((Yoongi's pov))
I woke up in the middle of the night from a great dream. It was me and Jimin going on a proper date, walking on the beach, getting ice cream and taking pictures together. I love him so much.
I went to turn over and hug him but then noticed he was absent from the bed. I sat up and rubbed my eyes a bit and grabbed my phone off the nightstand and checked the time.
It was 01:23 and I started getting worried. I checked my notifications and saw that Jimin was last online at 00:42. The room was dark, but not too dark that you couldn't see anything.
Just as I was about to get out of bed the door to the bathroom opened and I saw Jimin's skinny figure enter the room.
He walked to the bed slowly and sat back down on his side, only then noticing I was awake.
He quickly wiped his cheeks and hid his arms in his sleeves.
"You okay baby?" I asked whispering. He got under the blankets a bit more.
"Yeah." He whispered and sniffed as he snuggled into my chest. I put my arm around his small figure and kissed the top of his head. We stayed like this for a bit until I heard a quiet sob.
I immediately looked down to the boy laying on me, softly crying.
"Jiminie, what's wrong?" I asked as I was hurt seeing him in this state. Jimin just crawled closer and clung onto me. I decided to just hug him and call him sweet names to calm him down.
"I hate myself." He cried out. My heart broke. Deep down I knew this is what he felt about himself but hearing it out loud made it so real.
"You shouldn't, you're the best person on earth. You make me so happy." I said playing with his hair as I hugged him. Biting my lip trying to stay strong for him. I scratched his soft back lightly to calm him down, feeling his spine stick out of his skin.
"Why are you so nice to me, I don't deserve that." He whispered, still crying but way less now.
"Why wouldn't you deserve it?" I paused, but Jimin didn't say anything. "You deserve all the positive things in life." He looked up at me for a bit.
"I did it again." He whispered, looking away.
"Did what?" I asked confused. He couldn't have thrown up his dinner, it was way too late for that. Jimin took a deep breath and stayed silent.
"I'm sorry. I don't want to disappoint you." He whispered and bit his lip. I finally understood what he was talking about. I turned on the bedside light and looked him in his pretty eyes.
"Show me?" I asked, placing my hand on his back. He stared straight ahead, tears rolling down his face as he held out his arms. My eyes never leaving his until I lifted up the sleeves of the hoodie.
My heart started beating faster at the sight. There were so many lines on his arms that you couldn't even count them. A lot of them weren't fresh and started to heal a bit, but there were also a lot of new ones, some still bleeding.
I couldn't stay strong much longer and tears started to build up in my eyes. His once so beautiful, smooth arms were now broken, just like Jimin.
I kissed his arms softly, trying not to hurt him. Jimin cried, probably because he felt guilty over it. As I was kissing I couldn't help but notice blood stains on his grey sweatpants.
"Jimin?" I asked. He looked at me and then followed my gaze. He put his face in his hands as he cried.
"Fuck, I mess everything up." He whispered.
"D-did you..?" I didn't want to continue the sentence, as my tears rolled out. Jimin nodded.
"Do you want to show me?" I asked, now crying.
"Do you want me to?" He whispered so soft that it was barely audible.
I nodded. I wanted to see if it was real, I was still hoping it wasn't. Jimin slowly took his sweatpants off and revealed his legs. They were really thin and had way less muscle than they used to. It upset me.
He had a few lines of self harm up his thighs but not much. I sighed in relief knowing it wasn't too bad. I looked up at Jimin who looked back at me, guilt in his eyes.
"Come here", I said as I opened my arms. He slowly came to me and accepted the hug.
"Are you mad at me?" Jimin whispered as I hugged him.
"I'm not mad, Chim. I promise. I just wish I could show you how beautiful you are." I whispered back. I pulled back from the hug and gave jimin a sweet long kiss on the lips. We both just let our tears roll out as we kissed and hugged.
"Go put on something warm." I said. Jimin looked confused.
"Why?" He asked, sounding as confused as he looked.
"We're going on a walk." I said and I smiled at him. Jimin's confused expression didn't leave his face but he stood up.
"O-Okay." He said as he got some jeans and a hoodie out of the closet. I liked walks, especially later on the day when the streets are empty and there is no one interrupting.
Jimin tied the laces of his white vans and I got a bomber jacket. We walked out of the hotel room quietly, knowing that if Namjoon knew we were out he would kick our ass.
We stayed quiet until we were outside, to respect the other guests sleeping in the hotel. We weren't really allowed to go out on our own or without security but I figured it wouldn't be a problem since there's no fans out here at this time.
We walked around the empty roads to a little grass field. I laid down and motioned for jimin to join. He laid down, resting his head on my shoulder and we stayed like this.
"try to think of positive things, and look at the stars. They always make me feel better when I'm sad." I said, slightly looking over at him. The stars reflected in his eyes. I looked back up. It was a beautiful night, there weren't any clouds, and it wasn't too cold.
We stayed in this position for a bit and Jimin snuggled into me. I felt him staring at me, so I looked to the side to meet his eyes. He was slightly smiling when looking at me.
He was so beautiful. He was showing some effects from his weight being too low, but that didn't change that. I just stared at him in awe as he was illuminated by the moon perfectly. He grew uncomfortable of me staring and giggled cutely.
I gave him a peck on his lips and looked him back into his eyes.
"Let's go walk for a bit." I whispered. He nodded and got up. He seemed less dizzy after he had eaten dinner today. I just wish he wouldn't feel as bad about it as he does.
We walked closer to the city and saw some café's and bar's which were still opened. We walked past some of them until Jimin started talking.
"Oh my god that cocktail matches my hair! Can I have one?" He exclaimed like a little kid and gave me puppy eyes after asking me. I smiled at the sight.
"Sure Chim, I'm quite thirsty myself as well." I replied. We walked in and I ordered the pink cocktail and a beer. We sat down somewhere in the middle of the café. It wasn't too crowded so we could easily have a conversation.
I quickly took a picture of him with the cocktail and posted it online with as caption just some pink emoji's. I smiled as I put my phone down. Jimin started taking a sip and his eyes widened.
"It's so nice!" He said. I smiled and took a sip of my beer. I hadn't had alcohol in a long time since we'd been so busy with the tour and practicing, so it was nice finally having some. I could see Jimin enjoyed it too since he finished it quite quickly.
"That was so good oh my god." He exclaimed. I smiled at him, he looked happy, I hadn't seen him like this in a while.
"Hey, can I have another one of these?" Jimin asked a waitress, she nodded, noted something.
"Would you like anything else, sir?" The young girl asked me. I shook my head and she walked off. I raised my eyebrows and smiled at him with crossed arms.
"What?" Jimin asked, clearly amused.
"Do you think that's a good idea?" I started. "We have a flight tomorrow."
"I'll be fine." Jimin whined and reached out for my hand. I uncrossed my arms and held his hand. The waitress came to the table and put the new drink in front of Jimin and took the old glass. Jimin clapped and went to take a picture.
I finished my beer and looked around the café. It was a small place with a few tables, it was decorated in an American kind of way, and David Bowie was softly playing in the background.
My head turned back to the table as I received a message. It was from Namjoon. Fuck. Jimin took a few sips form his drink as I opened the message.
Namjoon had sent a screenshot of the picture of Jimin with his drink on twitter.
Namjoon:
<Picture>
??????
Where are you??
You:
Hi.
Namjoon:
Yoongi answer me, where are you guys? It's 3am??
You:
We'll go back to the hotel now, don't worry.
I'll explain when we're there.
I locked my phone and put it in my pocket. I looked up and saw Jimin was grinning at me when laying on the table, resting his head on his arm.
"We have to go back." I said.
"Noooo, why?" Jimin whined.
"Namjoon is mad, he knows we're not in the hotel." I replied as I stroked his pink hair.
"Oh no, that's not good!" Jimin said. I got up and offered him my hand. He stood up and I noticed he wasn't that stable. My god how much alcohol was in his drink? I held onto his arm as I went to pay and then I walked outside, Jimin stumbeling behind him.
At first I didn't understand how Jimin could be this affected by two cocktails, he could usually handle his alcohol well, but then remembered how he hasn't eaten properly in such a long time.
"Come on." I said as I lifted Jimin up for a piggyback ride. He giggled as I lifted him up, then putting his arms around me. On the first half of the walk back, Jimin talked about random things, I grinned at his randomness when he's drunk. I didn't like the fact that he was drunk right now, but at least he feels happy for a bit.
After a while it fell silent and Jimin had put his head on my shoulder. I walked the last bit in silence with Jimin sleeping.
I walked into the hotel quietly, hoping Namjoon had already fallen asleep. But that was, unfortunately, not the case.
Namjoon is a very humble leader. He is very nice to all of us and doesn't really act as a leader in a way of being better than us. But if we messed up, he could act like an angry father. But then we usually deserve it, he's doing it for a good cause.
Namjoon was sat in the lobby and looked at me questionably as we came in. I walked up to him and put Jimin on the couch next to Namjoon. He moved a bit but stayed asleep.
Namjoon hadn't spoken yet, I know he was waiting for me to explain why we were being irresponsible.
"It's a long story." I said. Namjoon raised his eyebrow.
"I have time." He said. I sighed and sat next to him, staring at Jimin for a bit.
"He was feeling pretty bad tonight." I said softly. "He cried and did other stuff and he thought I was mad."
"What other stuff? Did he throw up again? Because if he did then we should- "
"No, he didn't, don't worry." I gave a weak smile before looking down at my hands.
"Yoongs, please tell me if he does, because if it gets worse we should ask management what to do." He said with a worried tone. I nodded, knowing he's right.
"But yeah, I wanted to distract him so we went for a walk and looked at the stars." I said as I looked over at him. Tears built up in my eyes. He looked so peaceful sleeping, but when he's awake he's sad, he's stressed. Thinking of that made me remember the damaged arms and legs of his that I had seen earlier.
Tears started to fall out. Namjoon only noticed a bit later and pulled me in for a hug.
"He looked so happy out there, but I know he isn't and it makes me so sad." I whispered. Namjoon nodded and stroked my back.
"Shh, it's fine." He comforted
"I'm just scared." I said. "He was so happy, and even had a cocktail which I didn't expect he would because of the calories, and then got drunk of 2 drinks because of how weak he is. And that's when I get hit by reality again and it hurts so bad."
"I know, Yoongs. If he doesn't get better, we'll tell management, okay?" Namjoon said trying to make me feel better. I nodded and whipped away my tears.
"Thanks." I whispered. Namjoon squeezed my shoulder and smiled.
"Now let's get this drunken mess up to bed." Namjoon said jokingly and lifted the small boy up with ease. I laughed softly as we walked upstairs.
I opened the door to my room and Namjoon placed Jimin on the bed, who automatically snuggled closer into the pillow while making some distant sleeping noises.
"I'll get him ready for bed, you should sleep." I said to Namjoon quietly.
"Yeah, I'll see you in the morning. Take care of yourself, okay?" Namjoon replied. I nodded, and he left the room.
Now it was just me and a sleeping Jimin. I stared at him for a bit. He's so beautiful. He was snuggled into the pillow with his clothes still on.
His skin was pale and his hair messy. His mouth was lightly open, and his hoodie crept up a bit so you could see his too skinny stomach.
I walked over and removed his vans slowly trying not to wake him up. I put them away and went to take his hoodie off, since it was way too warm to sleep in it.
The movement of taking the hoodie off had woken Jimin. He sat up confused and still had his eyes closed.
"Wow, how did I get here?" He said, clearly still intoxicated since he hadn't been asleep long.
"Haha, it's okay. Go back to sleep baby I'll take care of you." I whispered as I went to take his jeans off.
"I want hugs babyyy." He whined loud.
"Shhh, it's late." I laughed at him. He pouted, and I sat next to him giving him a kiss on the fore head. "I'll get changed and then hug, okay?"
Jimin nodded and laid back down, his ribs showing clearly. I quickly got changed in my sleepwear, which was basically just sweatpants, and laid down next to Jimin who was half asleep. He automatically clung onto me and I smiled.
I kissed the top of his head and the smell of his hair entered my nose. I put my arms around him and held him tightly.
"I love you, Yoongi." Jimin said. Even now that we're official it still gives me butterflies when he says it.
"I love you too" I said as I closed my eyes.
***
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