ethan dolan
"She said that she was never meant to have a happy ending." I looked at my feet kicking the shallow ocean water. "That I was suppose to have the great life."
I had a feeling that I just needed to let everything out.
"She said that no fosters have a happy ending and it either ends in jail or death. But she's nothing like the other fosters I know. She didn't deserve to go." A single tear fell off my cheek.
"I know bud." He put a hand on my shoulder to stop me from walking any further. He turned me and led me to a log on the dry sand.
Our backs were rested on the log while we sat in the sand. We both looked at the water crashing on the sandy surface for a few minutes before I began to talk again.
"Am I pathetic?" I asked.
"What?" He turned his head to me.
"Is it depressing that I've been caught up with Jordyn's death for months?" I played with my ring on my index finger.
"Of course not. She was so important to you. It's totally normal for someone to be thinking about it constantly."
"But I'm tired of being heartbroken. Every second of everyday I'm unhappy and it's getting to a point where I can't handle it anymore." I looked down at the sand surrounding my feet.
"You can turn that around you know." I looked at him and raised an eyebrow, motioning him to continue. "You just need to get out there again. Go to parties or sports games. Just don't stay in your room looking through Jordyn's things every night."
He was right. I needed to get out there and do something with my life. But how can I just drop Jordyn like that?
"Would I be hurting her?" I played with my fingers.
"Who? Jordyn?" I nodded at his question. "How would you be hurting her?"
"Forgetting about her." I shrugged my shoulders. "Ignoring that she's gone, moving on from everything."
He stayed quiet for a few seconds. I continued to play with my fingers.
"You're not doing any of those things, E and you wouldn't be doing any of those things. Just because you're getting your life back together doesn't mean you're forgetting about her. You're always going to remember, always. You're just taking time to get yourself together again."
I want to begin to feel happy again, but Jordyn is keeping me from doing that because I'm scared moving on is going to hurt her. But I NEED to get my life back on track before I start fucking up my future.
"Mind taking me back home?" I asked Matt and he nodded. I just wanted to go home and think about everything.
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