"Hello, this is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Who am I speaking to, currently?"
Jackson could feel the suffocating anxiety take over, his own hands trembling as he held his phone. His breathing became heavy, thinking what to say. He can only think about the mistake he have committed. Honestly, one of the stupidest mistakes he could of done. He was so stupid.
"Hello?" the male voice rung in his ears, once again. Making Jackson come back to reality.
"J-Jackson," Jackson whispers into the phone. He licked his lips anxiously, shifting in his bed to comfort himself.
"Nice to meet you, Jackson. Now, please tell me everything, I am here to listen." The other said, and Jackson could feel himself feel more pressure. Surely, people have done this and easily ranted because they don't see the person's reaction when confessing. But, confessing his own sinful mind just made him more anxious, even though the caller wasn't physically here. The other person seemed to notice, and understand Jackson's anxiety.
"I am Jaebum. You don't have to tell me what is wrong. We can just get to know each other first," Jaebum assures, and Jackson stared at his screen after putting the other on speaker. He couldn't do this.
"W-What do you do beside this?" Jackson whispers, his voice shaking with each word. Jaebum smiled on the other end, "I produce songs, and I do this on my free time to help people." Jaebum explains, and Jackson nodded, thinking what else to say.
"What kind of music?" Jackson asks. He was interested in music, but not enough to produce it. He was unmotivated, and honestly he doesn't see the point in trying when he knows he isn't good at it. He raps and sings, but he finds himself horrible.
"Whatever sounds good."
Jackson chuckles by the detail. Jaebum heard and laughed a little along with the other, "Do you do anything music related?" Jaebum questions. "I sing and rap, but i'm not good." Jackson sighs a bit, his anxiety seem to calm while talking with the other. He didn't know how, but he was glad for that. Jaebum was enough to calm him from his own anxiety.
"I am sure, you're good." Jaebum says softly, and Jackson shook his head. "No. You haven't heard me," Jackson sighs. He didn't like those type of people, where they say he was good although they haven't heard him. What was the point in saying that when you haven't heard?
"Then, I want to hear you." Jaebum replies back, and Jackson was surprised. Shifting once again on his bed, he let out a breath as the soreness in his thighs reminded him of his own insecurities. Before Jackson could respond, Jaebum have assured him with "Don't worry. You don't have to do it, I am just curious. If you're not comfortable, no need to do so."
Jackson would be lying if he said he didn't like Jaebum.
He felt different towards Jaebum. Supposedly, the conversation was through a phone, but he just couldn't help but feel his own sinful mind become quiet with Jaebum.
He didn't know why. But, Jaebum felt like a remedy to him.
"I want to hear you..." Jackson says quietly, feeling a bit anxious about the upcoming pang of rejection. He didn't know if Jaebum was the type to reject, since Jackson was the one to reject first.
"My song?" Jaebum questions, and Jackson nodded. But, he remembered, he dwells in his own sorrowful darkness with his phone and the moonlight outside are the only beacons of his room. The only lights that remind him that he was at home, suffering.
"Yes." Jackson responds back.
Shifting was heard on the other end, as Jackson waited for the other to start singing or rapping. He wasn't entirely sure if the other rap or sing, since he never asked or did Jaebum go into full detail. Jackson prepared himself, while he waited.
"Its called 'Fade Away'," Jaebum informs and Jackson hums in response.
Jackson never felt this curious or the small excitement building up at the pit of his stomach. He knew he would be very disappointed if the other sounded bad, and had an delusional confidence. Jackson would hang up, without a goodbye and no regrets.
After a few seconds of silence, the male voice that Jackson listened to for 10 minutes started singing. Jackson could feel his breath hitch, at the sound of the other's voice. There wasn't no instrumental playing, but the voice have reached his ears enough to make him know it was the music he would enjoy.
Overall, he loved the other's voice.
"Suddenly, your eyes turned so cold
I don't even know how many times we fought today
Wait a minute
It's meaningless now, there's no truth now
So I put my head down
What is love"
Jackson closed his eyes, listening to the voice that personally sung to him. He felt weightless as he listened. Jaebum's voice is a gift, and was a remedy for him. He loved it.
"Why do you always cover my mouth and call it love?
It's messed up, you make me lose who I am as a person
I try to hold onto my dried up heart
But you have already gotten so blurry
I can't see it
Just don't blame it on me
It's not my fault but ours
You only blame me, I tell you it's not like that
But you cover your ears and you won't listen"
Slowly, Jackson drifted off, the remedy becoming a lullaby for him. He fell asleep to the voice of an angel, and he loved to keep the angel close with him for the feelings of being free.
.
Jaebum have woken up with the sound of his alarm, he sighs as he turned it off on his phone, remembering the memories of talking with Jackson. It was a short talk, but after that call, and hearing the soft snores from the other - he felt a small feeling of wanting to personally have Jackson as his contact. He wanted to know Jackson more.
Overall, he wanted to know why the other have so many problems. Jaebum found Jackson a good person already, and Jaebum doesn't understand why the best people have the worse problems.
Lifting himself up from his desk, his back ached from the uncomfortable position he slept last night. He got up and took a hoodie, putting it on and walking out of his house, feeling lazy to make his own coffee. In fact, he did want to see an close friend of his, since he haven't left his home for a few days due to making music. Walking to the nearby cafe, where his close friend coincidentally also worked at, he arrived with a small ring of the door.
Jaebum seen the person at the counter, the usual worker, with a tag named 'Jackson'. Its funny that he met a Jackson, yesterday. Walking up to the counter, he looked around for Jinyoung, but he didn't see the other at all. Due to his disappointment, he ordered his coffee with a small hint of tiredness and disappointment. Jackson on the other side nodded, and started making his coffee.
Jackson finished his coffee, "Your name?" he asks, and Jaebum ran his fingers through his hair. Jackson's gaze followed along his fingers through his raven hair, "Jaebum." he responds with. The blonde nodded, feeling his gut twist at the thought.
'It's just another Jaebum.
It's just a name.
A lot of people have the same name with other people, calm down.'
Jackson scribbled down his name, and Jaebum took it with a feather like touch with the other's fingers. Jackson felt his heart skip a beat, and honestly the other was definitely handsome. "Is Jinyoung here?" Jaebum asks, not leaving. Mainly because of his want to talk with his friend, and that the cafe is still empty and the two were the only ones filling the company of the cafe's.
"He is at the back.. Do you want me to get him?" Jackson asks quietly, and Jaebum felt himself smile. He remembered the night before, and he couldn't help but think about that Jackson. This Jackson represented him, and Jaebum have a feeling that it was him. But, he ignored it, remaining to be unsure.
"Yes, if he isn't busy." Jaebum smiles at the other, and Jackson nodded, walking off to the back. Jaebum walked off, settling at a table with high stools, right beside the window. The city in his view, and he loved the view of the large buildings and passing cars. He felt like he was in a movie, but a movie where he silently directed and thought to himself. Only know about his own thoughts and ideas, than everyone else's.
While waiting, Jaebum took sips of his own coffee, his own drink almost half gone in a matter of minutes. He felt energized because of the caffeine. Finally, Jinyoung came back and Jackson sat at the counter, while more customers started coming in by this hour. Small rings signalling the workers of the cafe that the city is now awake, with the early sun out.
"Hey, Jaebum." Jinyoung greets with a smile, and Jaebum smiles back.
"Hey, Jinyoung."
~
sorry for not updating lmao. i needed a break. but this story grew whoop. thank you for the reads :)) sorry for not updating :(