[make sure to read my other fanfiction after! This chapter is dedicated to @stormlo10 ! Thank you so much for the 8 thousand readers!
I know... I know what you all are thinking... and well... read further but firstly! Vote and please comment while you are reading... x By the 30 votes I will post the next chapter x]
ALEC'S POV
"Alec..." Izzy said and I looked up. I knew that my eyes were now red and swollen. I had been crying for so long now. I wouldn't be surprised to...
"You loved her?" She asked me and I could hear from her voice that she was about to cry. I looked over at Jace who was just staring at his little sister. I couldn't imagine what was going through his mind right now.
The pain he must be feeling right now must be enormous... He had been searching for her for so long and now everything was just gone. She was gone. I could see how happy Jace was when he finally had found her and all the happiness he had was just shattered into pieces. His facial expression was screaming out that he was done. It looked like he was just killed inside out and I did not blame him for it. I would feel the exact same way. In fact, I was feeling this way already.
I nodded my head slowly and looked over at Clary again. She was pale and the blood that came out of her nose was dried up. I was covered in her blood and it made my heart ache. How could she be in so much pain? Why was I not there to save her from it? I would gladly take over her place and suffer instead of her. I would do anything to ensure that she was okay but what I did was never enough. I was never enough because she was gone. She was dead because of me. It was all my fault. Izzy gasped in shock when I nodded and I sighed. I did not wanted her to cry because it would be just too much.
"Alec... I..." Izzy whispered and I shook my head. No one could say now something to me that would make me feel better. I had never felt this much pain. Not even when Agramon became evil. Not when my mother would belittle me or the injuries I had throughout my life due to missions or trainings. I never knew loving someone could hurt so much... I never even realised that I was falling for Clary. What I knew for a fact was that my heart would have a hole inside of it for the rest of my life and no one would be able to fill it up. Only Clary could but she was no longer around to fill it up. She was the reason that my heart was broken... I was broken...
"Just... Izzy... please leave me alone." I said when I stood up with Clary in my hands. Her body was lifeless and Jace looked now at me. I sighed and looked down at Clary and saw that her hand had burn marks on it. My heart dropped and I felt like I could start crying all over again. Without saying anything else I walked inside the club and was making my way out of it so we could go home. What was home without someone you used to love? I knew my heart would never get over this. I would never get over this.
My thoughts travelled me around to the first memory I had of Clary. We met here in this club for the first time and she was the most obnoxious and dumb mundane I had ever seen in my life but yet she had some kind of affection that made me attracted to her but at that time I did not even realise it or I just did not wanted to realise it but I knew it was there. It was there all along. We were meant for each other but I just guess we were not meant to last... It was unfair. This universe was unfair.
I walked outside of the club and I could hear Liz asking Izzy what was going on. Jace was just walking with them. It was like he was a dead body walking around. He was in shock and he was already grieving. I sobbed when I remembered that I yelled at her. The last memory that Clary had of me was me yelling at her in the club. I just wish we could have other memories than just arguing or avoiding each other.
"Alec..." I heard Clary whisper and shocked I gasped. I looked quickly at Clary and my eyes widened when I saw her trying opening her eyes. How was this possible? I felt the pain and I felt that she had no pulse. This was not making sense. I quickly stopped walking.
"Clary!" I shouted happy and sat down while I hugged her tight. Clary did not push me away nor complained about me hugging her. All the pain and sadness faded away when I saw her looking at me. Those beautiful eyes were finally open. I could see them.
"Clary!" I heard Jace shout. He ran towards us and hugged Clary right away after he saw her looking at him.
"I thought you were..." Jace mumbled. Clary looked at me and I could see how confused she was. I was confused but happy at the same time. She was here. She was here and safe and I swear I wouldn't leave her alone any second. Jace picked Clary up and walked away as I was watching them. Izzy walked over to me and hugged me tightly.
"You love her... Why did you not say anything to me?" Izzy asked and I looked down. I was still trying to progress everything that just had happened. I thought that Clary had died but she was back - and I was relieved that she was because I had no idea how I would survive without her.
"Because I just realised it myself..." I said softly and Izzy smiled. She held my hand tight, almost like she was too exited about it. My sister could be weird soemtimes.
"I am glad you have found her." She said and I smiled and nodded. I knew what she meant. I always felt insecure about how someone would love me and if someone was able to love me. I hated to feel that kind of insecurity so I backed away from everyone. Izzy was the one who realised it and saw me hurting.
"One day someone is going to love you heart and soul." Izzy said now and I laughed and shook my head. I took her hand and we walked back to the institute. Liz did not really say something. I could feel the awkward atmosphere between us and I had honestly no idea why. Maybe she just did not knew what to say. It was hard for her to have a comment on the situation because she was not there. Why was she not there? Why did she not join the mission with us?
We were finally back at the institute and Jace was the whole time with Clary in her room. It was hard to say something to Jace. He was her brother and if I could feel so much pain as he lover how much pain would he feel as her brother? I couldn't even imagine it... I knocked on the door and I opened it. I saw Simon sitting next to Clary and I felt jealous again. Why was Simon everywhere? I decided to not have rude comments just because of Clary.
"Hey." I said when I looked at Clary and smiled.
"Let's go Simon." Jace said and he glared at me and came closer to me.
"Tell her how you feel." Jace whispered in my ear and I nodded. I was terrified but I hope I wouldn't be the coward like I was before. I wanted her.
"But... Alec will murder her." Simon said. I shot him an angry glare. Simon quickly shut his mouth and walked out of the room together with Jace. I looked over at Clary who was now kind of confused because of everything that was going on. I walked over to her and sat next to her. I held her hand tight, almost afraid that I would lose her again. She frowned but did not say anything.
"How are you feeling?" I asked her. She nodded and gave me a small smile. I breathed out of relief and felt like I could breathe again. I would die if she wasn't okay. This was a good sign.
"I think I am alright." She said and I chuckled softly. I would be shaken up too if I was her. But that was not what was on my mind and why I was constantly anxious. How was I going to tell her that I had feelings for her. I mean, I can't just drop it like that. She would be confused and find it random. It was weird to do that or was I just making it weird? I groan out of being annoyed and again I made a wrong expression to Clary because again she was confused by my behaviour - and I did not blame her for it.
What the hell was going on with me?
"You scared the hell out of me today." I said truthfully as I tried to change the subject and the focus off me. She chuckled softly. I could see from her pale skin that she was exhausted and that she probably needed to sleep but not before I told her how I felt about her. It needed to be done... But how?
"I am sorry. I used this rune... It came out of nowhere and I just used it. It was like the escape rune. Jonathan wanted to hurt me and I used it - and after that he was gone. I never knew that a rune could suck out the energy out of me." She said and I nodded - and not really paying attention to what she just had told me. I was glad that she was alive and I was bothered by my own damn feelings - and behaviour.
"I thought you died. You had no pulse and..." I stammered and heard my voice break - and I could feel the tears coming up again. I quickly looked down so Clary won't be able to see me cry. Clary quickly held my hand and made me look at her. She was hurt by seeing me cry.
"Please, don't cry." She whispered and wiped away the tears on my cheeks. I smiled softly as I saw her reaction. She was the sweetest. Why wasn't I able to see this for the first time I had met her? She smiled as she saw me smiling, being happy that I wasn't in tears anymore.
"Me and crying? Hell no... It's just really stuffy out here. You should clean your room, Fray." I said and Clary started laughing. She playfully pushed me away.
"Sure, Lightwood." She responded back and I smiled. I needed this joke to just focus on now and not on what I was about to tell her. What if the feelings were not mutual? I would be so embarrassed.
"Clary, I just need say something..." I said and she looked at me waiting for what I was about to say. I don't know how to put into words and I felt weird. I had never done this thing what I was doing it now. Talking about my feelings was something I would gladly and happily avoid for the rest of my life but I knew if I would do that, I would lose her again - and I don't know if I was ready for that or able to handle that pain again.
"What is it?" She asked me after I did not reply for a good few minutes. Awkwardly I moved back and forward and looked at her. She laughed nervously. I was already making it awkward. I really just needed to tell her. I wanted to but I just couldn't. This was harder than I expected. I never knew I would struggle like this.
"Alec? Come on tell me." She said and I nodded. Well, if this wasn't mutual. Then I guess I would be breaking my parabatai bond with her. Alec, don't be stupid. My subconscious reminded me and I mentally rolled my eyes. I was being stupid, I know.
"You know when two people..." I mumbled softly and Clary looked at me like she had seen the scariest demon in the world. She definitely thought that I was going insane or was losing my mind. I guess either way I would have lost it. This wasn't me and Clary could tell it. It was too obvious now.
"You know when they make love." I said and Clary her eyes widened. She wasn't laughing anymore but paying attention to what I was saying. Did I say something weird? Did I say something that had offended her?
"What do you mean? Sex?" She said shocked and I choked on my breath. I started coughing and shook my head quickly. I could see that Clary was embarrassed because she looked down and her cheeks were slightly red. That's what always happened whenever she was embarrassed or shy and I freaking loved it. I was cursing myself for describing love in a way of how you would describe sex. I really needed to educate myself on relationships.
"No, I mean loving each other. Oh angel... I really don't know a fuck about this." I said annoyed and Clary was now even more confused than she was before. I think I was making myself confused too. This was not going well. In fact, it was going terrible and I sucked at it really bad.
Well done Alec. I just needed to tell her how I felt and somehow I ended up by talking about sex. I had no idea how to explain because I never did. It was just weird to tell her that I loved her or that I was falling for her. I was falling for her really hard... And I couldn't tell her because I did not know how too - and it was so fucking frustrating. It started to make me angry. I was making myself angry. I just had one blood job to do and I fucked it up.
"Loving each other? Alec are you okay?" She asked me and I started getting annoyed. This made me even feel more insecure than I already was. It was showing that she would never think of us in that way and it was making me angrier.
"No, I mean yes." I said quickly and frustrated I rushed my fingers through my hair. Clary was just watching me and I think she got even a bit scared of me. What the hell was I doing? Why was it so hard? Why was I so afraid of her damn answer or reaction? Clary patted her hand on to mine and I sighed.
"Calm down." She said while she looked at me. She was now closer to me then she was before and I couldn't help it but to stare at her lips. They were so beautiful and pink. They looked soft and I really but really wanted to taste them. What would she do if I kissed her? Would she slap me or enjoy it? I guess I would take the risk of getting slapped because I couldn't take it anymore.
"I can't. Not when you are here with me." I said and I saw that she was confused but before she could say anything or ask me, I held her face and pulled her towards me.
I pressed my lips against hers and for a second I was afraid that she would pull out of the kiss but instead of that she came clower to me - and rushed her fingers through my hair. I actually kissed her. My lips touched hers every single time and it was even softer than I had imagined.
I couldn't get enough of this sweetness. I wanted her over and over again - and that she did not stop me for even a second made me realize that she was happy about this. She wanted this.
She wanted us too...
HERE IS YOUR CLALEC KISS I HOPE YOU ARE ALL HAPPY! AND I AM SORRY FOR MISLEADING YOU ALL AND BREAKING YOUR HEARTS!