Boyle: Are you leaving us for Copperhead?
Gina: Because I am prepared to light Charles on fire in protest.
-
Gina: If Rosa had a twin, she would have eaten her in the womb.
-
Gina: Yeah, but what's his body like on a scale of Charles to Terry?
Boyle: Sorry, buddy.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? I'm the ten!
Boyle: Sure you are.
-
Jake: Every time I solve a case, I go get a steak dinner. My cholesterol is -a- terrible.
-
Rosa: Why the long face? That Mexican candy giving you nerve damage again?
Jake: Probably, but who even cares.
-
Gina: Hey, Terry, got any new baby pics?
Sergeant Jeffords: You hate looking at pictures of my twins. You said since they were identical I didn't need to take photos of both.
Gina: That doesn't sound like Auntie Gina. I love your baby pics. And your stories of the twins' sleep schedules.
-
Amy: I got a new rule. I don't date cops.
Jake: Cool. Cool. Yeah, actually, that's funny, I have the same rule. No more cops. From this point on, it's strictly dating criminals.
Amy: If you break up with them, you can always send them to jail.
Jake: Exactly. Nice and clean.
-
Boyle: If I wore a pink shirt, you'd tear me to shreds.
Jake: Well, yeah, but you'd look like a My Little Pony with a gun.
-
Sergeant Jeffords: It's not just about me.
Gina: Exactly. It's about me, and how you're abandoning me to these squares.
-
Jake: I'm sure she's busy tonight anyway. Taxes are due in eight months.
Detective Dave Majors: Actually, they were due two weeks ago.
Jake: Well, that is a horrible surprise.
-
Rosa: I thought he was dating that weather girl.
Jake: No, he dumped her because she blamed Hurricane Sandy on gay marriage.
-
Amy: Why doesn't your mouth work?
Jake: "Why doesn't your mouth work" - title of our sex tape.
Amy: What?
Jake: Your sex tape. What? No!
-
Jake: Juicy. Juicy. Good call. Good call. Tight. Tight. Tight.