THIS CHAPTER IS A LOT
PLEASE LISTEN TO THE MUSIC WITH IT
Dark Times- The Weeknd
On repeat
HIGHLY RECOMMEND FOR FULL EFFECT
Ethans POV
Sunlight poured between the crack of my curtains.
I pressed my phone, noticing a bit of bruising on my knuckle.
5:30am
Oh.
I rolled back over in bed, noticing Autumn wasn't there. I thought she was going to be with me still.
I sat up carefully, noticing a small amount of blood on my pillow.
Damn it.
Pain coursed through my body as I rubbed my aching head.
I heard the bathroom toilet flush, causing me to jump out of my skin.
Autumn came in a couple seconds later, wearing my black t-shirt and no pants. Her long legs making their way over to the bed before sitting herself infront of me.
"Lift your arms." She sounded...defeated.
I slowly did, watching her smaller hands take the ends of my shirt and pulling it off my body.
The gray shirt had a couple marks of blood, reaking of alcohol and sweat as it passed by my nostrils.
She got up and put it into the hamper, coming back to sit down infront of me. "Want to see your face?"
"What?"
She sighed softly and pulled out her camera, "Close your eyes."
I did as she told me, the flash lighting my eyelids before I opened my eyes again.
Her phone revealed a picture of my face, bruised eye and a slightly busted lip.
I looked down at my knuckles, softly bruised.
"Do you know what happened?"
"I...I don't know if I'm being honest. You didn't want to tell me."
"I went out with Sam and Grayson. I only had like a drink and a half, two drinks."
"Grayson told me that's all you had." She softly ran her index finger over my knuckles, "Baby you faught Sam. That's all I know."
"I..." I nodded softly, "I know."
Her eyes widened slightly, "Wait...You know?"
I nodded again.
"You came back acting so out of it." She looked at me, her eyes pleading for answers.
"I don't remember anything after I hit him." I said truthfully, "He offended me."
"What'd he say?"
"I'm not telling you." I looked away.
"Ethan."
Her eyes watched mine, not daring to lose the contact. She wanted answers and I knew she wouldn't stop until she got them.
"I went to the bathroom. He went too." I broke eye contact with her. "He goes, 'What you did to Autumn was a dick move', or something like that. I told him it was none of his business and he started saying I was a shitty boyfriend, a shitty person." I looked at my knuckle, "So I punched him."
"Violence isn't the answer."
"In the moment it was." I snapped, "I'm sorry." I said instantly after, not wanting to snap at her.
She wasn't the problem, I was.
She just looked at me, her eyes confusing, showing hints of defeat, worry, and compassion.
"What is going on with you?" She said softly with boldness laced inbetween it.
"Everyone is testing me. First that girl at the party, then Sam, who's next?"
"I don't know." She looked at me, "Ethan you can't fall back down this hole."
I didn't want to. I couldn't help it. Everyone was coming for me, manipulating me into bad decisions, calling me out and shading me for my bad decisions. It wasn't going to stop.
I had to defend myself.
"I can't promise you anything anymore, Autumn."
"I'm sorry?" She looked at me confused.
"I can't promise I'll stop when I don't know when I'll be able to. I can't make any promises I can't keep."
"Love, you know this isn't you. You wouldn't punch Sam."
"I would, I did, didn't I?"
She leaned her head back, inhaling a deep breath.
"I said I wouldn't fall down this hole, I promised that, yet, here I am- in my dark times all over again."
A thought ran through my mind as the words slipped my mouth, the thought wanting to come too.
No.
I pushed it out instantly, the thought being invalid.
"What can I do to help you? To bring you back?"
"Stay with me."
"I'm not going anywhere, but I can't keep taking care of your wounds and pain knowing there's nothing else I can do to make them go away."
I layed back down in the bed and patted the spot next to me.
Autumn climbed into it and laid next to me, her eyes looking into mine.
My hand traced the side of her, up and down her arm, her soft skin getting goosebumps under my touch.
"What if this is all I am?"
"Don't be ridiculous."
"I'm not. How did I come back to this when I was so far from it?"
"That doesn't mean that that's all you are Ethan."
I stayed silent, that same previous thought coming back into my head, taunting me.
Maybe it was the truth, but I wasn't accepting it.
Not now.
"Why are you staying with me when I just make your eyes look defeated?"
"You don't make this look, Ethan."
"Okay." I said more rudely than I meant to.
"No, you don't. Maybe I'm just defeated with myself because I can't help you the way I want to." She snapped, her eyes exploding with frustration like a supernova.
"Did you see Sam?"
"What? After you punched him?" Her finger grazed my busted lip softly.
I winced slightly, "Yeah."
"Yeah, but I didn't really care in the moment once I saw your face...and your shirt, which you wouldn't let me remove."
I nodded, closing my eyes.
Flashback to the night
*CHANGE the song to Might Not, by Belly and the Weeknd*
Ethans POV
Sam, Grayson, and I all made our way out to Graysons car.
"Ready to party boys?" Sam put a hand on each one of our shoulders.
"Not too hard of a party time though." Grayson laughed, "Definitely a more mellow party."
"Lame." Sam laughed slightly as he got into the car.
As Grayson drove to the 18+ bar, I texted Autumn.
Me: I don't want to be back too late
Autumn🍁🍂: Okay! I'll be there whenever you want me to be
Autumn🍂🍁: on second thought, Jules and Dylan are leaving to go back. Maybe I'll just drive too and dylan can let me in and I can take a nap in your bed
Me: *you reacted to Autumns message HAHA*
Me: That's totally fine! I'd prefer to come home to the love of my life in my bed
Autumn🍁🍂: Then that shall be it. Let me know when you're on your way home love💙
Me: Okay angel💙
Once we got to the bar, we all got out and went to the bouncer at the door.
Sam smiled, "Hey man!" He high fived the bouncer, "How's it going?"
"Good man!" He motioned his arm to let us in. "Have fun!"
"You know that guy?" I asked Sam, then glanced at Grayson who looked confused.
We walked in, the bar lit darker with tones of red and purple lighting the bar area itself and the tables.
"Yeah." Sam sat down at one of the tables. "He let's us in and doesn't give us the 'X' on our hands so we can order drinks."
"Damn okay, you got them connections." Grayson got up to get drinks.
"Oh no, tonight is on me." Sam put his hand on his chest, "Let me get us all some drinks." He walked away.
Grayson looked at me, "This seems sketchy man."
"I know." I watched Sam talk to the bartender while he waited for our drinks. "Maybe he just wanted to give us a good night."
"He know's everyone it seems like."
"He must be popular in California."
Grayson shrugs, "Honestly, who knows."
Sam brought the drinks back and set one infront of both Grayson and I.
"Thanks man!" Grayson took a sip of the drink.
"Let's take a selfie guys!" He came and took a selfie with us.
Okay I guess.
I gave a half smile- half smirk in the picture.
He then moved back to his side of the table.
As the night went on, he wanted to take pictures and he kept buying Grayson and I drinks.
I wasn't going to deny free drinks, if I'm being honest.
I knew I needed to stop.
I was going too far.
This was a lot of alcohol in my system so quickly.
Rapid fire Sam was getting us drinks, but the night was slow and young.
"I'm going to pee real quick."
"Okay." Grayson nodded, slightly wearily at me. He was definintely more sober than me. He was watching me like how a dad would watch their kid.
"I'll go too." Sam got up and walked with me to the bathroom.
After we did our business and washed our hands, he looked at me through the mirror.
"You know," He started, "What you did to Autumn was a real dick move."
I stayed silent.
Did he seriously just come for me right now?
"What goes on between Autumn and I is none of your business." I snapped, looking back at him through the mirror.
"I live you with so," He started, but I cut him off quickly.
"And that gives you an excuse how?" I snapped.
"I see the affect it has,"
"You don't see shit." I gripped the side of the sink, taking a deep breath. "Look, I thought I could forget about that tonight and make tonight a more relaxed and chill night, with my brother and my 'friend', but clearly that isn't happening."
"I think you just need another drink to relax." He smirked slightly as he dried his hand.
The nerve.
"I've already had too much."
I've already gone too far.
"Yeah you tend to do that everytime you go out. You never quite make it out."
"You barely know me."
"Don't have to."
I bit the inside of my cheek, "Go ahead Sam, keep pushing me."
"Why? What are you going to do? Punch me...then go find a girl to cheat on Autumn with."
Instantly, my fist connected with his cheek.
I was too far gone.
I thought I might not make it out of this bathroom without trouble.
I was right.
END OF FLASHBACK
Back to Dark Times by The Weeknd to get the rest of the full effect
Autumns POV:
"What are you thinking?" I asked him softly.
"Just about last night." He shrugged and looked at me. "I know I punched Sam, but my reason was valid."
"What was the reason?"
I wanted to know more about last night. How that one comment pushed Ethan over the edge, there had to be more- I knew there was more.
I wanted him to tell me, I wanted to love him and help him.
"I drank too much and he ticked me off."
"What'd he do?" I looked at him, my eyes soft.
I wanted to be gentle, I wanted him to tell me what happened.
He was in his dark times.
"He told me what I did to you was wrong-which I know it was."
"I know baby, you told me that part." I was being gentle.
He then rushed the second part out, "But he tried to act like he understands and he doesn't, he just doesn't." He squeezed his blanket in his hand, getting angry just thinking about Sam last night.
"I know, I know." I rubbed his arm, "He doesn't understand, it was far from his place to say anything."
"Yet he did. The audacity." He shook his head, biting the inside of his cheek.
"Baby..." My fingertips grazed his chin. "Don't think about it. He shouldn't have said anything. Don't listen to him."
"I'm in my dark time now Autumn, why can't you accept that?"
"I can, but I'm trying to help you through it." I took a deep breath, "Why can't you accept that?"
"Autumn," He looked at me, his eyes soft, sad, broken.
I searched his eyes for answers, hoping the next words out of his mouth weren't going to hurt my heart.
Yet, these words came out like a thought that was pushing to escape.
His broken eyes looked softly into mine, "This ain't the right time for you to fall in love with me."
Ethans POV
The thought finally pushed past the thought barrier and out my lips.
All I was doing was running between circles of being the me she loves and the old me that keeps urging itself out.
She can't love me, not during these times.
I thought I was right.
I'd be saving her from broken promises and a constant sense of heartbreak.
This is all I can be now.
I'm saving her from myself. Her heart from the pain.
This just isn't the right time for her to fall in love with me.