((Yoongi's pov))
I was sat outside of the hotel at night. The cool breeze blowing away the smoke that once filled my lungs. I was sad thinking back to the hospital, Jimin looked really bad, as if he was close to dying. It's like I've been blind all this time up until now.
I took a big drag of my cigarette. I had overheard doctors discussing with BigHit. That's what had upset me the most. I heard the doctors talk about his state, how he should stay in bed, rest and put on a strict diet to gain weight slowly. They said he had to stay in a clinic for at least three months.
It hurt to hear that, I mean, three months without Jimin would destroy me, but I knew it would be best for him. What BigHit responded had made me angry though, I heard them say that that wasn't possible. It would be too expensive to cancel all the concerts or reschedule them.
It's like they didn't give a shit about his health.
I hadn't heard anything else from the conversation since we were leaving to the hotel at that point. Bighit had called Namjoon later and told him what was up.
He was actually joining us again, but there would be a dietitian joining us, so he would gain back weight, and we just had to look out for him, so he wouldn't do anything bad.
I let out some tears as the wind started blowing. I quickly wiped them away as I heard the door open. How can they not see how bad he is doing?
"Yoongs, are you coming back inside? You'll catch a cold." I heard Namjoon say from slightly behind me as he walked over. I didn't move my head as I tried my best to keep my tears from spilling.
"Hey, hey, you okay?" He whispered once he noticed my failed attempt of not crying, putting his hand on my shoulder. I just shrugged as I put my hand through my hair.
"Just scared." I whispered back, my voice not being as stable as I wished it was. Namjoon nodded as a response. "He wasn't even allowed out of bed and they want him to start concerts again the day after tomorrow?"
"I know it suck Yoongs, we all agree. But we all care about him and we'll make sure he will be okay." He responded as he provided comfort by rubbing my shoulder softly, I nodded slightly. There was a small silence before I spoke up.
"Is Jin okay?" I asked, as I had snapped at him earlier. He had my cigarettes and refused to give them back, which was meant good as no one here wanted me smoking, but I yelled at him. It was wrong to do so, but it just happened. I guess I was too stressed out by the whole thing.
"He'll be fine, he knows how stressed you must be." Namjoon replied and I looked up at him. "Now, let's go inside, it's freezing."
I laughed softly as I followed him inside, and we parted ways to our rooms. I walked in, threw my jacket on the floor and went to lay down on the bed. I stared at the ceiling.
It was so empty without having him here. I quickly grabbed one of his hoodies which was on his pillow, and snuggled into it, absorbing the smell and almost feeling as if he's beside me. I stayed like this until I fell asleep, in my regular clothing.
((Jimin's pov))
It was early in the morning when I woke up. I looked over to the clock, 6:50am, 10 minutes before breakfast.
Even though I've been eating all the meals I get here for the past three days, I'm still nervous for every time they come.
I just sat here waiting for it to be 7, since I wasn't allowed to be on my phone until I got picked up late today.
I'm glad the hospital is buying my lies and think I'll be fine, only one more meal here and I'm free to go and continue my diet.
The door to my room softly opened, and the head of a nurse peaked in. It's the same nurse as all the other times I've gotten my food. Her name is Seulgi and I can get along with her pretty well, she was very nice and gentle.
"Good morning Jimin! Good to see you're up!" She said as she walked over with breakfast on a tray in her hands.
"Hey." I softly responded as I smiled politely. Seulgi put the breakfast in front of me. It consisted of orange juice and a sandwich.
I felt terrible eating it but I would never tell anyone here, as I was scared I'd have to stay longer.
I slowly ate the breakfast and started feeling sick. I still wasn't used to eating this early. Seulgi seemed to notice and put my juice aside.
"Go lay down for a bit, I put your drink over here, so you can continue when you feel better. You did a great job, Jimin." She said as she put the tray away
"Thank you." I whispered back as I laid down. She smiled at me before exiting the room.
I just stared at the ceiling while feeling uncomfortable.
You're so fat
I closed my eyes to try to block out the voices, and it worked.
It's only one more day before I can continue. And that thought kept the bad ones away for a bit.
I fell asleep again soon after but woke up again 20 minutes later. It was almost 8am.
I smiled, at 8:30 my friends would come to pick me up and I'd finally be free of all this bullshit.
I looked outside through the window and saw the cars driving past and birds passing by, since I didn't have anything better to do to fill my time.
After a while my door opened and Hobi and Namjoon entered. I smiled brightly at them.
"Hey guys!" I said happily. It was weird being here all by myself, since I was usually everywhere with all the others.
They greeted me back and gave me a hug. Two nurses entered the room, on was holding some forms which she let Namjoon sign, and the other brought in a wheelchair.
I looked at her questionably. She didn't notice and left the room again.
I was about to stand up from the bed when Hobi and the other nurse came to hold me up by my arms and placed me in the wheelchair.
I was confused, I can walk? Why are they putting me in here? I just decided to go with it, the sooner I got out of here the better.
After a while Namjoon was done with filling in the forms and we were allowed to leave. When we arrived outside there was a sea of photographers trying to get pictures of the 'pathetic idol' I am.
They didn't get a chance however, since I got covered by security and got to the car safely. I put my hand through my hair as I looked out of the blinded windows.
(( Yoongi's pov))
I woke up feeling miserable, my head hurting and my body sore. I went to turn over when I felt someone hugging me. I quickly opened my eyes and was met with Jimin's face snuggled into my chest.
Suddenly, all the bad feelings went away, knowing he was in my arms. I filled with warmth, yet I was confused. I was supposed to pick him up with Hobi. Did he not wake me up? What time is it?
I carefully grabbed my phone off the nightstand in an attempt to not wake the sleeping boy up. 1pm.
Yep... he didn't wake me up. But at the moment I didn't care. The most important thing is he was here, and he was with me again.
I hugged him back and took in his scent as I felt him snuggle closer to me, and that's when I started drifting off again.
((Jimin's pov))
"Wait what? What do you mean?" I asked at the woman standing in front of me.
"I'm here for your lunch, you're continuing your treatment from hospital, did no one tell you?" She said softly. I was shaking. I couldn't continue my diet?
All my hope and happiness crashed down, as I tried to not have a panic attack in front of the woman who actually looked very nice, and was just doing her job.
I thanked her with a shaky voice and took the platter of lunch and put it on the small table in the room. She walked off and closed the door behind her.
I let out a deep breath and started rubbing my hands on my face.
This can't be happening.
I can't do this.
I don't want to do this.
I looked over to my side and saw Yoongi peacefully sleeping, curled up in the blankets. Hobi had told me he barely slept since he was worried over me, that that's why namjoon came with him instead of my boyfriend.
I don't want to cause him more stress. I grabbed the sandwich with shaky hands and took a bite out of it, finally allowing my tears to fall.
I was definitely having a panic attack, but I couldn't make sound; I didn't want to wake him up. I tried to steady my panicked breaths while eating a few other bites.
You're fat
You should throw up, fatty
Kill yourself
I accidentally left out a sob and dropped the remaining half of the sandwich on the floor. It felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. Nausea becoming more persistent. The room around me became a blur, and all I could hear were those awful thought.
You're pathetic
You deserve to be punished
You're ugly, no one loves you.
I became a crying mess and I let myself sit down on the floor as I cried. It felt like everything faded except for my thoughts, and my anxiety got worse and worse by the second. This was until I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard a muted voice from my side.
I tried to focus on the voice which became louder, but I still couldn't make out any words. I curled up into a ball and I felt arms wrap around me softly. The thoughts never stopping.
"-'ll be fine, shh." I finally made out.
"No." I cracked out, before pushing the arms of me. I needed to throw up. Right now. I tried to stand up and run to the bathroom but the arms wrapped around me again, suddenly the room wasn't blurry anymore. I could see everything around.
The small mess in the corner of the room of what once was a sandwich, my shaking hands and a crying Yoongi desperately holding onto my waist.
"Let me go." I sobbed as I did some weak attempts at trying to pry his arms away from me. "I need to Yoongi, please." I cried out a bit later.
"I won't let you." He replied while tightening his grip. I did some last attempts at trying to free myself, but once I found out I was too weak I gave in and just sobbed. I've never felt this bad.
I just stared into the distance past Yoongi's shoulder. All my thoughts being suicidal ones. Yoongi stroked my hair and whispered sweet things which changed my crying from sobbing to quietly letting some tears fall out.
Should I kill myself?
That was something filling my head, thinking of what it would change. Would Yoongi miss me? I guess not, I'm just a burden like right now.
Yoongi put his hand up to my cheek which turned my attention to his face. He put his soft smaller lips on my own. A small peck which had such a loving energy to it. As if he was reading his mind, as if he was trying to proof he would miss me...
"I'm sorry." I quietly said. Yoongi smiled softly at me.
"Hey, don't apologize. You can't heal in one day, and I'll be here every single day to help, okay?" He replied and I just quickly nodded.
I was tired. Even though I slept quite a lot I was exhausted. Yoongi noticed as he lifted me up effortlessly and put me on the bed and put some blankets on me.
"We'll do something fun later, okay? First, rest a bit." He whispered and kissed my forehead. I smiled, but the dark thoughts never left my brain.
Despite the negativity and anxiety in my brain I fell asleep pretty quickly, as exhaustion took over.
***
Wow okay, hi! This chapter is kind of all over the place and messy, but I thought it was necessary to show everyones side.
anyway; sorry for the late update. I've been really busy with school and work and I barely had time to write. I hope you enjoyed this and please let me know what you think in the comments and leave a vote Xx A