I shouted at the top of my lungs, calling for Mom to come and help me.
"What is the matter with you ? Why are you shouting ? " She asked angrily. "I can't find my watch, please help me find it." I said in the most nuetral tone possible trying to keep my irritation at bay but instead of finding my watch, mommy dearest began lecturing me and I was starting to become irritated by the fact that now that she's come, instead of helping me find my stupid watch, she was giving me a lecture ?! Like great. That's exactly what I needed.
I rolled my eyes at her and started rummaging through my drawers in hopes of finding my watch. That watch wasn't just any watch, it was kind of my good luck watch, I mean I can't do anything without it. It's like my lucky charm or that thing that gives you super powers, like the ring in Green lantern or the locket that Sofia had in 'sofia the first'. It makes me feel confident and as dumb as that sounds, human psychi works that way. You need something to depend on when things go good or bad and since it can't be people as they never stay so it has to be an object and a lot of people have such things.
My watch is lucky for me because it's been through hell with me and I've had it with me since medical school. Finally I found my watch and wrapping it around my wrist I sprang to my car, out of my house, shouting a goodbye because I would get late if I didn't move now .-.
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Stuck in a jam, I was waiting for the car in front of me to move but it didn't. After honking for the umpteenth time, scowling I got out of my car and without looking at the driver I began "are you deaf ? I've been honking this whole time for you to move your stupid car so that others could- " and my breath got caught in my throat. Damn it, I cursed myself for being this stupid. Why ? Why God ? Why did it have to be him ? Muttering a small sorry, I quickly turned, rushing back to my safe haven, my car.
I hit my head on the steering wheel repeatedly, sitting in the parking lot, cursing myself for my stupid behaviour and lack of seeing others before unleashing my rage on them. I wanted to cry and just crawl in a hole and never come out, what will I do ? I'm so embarrassed, I feel like dying right now and it all had to be infornt of him ? Oh the great dragon ! Why couldn't it have been anyone else ? Anyone besides dr.shehryar ? And I pinched my eyes closed at the thought of him kicking me out. Great !
After waiting in my car for 15 minutes straight, my conscience finally decided to greet me.
Now there's no use sitting here is it ? Come on get up and go before that 0.00001 % chance of you not getting kicked out finishes too,my conscience spoke to me.
But what if he kills me ? I asked my conscience that seems to always go quiet when I need it the most.
He won't. My conscience assured me and went away.
Taking a deep breath, I took my things and walked to the hospital building, praying at every step that this day won't be my last.
I decided to avoid Dr.shehryar at all costs. That was my mission today, and I prayed to succeed in it and with that I continued to do my work.
Okay...I thought while assessing the scans of Ms. Anum, my patient today. Her tumor wasn't that complicated and was an easy work but the main problem wasn't the tumor, no, it was me going to dr.shehryar with my patient. I don't want to but it seems like I don't really have a choice.
Walking towards Dr.khan's office I stopped when I spotted dr.hassan near the nurse station. Like a train, the idea of Dr Hassan helping me, hit me and after contemplating on that idea for a few seconds, I ran off to Dr Hassan and asked him to help me. He being the good doctor he is, gladly accepted to help me and my patient. Thank you, God ! I whispered thinking that Allah would hear me.
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Working in this hospital and being in this theatre for more time than I can count, I finally feel relaxed standing here, as if this is where I'm meant to be. This is what I've worked hard for and this is what I'm still working for. This is the whole dream, isn't it ? It is.
"So, if you'll look here, you can see the very tissues that are present in your body," dr.hassan said, making me come back to reality. He really is a good person, like a fatherly figure. He's an amazing doctor too. He guides us and not once did he leave any of the team members behind. I can see why he's so popular and successful now.
After a while, the tumor was removed completely and now the stitching part was left. This was also a part where the skills of the surgeons are shown the most, because stitching up a body together is a big thing. I completely focused myself when we came to this part. "Dr.annaya ? Would you like to do the stitching part ?" Dr.hassan asked me, catching me completely off guard and the happiness and shock came in together. I eagerly nodded my head and came beside Dr.hassan, taking up the needle and thread in my shaking hands. Get a grip Annaya, I said to myself, hoping this'll make the fear go away but it didn't. Thank God Dr.hassan was right beside me, guiding me at every step and I was doing it, it felt like pure Bliss. Heavenly feeling.
"Okay now cross it over the previous stitch", dr.hassan said pointing at the previous stitch with his hands. I crossed the thread over the previous stitch and made a small but secure knot so that it's not hard for the patient too much and blew out a small breath. I was sweating fiercely but alhumdullilah I finally did it. I was feeling on cloud 9, everyone congratulated me and patted my back. I felt like the soldier who won the war and I couldn't stop smiling. I must've thanked God a thousand times or so for this opportunity.
Smiling profusely I exited the O.R and bumped into someone. I was in a very good mood that I didn't want to ruin so I moved back and said sorry with a smile plastered on my lips but that smile vanished when my eyes collided with the brow ones. The very eyes I was hell bend on avoiding.
"I...I..um...I," I stuttered but then stopped speaking when dr.hassan came and joined us both, I didn't want to get scolded infront of him. I looked up at dr.hassan and smiled and then looked down, trying to avoid dr.khans intense gaze.
I heard Dr. Hassan clear his throat as if trying to get our attention, but I was already focused on him then was he trying to get Dr shehryar's attention ? Why ? Was he looking at me ? What the hell ? I shook my head a little and dismissed the idiotic thoughts clouding my brain. "Congratulations once again, Dr. Annaya!," Dr. Hassan said to me and I smiled at him, a very sincere one.
"What are you congratulating her for ?," Dr. Shehreyar asked Dr.hassan, disdain lacing his voice. I felt tears stinging my eyes, ready to break lose but I sucked in a breath. Dr. Hassan said ;" Dr Annaya here actually played a big part in her patients surgery. "
"Oh really," Dr. Shehreyar mocked me, daring me to look in his eyes or talk back but I didn't.
"Yes she did, she stiched her patient up and I must admit she is very skillful and I'm glad to have accompanied her in this surgery. " Dr. Hassan said while patting my back lightly.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have another patient waiting, " Dr. Hassan said and left me alone with the dragon. Great!
I felt Dr. Khan's intense gaze on me but I didn't dare utter a single word.
"I don't know how Dr. Hassan trusted you, I'm amazed the patients still alive." He sneered at me and I gasped at his harsh words. I felt a loose tear escape my eye but I quickly wiped it and moved away from there.
I ran to the bathroom and cried. I cried because I was hurt, I cried because of my stupidity and my expectations and I cried for a good time. Maybe he's angry, that's why he said those awful things.
It's okay you know. He's just like that, you're amazing, my conscience tried to cheer me up, trying it's best to make me feel okay but I wasn't okay.
Today was my first time actually performing a part in a real surgery and all of it was ruined. I hate myself for my stupid behavior. Maybe he will kick me out or he would embaress me infront of everyone. God, I cried harder thinking of all the horrible possibilities that ran in my mind. After crying for a while, I wiped the tears away and washed my face, hoping to reduce the redness and puffiness of my eyes but it didn't. I went out of the bathroom and continued on with my work.
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I was just filling in some files when I felt someone look at me, I looked up to see who it was but there was no one. I shouldn't watch horror movies, I thought. I was already upset and Sara, Ali or Ahmed weren't there too.
I continued filling the files, ignoring the feeling of someone watching me. I closed the files after a while and placed them back on the shelf and turned to finally go back to my sweet bed in my sweet home, but changed my route when I saw Dr. Shehreyar coming towards me. I walked hastely to the elevator and quickly pressed on a random button and saw Dr. Shehreyar trying to catch up but thankfully the elevator doors closed and I slumped down on the ground.
Today's been so hectic. I blew out a breath when the doors opened revealing the parking lot and so I went to my car and drove home as fast as I could, I didn't want to stay away from my bed any longer now.
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"Mom, I'm home." I said a little loud while closing the door so that they would know I'm here.
"Oh, I'm glad you're here Annaya, I have something to tell you," mom said looking happier than usual and I followed her to the lounge where Dad and Bhai(brother) were seated on the sofa.
"What's going on ?", I asked confused as to why we were having a round table conference. Dramatic much ?!
"Annaya, your brother is getting married to Dania, your friend." Dad said and I felt goosebumps on my hands. No, it can't be. He can't marry her, right ? I asked myself. I couldn't take it anymore so I just quietly got up, nodding my head and went to my room. This is just too much and I bet they're joking. I layed down on my bed and went to sleep, hoping for today to just be a dream.
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