Ae
Three years ago my soul was wrenched in half and I became a shade, drifting through life without conscious thought and barely noticing the passage of days.
I was newly graduated from university with a job secured through my internship. I poured everything I had into that, letting it all consume me. Letting the time pass. There were moments thought, with my family, with his family, where I came alive again, where I had no choice.
Two years ago, I felt something shift inside me. A year had passed. I had survived it. I reconnected with friends slowly, easing my way back into the real world and fully taking my place at the office. My boss had been patient and now I endeavoured to make him feel proud. Still, I was disjointed and shallow behind my own door. I missed him with every part of my being.
A year ago, I said the words "Next Year..." and realized that time had passed again. I held my first showcase, gained clients and began commission work. I poured all my hope and pain into it and let the time pass some more.
Six months ago, I was still alone but I could now say, "This year..." and it made all the difference.
A month ago the words "Next month" became a lifeline. There was such a marked change that everyone commented on it. Even my work changed, taking on a happy feeling. I was smiling. I was almost myself again. But I was still alone.
Then, suddenly, it wasn't next month but next week and life became a bit surreal. Sort of like I was floating in a dream. Time would pass unnoticed and days blurred with effortless speed.
Soon it was that next week became tomorrow and tomorrow became today... then an hour ago, and now a minute ago... What am I supposed to feel as time flies? Is fear normal?
He is the person that I love. The person that has influenced every decision I have made for the last 3 years. He is the wellspring of my unexpected creativity and the reason why I try so hard to be a good person. He is my every thought and breath, my focus and my energy.
Now he is here.
"Flight xxxx from Heathrow, London has arrived. Persons boarding Flight xxxx to Glasgow, please stand by, there has been a delay..." The announcer states as I walk to the arrival gate and look around.
"Ae, you made it." I turn to face that voice.
"Mom, you know I wouldn't be able to miss this." We hug tightly.
"You look pale. Are you ok? Nervous?" She brushes my shoulders lightly.
This woman I call Mom is actually not my mother. She is willow thin and beautiful. These traits she has passed on to her son. It is because of him that I am here in this state. It is because of him that I have grown to love and treasure this woman.
"Honestly mom? I feel like I may pass out any second now. I feel hot and cold and my palms are sweating like crazy. My stomach hurts." She lets out a delicate peel of laughter as she grabs my shoulder. I swallow and try my best not to embarrass myself even more.
"Oh Ae. You are a treasure. Is anyone else coming?" She asks this because a friend of mine tends to make himself comfortable where he's not wanted.
"I didn't tell him. I don't want Pond here. He'll make everything a big deal. It's bad enough he claims he was waiting for Pete to come back so he could get married when what he really has is a case of cold feet. Don't know why thought. He knows he loves ChaAim."
"Maybe that's why he's got cold feet. Maybe he's worried that he might actually mess up if he makes it permanent."
"Aim's smart mom. She's not going to give him a chance to mess up." I say with surety because I know it's true.
"Hum." She glances at her watch and I see the time. It's been 10 minutes already. He would be in the customs line. They may give him special treatment if they know who he is but Pete's not the type to demand it. He'll simply wait his turn.
"Do you think...?" I begin asking but stop. I am worrying for nothing. She proves it to me with her next words.
"I already asked a friend of mine to look out for him. He should be out soon. In another couple of minutes if all goes well." I nod and continue to stare at the gate. He will be walking towards us any second now. I swallow and sit, then I simply bury my head between my knees. I can feel her rubbing my back and it's a comfort.
Finally, I gather myself and sit up. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I do this over and over. Pete is coming. I want him to see my smiling face. I want him to know that I am beyond happy that he is here. I want him. I want forever. I hope...
I hear a small gasp. My head whips over and I see him. He has cut his hair and it suits him. His eyes are bright and his smile is big.
My vision is obscured and I realize right away that it is Mom. She grabs him in a hug and cries quietly. They hold on and I only watch. This is their moment.
Then suddenly he is in front of me.
"Ae." His voice makes goosebumps ripple across my skin and I stand. Then he is draping all over me and his scent reaches me. I thought it would have changed with three years in Germany but it is still the same.
"Pete." I say his name as my hands firmly wrap around him. He sighs and I finally feel the full weight of him. He is real. He is right here in my arms. My Soul shivers, reaching out to him, connecting, intertwining. I let out another breath and clutch him tighter.
"I missed you Ae." His voice has not changed. It is still soft and sweet. It still reaches into the very core of me and drives me crazy.
"I missed you too. Pete. I thought I would never be this close to you again and when I realized you were steps away from me, I almost lost it." I confess. He sinks his face into my neck and breaths deep.
"Same." He breaths out and I pull back to look at him. His smile is blissed out and his eyes are shiny. "You smell the same. Ae." Then in classic Pete fashion, he burst into tears.
Pete and I met in university. I ran him over with my bicycle after some tool tried to kill the both of us, speeding. I took his to the nurse and I figured we would see each other around but then I ran into him the next day and then the day after I caught him being harassed by some fucker. That's also how I found out Pete was gay and this guy not only took his first kiss but tried to blackmail him with it.
I made a promise to Pete that I would protect him because I now considered Pete my friend. I have since tried my hardest to keep that promise.
Pete is a beautiful Khun Chai. He is rich, delicate, kind and soft. In contrast, I am rough, tough, hard and sturdy. I studied engineering in university and I work with metal for a living. It's a skill I came by after working with an engineer called Forth. He taught me many tricks but I'm not so good with the delicate work he does. To my surprise, I'm actually great at making sculptures. Most times when I see a piece of metal, I can tell what it should look like and I'm capable of making that image into a reality. I've gained quite a reputation now for my sculptures in addition to the work I do on houses, skyscrapers and other buildings, and underwater welding. It helps that I also work for P'Forth. Our company is quite impressive and very well known internationally.
Pete was attending the International College (IC) and studying business. He is expected to succeed his mother and become the CEO of his father's company here. His father has cut all ties with Thailand and runs another company in Germany that he bought and rebuilt from the ground up. He does not approve of Pete being gay. He has made this quite clear. He also hates me even though he has grudgingly admitted that he respects me and what I have done for myself. He will never be happy with me but that's ok. Mom loves me just fine.
During our last year of University, Pete was attacked by his blackmailer Trump. He attempted to assault Pete while under the influence of some drug. I lost it and beat the shit out of him. Badly. I don't regret it.
Pete's assault was swept under the rug because of who he was. My assaulting Trump, however, became the thing his father needed to pressure Pete to move in with him. Pete gave in because he didn't want me to face jail time because of Trump. Because of this, I regret the consequences of beating Trump. Even if I had to do jail time, I could still see Pete during visitation. Part of his dad's deal was that I couldn't visit Pete. We couldn't even text, write, or email. He had complete control over everything.
All I had to keep me going was my feelings for Pete, nurtured for 3 years of university and the hope that he would still love me after three years of separation.
This is the story of our reunion and what happens after.