"See you later, love you"
These were the words written in permanent ink on the palm of Castiel Novak's hand, everyone had the final words their soulmate would say to them inscribed onto their palms from the day they turn 18. He'd seen some that were obviously that simply said 'I love you, see you on the other side" which were clearly when someone knows they're going to die, and incredibly weird ones, one he'd seen read "bananas are 3 for a dollar" which is strange and scary. Thinking about it Castiel's words were pretty mild and mundane, the kind of words you wish to see on your 18th. Castiel has stared at the intricate letters everyday, thinking, wondering and pondering who may utter them, when they'll say it and for what reason. He thought about this often, always trying to picture it in his mind, that was, until, he met Dean Winchester. From the second he met the tall, burly, mechanic from Sioux Falls he knew he was smitten and that the words on his hand would be the last he'd every hear the man say. He could already hear the words, in a voice of a frail old man after a life time of happiness together. Their relationship blossomed quickly, meeting when Cas broke down on the side of the road and, being the Good Samaritan that he is, Dean pulled over to lend him a hand. From then on their relationship was a whirl wind of dates, vacations, new experiences and a whole lot of sex. It took only a year before the two got engaged, Cas surprisingly proposing to Dean, not that Dean wasn't thrilled but he'd have to cancel the cheesy sky writer he'd already booked. It was only another 6 months before the big day.
"You nervous?" Sammy asked his big brother, while Dean fixed his bow tie again. More to satiate his nerves than to actually change the aesthetic of the bow tie.
"About marrying Cas?" Dean asked, "Nah, nothings every felt more right on that front. More scared about fucking up my vows in front of everyone, Cas' mom is a real tight ass and she'd never let me forget it" Sam laughed before giving his brother a quick hug.
"Looks like you've really found your soulmate, Dean" Dean beamed at that, yeah, he had.
Days turned to weeks, turned to months, turned to years, and the couple still felt like newly weds, their 3rd wedding anniversary was when Cas brought it up, "you ever thought about kids?" It was nonchalant, in between a forkful if pasta from their favourite Italian restaurant.
"Sometimes" in Deans defence he barely blinked "I know you'd make a great Dad, Cas, hell we'd be great Dads. But I think, ya know, we're only 27, I want to stay young and foolish for a little longer, we have the rest of our lives for all that stuff why not use what little we have of our twenties left for fun" Cas' smile lit up his entire face.
"You have a way with words Mr. Winchester, ya know that" Dean smirked in response.
"I do indeed know that, Mr. Winchester" they clinked their glasses and sipped at their champagne. Knowing that they're the cheesiest couple to live, and not giving as smiles lit up both of their faces.
2 months of further wedded bliss pass. Cas' phone rings while he's at work, he owns a small bar in downtown Sioux Falls and all though it's small it's probably the swankiest bar the town has so it's fairly popular. It's midday so there's only a few people in for their lunches and some day time drinkers celebrating someone's retirement or engagement, Castiel didn't really pay attention.
"Hello, Castiel Winchester, how can I help?" His standard tone for answering his work phone. He was hiding away in his office in the hopes of sorting out some accounts.
"Hello, Mr. Winchester? I'm calling from Sioux Falls General, I regret to inform you that your husband Dean Winchester has been involved in an accident" instantly ice ran through Cas' veins, his heart dropped into his stomach. His hands began to shake uncontrollably within a second.
"Accident? Wha- what do you mean accident? What's happened?" Cas' words came out fumbling and shaky, unable to string together a complete sentence.
"Unfortunately, your husband was shot, there was an armed robbery at a bakery in central Sioux Falls" Castiel's breathing wavered, he felt like he couldn't catch a breath. Panic attack. Cas began to hyperventilate, hands shaking uncontrollably, the sound of rushing water invading his ears and black spots clouding his vision. "Mr. Winchester? Mr. Winchester are you there? Can you hear me?" The lady on the other end of the phone asked frantically, upon hearing Castiel's iritic breathing. All Cas' brain could think of and process was 'is Dean dead, is dean dead, is dean dead.'
"Is... he... dead?" Cas managed to puff out in between laboured breaths.
"No" Castiel finally caught his breath "but he isn't in good shape, other eye witnesses say that he attempted to save the shop owner by wrestling the attacker to the ground, he was shot in the abdomen" tears now replaced the black spots in Castiel's vision. What a stupid, fucking, idiot. "You may wish to get here as soon as possible" she spoke calmly and gently, which scared Cas even more than her previous informative and emotionless voice.
"I'll be there as soon as I can" Cas said before slamming the phone into it's cradle, snapping up out of his seat, not bothering to get anything, rushing out of the room. Even leaving his trench coat behind. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably as tears streamed down his face. There was only two other staff members working the bar that day, Charlie and Sam. Sam had started working in Cas' bar two days after he turned 21, to help him out while he was going through law school, Dean's idea, of course.
Cas nearly broke down at seeing Sam talking to one of his regulars, pouring him a whiskey, large smile on his face. Hesitantly, Cas approached, gripping Sam by the shoulder and dragging him through to the back of the bar before Sam could react.
"Hey, what the-" Sam's speech cut off as he caught his first glimpse at Cas' face. "What's happened?" He asked, instantly solemn.
"It's-" a sob broke Cas' speech, unable to finish the sentence. A deep breath in, a deep breath out. "It's Dean" tears rolled even more freely down Cas' tanned cheeks. Sam's face held a mixture of emotion, ranging from confused to terrified.
"He's been shot" sobs completely took over Cas' body, as what little composure he had unravelled as he broke off into an uncontrollable ramble "He was at a bakery and there was an armed robber, he jumped on top of the guy so he wouldn't shoot the store owner, and he shot Dean instead. The hospital said he might not make it, Sam. He has to make it, I can't live without him, I can't Sam, I-" Cas' rambling tongue was cut off by his brother-in-law's shoulder, as Sam engulfed him into a hug. Even though he was trying to be strong, Cas could feel the tremble in Sam's arms. Cas took some deep breaths trying to calm down.
"Come on we need to get to the hospital" Sam quietly uttered with a quick cough, pulling away from Cas, his throat sounding clogged, holding back a sniff. "I'll get Charlie to kick everyone out and close up, meet me in my car, I don't think you should drive like that" Cas could do nothing but nod and obediently follow his orders, accepting Sam's keys that we're held out for him. The following 20 minutes to Sioux Falls general felt like eons. Cas nervously fidgeted with anything within arms reach, picking his nails to the point where they bled. Sam drove quickly, never once taking his eyes off the road, attempting to get there without loosing composure. He knew if he let himself crack he wouldn't be able to carry on.
"I'm Castiel Winchester, I'm here for my husband, Dean Winchester" Cas' clogged throat scratched out as he scrambled to the desk in the reception of the hospital, Sam only millimetres behind him..
"He is in surgery right now, if you'd like to take a seat I'll alert his doctor you're here and we'll get an update for you as soon as we can" the receptionist's smile was warm and not at all comforting. Castiel gave him a quick nod and paced to the opposing end of the waiting room, whilst Sam sat in one of the chairs, head immediately falling into his hands, hair covering his face. Cas continued to pace the room, biting his nails down to near extinction. Only did he stop when the unmistakable sound of crying could be heard below him. In an instant, Cas was on his knees in front of Sam. The sight broke Cas' heart and he had to use all that he had to not cry too.
"You know, I've seen Dean get shot before" Sam spluttered between sobs. Cas stayed quiet although his statement came as a surprise "I've sat in this waiting room, waiting to find out if he was alive or not. Just for him to come strolling out, stupid shit eating grin on his face, saying 'flesh wound, bitch'. I punched him in the face" Cas broke out a small half smile at the image, Sam had regained some slight composure "he'd gotten in a fight in a bar, I think over some girl or a game of pool, something stupid. Then some douche pulled out a gun and shot him in the shoulder." Sam looked up, wiping at his face and pushing his hair behind his ears. "Dean had called me on the way to the hospital, he was 21 at the time, saying 'Sammy I've been shot, burn my playboys' he was joking and I knew he was, but he sounded in pain Cas, real bad. So Dad raced us over here, and we sat for 3 hours waiting for him to come out, thinking he was dead" Sam took a deep shaky breath. "I just can't believe it's happening again, but this time he might actually die" Sam looked up at Cas again "he might die, Cas, I can't loose my brother" Sam's cries returned at full force. It was Cas's turn to pull the younger man into a tight embrace, Sam sobbed into Cas' shoulder, while tears silently slipped down Castiel's face. They stay that way for a long while. Once Sammy's cries eventually quietened down they were left with a deadly silence, the sounds of a tv behind them uttering some boring white noise about healthy eating and the important of a balanced diet. Cas glanced around the room, looking at the various other patients, there was a guy with a bandaged arm in a sling, a girl on crutches and a few older people in amongst what looks to be healthy people who Cas assumes to be friends and family of patients. What pulled at Cas' heartstrings was the kid playing on the floor with a little toy car, sat by the feet of his pregnant mom, dad sat next to her, he couldn't have been any older than 3. Cas watched the family solemnly, an uncontrollable, unrequited feeling of anger, resentment and pure sadness washed over him. 'Stupid fucking asshole, wanting to wait and have kids, if we had a kid this might not have happened at all, you'd have been at home taking care of it. Or I would have been, you just wouldn't have been in that stupid fucking bakery.' Angry thoughts tumbled around in Cas' head, cursing out his husband in every conceivable way-
"Dean Winchester?" Cas' body worked quicker than his brain, he was on his feet before the nurse had finished his sentence.
"What's the news?" Sam asked urgently from behind Cas.
"He's still in surgery, it seems the bullet has done more damage than we thought, they're trying to stop the internal bleeding" Cas couldn't breathe "we have the finest general surgeon in the hospital with him, he's in the best possible hands, but gentlemen I'd say you're in for a long one his surgery could take a few more hours yet"
"Thank you" Was all Castiel could utter in response, the nurse gave them a small nod and headed back towards theatre. The pair slumped back into their seats in the waiting room, Sam hunched over, arms resting on his knees. While Cas sat looking up at the ceiling.
"I need to call my dad" Sam uttered, slowly fishing his phone out of his pocket. He thought about getting up and leaving to take the call but his legs wouldn't allow it, needing someone he cared about close by for support. His dad answered on the third ring, happy tone of voice.
"Hey Sammy, thought you'd be at work right now" the sound of his dad so happy was enough to break another sob free form Sam. Castiel rubbed his back to comfort him. Sams dad, John, was a happy guy, for all that he'd lost; both his parents and his loving wife in his life time, John had stayed a positive man. He doted on his sons and would do anything for them.
"Dad" Sam managed to cry out, this would going to be a hell of a lot harder than Sam initially thought.
"Sammy? What is it you're scaring me?" John begged frantically.
"Deans been shot" Sam uttered quickly, knowing of no other way he'd be able to say it. Castiel's arm tensed at hearing it.
"What?" John asked barely above a whisper. "Where are you?"
"Sioux Falls general, Castiel is with me" Sam sniffed loudly, "dad, they say he might not make it" Tears flowed freely down both Cas and Sams cheeks. All Sam heard was an 'I'm on my way' before the line died. The pair just sat, silently crying for a long while. "Cas?" Sam asked, reviving a murmur in response. "What does your palm say?" Cas opened his left hand, the words 'see you later, love you' written in delicate script staring back at him.
"See you later, love you" Cas told Sam.
"What was the last thing that Dean said to you this morning?" Sam glanced up to look at Cas in the eyes.
"I'm not sure, he left for work at 8, I was getting ready for work. He said something about grabbing breakfast for Bobby and Rufus before he got to work" Castiel was straining his mind trying to think of every intricate detail. "I think, on his way out he called 'Bye, Babe' up the stairs like he does everyday" Sam took an audible exhale, releasing all the air he didn't know he was holding.
"That's good Cas" Sam had a look of relief splashed across his face. "That's really good, if he didn't say what's on your hand then he's got to be okay. Or else your final words would be different" Sam made a lot of sense, and although it didn't do much to calm his racing heart, it gave him some slight peace of mind. Another 15 minutes passed before John burst in, hair wild, breathing heavily, he looked just as frantic and jittery as Cas and Sam felt. He ran up to the counter before either his son or son-in-law could catch his eye.
"I'm looking for my son, Dean Winchester" He rasped between laboured breaths, had he ran here?
"Your son is still in surgery, but your son-in-law is in the waiting from just over there, if you'd like to take a seat" the receptionist informed him. He gave him a smile-less nod, not out of malice or cruelty, just simply out of fear. He trudged over to the waiting room, Sam got to his feet and collapsed into his dads arms, sobbing into the crook of his neck. Sam was considerably taller than his father for being only 22 but the way in which he was crying, made him look so small and childlike. They pulled away and before Cas knew it John was pulling him into the same bone crushing hug that Sam had received. Although it was surprising, it did comfort Cas immensely. John pulled away, a hand still resting on Castiel's shoulder.
"Can someone please tell me what happened?" John sniffed and wiped away a couple stray tears. Cas retold the story, painfully, he knew it would be one he would struggle to even think about in future.
"Stupid idiot" John recited Cas' earlier thoughts "of course he'd have to play the hero" John clearly wasn't mad, all of them knew at heart that Dean was a hero for his actions. That so many more people could be hurt had he not acted the way he did, but selfishly they were just mad that it meant they could loose him. They'd rather hear a story on the news of someone else saving the bakery, being taken down in the process than have it be their Dean. Selfish and fucked up as that is. They three retreated to their seats. "Who else have you called apart from me?" John asked Sam.
"No one, I couldn't face it" Sam told him, John wrapped one arm around his son's shoulders.
"I'll call everyone soon" Sam just nodded in response. Cas say silently, playing with his now sore fingers from where he'd pulled the nails off. Hours past and the three were still sat that way, none making the effort to move, none having the energy nor the motivation. A mantra of 'he didn't say it, he didn't say it, he didn't say it' ran on a loop in Castiel's mind. So much so it gave him w headache.
He didn't say it, he didn't say it, he didn't-
"Dean Winchester family?" A Doctor, this time, addressed them. She looked weary, tired and run down, sporting a look of sadness. Cas' heart was in his stomach again. They stood and walked over to her.
"What's the news doc?" John asked tentatively. The doctor averted her gaze for a second before meeting his eyes again.
"I'm sorry, there were complications during surgery, Dean didn't make it-"
Right in that second, the world slipped out from under Castiel, he was locked in an air tight vacuum, no chance of escape. He could no longer hear what the doctor was saying. His breathing became shallow and erratic, unable again to catch a breath, he clawed at his throat. He couldn't hear a thing, not the sounds of Sams wailing, nor the sounds of the doctor trying to coax him to breathe or yelling for more help. The rushing water was back, and it was unbearable. He staggered back a couple steps on shaky legs, respiration still failing him. 'He didn't say it, he didn't say it, he didn't say it' still on a loop in Cas' head. He felt hands at his face, holding his head still but he couldn't see who it was for the blue, black and purple spots clouding his vision. He felt nauseous. Without even a second to move anywhere he hunched over and threw up right where he was standing, still unable to see, hear, think or breathe. It was only a couple more seconds before he dropped to the floor, some nurses catching his fall. He was unconscious.
John and Sam could do nothing to help Cas, the shock hitting them in much different ways, Sam was screaming and crying in his dads shoulder again, hitting his fists into his chest or balling his tshirt into his hand. While John stood almost perfectly still, unable to move, numb with grief. He held Sam close to his chest, incapable of saying a word, paralysis overcoming his senses.
Dean was dead. One's son, one's brother and apparently not one's soulmate, was dead.
When Cas woke up he was in a hospital bed, still in all the clothes he'd came in wearing. His white shirt, backwards blue tie and black trousers. He glanced around and saw an incredibly tearful Sam sat at his bedside, it hit him like a semi-truck. Dean had died, Dean was dead. He was gone. "How long was I out?" Castiel asked.
"Not long, only a few minutes" Sam's raspy voice replied. A few more seconds of silence pass before he speaks again. "They said we can see him, if we want" Sam glances up at Cas, looking younger than Cas had ever seen him. Cheeks tear stained, long hair covering his forehead in a messy disarray. "Dad and I waited for you to wake up, felt wrong to see him without you" Cas nodded.
"Thank you for waiting, sorry I passed out" Cas shamefully admitted.
"It's okay, doc said it happens a lot when someone's soulmate dies" Sam's words held no malice or snark, but they were all Cas needed to push him over the edge again, bursting full force into sobs. Sam came to his bedside rubbing his arm, offering words of comfort, none of which he truly believed himself.
"I wasn't his soulmate Sam, or else the words would be right" Cas sobbed even harder. It was as if his whole life he'd been lied to, the man he loved, cherished and cared so deeply about, was never his. He had stolen the treasure that was Dean Winchester from his rightful owner and now, whoever that was, would never get him back.
"Cas, look at me" Sam said, Cas glanced up, meeting eyes with the giant, younger man "the words may have been wrong, but Dean loved you, he did. With every fibre of his being. He told me time and time again that he'd found his soulmate in you. On his wedding day he wasn't nervous to marry you, because he knew he'd spend the rest of his life with you and be happy, which he did" Sam choked up at the last part. They shared a moment of silent eye contact before Cas nodded, still unbearably heart broken, but Sam made sense. Just because Dean may not have been his soulmate doesn't mean they didn't love each other tremendously, and Cas knows with his entire being that he'll never stop loving that man.
"Let's go see him" Sam nodded, agreeing and helping Cas out of the bed. Cas was still a little shaky on his legs. They found John just outside the door, waiting for them.
When they reached Dean's room, Cas paused, hand at the door knob. "Take your time" John offered softly. Cas took another moment before gently pushing the door open. There he was, Dean was lying in a bed, blanket up to his chest. Arms above the quilt by his side. Sam burst into tears behind Cas, John caught him when he fell into him once again sobbing. Dean looked so peaceful, he didn't look dead, just sleeping. Cas had seen this sight a many, many number of times in his life, usually the sight filled him with a sense of calm and home. But now, only sadness, grief and pain.
Cas hadn't realised he was staring until he heard John's voice from behind him, "would you like a moment Castiel?" Cas didn't have the voice within him to offer a reply, just silently nod. John took the weeping Sam back out of the room, where he proceeded to just hold him and rub soothing circles into his back. Inside, Cas took some terrified steps towards his husband, as if he may drop again at any second. Cas gazed at Dean, he didn't look hurt, or in pain, not even a scratch graced his perfectly face. Tears were running like a river down Castiel's cheeks. In a strange way, seeing Dean so picturesque and perfect made this all the more hard, if he'd been covered head to toe in cuts and bruises Cas could see that Dean was now at peace. But he isn't, he looks as beautiful and perfect as he always did, but he isn't in there anymore, he's gone.
"I'm sorry Dean" he choked, sitting down next to the bedside. "I'm sorry you waisted your time with me, I'm sorry I stole you away. You could have had these years with your real soulmate" Cas hiccuped. He can't imagine a world where Dean wasn't the one who said the words on his hand. But evidently that was the world he was living in, he doesn't want to live in that world. "I just need you to know though, I will never, ever stop loving you Dean Winchester. Soulmates or not, you are the love of my life" Cas placed a kiss to his husbands forehead. He took Dean's right hand into his left, turning it over, reading the inscription there.
"Go to work, loser"
That morning, Dean had been pestering Cas, saying how he didn't want either of them to go to work and to stay home and stay in bed all day. Doing naughty things. But Cas had had so much paperwork piling up at the bar and a midday delivery that there was no way he could skip it. Dean had begged and begged, even whilst getting ready for work, "please Cas, I don't want to get breakfast for Bobby and Rufus, I just want to spend all day doing that thing with the thing you love" Cas had just rolled his eyes, gotten out of bed, kissed dean on the lips before smacking his ass.
"Go to work, loser" Cas had said before running off into the shower, hearing the 'bye babe' as Dean left the house. Obviously Cas had seen what was on Dean's hand many times, but in that moment he'd forgotten, wrapped up in the cute wedded bliss that was his life.
Cas was sobbing holding Dean's hand tightly in his, Cas was Dean's soulmate after all. He hadn't stolen him. Cas couldn't make up his mind if this was a relief or heart wrenchingly dreadful. The rest of the day passed in a blur, signing various documents on Dean's behalf, setting up a time to see a funeral director, Sam driving him home. He barley spoke after he left Dean's room, knowing that could well be the last time he saw him, and the last thing dean had said was still not right. Cas decided he didn't want to be at he and Dean's home, it would be too painful. Sam had offered to let him stay at his apartment but all Cas wanted was to be alone. So instead, Cas had him drop him off at work. In his office there was a decently sized sofa he'd not been foreign to falling asleep on in the past. Plus his bar was full of booze incase he wanted to drink his troubles away. He couldn't bring himself to do anything of the sort except sit in his desk chair, silently, hours past and Cas hadn't moved an inch. It was well into the night now having spent many hours at the hospital. Cas didn't see himself sleeping tonight. Eventually he picked up his phone, he initially wasn't going to, knowing their cancun vacation photos were set as his phones background, he thought it might be too painful to look at. But he did it anyway, grabbing his phone and the first thing he saw was he had one missed call, it was from Dean. He'd left a voicemail. Cas dropped the phone back onto his desk, taking deep breaths. The phone stared at him, taunting him for a few long minutes. With a shaky hand, Cas dialled his voicemail. The automated message had never sounded so annoying or condescending, pressing 1 to hear his new messages had never made him more nervous. Cas' stomach was churning as he waited.
"Hey babe" Cas' throat hitched, he covered his mouth with his hand. "Don't even know why I'm leaving you a voicemail, who listens to voicemails anymore let alone leaves them" Dean laughed and it made Cas' heart ache all the more painfully. Yearning for the man coming through the speakers, to be more than just a voice through speakers. "Anyway, Bobby let me off work early, I know you don't get out till 5, and it's what-" there was rustling on the other end of the line "2:30? Let's say I go to that bakery we both love-" Cas broke down again, he doesn't think the word 'bakery' would ever sound the same again. "And I pick us up some pie and when you get home we order some Chinese or pizza or something. I'll pick the pie and you can pick the takeout" Cas could hear the smile in his voice, "anyway I'm rambling, still don't even know why I'm leaving a damn voicemail, I better go, I'll head the bakery now, I'm thinking apple" Cas smiled, surprisingly "see you later, love you"
Cas sat, stunned into paralysis. He didn't know what to think, what to feel or how to react. What he did know was though, Dean Winchester is his soulmate, and he's dead.
-----F O L L O W-----
-----C O M M E N T-----
-----V O T E-----
-----R E Q U E S T-----
-----E N J O Y-----