She or She
I couldn't give you my truth to lean on,
Instead,
Like a ghost,
You fell through me
and crashed back
into yourself
There's where you belonged anyway
Wrong For You
—Marcus Francis
Taehyung
She asked me to leave or she left me? I couldn't tell the difference. Both of them bring the same meaning. She doesn't want me anymore.
She doesn't love me— anymore. She made me leave but the truth was; she was the one who leaves me.
I'm alone, again.
Eunna
The person I needed the most taught me that I need nobody. But despite the fact I was struggling with my pained heart and in process of forgetting him, he kept showing up in my mind.
I would ended up overthinking about him over and over again. It hurt me even I had try to get busy just to forget him. But it didn't even work. Every night, when I'm going to sleep, I would spend hours of my time thinking about him.
Does he really love me? It was what I was thinking all this time even I had known the truth. He doesn't love me, he loves Areum. He definitely uses me and see me as Areum. Nothing more.
It had been a week since the last time I met Taehyung. We literally ended everything between us at the park. How tragic.
Sighing deeply, I looked down at the swimming pool in front of me then closed my eyes to see if I could find some peace. At least a little. I couldn't sleep for the past few days and it made me to look so bad with these ugly eyebags.
I was currently staying at a hotel in Busan. Gladly my grandma understand my condition and give me some time to cool down. I hoped everything would be fine after this. Even I had to live without him.
While I was drown in my deep thoughts, I got a text from someone.
Jeon Jungkook
sent 8.15 p.m.
What are you doing? Do you have some time? I need someone to talk. Tell me if you have some spare time.
So it was Jungkook. Why did he want to meet me? Maybe because he had nobody at the moment and I randomly crossed his mind.
Since I had nothing to do, I think it was fine to go out and chill a bit.
Jae Eunna
sent 8.16 p.m.
Sure, send me the location.
8.45 p.m.
I reached the location Jungkook sent me. Boldly, I found myself standing in front of a bar. Why did he want to meet me here?
"Eunna, " I saw him walking towards me, still wearing his office suit and was looking a bit exhausted. His tie was loose, his face was tired and hair was messy. I stood still, gripping on my handbag and waited for him to come closer. "What are we doing here? At a bar? " I looked at the big building in front of me.
I had never knew a super big bar like this exists in Busan. I wasn't an up to date person I guess.
Jungkook stopped his steps then eyes were looking at me. The eyes that looked so tired a few seconds ago suddenly tended to shine. "We're here to drink. What else? " He asked then opened the door. "Let's get in. I heard they have the best wine. "
I looked at him who had already walked into the bar and muttered under my breath. If I knew we're here to drink, I wouldn't even consider to come here. Rolling my eyes, I walked in then followed him.
"You didn't tell me you want to drink. " I sat across him then looked around the unfamiliar surrounding. I rarely step my feet into a bar. Jungkook, who was busy looking at the wine list suddenly moved his gaze on me then furrowed his brows. "Me? I think you meant we. We're going to drink today." Jungkook told me then called for the bartender.
I widened my eyes, screaming inside when he said that he wanted me to drink with him. He looked down at my hand then raised an eyebrow. "You know I don't drink, right? " I asked him. Hearing my words, he scoffed. "So what does it suppose to mean?" He asked casually.
"You don't want to drink with me? " He asked me again, this time, his voice was a bit stern and serious. I let his arm go and lowered my head. I suddenly didn't know how to answer him. I didn't want to drink but at the same time, I want to forget everything that hurt me by getting drunk. Even it was only temporary. Jungkook noticed that my face expression suddenly changed.
His eyes softened, "Come on. At least take a few sips. You won't let me drink alone, aren't you? It's no fun drinking without a partner. "
Once he said that, I knew it would be bad to turn him down. At least he wanted to spend time with me when everyone didn't. I nodded, "Okay. Just a few shots, " I agreed and it managed to make him smile. "That's great. "
Author
"Cheers for us! " Eunna laughed as she drank the wine as fast as she could so that she can have more glasses. An hour ago, she stated that she only wanted to take a few sips. But it seemed like she didn't mean it.
The bitter and sweet taste of the wine went down through her throat, making her heart fluttered and wanted to drink more and more. She didn't seem like she was planning to stop.
She slammed the glass onto the table then looked at the bartender. "One more glass! Give me the strongest one, " her voice was demanding but her brain had no idea on what was going on. She had never been that wild in her lifetime. But this time, she did. Because the pain she was feeling forced her to do so.
She wanted to forget everything that was bothering her at the moment, her pathetic and weak self was thinking that maybe drinking as much as she could can help her to get rid of the feelings. Jungkook who had been watching her for the whole hour sighed then shook his head. "I didn't expect you would drink this much. " He spoke to himself.
Even he was the one who brought her here, he, himself didn't even take a sip of the wine. Instead, he just sat there and watched the girl in front of him telling and expressing her feelings.
The real intention of him bringing her to the bar wasn't to drink with her. But he wanted to help her forgetting about what was hurting her. He wanted her to let out her anger, tell him what she hates and express every feeling that was bothering her. But she wasn't mad at all.
She was laughing, yelling and kept saying nonsense things. But at the same time, he noticed that she had tears in her eyes even when she laughs. It was true. She was hurting.
He sighed. "How can you look so happy hm?" He asked softly then took the glass away from her. "Enough for today, you're too drunk. Let's go home now. " He said.
"Home? " She asked. "I don't want to go home. I don't have any home. " She refused and tried to grab the glass from him but Jungkook held her wrist.
"Let go! Give me my wine—" She tried to reach the glass but Jungkook kept blocking her from doing so. "You're drunk enough, Eunna. You need to stop or you'll regret it tomorrow morning. "
She then stopped trying and looked up at Jungkook. "Regret? " She asked. "There's nothing left to regret. Nothing. "
Jungkook somehow was affected by her words. He looked down at her, "Are you okay?" He asked.
A sudden tears fell down from her eyes, signalling that she had started to sobbing. Her small heart felt empty all of the sudden even the memories of her and Taehyung flashed back in her mind. After being quiet for a minute, she looked at Jungkook then held his hand. "Can you please— bring me back to my hotel? " She asked, suddenly got her consciousness back. This time, she sounded more serious and emotionless.
"Hurry up before I get drunk again. I'll be troubling you, " she was trying her best to pull up herself, didn't want to act so drunk because she didn't want to burdening him. She stood up from her seat and tried to walk by herself but ended up stumbled on her feet.
Fortunately Jungkook was quick enough to grab her from falling. He looked down at her drunk face then sighed. "Let me lead you to the car. " He said, slowly placing his hand on her waist while the other hand was wrapped around her shoulders. "Don't worry, you'll feel better soon. Trust me. "
Eunna kept saying nonsense things during the whole ride. But as someone who understands how she was feeling, Jungkook tended to let her say anything she wanted since he knows it could help her to feel better.
"Jungkook, " Eunna was calling out for him, her hands suddenly reached for his arm. He stopped his car at the traffic light then turned to look at her. She was still crying. "What is it? " He asked softly.
"I hate him. Really hate him. " Tears were falling down, her heart was aching when she said those painful words. Even she was drunk, she can still feel the pain that was damaging her heart. Looking at her face, he started to feel bad about telling her the truth.
"No. You don't hate him. You're just disappointed and scared, " he added, "That he might leave you like what you're doing right now. "
"You want him to leave but your heart doesn't. And that's what hurts you. " He sighed.
The moment she asked Taehyung to leave, she was secretly hoping he wouldn't. She was hoping he would stay to comfort her and say they weren't true, he only loves her, he has forget about Areum and so on. But he didn't.
He left.
He left her.
Jungkook helped her to get down from the car then leaded her into her hotel room. "What's your room number? " He asked, holding onto her waist as tight as he could so thay she won't fall.
Instead of answering him, she decided to stay quiet and rested her head on his shoulder. She was too tired and wasn't aware of her surroundings. He sighed then tried to find her room key inside her handbag but it seemed like she has dropped it somewhere.
"Gosh, what should we do now? " He shook his head then looked at his watch. It was already late and it won't be appropriate if he bothers the hotel staff at times like this.
Thinking deeply, he looked down at the girl who was technically sleeping on his shoulder. "I think it's better for you to stay at somewhere else. "
He brought her to his apartment then opened the door. Gently, he put her down on the couch then heaved a sigh.
"You're so wild when you're drunk. " He commented. "Maybe that's why you refused to drink earlier, " he let out a small chuckle.
He took a moment to look at her face. "Beautiful, " he smiled. "I see why Taehyung loves you so much. "
He looked away then took his phone that was on the couch. He was about to call someone but suddenly, Eunna sat up then covered her mouth.
Jungkook threw his phone back on the couch then yelled, "Wait! Don't throw up there! "
He ran into the kitchen to grab something that she could vomit into. Panicked, he rushed back to the living room and gave her the basket.
Once she took the basket, she started throwing up. The wine she drank earlier made her feels sick. Jungkook spotted that her long hair was bothering her from throwing up so he helped to hold her hair back while she was vomiting.
To make her feels better, he gently patted her back and waited till she finished. "I hope you'll feel better after this. "
"Can't imagine how you'll act if you remember this tomorrow morning. " He wondered.
Jungkook
8.55 a.m.
I walked pass the room I put her yesterday to see if she was still sleeping or not. Then, I spotted her body moved. That showed that she was awake.
I went back to the kitchen and said, "Yoongi, I think your friend's awake now. "
He stopped cooking the meal and turned back to look at me right away. "Really? That's good. " He smiled.
"Can you continue cooking the porridge? Just turn off the stove when you think it's done. I'm going to check on her. " He told me.
"Okay, she's in her room. Beside my room. " I informed then did the thing he asked me to.
When I think the porridge had already cooked, I turned off the stove then made my way to her room. "How are you feeling? Better? " I asked her then sat beside Yoongi.
"You don't bring the porridge up with you? " Yoongi asked with a poker face. I chuckled, "I didn't know I need to bring the porridge with me. I thought you were the one who'll do that. "
He sighed. "Wait here, I'll come back in a few minutes. "
I looked back at her and she did the same. "Why'd you bring me here? " She asked me first. I shrugged my shoulders and crossed my arms.
"You lost your room key. How was I supposed to leave you? So I brought you here. " I answered.
"And how the hell Yoongi can be here? Did you tell him I was drunk yesterday? " She looked a bit mad, maybe she was scared if Yoongi finds out.
"You would probably think I did something to you if he's not here. That's why I call him to come over since he's your friend. "
"And don't worry, I didn't tell him that you were drunk. I told him that you are sick and fainted when we met at a cafe. " I informed her. At least she will stop worrying. She heaved a relief sigh then rubbed her chest. She then looked at me and I did the same.
I was expecting that she would say anything but she didn't.
"Are you really just going to— stare at me like that? " I spoke and she blinked.
She looked away right after I said that then fidgeted with her fingertips. "Actually, I want to say thank you. For not telling him the truth. "
She bit her lower lip, signalling that she had something more to say but she was either hesitant or nervous. "And thank you for yesterday. You treated me well. Sorry for burdening you. "
I smiled. Maybe she didn't remember about the throw up incident.
"Sure. You're welcome, "
"Thank you for taking care of me yesterday. I really do appreciate it. " She bowed and was ready to leave my house. I smiled at her, "I'm sorry. For bringing you to the bar. Look at you now. You're sick, " I apologized. If I didn't bring her there, she won't be having a headache right now.
"It's not your fault. " She denied. "I should've thank you. At least I could feel peace for awhile." She smiled.
Peace, she said. But I know it wasn't true at all. She cried the whole night yesterday. Yet she still called it as peace. Even I could feel how hurt she was.
I looked down at my feet, didn't know what else to say to her. "Okay then. Yoongi is waiting for you now. I hope we can hang out together again next time. "
"Sure. Just tell me when and I'll make time for you. Thank you again, kook. Have a nice day, " she smiled as she started walking away while waving to me.
"Goodbye, "
1.35 p.m.
It was time for me to have lunch. I went to the kitchen to see if there was anything that I could eat.
While I was searching for food in the fridge, someone suddenly texted me. I raised my eyebrow.
Park Jimin
sent 1.35 p.m.
Do you know where's Taehyung? I called him several times but he doesn't answer them. Can you meet me today? At our usual place.
I sighed. I exactly know why he wanted to see me. He wanted to talk about Taehyung.
Taehyung
All things I do without her were all useless. I felt nothing even when I'm doing something I love. I couldn't feel anything as if myself was slowly fading and losing.
I think I've lost myself. Again.
I lost her, and I lost me. She brought my soul with her. I felt empty. That was enough to describe how I was feeling right now. Empty.
I heaved a sigh then tried to avoid eyes contact with the person in front of me.
"So tell me. Areum or Eunna? You can have only one. " She repaired her glasses then looked up at me with a small notebook in her hands. I gritted my teeth.
"People say— if you really love someone, then you don't have to choose. Because your will always ended up choosing them and forever choose them. There's no need to choose. " I told her.
Just by looking at her face, I knew she was surprised by my answer. She nodded. "I understand your situation, Mr Kim. "
"So tell me, " she looked at me. "Who's she? Areum or Eunna? " She gestured me to give an answer.
"I— don't know. " It hurt me when I couldn't figure out what and who myself really wanted. My heart kept yelling, forcing me to say Eunna. But my stupid brain— kept imagining about Areum. I was stuck in my own head.
She sighed, "If I was you, I would choose myself. "
"Choose yourself before others. It's what you need to do before start loving." My therapist told me as she closed her book.
"Take some time to heal yourself and come back if you think you can't. I'll try my best to help you. But I hope you can do it. Wishing you the best, Mr Kim. " She patted my shoulder.
"Case closed. "
•••
[A/N]
Today is my cheat day. I'm making some pizza to enjoy. I hope you're doing fine, eating healthy food and stay healthy.
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