One day my parents noticed a change in my attitude. How I would turn angry or emotional out of nowhere. They eventually took me in to see a shrink. Turns out I'm bipolar and depressed.
How can I be those things? I'm just a child. Dr. Robert, my shrink, said it was probably inherited. Which was highly possible. My poor grandmother committed suicide when my mom was just ten years old. My mom never told me why she did that to herself though. Now my parents keep an extra eye on me in case I have any suicidal thoughts. So far nothing like that has crossed my mind.
Every week on a Thursday I'm forced to go to damn counseling, which I hate with a passion. It makes me feel crazy.
That same year I was in the 8th grade. My mom thought it was better for me to be home schooled. Seeing as I always got into fights or ended up telling off the teachers when they would say something idiotic, which was all the time. In my opinion, homeschooling is better than regular school because now I get two more hours of sleep.
It's when I turned sixteen that disaster came into our house. Literally.
Mom and Ivan were both out visiting some relative across town. I was in the backyard staring at the beautiful stars while strumming the acoustic guitar my dad bought me for my birthday last year.
My ears perk up when noises come from inside the house. Must be mom and Ivan back earlier than suspected. Then I heard some glass shatter so I went inside to help my dad pick up what he dropped.
My eyes widen and I freeze when I enter the living room. There stood three men in ski masks, robbing us. One of the men was aiming a gun at my dad's face.
"Ronnie please go to your room." Dad orders.
"And who's this beautiful young lady?" The robber with the gun asks.
"Ronnie! Do as I say!" Dad shouts.
"No. Let her stay. Come to me Ronnie." The robber says.
"Ronnie please go to your room." Dad begs.
"Ronnie come here or else I'll shoot your daddy dead, right in front of you."
"Please don't." I beg, finally speaking up.
"Then get over here."
"Why?"
"Get over here!"
"Please don't hurt her. She's my only daughter." Dad begs.
"Shut up old man."
When I reach the man he wraps his arm around my waist.
"You're a pretty one." He says, then starts kissing me along my neck, which lead to me crying.
"Let her go!" Dad shouts.
The man pulls away from me only to slap my dad's face with the gun and he falls to the ground.
"Dad!" I kneel by him, but the guy picks me up by my waist.
"We still have a bit of free time. How about we go to your room?" He asks me.
"No! Let me go asshole!" I cry out.
He was about to lead me upstairs, but my dad tackles him down so now they're fighting. They fight for a good while, the other robbers nowhere to be found.
I flinch when I heard a loud gunshot. Time seemed to freeze in that moment. The robber pushes my dad off of him.
"Let's go!" He yells and the other robbers appear, then they run off.
Looking back at my dad, his shirt is filled with blood. I kneel by him, placing his head on my lap.
"Dad, please wake up!" I cry, shaking his shoulders.
1 year later.
After my dad's passing I was afraid of leaving my house. I had it in my head that I would end up getting hurt or killed. My mom got so worried because I'd never leave my room only to eat or shower. Mom ended up making my shrink Dr. Robert come to our new house to have our appointments here. It turns out I have Agoraphobia which is a fear of being in large crowds, public places, etc... Sure I go out, but it's rare and when I do Ivan or my mom have to be with me, it has to be with someone I trust or I'll end up having an anxiety attack.
Just the other day I had my first suicidal thought. My mom ended up coming into my room and slapping the pills out of my hands. Depression has hit me hard lately. I find no point in living anymore. The person I loved the most is gone. I was the reason my dad died. I should've listened to him and gone to my room. I'm the reason my mom is now a single mother and lost the love of her life. I'm the reason why she and Ivan have to work harder now so they can pay for my medication and the shrink.
What's the point?