Harry takes the baby to aunt Eleanor and returns to the kitchen.
"I need you. It's been too long since I was between your legs. I swear to stop if you need, but I want to try." He says, taking my hand and leading me to the stairs.
I must have a panicked look on my face because he stops us at the foot of the stairs and cups my face.
"Baby, relax. You know I'd never push you to do something you weren't ready for. That includes this. We'll take it slow, all at your pace."
Feeling my fluttering heart slow down a little, I nod and take his hand in mine before following him up to our bedroom. Once in our room, Harry closes and locks the door before turning to look at me up and down while biting his lip. It still makes me smile and makes my stomach erupt with butterflies.
A blush creeps up my neck and over my face causing me to look down as he looks me over. It makes me feel sexy that my husband still stares at me like I'm the prettiest thing he's ever laid eyes on.
He takes both of my hands in his and walks backwards until he is sitting on the edge of our bed. Feeling a little braver, I cup his face in my hands and press my lips to his as his hands wind around my waist and he's pulling me to stand between his legs.
I grab his shirt and he helps me remove it, tossing it on the floor carelessly. I eye him up and down while biting my own lip. I've seen him naked several times, but I am still just as blown away every time. He is the sexiest man I've ever seen and I can't believe he's all mine.
His hands rest on my waist and slowly slide up to the bottom of my shirt, his eyes never leaving mine. He begins to drag my shirt up over my stomach and before I know it, it's joining his on the floor. I take a deep breath as he pushes me back a bit so he can stand up in front of me. I reach out and grab his belt buckle, beginning to unfasten it.
Once it's undone, I pop the button on his jeans and pull the zipper down so they're undone. When I look up at him, he's staring at me with those glittering green eyes that are mysterious yet smoldering.
I gently reach up and slide my hand down his sternum, over his chiseled abs, down to his naval, where I let my fingers tangle in the hair of his happy trail. And he lets me. He doesn't rush me or get impatient. I need this, and for him to be so understanding is more than I could ask for.
Harry reaches up and slides both of my bra straps off my shoulders before reaching behind my back and unclipping it. He then slides it off my body and throws it on the floor. He makes quick work of my shorts and soon both of us were stepping out of pants, left only in our underwear. I make the first move, afraid that if I don't, I never will be able to move forward. I grab the elastic band of his briefs and slide them down his legs until I was on my knees in front of him. I glance up at him and he had the same steely gaze fixed on me.
When I reach for his shaft, he grabs my wrist and pulls me to my feet instantly. "No, Bentlie. No oral sex. I didn't see what he did to you, but the boys did. They told me what happened and I won't make you relive that."
With both my wrist still in his grasp, I nod to him, wide-eyed and a little caught off guard. "O-okay." I agree with him. To be honest, I don't think I could do it anyway. The thought of ever performing oral sex again makes my stomach churn.
Letting go of my wrist, Harry removes my panties, leaving both of us in the nude. I crawl up onto our bed and lay down as Harry follows, crawling over me. I spread my legs so he could lie between them comfortably and once he is where he wanted to be, he gently lays down so he didn't crush me. Being skin-to-skin with him again is like our first time all over again.
I have to re-learn what Harry feels like. I let my hands roam his entire body and as I committed it to memory, Harry began to take charge. He gently clasps my chin between his thumb and finger before drawing my lips up to his for a heated kiss. His lips are soft as they move over mine and the second his tongue swipes against my bottom lip, I give him entrance. The coolness of his lip ring and the heat of his lips makes for an incredible contrast.
Our tongues wrestle for dominance for a little bit, then they spent more time exploring each other's mouth before Harry takes over again. Our kisses grow heated and Harry pulls away to trail kisses down my jaw and neck, over my collarbones and on my chest. As he peppers his way back up to my sweet spot behind my ear, I grasp his biceps as a moan leaves my lips and I arch my back to press my hips into his.
I feel his smile before I see it. He runs his nose along my jaw before smiling at me and kissing my lips again. "Fuck, I've missed you. I've missed this." He murmurs against my ear, his hot breath tickles the shell of my ear before I feel his teeth tug at my earlobe.
"Me, too. Thank you. For everything. For still loving me even though I wasn't sure I could do this. I love you." I whisper, my voice thick as it cracks. My eyes well up with tears and I try not to cry because I don't want to ruin the moment. We've both waited for this for a long time.
Cupping my cheek, Harry uses the pad of his thumb to brush my tears away and he presses several sweet kisses to my lips. "Listen to me. You crash landed into my world and completely wrecked it in the best way. I wasn't sure I was capable of loving another human until you came along. You make me a better man. I'm rough around the edges still and there's a lot to learn, but you don't have to thank me for anything. Do you honestly think that anything on this planet could make me fall out of love with you? It would have to fucking kill me first." It's quiet for a second as he grabs my left hand and brings our hands together, our fingers intertwined and he continues. "When I put this ring on your finger and said my vows, it wasn't temporary, baby. I meant for life. What happened to you is my fault and don't think for a second that I don't live with that guilt every single day. But you and I? We are for life. I don't care if we never have sex again or any of that. I just want you and our son and our family. I love you." He says.
His words of course make me cry harder and I nod to him. Jesus, has he been blaming himself for this the entire time? How did I miss that? I need to reassure him that this was out of our control. "Oh, Harry, no. It wasn't your fault either. I don't blame you. He was a psycho long before either of us came into the picture. We just made for easy targets and maybe if I knew how to defend myself, I could have fought him." I whisper to him. I look into his eyes to see if he is understanding what I'm saying. "Please, please, don't blame yourself for this. I know that you love me and I knew you'd do your best to save me. You did, or I wouldn't be here right now. What happened to me was out of our control."
Harry purses his lips together and I can see the pain in his eyes. "Don't you dare blame yourself either. You were the victim in this scenario. You did what you had to do to keep yourself and our baby alive. Don't you ever fucking apologize for that. Clear?" He asks. I immediately nod. I'm not sure he will ever let this go. I know this took a toll on both of us, but we are fighters. My life since I've been with Harry has been the best it's ever been. I am so much stronger than the broken girl he picked up in Arizona.
Once my tears are gone, we are back in the moment and I can feel myself needing him in every single way. "Harry..I need you inside me. Right now." I tell him.
I see my words register on his face and his eyes instantly darken with lust and the hooded look he gets is enough to make my thighs squeeze together to relieve the ache there. "Such a filthy mouth." He smiles at me. Rolling to his left side, he parts my knees a little further and brings his hand between us. As soon as he touches me, I jump and grab his wrist, all those awful memories and feelings coming back to haunt me.
He sees me panicking and grabs my hand. "Bentlie, easy. I won't hurt you. I'll go real slow and gentle. I promise. If it's still too much for you, we'll stop."
I release my hold on him and he keeps his eyes glued to mine as he gently pushes a finger past my slick folds. My eyes are wide open and I inhale sharply through my nose, my entire body tenses up beneath him.
"Easy. You're doing so well. I know that this is traumatic, but if we don't do this I could end up hurting you and that's the last thing either of us wants." He coaxes me.
I keep telling my brain to tell my body to relax. I don't realize that I'm tense until I am sinking into the mattress again. After a few minutes, Harry inserts a second finger into my aching core and I let out a small moan to let him know that I like the feeling.
"We don't have to go all the way tonight. I can still make you cum with just my fingers." As he talks to me, his fingers curl inside me and my mouth drops open as a minuscule squeak comes out.
"No, I need all of you. I need to know that I can do this, not just for you, but for me, too." I look directly into his eyes and I swear they get prettier every single time. Nodding to me, Harry removes his fingers and pops them both into his mouth, sucking them clean.
Before we go any further, Harry leans down and presses a sweet kiss to my lips, allowing me to taste myself on his tongue. Deciding to live in the moment, I wrap my hands around the back of his neck so I have a hold of the loose curls at the base of his neck. While he deepens the kiss, I tug on his hair and anchor myself to his body.
Harry parts my legs again and I feel the swollen tip of his cock right against my folds. As he guides himself inside me, he watches himself disappear inside my body and I can't help but to throw my head back and moan as his massive cock splits me and then fills me to the brim.
With a couple of grunts from Harry, he finally bottoms out at my core and once he is satisfied, he rolls back over so he is hovering over me, resting his weight on his elbows. "You okay?" He asks me as we both take a moment to adjust to everything.
I place my hands on his pecks and wrap my legs around his waist before giving him a smile and raising my hips up to let him know I'm ready.
He cocks his head to the side and gives me a hardened look as if he's asking if I really want to tease him when I am literally at his mercy. Knowing it drives him insane, I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and raise my hips again, but I swivel them in a sloppy figure eight pattern to create even a little bit of friction.
Harry's hand grasps my hip and he pins me down beneath him. "You're playing a very dangerous game, amor." He warns.
"Then let's play. Give me everything you've got." I challenge with my own smirk.
Shaking his head, he rests himself back on his elbows and then he's pulling out of me and slamming himself back into me with no warning. My entire body jolts from the impact of his hips connecting with mine and I feel myself slide up the bed a little. I wrap my arms around his neck to keep myself from moving away from him as he thrusts.
He pulls out again, this time agonizingly slow until I can only feel his tip just past my folds. And again, he drives his hips forward like a jackhammer and fills me in the most exquisite way.
"H-Harry...faster, please.." I beg him.
Taking my needs into consideration, Harry begins to pick up the pace and before long he is no longer pulling all the way out. Instead, he is keeping our hips connected as he grind our bodies together and oh fuck, if it didn't feel marvelous. My entire body was in overdrive. If he kept this up I wasn't going to last much longer.
Suddenly, Harry rolls so he is on his back and I am sitting astride his waist, my hands on his chiseled stomach. In this position, I can feel him touching places deep within me that I didn't even know existed.
His rough hands come to rest on my hips and I slowly begin to move, first rolling my hips against his. As our pubic bones rub together to create a euphoria, I reach down between my legs and find the tiny bundle of nerves that have the capability of making me fall apart with one touch. I keep eye contact with Harry as my middle finger glides between my slick folds and presses against my clit.
Harry's eyes drop to where we are connected and he bites his lip as he watches me touch myself. My back arches as the early signs of pleasure begin to course through me. When I look at Harry again, I can see he is clearly on the verge of losing control and it gives me a little bit of satisfaction to know that I can drive him crazy.
Slapping my hands away from my center, Harry wraps his hands around my waist before he drives his hips upward and into me with an urgency that wasn't there before. I lean forward and sink my nails into his chest as he begins to bounce me in his lap.
"Harry...I'm getting c-close.." I tell him as he keeps going, his pace getting faster and his movements sloppier.
"I'm almost there." He says through gritted teeth.
A few seconds later my legs squeeze Harry's waist tight and I explode, letting the satisfying power of my orgasm run through my bloodstream. I throw my head back and cry out his name as my nails leave angry red streaks down his chest.
Just as my orgasm starts to come to an end, Harry buries his head in my chest and his arm tightens around my body as I feel him hit his high, too. His entire body goes rigid and I can feel his cock start to spasm and twitch within my depths and it isn't long after that I feel his entire load fill my pussy until it begins to ooze out between us.
When it's all over, I climb off of him and lie beside him, cuddling up beneath the sheets. I really need to talk to someone about what's going on, but I don't want to involve a therapist. While I appreciate the other's input, I also know that they are all set in their ways and they tend to be biased. I decide that Harry is my best option, but I am so afraid that what I need to tell him will ruin the incredible experience we just shared.
"Harry? Can I talk to you?" I ask.
After readjusting himself so my head is on his chest and he is looking down at me, he nods. "Of course. What about?"
"What happened to me. How I felt, how I'm feeling now, basically all the things I would tell a therapist." I say.
It's silent for a moment and I'm afraid that I've angered him, but then his arm tightens around me and he plants a kiss on my forehead before saying. "You can tell me anything you feel comfortable talking about. I'll do my best to listen and do what I can for you."
Taking a deep breath, I decide to jump right in.
"I wasn't just afraid of being touched again. I was afraid that if you knew what happened to me, what I did, then you would find me dirty. Disgusting and unworthy of your love." The tears begin to run down my face and Harry moves us so we are now sitting up, facing one another.
"Love, what are you talking about? What do you mean 'what you did'?" His eyes furrowed together and he pinched his bottom lip between his thumb and finger.
The waterworks are in full force now and I calm myself down enough to tell him the awful truth.
"When I was being tortured by Walker...he um...he assaulted me, sexually. M-my hands were handcuffed above me so I couldn't fight back and no matter how much I thrashed around, it did no good. He pushed his fingers inside of me so hard that there was a lot of blood and pain, but he was relentless." I wipe my eyes and take a moment. I see Harry's hard glare looking directly at me as he listens.
"I tried to stop it from happening, but I ended up h-having an orgasm. My entire body was sensitive from the pregnancy hormones and though there was a lot of pain in the process, I still ended up climaxing. I was afraid if I told you that you'd think I was a whore. But I never meant for it to happen. I tried to fight it and stop it from happening, but it did anyway."
I drop my head in my hands and continue to bawl my eyes out. "I am so sorry, Harry. I want you to know that you're the only man I've ever truly loved and ever will. I would never betray you in any way, but my body betrayed me and if you can't forgive me...I understand because I haven't forgiven myself either."
I'm on the verge of hyperventilating and Harry sits there, dead silent. I can see the anger and hate written on his face as his glare only hardens further. The intensity in his emerald green eyes is intimidating and I don't know what he's thinking.
"Harry...please, say something...anything. Yell at me, cuss me out, just do something." I beg, my voice barely above a whisper.
After a solid ten minutes of silence, Harry grabs my arms and pulls me towards him so I'm in his lap, my back to his chest. He drops his arms around me and just holds me in the quiet. Finally, he begins to speak.
With his voice thick with emotion, he clears his throat and talks to me quietly. "Bentlie. I'm going to tell you things you don't want to hear, but need too." I nod my head and wait for him to continue.
"Our bodies respond to sex. We are human. They do so uniquely and without our permission or intention. It doesn't mean it was a pleasurable response. It was a physical one, and it happens whether or not your brain is on board. He hurt you and took advantage of you while you were helpless. That isn't your fault. The orgasm isn't your fault. Honestly, it kills me to know that you thought I'd think so low of you after a traumatic experience. I may be a hard ass, but I do have a heart. I could never think that of you. I'm so glad you told me this. But I think there is someone better suited to help you with this. You can ask her whatever you want and I think it would be good for you."
I lean sideways and look up at him. "Who?" I whisper.
He inhales through his nose and looks down at me.
"Gemma."
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A/N- So here is my next chapter! This is by far one of the longest chapters I've ever written! I was going to post last night, but right in the middle of writing this, wattpad's servers went down & I wasn't waiting so I decided to finish it today!
A LOT happened in this chapter. I gave you smut lovers a little something & I also reached into an emotional topic to explore that. I know this can be triggering to some so please read with caution. I'm a survivor myself so if you need or want to talk, drop me a message. I may not have the answers, but I can listen & I can care.
PLEASE don't be a ghost reader! Give me feedback! it helps me greatly. Vote, comment, help me out! I'm hoping my next update won't take so long. Hockey just started again & practices are killing me! Plus I recently made President of my town's historical society & so it's up to me to run meetings, plan projects & so on. I'm trying to devote more time to my writing.
This book is just about finished & I have SO much planned for the third book! I have also been reading a fuckton (my favorite unit of measurement) of Harry fanfics. THERE. ARE. SO. MANY. GREAT. ONES. Literally, you have no idea. So check them out!
And last but certainly not least, I wanted to say a massive thank you to @The_Wife_of_Bath for reading my stories & literally blowing up my notifications with votes. It means the world to me that you've taken the time to check it out! I dedicated this chapter to you as a thank you, I hope you enjoy!