this song fits the chapter so beautifully. play it to feel some more for Leila.
-_-
My entire body ached.
Breathing was a task in itself; with every breath I took eliciting a sharp pain in my rib area. And it hurt. It hurt so bad. It confused me because I went through that almost everyday in the outskirts— fought monsters taller than trees and stronger than steel, but this time, it was worse. The consequences of that battle were so, so much worse.
In my chest was a bell that was constantly ringing. Rather than the ringing, all I felt was the emptiness inside of the bell. The leftover vibration of the hits against the metal. All I felt was space.
It was worse than anything I could have ever imagined. Heavier than what I recalled and all the more hollow.
I tightened my grip on the leash, trying my hardest to not fall off of the horse and winced. I completely forgot about my broken fingers. I completely forgot about everything on my ride to the kingdom.
The view of the castle gates rose into my line of vision, forcing a sigh of relief out of me. We arrived. After 14 hours of continuous riding, we were finally back at the castle ready to be treated amongst the medics and nurses. I couldn't wait to take a shower; to rest within the warm waters of the privileged and never step foot back into the outskirts. I also couldn't wait to get rid of the golems head that was wrapped around my foot. The weight of it, as time passed, stalled a certain ache throughout my entire thigh.
"Welcome back, Royal Guard," A soldier bowed, respect etched into his posture before he pushed the gates open and resumed his standing.
I was too drained to react. All I did was connect my eyes to his and hoped he knew I appreciated his action. He probably didn't think that, probably thought I was sat too high on my horse but I just hoped he understood because lately, people cared more of themselves than anybody else.
The moon goddess would have bellowed at the sight of that witch.
Goddess, who does that?
Who takes the form of a beings dead mother to manipulate them into trafficking? Who does that? I just— I didn't understand how anybody could do something so vile and unworthy. It made me fear humanity and despite the power of my Lycan. It made me question why the mother of the moon bestowed upon us such evil creatures and monsters? Weren't we supposed to be her children? Weren't we supposed to be her most prized creation?
I swallowed down an array of overwhelming emotions and stopped my thoughts from running further.
It was sinful to question the power of the moon.
And I would not sin further.
It was bad enough I had my mothers blood on my hands.
"How are you holding up?" Slaiman asked for the nth time that day.
All I did was look back at him and nod, when in reality, I felt something bad was growing in the bit of my stomach. I felt the insides of the monsters I slayed lurk between my tissues and swim into my bodily fluids.
As the horses walked further into the front yard of the castle, their heels padding across the cobblestone trial, the fog cleared up and there stood 6 figures right beside the entrance. I hoped they weren't there to welcome us; the sight of me was horrifying and worrying to say the least. It was only when my horse stopped moving that I was able to conclude who exactly they were.
Luca, the Luna, and the leaders all 4 kingdoms.
Including the northern leader.
A man with a beard thicker than sheep's wool and skin scattered with scars and fine wrinkles. A man who's jaw slacked at the sight of me. A man who's eyes watered as they landed on my beaten body.
My father.
He made it, i thought.
I noticed Slaiman's head snap to me. He was about to speak, maybe comfort me, but the northern leader was quick to interrupt him.
"Leila?" Father's tone was thick with undeniable emotion.
My throat clogged up. I didn't want this to be another dream. I really didn't. The thought that I was alone in this world with a brother who had his own family to raise and a mother who's life was in my wretched hands was daunting. It was like walking down a dark path for eternity knowing a monster was waiting for you at the end of the tunnel. You knew the monster wouldn't get to you, that it would take you infinity to reach him, but you also knew that he existed. That he existed because of you.
"Le-Leader of the north," My voice scraped against the walls of my throat, "greetings,"
I spoke with two faced respect.
Did he even bother looking for me?
"You're— You're alive," He held a hand to his mouth, "goddess, you're here!"
"I am," I wasn't anywhere near as happy as he was, in fact, his presence brought nothing but anxiety to my being.
When would he die? How would he die? Who would be responsible for his death? Those questions racked through my brain as I stared back at him with vessels for eyes and a stone for a face.
"Is the questioning instrument in your hands?" The Luna asked, "because I see nothing but a box,"
"The box holds a witch the royal guard holds captive with her soul. She will question the"— Slaiman paused, eyes moving to my fingers that struggled to hold onto the horse, "the leaders of our kingdom,"
The air was thick with confusion and awe. Nobody knew why the norther leader knew my first name, nobody new why I looked so wrecked atop my horse, nobody knew how I caught a witch and stuffed her into a box. Nobody knew and they would never know. Because they were Kings and Queens, strolling through their castles and fighting non other than people of their own species.
Luca walked forward, eyes connected to my own and filled to the brim with tears I couldn't understand. He placed a hand on my horse's head and swallowed down his emotions; the leaders behind him questions his actions. I noticed the way his bicep twitched, the way his fingers itched to grab me off of my horse and protect me from whatever evil the world withheld.
It made me want to jump into his arms.
It made me want to sob into his chest harder than I did with Slaiman.
But I couldn't and neither could he.
So we remained in that position for a time frame of several seconds, me staring down at him from my horse and him looking up at me in desperation, until he spoke with those beautiful lips of his.
"Call the medics," Luca's voice rasped, "now,"
The Luna scowled, "I am no mediator!"
Luca spun around and roared at his mother, eyes glowing that stunning amber of theirs, "That was an order!"
She stumbled backwards, a hand held to her chest. She crossed the line and didn't know why and I was glad. That woman was to blame for my packs attack and if I could, I would order that witch to bring alive her worst memories but my heart couldn't live knowing I put someone through such a moment. I would bare the burden seeing mothers eyes one last time and nobody else would.
"Al-Alright," The Luna scurried back unto the castle, hands gripping at the skirt of her dress to inform the medics that I needed help.
"Alpha of the north, you have full access to the witch my guard has brought to you. You may begin your questioning tomorrow," Luca's eyes came back to mine, "the guard will rest until I say she's fit to fight,"
If he had said such a thing a few days ago, I would have flipped; told him off for even insinuating that he had power over me, but at that moment, I couldn't. I needed rest. I needed to hibernate for 300 years until I was finally ready to come out of the shadows and speak of my past, of all the bones I'd broken and the Lycan's I had to murder.
It was only when I saw Luca that I realised how much I missed his hold. He spoke with authority so absolute it made me want to wrap my arms around him and stay there forever because I knew for a fact that he would outlive me. I knew that I wouldn't have to witness nor mourn his death, that he would be with me until I passed my time with nature.
"Leaders, I request you all leave to your chambers. Now," Luca's looked up at Slaiman, "including you, honorable beta. I must have a word with my guard,"
My guard.
Those words sizzled an emotion I couldn't handle through my veins, one that rushed a gush of dizziness so strong I had to shut my eyes to withstand it.
The leaders bowed down to Luca and I and headed to their chambers until it was just my male and I, starting down at each other's with no words able to escape the wisps of our lips. His eyes, in all the amber ambiguity, held such a softness as they looked up at me. As they assessed the gash on my forehead and the brokenness in my fingers. As they admired the strength my posture held regardless of the ribs I'd broken and scenes I'd witnessed.
"I sensed something when you were gone," He began, placing a warm hand atop my uninjured thigh, "22 hours passed of your absence and all I felt was a simple desire to have you by my side. But by the 23rd hour, my entire body was on fire. My wolf"— his lips wavered — "he told me you were gone. He told me he could sense nothing but anger in you,"
My lips parted as I released a shaky breath; the events of last night rushing to my mind.
"I thought you went rogue, Leila," He croaked, head lowering, "I thought you were no longer here,"
I felt the same.
That I was no longer than woman I was when I first entered the castle. Back at the cottage, it was almost as though I grabbed a knife and stabbed everything that made me me.
My love for all things beautiful.
My admiration for instruments and art.
My ability to fight with no remorse.
A tear slipped down my cheek and fell onto his hand, forcing him to snap his head to face me. His eyes widened at the sight of my sadness and immediately, he slid his hands under my knees and carried me into his chest; unknowing of all the glass shards trapped within my body.
The medics passed us.
The maids saw me in his arms.
The castle walls whispered my name in his.
Leila Belluci.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I began losing consciousness of reality— as I slowly felt my soul beg to go to sleep to not withstand what tomorrow held. I heard Luca shouting. I felt him shaking me in his arms and- dare I say - sensed a droplet of water fall onto my head.
He was crying.
So badly did I want to open my eyes and tell him to stop, that I wasn't dying but only passing out for a minute or two, but even I didn't know if that was the truth. Whatever that monster was, his black blood was floating within my own- infesting the veins of my body ever so agonizingly.
My body soon fell limp into his arms.
I felt my body be placed onto a metal table and sensed my armor be ripped off of me, violating my very right to privacy. An sudden cold rushed up the flat of my stomach and swiveled through the swell of my breasts. I shivered. I was surprised I could still feel such a thing.
A syringe was stabbed into my thigh, forcing my body upwards and my eyes to fly open.
Adrenaline.
My arms turned jittery as several nurses began wrapped them in bandages and casts.
It was like I was going to explode.
I was hot and cold.
I was tired but filled to the brim with synthetic energy.
I was shivering but I was also sweating.
My eyes opened to find that Luca wasn't in the operating room with me, rather it was a male doctor and 4 nurses that aided to all my petty wounds. A scalpel cut into the skin of my stomach and I laid there, on the operating table, numb.
I suddenly wanted my male there with me.
"Luca," I whispered through the commotion of the room, "where is he?"
"You have to rest, dearie. Your body is on the brim of collapsing," The nurse had eyes that looked very familiar, a honey brown colour I could have sworn I'd seen before, "come on, close those beautiful eyes of yours,"
"Luca," I muttered, chest caving, "where is he?"
My ears rang powerfully and I shut my eyes, body clenching.
The nurse placed a cold hand on my forehead, dizzying me even further. The art of holding onto dear life grew unbearable at the presence of her hand and I wanted to slap it off, but I couldn't. It seemed I couldn't do a lot of things, too.
"Luca," I said, one last time as my eyes began closing.
It wasn't until I heard the door slam open that I finally shut down and dreamt of a nothingness so profound I couldn't help but reach into it.
-_-
*evil laugh*
New chapter coming out tomorrow or after tomorrow! I'm really enjoying writing this and your comments just keep me going! Honestly, they're so refreshing to read.
Is Leila dying?
And what the hell was up with that nurse?
I really think we should all just team up and rescue Leila from that castle. It's doing her more harm than good.