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Dariah-Imani Brown
"Are you ready to open up about your past?"
silence..
"Dariah you're not gaining anything but money loss"
silence..
"Alright, guess we'll sit here in silence til your session is over"
Right now, I was sitting across the therapist. He was waiting on me to open up about my past, I wasn't ready to do all of that.
"I..lived with my grandmother in new york" I finally spoke up after 30 minutes of sitting in this office.
"Okay we are getting somewhere, continue. How was life with your grandmother in new york?"
"It was shitty.. Our apartment was basically this room we are in right now, I slept on the couch and we could barley afford to keep with the rent and every other shit that cost money" I started. He motioned for me to go on.
"I had to learn how to grow up faster than other kids, I had to get a job, I had to be the support for me and my grandmother"
"And how did that make you feel?" The therapist asked.
"It was annoying, I love my grandma to the death of me but I just wanted to be a child and have the life where I'm stress free"
"Where are your birth givers?"
"At the time, I thought they died but I recently got reconnected with them.. well one of them. My father is in India and my mom is here with two kids and a husband"
"Have you met her two kids and husband?"
"Yes.." I responded.
"Alright and how did that make you feel? how did you meet them? give me details"
"When I moved her, I got a job at forever 21 and my co-worker Raina had become a close friend of mine. We finished senior off together, and on our graduation day her parents came" I stopped for a second.
"Did seeing her parents make you think of yours?"
"Just a little.. her mother looked like mine from the pictures then her mom kept asking questions about my parents which I thought was weird. the next day, she explains that she's my mother and Raina is my twin sister but my father was deported and her husband is Raina's"
"And how did you feel when you heard that?"
"Uh angry.. upset.. frustrated I guess"
"Say it like you feel it now"
"I'm angry and frustrated" I said normally.
"Close your eyes and take a breath in"
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in. I felt like it was stupid but I did it anyways to get this over with.
"Before we continue with our activity, I want you to relax. you're too tense, just breathe. In..out.."
I relaxed my body and followed her instructions.
"Alright with your eyes still closed, say how you felt when you heard the news that you're mother was in california, gave you up, and had lived with her other children"
"I am angry" I lowly said.
"Say it louder, say it like you mean it, like you feel it"
"I am angry" I said louder.
"Louder Dariah, it's alright. you can show emotion, you don't need to put on a tough show"
"I AM ANGRY!!"
"How else do you feel?"
"I AM UPSET !"
"Go on"
"I AM FRUSTRATED" I could feel tears swell up in my eyes. I thought about the times with my grandma wishing for my mom and dad to come back from where they were hiding.
"Why? why are you angry?"
"Because you left" The tears slowly fell down my cheek. "You left me and you never came back. You didn't want me, you kept your other kids and you left me to fend for my self in a dangerous place"
I felt the therapist's hand rubbing my back.
"That's good, you're doing great"
I broke down into tears while he rubbed my back.
"You can open your eyes now" He told me as I opened my eyes and he passed me some tissues. Instantly I felt embarrassed for crying in front of my cute therapist.
"How do you feel now?" He asked once I calmed down.
"A little relief.. not that much different but I feel good finally taking this off my chest"
"That's understandable, this is our first and hopefully not our last session" He raised his eyebrow and cracked a small smile, I felt my cheeks heat up.
"I might come to the next one"
"You better, we have a lot of work with you. Today I wanted to get a feel of you and a bit of your past to find the trigger in you" He got up and so did I.
I followed behind him to the door.
"Thank you for opening up Dariah, my assistant will email you the next scheduled session" He smiled at me.
"Alright, can't wait for our next session" I cheesed at him before turning around and leaving. I saw him smile and shake his head.
I got in the car, calling up Chris to let him know how the session went.
"Hey broski" I greeted him.
"Wassup lil sis, how'd it go?"
"It went well actually, at first I was being a stubborn ass but then I thought why waste time and why waste money? to prove that i'm not crazy, I should put effort into it. right?"
"Wow" Chris fake sniffed. "I feel like a proud momma" He said causing me to laugh out loud.
"Shut up, damn fool" I snickered. "Hold up, the doctor's is calling me"
"Aight, keep me updated and give my baby Ro a kiss for me"
"Alright bye, love you" I said before hanging up and picking up the other call.
"Hello?" I put on a proper voice.
"Hello, can I speak with Ms.Brown?"
"This is she"
"Oh good afternoon Ms.Brown, this is Doctor Randolph. I'm so sorry but I have to reschedule our appointment. Something had came up"
"Oh..Uh how soon can we reschedule?" I politely asked, although I was highly annoyed. I hate being anxious.
"My calendar is full until October 31.." Doctor Randolph trailed off.
This nigga serious?
"I'm sorry for the Inconvenience . Would that work?"
"Sure..Yeah" I responded.
"Alright thank you, Have a lovely day Ms.Brown" He said before I hung up on him. I started the car and pulled off out of the driveway, speeding back to the house.
It's september, and I have to wait a whole month to find out if there's a child growing inside me. Like I said before, once one thing positive happens something negative will quickly take its place.
Alicia Alvoro
For some reason it was brick outside today and we are still in September. I had an oversized sweater with leggings and long cozy socks on, you'd think we were in winter already.
I was laying back on the couch watching TV and scrolling through instagram. Nico has been gone since last night so I was taking this time to enjoy myself cause once he's back then hell will rise again.
People continuously talk down on me but I don't give two shits cause at the end of the day, Im in love and they aren't.
Yes I might be dumb and yes I know he's probably cheating on me, but Im too deep in. He's not gonna let me go and it's not that I don't know my worth, it's just that he can be loving and a great boyfriend. He has his ups and downs, more downs than ups but I believe in him. If I was struggling, I'd want someone to believe in me as well.
I felt a kiss on my cheek and jumped. I was too deep in thought to realize Nico had came in.
"Wassup baby, I scared you?"
"Yeah, I was just thinking and didn't hear you"
"What you was thinkin' bout?" He asked and sat down, pulling my legs on his lap and massaged it.
"Nothing"
"Come on, don't lie" He tickled my feet.
"Okay okay" I laughed. "I was thinking about us"
"What about us?"
"About how much I love you, and how I could care less what everyone else has to say about you or me"
Nico didn't say anything for a few seconds and I kind of got anxious but I brushed it off.
"But anyways, i'm gonna go take a nap" I removed my feet from his lap and got up heading towards the room but he stopped me.
"Why you takin' a nap?"
"I'm tired.."
"The truth" He demanded. "You know I hate when you lie"
"I just told you how I felt about you and you kept quiet so obviously i'm gonna feel dumb. you always seem to have a way to make me feel dumb" I responded truthfully.
"I ain't mean to make you feel like that, I was just gathering my thoughts. Come watch reruns with me" He suggested while pulling me back to the couch.
We went to the couch, put on martin and laid together. I was enjoying our mini time together before it was over, I was definitely treasuring our laughs and kisses that we shared together while watching throwbacks. This right here is the shit that proved everyone wrong.
....
I felt small pushes which caused me to wake up from the nap I took while we watched tv.
"Wake up" I heard Nico's voice next to me.
"What?" I groaned.
"Come on, get showered. We goin' out"
"Huh? To where?" I asked confusingly.
"It's a surprise" He slapped my thigh. "Now get ya ass up before I say forget it"
I got up with joy and raced to the bathroom to take a quick shower. I put on lotion and everything I had to smell good then I looked for an outfit. I didn't know how to dress so I was about to go ask before my phone ran.
"Hello?" I picked up without looking at the caller ID.
"Wow mi hija is still alive"
It was the one and only mother of mine.
"Hola mamí, how are you?"
"Don't hola mamí me, ever since Dariah had left and you moved in with that foolish woman beater excusa estúpida of a niño, you had not once given me a call or checked up on eligio"
"Mamí don't start, I thought you gave eligio away and I've been busy. I need to find something to do with my life"
"You were supposed to go to cali with Dariah and go to college !!" She yelled at me.
"NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HER, WHAT ABOUT ME?"
"Don't you dare yell at me little girl, you think because you're 18 you can do whatever? i'll show you"
"Discúlpame pero mamí, nobody gives me attention? you were always busy so Dariah was the only one to give me attention now she's gone and who gives me attention? my man Nico. If you have anything to say about him then keep it to yourself"
"Alicia you- " I cut her off before she finished because I was not in the mood to be cussed out or told the same thing she's been telling me since she met Nico.
"Mamí I got to go, me and Nico have plans. Bye I love you" I said before hanging up. I sighed and rolled my eyes.
I didn't feel like going out anymore but Nico would start complaining so I just threw on an off the shoulder long sleeve shirt with high waisted leggings and knee length boots. I grabbed my purse and headed to the living room to see Nico gone so I locked the apartment and met him in the car.
It was late in the evening, I loved driving around in the evening to see the lights and the environment even if it wasn't the most beautiful thing.
The car ride was silent besides the music, Nico's hand rested on my thigh the whole ride and I just felt the love. My mind started to wonder, we haven't had sex in two months and if you knew Nico you'd know he can't live without it so either he's cheating or he's actually living without it.
The car stopped knocking me out of my thoughts, we were here. It was one of those boujie restaurants.
"What are we doing here Nico? my bank account ain't bussin'" I told him, he busted out laughing.
"And that's why you ain't payin' fool" He said while wrapping his arm around my neck as we walked in.
"Reservation for Nico" He told the front desk waitress.
"Right this way" She said and we followed behind her. Once we sat down she told us the waitress will be here shortly. As we waited, we made small talk.
"Nico"
"Yeah"
"What's your full name?"
"Nicotine"
"As in.. the stuff inside tobacco?"
He nodded, I tried to hold in my laugh cause he was staring me down and I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
"Why Nicotine?"
"Cause my mama was always smokin' "He responded nonchalantly.
"Oh.. cool"
"You good? you seem tense" He asked. I figured he'd notice after staring me down.
"Yeah, i'm just confused"
"On?"
"We never go out, at least together, so this is kind of new"
He lightly groaned.
"I'm just tryna be a good boyfriend, let me do that"
"Alright" I smiled.
The waitress came and we ordered our food. 30 minutes of Nico complaining, the food finally came. Nico copied me like the bastard he was instead of being original.
"Bro you love me, you didn't have to order exactly what I ordered" I joked.
"Shorty shut that shit up, I was gonna order it regardless"
"Lying ass, when was the last time you ate steak?"
He kept quiet.
"Exactly nigga" I laughed at him.
We ate some more of our food and shared more jokes. I fell more and more in love with him.
"So baby"
"Yes mi amor?"
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Depends, what is it?"
"Just say yes" He pressured.
"No tell me what it is first"
"No"
"I'm not saying Y e S"
"Then i'm not telling you"
He's mad childish.
"That's fine because you're the one who wants the favor not me" I finished up my food and took some of his. He smacked my fork away.
"Don't touch my shit"
"I'll do whatever the hell I want, thank you" I took some more.
"I'll let that slide, back to the favor"
"Mhm" I signaled him to go on.
"Yo friend Dariah? she's on the famous side now right?"
I rolled my eyes, everyone loves talking about Dariah to me. Don't get me wrong I love her with all of me but shit can I go one day without hearing about her?
"Mhm what about her?"
"Ask her for a few bucks"
"Um why?"
"I owe this nigga some cash and I don't have the amount right now"
"Okay and? what does that have to do with me or Dariah?"
He frustratingly sighed. "She got the money and you her bestfriend so she won't care if you ask for money"
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe him. He did all this fancy shit to manipulate me for money.
"Wow and here I was thinking you actually meant all this shit"
"Baby I do but I need the fucking money"
"And so fucking what Nicotine?" My voice got louder but I lowered it so I wouldn't cause a scene.
"Lower your fucking voice"
"No i'm done with your bullshit" I said grabbing his plate with the rest of his food on it and stomped outside.
"So you don't love me? what happened to that shit you were saying earlier? I ask you for something and you're supposed to fucking do it" He said chasing after me.
"Open the damn door"
"Don't tell me what to do"
"Nico open the door, i'm not playin' witchu"
He finally unlocked the door and I took that opportunity to get in. He got in after a few seconds and started driving. He loves taking a few seconds to do stuff.
The whole ride home, my leg was shaking and I had a whole break up speech for him. We got home and once we got upstairs in our apartment, the yelling began.
"YO WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL YOU ABOUT EMBARRASSING ME IN PUBLIC" Nico screamed.
"Nico don't talk me, i'm not in the damn mood" I told him while walking to the room but he pulled me back and slammed me against the living room wall.
"NICO get the FUCK off of me" I gritted through my teeth only for him to ignore me and rest his hand around my throat.
"Are you sorry?" He asked.
"The fuck.. for what?"
That statement angered him, he started squeezing.
"I'm done Nico, I'm leaving you so let go. You got what you want" He squeezed tighter, my hands wrapped around his wrist trying to remove his hand from my neck.
"You aren't leaving me" At this point he was squeezing his hardest, I felt my consciousness flow in and out slowly.
..
"You aren't leaving me" Mario yelled at my mother.
"Yes I am Mario, I'm not dealing with your bullshit anymore" My mother screamed back at my father.
Once she said that, his hand collided with her face and she flew back. Daddy has been hurting mommy for a while now and I didn't know what to do. She would always tell me not to get in between them when they're "talking" so I didn't. I did what i'm doing now, peeking behind the door.
He picked her up from the floor and slammed her against the wall repeatedly, he continued to scream and shout at her while she fought for her life. I felt terrible.. I didn't know how to help her, I knew to call 911 when there was an emergency but there was no phone anywhere around me so I watched and watched until he got tired of beating on my mother.
..
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- So y'all got a little preview of Alicia's life, thoughts ?
-Dariah has to wait a month till her appointment ☹️
- i actually love when y'all comment, it's so interesting to read.
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