|Chapter: 61|
"Whyyy... you no wait it's mee... I'm dumb fucking dumb. How the fuck did... I-I even think I can have a chance with you... you goody two shoes with perfect grades and I'm the epitome of someone you want to have no businessss with riiighttt.....You know even if I go back to California and you're in New Haven, Connecticut it's like 3013.7 miles away to be precise.... how the fuckkk this happen", he slurred on the other side of the phone and then let out a laugh.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself down. My one hand gripping the phone tight to my ear and the other rubbing my temples as if to ease the tension. "Nick come home and let's talk or tell me where you are?"
"Home, the way you say home makes me want to run to you. Do you love me, Rena?"
"Of course I love you", I said meaning it.
"Then why are you leaving me?"
All of a sudden he was again emotional. I know the alcohol running through his system is resulting in his change of behaviour, but a part of me was angry and disappointed in him. He was being too dramatic for my liking now. It's not like I'm leaving in two days, for potato's sake I still have to submit my college application and then wait for it to get accepted, there's still a long process to go.
"We still have time. Now, please give me the address", I tried again as I stood up to collect my car keys from the nightstand and check the time, 12:03 am.
"I... I'm at..
..
...
"Nicky come here and take a shower. Keep the damn phone...", Stella's voice cut him off. I don't need him to tell me where he was anymore. I know now. Before I could say anything else, he hang up on me and it was like a sharp slap on my face, reminding me the time when she told me to stay away from him. Again that familiar burning feeling inside my chest was back and numerous thoughts ran through my mind.
There was only one think that was keeping me in my right mind - hope, a feeling of trust.
I kept the keys back on its place and sat down on my chair, pulling my hair into a messy bun I took out my books. What else could I do? Sleep? It felt as if even my own bed was mocking me. Without him is meaning to already a sleepless night and then there is him being with Stella is like a nightmare with my eyes wide open.
It's cruel how our mind could imagine things. I wish we didn't have that ability because it wasn't helping me anymore but taking me to endless conclusions. I stared long and hard on the lines of the book but nothing made sense and I know why. The first tear that trickle down my cheek confirmed it, due to my blurry vision, painful heart and over thinking mind. I covered my mouth and silently sobbed since mom was sleeping in the next room. Maybe this is how the first stage of heartbreak feels like.
No matter how many times I tried to remind myself that they are childhood friends and they always had each other's back. That's what friends do. And I trust him more than anything, I know he will never hurt me. But at the same time how could I deny the fact that they hooked up more than once and that wasn't helping me at all with the trust issue. Still a part of me trusted him and wished, no begged for him not to break it.
I started to feel tired of all the crying but I'm sure I'm not getting a tiny bit of my sleep tonight because my eyes have decided to go Niagara fall on me. At last I bury my face in my hands and sob even harder.
At 3:34 am, I tossed around on my bed like that would help me. Grabbing a pillow I covered my face and growled out frustratingly. Nickel Black can bring the best and the worst side of me.
Why didn't I stop him before jumping out of my window? Why did I let him go? Because I thought he need some time to think about everything happened or we talked about and come up with a way that we can work this out. Getting drunk and making things more complicated was never the option.
I miss the times when it was so easy to hate him, when I didn't know the person I know now...
The tapping on the window made my head snapped to it. I jumped on my feet faster then you can say any sensible word, before walking to it and pulling the blinds off. As soon as I saw him standing out, all my doubts were thrown away. He climbed inside and before he could even stand properly, I hugged him tight and my tears started to flow again.
"I told you not to wait for me", he croaked out, crushing my body to his. "But you still did." He pulled my hair out of my bun and snuggled his face in it.
"Hope. It's hope that makes us hold onto something we can't let go", I said smiling even though my eyes won't stop tearing up.
He held me tightly and then he started shaking, "I.. I love you so much, I love you Renaa..". I sensed something was wrong, very wrong with him.
"Nick are you alright?", my voice tensely came out. I couldn't breath when he grasp me with every strength in his bones. He shook his head no with his face still buried in my hair.
"Tell me then what is it? I need to know if you are okay." I tried to push him. "Nick you're crushing me, I-I can't breath", I managed to say. He loosen his hold but still didn't let go off me. "Please tell me..."
"IkissedstellapleaseI...", he rushed the words.
"What did you say?", I asked since I didn't catch what he said.
"I.. I we kissed... I kissed S-Stella", he whispered slowly. And I didn't miss a single word. My stomach dropped and suddenly I wanted to throw up. Every part of me hurt like hell and if he wasn't holding me tight I'd have collapsed on the floor. The sharp piercing pain I felt poking in my heart should have been the last blow for us.
Despite the pain, I decided not to give up on him like I promised, not when it will result only proving some people true, like how they said 'they won't even last long'.
I pushed him holding his shoulders and this time he let go. His head hung low like he couldn't face me, ashame of his deed. He should be, the bitter side of me wanted to throw it on his face. Gathering all the will power I had even from my cracking heart, I stood straight folding my arms. Slap him or hit him is what my mind kept chanting. But I knew better.
"Did you feel anything?", I asked calmly instead. He looked up to meet my eyes, shocked at how calm and collected I was but in the inside I was a mess that he will never figure it out. If he thought I was going to put up a fight for it then he was utterly wrong.
"No! I thought I was kissing you... I..."
I put my palm up to his face to stop him. "I forgive you if you are going to apologise", I cut him off.
He was stunned with my behaviour. And I was getting annoyed. Shouldn't he be happy?
"Are you not mad at me?", he asked.
I sighed. "No. You didn't feel anything. It just happened I understand." He scowled at my response. "What? Do you want me to be mad at you?"
He shook his head before heading to the bed. He sat down with his face buried in his hands. "Why are you doing this to me? Why are you hiding from me again? Don't do this Rena. It fucking hurts", he begged whispering in pain like I was the one who hurt him more here.
I walked to him and started pulling his jacket off. He looked at me confused with his brows furrowed but he didn't stop me from doing so. Then I tugged his shirt up to take it out. "Rena what are you...."
Again I cut him off as I pushed his back on the bed, before climbing on him with my legs on the either side. I ran my hands through his ripped chest then all the way down to his stomach. He shuddered closing his eyes as my fingertips touched his skin.
I lifted my hands off which made his eyes snap open, protesting when I stopped. I grasped his dirty blonde into fist, bending down I smashed my lips on his. At first he was too shocked at my sudden change of behaviour, but then he slowly recovered and kissed me back. I could taste the alcohol in his mouth but I didn't care. I had to remind him who he belong to.
Things started to heat up when I rubbed myself on him to feel his hardness below and he groaned lowly between the kiss grabbing my ass to stop me as he pressed me on it.
Lack of air in our lungs made us pull away. I smiled sweetly at him. "I just disinfected you with my kiss. You're mine again."
He smiled but I could tell he had so many things to say. I raised my brows at him telling him to go on.
"I didn't want to kiss her. I was so drunk. She forc...."
I covered his mouth with my palm. "Nick I'm strong. But I'm not strong enough to hear the details", I said with so much pain in my heart that I felt like it was bleeding but I kept my straight posture. "I trust you. You don't have to explain yourself to me."
Plus that girl is a psycho and can go nuts for you, I thought. What hurt me the most was. He kissed her back.
He pulled me down on his chest. I rested my head on it and he kissed my hair. "I don't deserve you. But I'm too selfish to let you go and see you with someone who does. I don't like sharing what is mine."
I didn't say anything in return, just closed my eyes and enjoyed hearing the beats of his heart.
After a long peaceful silence, my eyelids were heavy and I was starting to drift off. "Why did you come back?", I asked, faintly. I doubt he even heard it. He kissed my head sighing.
"I had to have you in my arms."
.
Mr. Summers dismissed the class two minutes before the bell. I took time in arranging my things so the wave of excited students can pass by and I can finally walk out without pushing anyone.
The day was finally over. I headed directly to my locker and I wasn't surprised when I saw Nick leaning on it. After that incident with Stella, he didn't leave my side for once. Even thinking about it still breaks my heart but he apologised for countless times and promised not to bring the Yale topic for another month. I was more than relieved.
When I reached the locker, I realised he was staring at his phone and frowning. "What is making you so grumpy again?" I asked as I opened the locker.
"Nothing you should be worried about", he said shoving his phone inside his pocket and then replaced his frown with a smile, hugging me from the side he kissed my cheek. I turn to look at him with his hands still wrapped around my waist.
Brushing his blonde hair off his forehead with my fingers running through its softness, I smiled at him. "What is it Nick?"
He sighed. It was working because he can never say no to that face. "Stella is having her panic attacks. She always had them after the Jade's incident and she wants me to go bring her doses from her house."
I pulled his hands off from me. "Then what are you doing here? Go!"
She was the most least of my favourite people but nobody deserves that. She needs his help and I couldn't believe he was just standing here waiting for me when she always stood up for him during their childhood. How could he be such an ass of a friend.
"Rena she will be fine. I don't want to leave you", he said trying to pull me back in his arms again. I spat it away.
I was fuming with anger. "She was always there for you and you can't even return her favour by bringing her medicines. You can't even be there for her when she need you the most. Are you that heartless?" I didn't mean to be harsh but he was acting like one. "Where is she?", I asked lowering my tone now.
He was gaping at me. "In the medical room with her friends trying to calm her down."
Oh my God. He was unbelievable. "If you stay here one more minute I swear I won't talk to you ever again."
"You can't do that to me. How will you go back without my ride?", he argued back.
"I can manage. I said go!"
He looked at me for few seconds with a calculating face before closing the gap between us. He kissed my forehead, "Please call me when you reach home."
I nodded pushing him away from me.
I kept looking at his back until he disappeared in the corner and I turned to leave. But before I could even take a step, a punch landed on my face. I dropped to the floor hard and tasted the blood from my busted lips. What just happened? I look up only to see the two cheerleaders again with their smug face. My heart pounded when I sensed a feeling of a déjà vu.
"We meet again pathetic bitch."
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