Save Me ; Yoonmin ✅

12

((Jimin's pov))

Once we got at the hotel I felt myself physically shaking at the thought of dinner. I think Yoongi noticed, because he held his arm around my waist the entire time when walking in the hotel and to our rooms.

Jungkook opened the room he was sharing with Jin with the key card they had gotten from the hotel earlier and we all entered. They had the biggest room so that's why we decided to stay there for a bit before sleeping.

Namjoon had already ordered food earlier so after 10 minutes of sitting in the room, the food got there. The room filled with the smell of pizza, a smell I once liked, but now it just made me sick.

I nervously shifted on my spot on the couch. Yoongi put his hand on my knee which made me lock eyes with him.

"Don't worry, you don't have to eat much. I took care of it." He whispered. I smiled relieved. I didn't want to eat anything, but a little bit is already better than a full pizza.

Namjoon handed everyone their pizza's and Yoongi ordered one for both of us so we could share. As Yoongi opened the box I grew disgusted with the grease filled food in front of me, even though I was hungry, my appetite had completely disappeared. Yoongi grabbed my hand and made me take a bite.

"Relationship goals." Taehyung said while taking a big bite of his own piece. I giggled and swallowed the part of the pizza I ate. As everyone was talking around us, Yoongi's focus was just on me.

"Eat two small slices? Please?" He whispered as he looked at me pleading. I breathed heavily as I tried not to cry. I held onto the slice Yoongi held for me, and he moves his hand to my back as he looked satisfied.

I decided to just eat it quickly to get over with it. After I was done my stomach hurt so bad and I felt sick. The feeling of guilt already building up in my body.

"I'm gonna go get ready for bed." I smiled weakly and left the room after everyone had said their goodbye's. As soon as I closed the door behind me I rushed over to our room and quickly opened the door.

I frantically ran to the bathroom and sat down in front of the toilet. I took a few deep breaths as I put my fingers down my throat, gagged a few times, and eventually threw up. As a result, I coughed a few times and went to flush the toilet.

"Jimin..?" I heard a familiar voice behind me, and I froze. I was scared to turn around, but I had to eventually. When I did, I met with Yoongi's eyes, and I couldn't really read him at that moment.

"Did you just fucking make yourself throw up?" He said with slight anger in his voice. I didn't respond, I just sat there still panicking at the fact that he had seen that.

"Answer me!" He yelled as he stepped closer and I flinched.

"I'm sorry.." I softly said, too scared to speak up.

"I can't fucking believe this, I try so hard to make everything as good for you as I can, I worry over you, I go out of my way to take care of you and you do this?!" He yelled. I couldn't say anything anymore, I was too scared. I just cried. Yoongi let out a big sigh and left the room, closing the door with a loud bang, which made me flinch again.

I just sat next to the toilet leaning my head on the edge, letting out a sob. I started scratching my arms roughly. I messed up. Again. I hurt Yoongi, the only person who cared about me, and now he's gone.

A sharp pain came from my arm and I hissed slightly at the feeling. I got distracted when I heard knocks on the door, hoping it was Yoongi. I stayed still. A few seconds later I heard Hoseok call out for me, but I ignored it since it wasn't Yoongi. I started crying more, the uncontrollable kind where you struggle for breaths and can't keep it silent anymore.

After a while the door unlocked, and I sat up, being convinced it was Yoongi, since only me and him have a key. But was soon confronted by Hoseok walking into the bathroom.

"Jiminie, what happened? We saw Yoongi leaving and we got worried." He said while making his way over to me. I didn't say anything, I just cried more. Hoseok went to hug me but stopped halfway through.

I looked up to see what happened and saw him looking over at the toilet. I panicked, I knew I should've flushed it.

"Did you..." He said, not knowing how to continue. I just nodded while letting out another sob. Hoseok flushed the toilet and went to hug me for real this time.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" He whispered in my ear while trying to calm my crying. I didn't answer. Eventually Hoseok stopped embracing me to look me in the eye.

"Go get ready to sleep okay? It will be okay eventually." He said as he held my shoulder. I nodded as we both stood up. A wave of dizziness hitting me as I was standing. Hoseok helped me over to the bed and said his goodnight before leaving me alone in the hotel room.

I fucked up today, I fucked up so bad. I put my hands through my hair as I dropped myself on the bed. I can't believe the mess I got myself into. I hate myself. I took a glance over to where my suitcase was laying on the floor.

I could... no I shouldn't... right? I sat back up. I had enough reasons to do it, first of all Yoongi is mad at me, second of all I'm still disappointing everybody. I walked over to my suitcase and searched through it for a bit until I found them; the razorblades.

I locked the door to my hotel room and sat on the bed. I took a deep breath before putting the sharp metal on my skin and slit it through. I kept repeating the movement. I cried because of the pain but I couldn't stop; I deserved it.

After I was done I just stared my arms. They were now full of the red stripes mixed with some white scars. I got distracted from my thoughts by a knock on my door.

***