Chapter 38: Night Before White
[Meeting room, Atenamal Regional High, 1:00 PM, The Thing About Hating Yourself Is...]
DR CHO: "So I heard a lot has happened since the last time we spoke."
OSCAR: "Surprisingly, not that much."
DR CHO: "I heard you got wounded. In a fight."
OSCAR: (looks down at his stomach) "Yeah... I was... I was stabbed. Ronny Diggles. Switchblade. Stomach. Not a good combination. It's mostly pretty much all healed now. Gonna put my family in debt with that hospital bill, though. Should have just... died."
DR CHO: "Now why would you want to have died?"
OSCAR: "Oh, it's purely a circumstantial thing. I wouldn't want to die normally. But I would much have rather died than put my family in this position of paying for my treatment. Do you... do you not know about the current medical climate...?"
DR CHO: "I wouldn't think any fifteen year old should be concerned about putting their family in debt."
OSCAR: "Are you serious, Dr Cho? Do you think teenagers are mindless idiots with one remaining brain cell? I mean, some of us are, don't get me wrong. But you're doing the existential mistake of taking us for unaware children."
DR CHO: "I'm sorry, I should try to be more mindful of the words I use."
OSCAR: "And you should also try..." (Oscar leans forward and unbuttons Dr Cho's top two shirt buttons) "...loosening up a little."
DR CHO: "You think this will help me understand your disposition better?"
OSCAR: "Positive of it."
DR CHO: "You're quite more advanced than the average fifteen-year-old. It's obvious. But - "
OSCAR: "I'm not more advanced." (Dr Cho cocks his head to the side) "Dr Cho, I hardly use big words. And the big words I use are ones I recycle over and over again to try and sound smart, but I'm really not that smart. I... How do I put this. I'm not as articulate as I seem. I can't... can't formulate my thoughts properly. And I'm sure there's more fifteen-year-olds out there who are much better equipped for social situations than I am but fall short in other, less important, areas which I exceed at. What I'm trying to say is... I'm not special. And I think that if you expect me to be, you'll just end up disappointed."
DR CHO: "I see..."
OSCAR: "Do you?"
DR CHO: "I'm trying. You feel as if you aren't worthy of praise. Have you been given lots of praise in your life?"
(Oscar thinks)
OSCAR: "I think so. I've had more good things said about me than bad, by adults, at least. Sometimes adults think I'm overstepping my boundaries, though. And sometimes they just don't get it, and that can hurt a lot. But kids can be cruel. I think kids get it, most of the time, but they fall easily into the Stupid Trap. I think kids have a lot more potential than they take advantage of." (...) "For example, Ronny Diggles. I know he probably didn't have the easiest life. He has good parents, I think, but people also think I have good parents, and I know that my parents fall short in most areas that they can easily not fall short of. Ronny can easily understand what being gay is and that people can't help the colour of their skin, and... I think he does understand. But he's got things to prove. And he has no safe outlet for his anger. And maybe some bad influences and some bad experiences and it all created... him. What he is now. It could have been avoided easily, I think, if he just realized his potential."
DR CHO: "And does that make you mad, seeing people not realize their potential?"
OSCAR: "I hardly realize my own potential. So yes, I guess it makes me mad. I'm mad at myself all the time."
DR CHO: "Why, Oscar? You've got decent looks, decent grades, a few good friends."
OSCAR: "There's a lot more to life than that."
DR CHO: "Tell me, then. What more is there?"
(...)
OSCAR: "Do you know that there's people in the world, right now, who have everything they've ever wanted? Not just the latest videogame or their favourite books. They have a face and body that they actually like. They're too ignorant to begin to criticize their own mind, so they end up content with it. They have friends and things that don't make them feel like shit. People are always going on about how everyone has insecurities and about how everyone is going through something that you have no idea about but that's just frankly not true. There are people who are just content with everything they were born with. You see, that, I don't have that. There are some people in my life who don't understand why I don't exactly... like myself. I can't blame them. I don't completely understand it either. But I wish I could change almost everything about me. If there were a reset button on life I'd press it. Sometimes I imagine a Genie giving me three wishes. I'd tell him that I wish to look different. I wish to have different parents. And I wish to have my ideal set of traits. God, I'm the most selfish person. But that's why I'm mad at myself. Because I'm not the things that I want to be."
DR CHO: "If you had these things, these perfect looks and these perfect traits and these perfect parents, would you like yourself then?"
OSCAR: "I think I would."
DR CHO: "So say you were all that. But say you were someone else. Would you be friends with this perfect Oscar?"
OSCAR: "I'd definitely sooner be friends with the perfect Oscar than with this version of Oscar."
DR CHO: "Would you be as interesting?"
OSCAR: "What do you mean?"
DR CHO: "If you were the perfect Oscar. Would you be as interesting?"
OSCAR: "It depends on what you can define as 'interesting'."
DR CHO: "Let me rephrase. If you had the life you wish you had - if you were born into the body and mind you dream of having - would you be less or more of what you are now?"
OSCAR: "Well, I'd be more. Because the Ideal Me is smart and sociable."
DR CHO: "But the Ideal You would be boring, wouldn't he be?"
OSCAR: "Well if he's the Ideal Me then ideally, he wouldn't be."
DR CHO: "I'm trying to show you, Oscar, that there's a lot more to yourself that isn't meeting your eye. You have to look for the things inside you that you don't want to leave behind. And there's no use dreaming that you could have turned out differently. You can't change how you are as a person. You can only alter certain bits and pieces, and that's something you need to learn to be okay with. The greatest fault in you right now is that you haven't learned to live comfortably with who you are as a person, even though who you are as a person is incredibly delightful. And what a shame. If I were half as talented, open-minded, intelligent, unique and good-looking as you, I'd cry every morning from happiness."
...
[Communications classroom, Atenamal Regional High, 2:14 PM, Word of the Week]
[Enter Elsie]
(she marches in with purpose, her fists clenched at her sides)
MS HARROWFORD: "Excuse me?"
ELSIE: "Oscar."
OSCAR: (looking up) "What?"
ELSIE: (clearly angry) "Ms Harrowford, I need to borrow Oscar for a moment. It won't take long."
(Ms Harrowford gestures for them to leave)
(Oscar follows Elsie out of the classroom)
OSCAR: "What's wrong?"
ELSIE: (tears in her eyes) "How are you? Is your stab wound okay?"
OSCAR: "What's wrong, Elsie?"
ELSIE: (wipes her eye) "We just got word. The Indefinite Pronouns are on NammiGram and they posted something in the student forums about needing a 'Unite the Right' rally at Atenamal High. Some of the boys took it to heart."
OSCAR: "What do you mean?"
ELSIE: "It was officially announced on NammiGram a few minutes ago. They're planning a Unite the Right rally here, at Atenamal. All because of the stupid gossip about Abdul being a terrorist which somehow turned into all people of colour being evil and now - "
OSCAR: "Elsie, calm down. A Unite the Right rally... isn't that like what happened at Charlottesville?"
ELSIE: "Yes, yes. A bunch of white nationalists banding together to remind themselves of how amazing they are - "
OSCAR: "Do you know who's behind it? It can't be Ronny and his boys - they were taken in."
ELSIE: "Besides the Indefinite Pronouns, who planted the notion in their head, it's this senior called Nick, a few of his friends, Herschel and..."
OSCAR: "Who else?"
ELSIE: "Raymond."
OSCAR: "Raymond? From the eleventh grade?"
ELSIE: (she nods) "If I knew he was like this I would never have talked to him - "
OSCAR: "When? When is it taking place?"
ELSIE: "Monday."
OSCAR: "This Monday?"
ELSIE: "They're planning a walk-out at one o'clock. Apparently a lot of students are taking part."
OSCAR: "God, Elsie. Thanks for telling me."
ELSIE: "No problem, Oscar."
OSCAR: (touches her elbow) "Hey, it's okay. We won't let them get away with this, okay?"
(Elsie nods)
OSCAR: "By the way, Elsie, thanks for everything on Friday. Thanks for calling the cops."
ELSIE: (she shakes her head) "I wasn't the one who called them. Khashar caught me and broke my phone before I could."
OSCAR: "So you didn't.... Then who did?"
ELSIE: "I don't know. I don't know who else had a phone in the Turdstall. And I couldn't see who pointed the cops in the right direction in the forest - everyone was trying to run out of there."
...
[Hallway, Atenamal Regional High, 10:56 AM, A Cry For Help Denied]
OSCAR: "Sal."
SAL: "Hey, Oscar. How's the stomach thing going?"
OSCAR: "Did you hear about the Unite the Right rally?"
SAL: (hesitates) "Yeah, I heard about it. I think everyone has. Why? You going to try to stop it?"
OSCAR: "The influence of the Indefinite Pronouns has bewitched the school. This is absolutely contrary to our supposed nature."
SAL: "This is completely aligned with our nature. We're humans and we want free speech."
OSCAR: "Free speech that completely dehumanizes entire populations of people?" (...) "Nick McCarthy is the one who's organizing it. That senior who always wears baseball caps. And last night I figured out that he's keeping all the memorabilia - you know, the flags and the stickers and the torches - in his apartment on the other side of town. The one he'll move into when he graduates."
SAL: (closing his locker) "You want me to drive you to his vacant apartment so you can torch the goods?"
OSCAR: "The less Confederate flags we see waving around the easier the rally falls apart."
SAL: "It's not gonna happen, Oscar." (starts walking, Oscar follows) "I'm sorry. I'm still on your side, here, but Nick and the rest of them have a right to holding this rally. It's probably in the constitution or something. It's free speech. If they feel that way, fine."
OSCAR: "If they feel that way, not fine. Did you not hear about what happened at Charlottesville? Sal - if we let them get away with this rally this city becomes a city of alt-right fascists."
SAL: "No it doesn't." (stops to look at him) "It becomes a city with a fraction of alt-right fascists. We held a Pride Parade in town once. Why stop Nick from holding a Unite the Right parade?"
OSCAR: "They are two very different things - "
SAL: "How are they different, Oscar? Because they're on different ends of the spectrum? Because one coincides with your beliefs, and one goes against them?" (...) "I've got to go to class."
(Sal starts walking down the hall)
OSCAR: "Because one wants to eradicate the livelihoods of a population and one wants to equalize the livelihoods of a population!" (realizes Sal isn't listening to him) "Fuck." (slides down the wall to put his head in his hands)
...
SUNDAY
[Outside Oscar's house, His House, 11:55 PM]
(Mr Goering, Fender and Oscar are all trying to lift Basil out of the wheelchair and into the backseat of Goering's car)
BASIL: "Ow. Ow. Okay! Okay! I can do it, you motherfuckers."
OSCAR: "Shhh."
BASIL: "Shush yourself, you cornflake."
(Fender sits beside Basil; Oscar takes the passenger seat; Goering starts the engine)
...
[On the road, Somewhere around town, 12:03 AM]
OSCAR: "Are you sure you guys are up for this?"
BASIL: "I'm with you no matter what, my little grass-nibbling munchkin."
OSCAR: "You know what it means though, right?"
MR GOERING: "I think we know what it means, Oscar. And we're doing it anyways because hell, there's nothing better to do."
OSCAR: "Basically, Nick's future-apartment is on the ground floor of the building. I had Tomas search it for me. There's a window going into the bedroom from the back parking lot we can get into."
BASIL: "And how big is this window?"
OSCAR: "Shut up, Basil. I wouldn't have brought you along if you wouldn't be able to do everything we're doing."
BASIL: "The hilarious thing is I won't be able to do everything you guys are doing. I won't be able to walk around. I won't be able to reach things on shelves. I won't have complete movement over my body. I won't be able to climb in and out on my own."
MR GOERING: "And because of your inability to do these things, you get the most important job of all. You're the boss. And you're the lookout."
FENDER: "Darn it. I wanted to be the lookout."
OSCAR: "I thought I was going to be the boss."
MR GOERING: "You think I'd let you two parasites have the most important jobs of the night? Basil's the best-equipped out of all of us to do them. So forget it."
(secretly, Oscar smiles)
...
[Outside Nick's future apartment, Other Side of Town, 12:28 AM, The Expedition]
OSCAR: (whispering) "This is the one." (he crouches down and manages to slide open the window using a tool)
FENDER: "Where'd you get that?"
OSCAR: "Alessandra lent it to me. Okay. Me and Fender will go in first, then Mr Goering can help Basil in."
(they execute the maneuver)
MR GOERING: (whispering once inside) "What are we looking for again?"
OSCAR: "A stash of fascist paraphernalia. Confederate flags, stickers, torches. Tomas said it was all here."
MR GOERING: "And we take it? We take it all?"
OSCAR: "That's the plan. Let's hope there's not a room piled sky-high with the stu - " (Oscar flicks on the flashlight to see a figure asleep on the couch in the living room - the only piece of furniture in the apartment)
FENDER: "Shh - "
OSCAR: (whispering; he turns off the flashlight) "Shit - "
BASIL: "What do we do now, geniuses?"
OSCAR: "Nick wasn't supposed to be living here until he graduated..."
FENDER: "Stop talking!"
(...)
MR GOERING: "Well, we came all this way. No use turning back now." (he tiptoes past the sleeping figure and looks around in the dark; he disappears into a room)
(The three of them look at each other in terror)
MR GOERING: (peeping his head out of the nearby room) "Found it."
(they tiptoe as quietly as possible into the room; they're met with cut-open boxes of what sure is fascist paraphernalia - there's about eleven of them)
FENDER: "Now the problem is carrying all this past Nick without him waking up."
MR GOERING: "Not a problem. There's a window right here in this room." (he goes over and opens it) "Not exactly big enough for us to all squeeze out of. Here's the plan. One of you go out the way we came in and come around to this window. We'll stack the boxes out this way and then pick them up from outside."
OSCAR: "Alright. Everyone needs to be extremely quiet, though. You can't even breathe loud."
FENDER: "Okay. Let's try to do this fast."
OSCAR: "Basil? Are you okay?"
BASIL: "Yeah. Just - " (her head nods) " - just tired."
OSCAR: (pats her shoulder) "It's okay. It'll be over before you know it."
(Fender leaves to go around from the outside; Oscar and Mr Goering start stacking boxes out through the window)
OSCAR: "Can you hold this for a second?" (he places a box in Basil's hands and turns around to take something from Goering)
BASIL: "Sure..." (almost immediately, Basil nods off again and the box tips over in her hands; the contents - a few hundred badges - spill out and clamour on the laminate floor)
(Oscar and Mr Goering whip around wide-eyed)
OSCAR: (hissing) "Basil!"
[Enter Nick]
(Nick has a pistol pointed at them)
NICK: "I knew it! I knew you guys were going to come tonight! She was right..."
OSCAR: (holding his hands up) "Nick... we were just making sure all your orders came in..."
NICK: (nonplussed) "Shut the fuck up. I know you. You're that hippie liberal freak. And Mr Goering, of course. Basil, the accomplice. Get off my fucking property."
OSCAR: "Well, technically it's not your property - "
NICK: (he jabs the gun towards them) "Get off! Before I call the cops!"
BASIL: "Come on, guys. You heard the man. Off his property." (to Nick) "We'll be out in a jiffy, though, it'll take a bit of extra time for me."
MR GOERING: "If I may... step between you and the gun..." (Goering places himself between Oscar and the gun) "I hear you're planning a Unite the Right rally on school property?"
NICK: "Why would it be on school property? It's on the street outside. We already got permission from the city."
MR GOERING: "Nevertheless, have you thoroughly thought out this decision of yours?"
NICK: "Does it look like I thought out my decision? I ordered all of those things with three-day shipping. That's money out of my own pocket."
MR GOERING: "You're a business man. Nick. The kid who wants to own his dad's company one day, right? What's so special about this rally? Sell it to me."
NICK: "I don't need to sell it to you."
MR GOERING: "Then I remain a snivelling snowflake liberal. Don't you want to convert people to your way of thinking? You need to reach out to people like me and convince us that the way you think is better than the way we think. Otherwise your numbers will remain small."
NICK: "You're a white man. You have a good job. You feel like your job is threatened by immigrants?"
MR GOERING: "As a matter of fact, I do not. In fact I feel as though my job is threatened by my equally as white boss."
NICK: "Who'll probably hire an immigrant in your place. It's part of this new 'diversity' fad. Every business and organization is firing it's white men workers to hire gays, blacks, women, Indians. Even if they can't do the fucking job, they hire them. Because they think it looks good for the company."
MR GOERING: "But Nick... You and I both agree I have a good job. I'm a counselor and teacher at a pretty solid high school. I'm a white man. You say the gays and the immigrants are threatening to take my job, but... I don't understand. I'm gay, and I'm an immigrant. My family immigrated to the US when I was four years old, from Ireland. And I've had various solid teaching jobs for years."
NICK: "But you're..."
MR GOERING: "But I'm white and not flamboyant? Which means it's okay for me to be the victim of darker immigrants, and gayer gays? I believe that your point has almost... fallen flat."
NICK: "Get out of my apartment. I'm calling the police now."
MR GOERING: "No need for that, Nick. We'll kindly step off. Sorry to bother you." (they start heading for the big window) "Good luck with your event tomorrow."
(after a few minutes, the three of them manage to make it back into the dark parking lot)
MR GOERING: "Come with me." (starts marching around the corner)
OSCAR: (pushing Basil) "Goering - we should really leave - "
MR GOERING: "That piece of shit didn't see the four boxes we'd already stashed outside - hey, Fender."
FENDER: (he'd been pressed against the wall; he breathes a sigh of relief) "Shit - I thought he was really gonna call the cops. What are you - "
MR GOERING: "You're a strong guy, you can take two. Oscar, put this box on Basil's lap - and make sure it's sturdy. I've got mine. Now. We run."
OSCAR: "We - wh - "
(Mr Goering starts running through the parking lot and off the property, holding his box; Fender follows with his two boxes; Oscar starts pushing Basil as quick as he can across the pavement)