I looked at my school uniform sprawled out on my bed. The blazer was black with the school logo on it. The skirt was a checker red and black skirt.
I had to admit I liked it. It's was one of the few things I like about school.
My mom and I went to shop for new uniform because my old ones were not fitting me properly. My skirt hung a bit loosely on my waist. My blazer lost some color and all my white shirts were small.
I had fun shopping with her, she wanted to bring Kathy along but I didn't really want an awkward shopping trip. I never said anything, and my mom just shook her head and smiled to herself. Saying that seems impossible at the moment.
I had to admit I felt really bad for my parents. They obviously wanted all of us to get along. They too were very disappointed with the twins and still are, but they understood my hesitation to trust the them so easily.
Today was school and I was a bit nervous. I didn't want people bothering me. I really preferred being alone because I was use to it, but I wouldn't mind having a few genuine friends here and there.
I was dragged out of my thoughts when I heard a faint knock on the door. "Come in!" I yelled not bothering to ask who it was.
"Um, mom said you have to came down for breakfast."
I turned away from my bed and saw Kathy standing awkwardly by the door.
"OK." I gave her small smile and she gave me one back.
I was waiting for her to leave so I could get dressed but she just stood there with a smile on her face. She was in her uniform already. Her hair was tired up and she had light pink lipstick. She looked really sophisticated as always in her uniform.
I was about to ask her to leave when she said," I know you hate me and Hayden right now. But I just want to say I am really sorry about how I treated you in the past, I'm sorry I wasn't the older sister you deserved, I'm sorry I made you hate yourself when there was absolutely nothing wrong with you and I'm sorry I let my jealously get the better of me."
"Why would you be jealous of me? " I asked curiously. Katherine was absolutely beautiful and smart. She was good at everything she did and so was Hayden.
Why would she be jealous of me?
"Because you always were the favorite." It wasn't Kathy spoke it was Hayden. He was wearing his school uniform.
He came into my room so quietly I never noticed and it seemed like he eavesdropped on our conversation.
I was still wearing my bathrobe and I only had my underwear underneath it. So I really wanted to dressed and then have this conversation. But I am too damn curious to hear what they have to say.
"That really isn't a legitimate reason." I said while looking at both of them confusingly. I never really considered myself as 'the favorite '.
Hayden sighed softly and leaned against the wall the behind him. He looked very stressed and tired. He was about to elaborate when Kathy spoke up, "You were always everyone's favorite. It's was like anyone who met you would forget we were in the room and you were the only one there. It was so frustrating. Everything we did to get at least some acknowledgement always went unnoticed. I remember when we were six I sang the Russian national anthem at thanksgiving and all I got was 'that was good ' . It was like no one cared but, then you sang the exact same thing and everyone stood up and told you how amazing you were and how did you learn that so fast. I felt really unimportant and jealous." she inhaled deeply and then exhaled.
What is it with those two always taking deep breathes in and out or sighing?
I remembered that. Me and Kathy were practicing the Russian anthem for months because we thought the language was beautiful. We were supposed to sing together but Kathy said she wanted to sing alone at the thanksgiving dinner so I let her, but only on the condition that I sang after her. I didn't realize all she wanted was the spotlight on herself.
"Then there was the time when all of us got lost in the mall. When mom and dad found us they kneeled in front of you and asked how you were, are you alright, were you scared. And all we got were pats on the head. It was just so aggravating." Hayden finished off.
I was sitting on the edge of my bed watching both of them intently. I always wanted to know what possessed them to treat me so horribly. I still think that no matter what happened they had no right to treat me that way at all. I never noticed all the attention I received and I sure as hell never noticed the attention the twins never got. So why did they have to give me grief. Couldn't they go on a rampage and be disobedient children who never packed away their toys or something?
But I only said this in my head. I didn't want to voice something so insensitive.
"You know what the worst part is?" Kathy said to no one in particular. "I actually enjoyed seeing you being disliked, I enjoyed tormenting you because I thought it was only fair." Kathy said while looking at the ceiling.
"I felt exactly the same way, but when I started to see no point in bullying you Kathy would always tell me why it was 'important' and all the doubt I had would go away." he gave a dry laugh and said "I was so stupid. But when you left we had time to think about what we had done and there are no words to express how sorry we are. This is all fucked up. " he looked at me with sincerity. Katherine finally looked at me and I saw her glazed eyes.
I didn't say nothing for a minute.
"Can you guys leave, I have to get dressed. Could we continue this conversation later?" I finally spoke up. The atmosphere was too tense for my liking.
"Sure." They both said at the same time. Hayden went out first then Kathy, but not before giving me a lingering stare.
Once both of them left I locked my door and got dressed.
The skirt was just right. It ended a little above my knees. I looked decent.
I put some perfume and checked if I had all my books in my bag before going down for breakfast.
I greeted both my parents and thanked Linda for the breakfast she put in front of me.
We never had much help in the house because we could do most stuff. We have two housekeepers, but they more like family. Nanny May and Ma Dee. They looked after me, Kathy and Hayden when our parents couldn't due to work. Linda was our hired chef. She came when our parents were out doing business and couldn't prepare dinner. Then we have Fred, he was the gardener, sometimes we garden together and talk about life in the eighties. I have a close bond with everyone in the house(with the exception of Hayden and Kathy).
"Why did you take so long to come down?"My dad asked while taking a sip of his orange juice.
"Me and the twins were having a little heart to heart." I replied while eating my last slice of toast.
Before dad could reply the twins came down.
"School starts in thirty minutes so you ought to leave now." Hayden said while looking at his watch. It was a silver Rolex. He then went out the kitchen with Kathy walking behind him.
Seriously? A Rolex though?
"I have to go now bye Mom, Dad." I said to them. I took my car keys and bag and ran out the door.
I was about to go in my car when Kathy asked "Don't you wanna catch a ride with us." she pointed to herself and Hayden who was starting up his sleek Mercedes Benz. This kind of brought back some memories.
They never bothered to offer me lift when I never had a car. I would always walk to school when it rained or snowed and they wouldn't care.
"Listen you two. Just because I let you tell me the reason to why you have been treating me so badly over the years doesn't mean I have forgiven you. So don't try to get all buddy, buddy with me because I still have a shit load things to say to the both of you. For now let's remain civil. I still need some time to think about what you said this morning, then we'll talk when I say so. Capische?" They both gave me a curt nod in reply.
I knew I sounded harsh but I had to let them know earning my trust won't be a walk in the park.
I got in my car and connected my phone to the bluetooth speaker in it, so I could sing along to my songs. I started the drive to school.
Welcome to the panic room
Where all your darkest fears are
Gonna come for you, come for you.
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This chapter is really long. 😄
The song is panic room by nightcore.
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