper: Hey, jackpot! *points at a file holder with the words "Top Secret" in red*
You: Now we'll find out who the real town founder was!
Dipper: "Let it be here recorded Nathaniel Northwest, fable founder of Gravity Falls, was in fact a fraud!!! As well as a... waste shoveling village idiot?" *laughs* Oh, bad news for Pacifica.
You: Wait 'till the papers hear about this!
Mabel: Once people see that I uncovered a historical conspiracy they could never call me silly!!!
Dipper: "The true founder of Gravity Falls was Sir Lord. Quentin Trembley III, ESQ"
Mabel: Who's Quentin Trembley?
Blubs: That's not of your business!!!
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *gasp*
Durland: *rings his bell* WOOO!!! We caught ya!!!! WOOO!!! Heh, woohoo...!!! *faints*
Blubs: He got hit with quite a few of those darts.
After Deputy Durland woke up...
Blubs: *holding the file* I hate to do this but Quentin Trembley's a matter of national security.
Durland: Yeah!!! Yeah- woo- I think I might be colorblind now...!
You: What do you mean national security?!?
Mabel: And who is Quentin Trembley anyways?!?
Blubs: See for yourself. *takes out an old video tape and places it on an old projector*
Mabel: Aww, black and white?
Dipper: Shh, Mabel!
Man: *from the video* If you're watching this, you're one of the few people in these United States with clearance to view this information. In fact, I myself will be shot as soon as the filming is complete. Wha- Huh?!? Well, that's a relief. Of all of America's secrets, the most embarrassing was that of Quentin Trembley, the eighth and a half president of the United States.
You, Dipper, and Mabel: President?!?
Mabel: Eight and a half?!?
Man: After winning the 1847 election in a landslide, Quentin Trembley quickly gained a reputation as America's silliest president. He waged war on pancakes, appointed six babies to the supreme court, and issued the De-Pants-cipation Proclamation. His State of the Union speech was even worse.
Trembley: *from the video* The only thing we have to fear is gigantic man eating spiders!!!
Man: He was kicked out of office and escaped to an uncharted valley he named Gravity Falls after plummeting into it at high speed. Trembey's shameful term was erased from history, and officially replaced by William Henry Harrison as president and local nobody Nathaniel Northwest as founder of Gravity Falls. The whereabouts of president Trembley's body are unknown.
Blubs: *turns off the video* Until now. *points behind you*
We turn around to see a human figure frozen inside a golden, sappy looking block.
Dipper: Woah...!!! Is that like amber or something?
Blubs: Fool thought he could live forever by encasing himself in a block of solid peanut brittle! Smooth move Mr. President. Finding Trembley's body was our special mission and now thanks to you it's complete.
Durland: Who knew all we had to do was follow a little girl's trail of candy wrappers.
Mabel: *sigh* Silly...
Blubs: Now that you know the truth, well, we can't let you go around talking about it.
Dipper: *pulls you and Mabel behind him* Does that mean-?!?
Mabel: Are you gonna kill us?!?
Durland: Oh no!!!!
Blubs: Now now, calm d- calm down now buddy, calm down! We're just gonna escort you and all this stuff back to Washington. You ain't coming back.
We tried to struggle, but they were too strong. They dragged us into a train and locked us up in a crate.
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *punch the crate and call for help*
Mabel: *sits down* I can't believe I left a trail of candy wrappers. This is all my fault. Pacifica had me pegged all along.
You: M, Pacifica doesn't know what she's talking about!
Mabel: Yes, she does! I'm just a silly failure like that embarrassing president what's-his-name... *rips out a piece of the peanut brittle, breaking the whole block*
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *back away* AHHH!!!
Trembley: It is I, Quentin Trembley!!! *rips off his pants*
Dipper: You're alive!!!
You: But how?!?
Mabel: Peanut brittle really does have life sustaining properties!!! You're not silly, you're brilliant!!!
Trembley: And so are you, dear girl, for following my clues and freeing me from my delicious tomb!
Dipper: He's right! Making maps into hats,-
You: Hanging upside down,-
Dipper: Your silliness solved the code that serious cops couldn't cracked in an hundred years!
Mabel: Oh stop it.
Trembley: By Jefferson!!! We seem to be trapped in some sort of crate-shaped box!
You: It's a crate.
Trembley: Good thing I have the President's Key, which can open any lock in America! *goes in front of the wall and starts to poke it with the key*
Dipper: I... don't think that's gonna work.
Trembley: Wood!!! My age old enemy. In order to get out of here this is going to take the silliest plan ever conceived!
Dipper: I think I know who can help!
Mabel: Hm, how about... *looks around* that hole!!!
Trembley: We will leap through it!!!
Mabel and Trembley: *try to go through the tiny hole*
Trembley: Almost, almost...!!!
You and Dipper: *share a confused glance*
Dipper: I'm not sure this is working.
Mabel: Trust the silliness!!!
Trembley: *hears pecking from outside the crate* Is that my third wife? Sandy?
Crate: *completely breaks open*
Trembley: Well, we didn't fit through the hole, let's rebuild the box and try again!
Dipper: We gotta get out of here!!!
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *start running out*
Trembley: Also a good plan!
Dipper: *opens the door revealing Durland getting some ice*
Durland: *sees you all* Blubs?!?
Blubs: *peeks at the door*
Dipper: *slams the door shut*
Trembley: *sees a trap door on the roof and pokes it with the president's key*
Dipper: *snatches the key from him* Gimme that! *fly up opening the door* C'mon!!!
You, Dipper, Mabel, and Trembley: *climb up and run to the back of the train, but stop when there's no more to run to*
Blubs: There is *pants* no *pants* escape! *falls to his knee still panting* I gotta take a knee...
Durland: Are you ok? Can I get you anything?
Blubs: Edwin Durland, you are a diamond in the rough.
Dipper: Sheriff Blubs, do you really want to lock us up in a government facility somewhere?!?
Blubs: I've got no choice! All orders come from the very top!!!
Dipper: Wait!!! Quentin, did you ever sign an official resignation?!?
Trembley: No sir, I ate a salamander and jumped out the window!!!
Dipper: Then technically, you're still legally the president of the United States, right?!? You gotta answer to this guy now!!!
Blubs and Durland: Huh?!?
Trembley: As president of these several United States, I hereby order you to pretend none of this ever happened and go on a delightful vacation! *gets hit by a sign* Ow!!! Yes!!!
Blubs: Vacation? What place have you always wanted to visit? One, two-
Blubs and Durland: City Water Fun Slide in Great Lakes, Michigan!
~skip to after the cops leave~
Trembley: *kneels to be eye level with Mabel* You've done a great service to your country Mabel. As thanks, I'd like to make you an official US congressman! *places a top hat on Mabel*
Mabel: I'm legalizing everything!!!
You: Yikes.
Trembley: And (y/n), Roderick,-
Dipper: Uh actually-
Trembley: You, dear children, are on your ways to unlocking the mysteries of this great land, so I'd like you to have *pulls out a key and gives it to Dipper* my President's Key.
You: Cool!!!
~back in town~
Trembley: -and then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for three hours! Bottom line: George Washington was a jerk.
Mabel: Agreed!
You: Hey, look who's there. *point at Pacifica who's with her posse*
Mabel: *runs over, you and Dipper following behind* Hey Pacifica!!! I uncovered a government conspiracy about the eighth and a half president the United States!!! Who's silly now?!?
Pacifica: What?!? Who is that idiot?!?
Trembley: *chasing some birds* Put up your does, you bald feed!!!
Mabel: The eighth and a half president of America! I know what you're thinking: how is he still alive? Well, turns out he's been hibernating in peanut brittle and-
Pacifica: *laughs* Wow, you really are a sad dumb little girl! Nice top hat, by the way!
Preston and Priscilla: *laugh*
Preston: Good one, daughter.
Pacifica: Ooh, I see your car's stuck in the mud, enjoy walking home! *enters her car with her parents*
Dipper: Aren't you gonna tell her about her eat-gray ampa-gray?
Mabel: You know what, guys, I've got nothing to prove. *puts on her sweater* I've learned that being silly is awesome!
You and Dipper: *share an annoyed glance*
Dipper: Well I haven't learned anything!!! *takes the paper and runs to Pacifica's car, then tap on the door*
Pacifica: *rolls down the window*
Dipper: Nathaniel Northwest didn't found Gravity Falls and your whole family's a shame, deal with it. *drop the papers inside the car and runs back*
Pacifica: WHAT?!? MOM!!!
Dipper: Woo, revenge is underrated, that felt good!
You: *laughs*
Trembley: Children, I am needed elsewhere. Just know that I'll always be right here! *points at Dipper's chest, then opens his hand revealing a negative twelve dollar bill* On the negative twelve dollar bill.
Dipper: Whoa! This is worthless!
Trembley: It's less than worthless, my boy! Trembley away!!!! *jumps back landing on a horse backwards and rides away*
Mabel: Where do you think he's going?!?
Dipper: I'm gonna say off a cliff.
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *laugh*
Thanks for reading!!! 'Till next time!!!
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