“What the fuck were you thinking, Sam?!”
I slouched in my chair at the bar of my kitchen, watching Megan storm around like a maniac. I knew she was going to be furious, but I hadn’t expected her to get this upset. I mean, was dating me really that frustrating?
I shrugged, “I wasn’t, apparently, I just didn’t want you to get pissed on again Megan! I was trying to help!”
She pointed her finger, “I told you I didn’t want to pretend to be anything with you, and then this whole situation happened… oh God this is horrible. There’s a huge lie we created and Nikki thinks we’re just this happy couple with no worries!”
I stood, attempting to retreat to my room for further safety. I didn’t know how Megan was going to get back at me, but since there was a rack of knives close by I wasn’t taking my chances.
She stepped in front of me, “Where are you going?”
I looked into her icy blue eyes that were penetrating every ounce of strength I had, “Um, my room.”
“No, you’re going to help me fix what you’ve done.”
Our bodies were close, and I suddenly remembered how I had touched Megan, and how good it had felt. I crossed my arms in defense, “Megan, it’s over. Nikki will be leaving and all of this will be behind us.”
She shook her head, “I just… I don’t know what to do Sam.”
I grabbed her shoulders, “Megan, breathe. Everything will be okay, okay?”
We were even in height, and the more I touched Megan the more turned on I became. I eyed her as she studied me, realizing we had no idea where to go from here. The longer I stood here in front of her the more I wanted to close the gap between us, but I knew better than to do that right now.
I had already fucked up once today.
I pulled away from her, seeing her loosen up and relax slightly at my reassurance. She shook her head, “I swear I could’ve killed you when you made the comment about my weak spots.”
I smirked, laughing to myself, “It got under her skin, like bad. Did you see her face? She was furious.”
She sat on the couch, looking very weary and sad, “Yea, she looked hurt.”
I sat next to her, “Megan, she doesn’t want you to get over her. She told me that. She’s jealous that you’re happy without her.”
She shook her head, “I’m not happy, Sam, she just thinks I am because of you.”
“That’s what you wanted right?”
She seemed to zone out a bit, as if she wasn’t sure what exactly she wanted. She looked at me, “I don’t know what I want any more Sam.”
I sighed in frustration, “I mean do you want to go back to your selfish, crazy-ass, ex-girlfriend Nikki?”
She shook her head, “I… don’t think so?”
I stood, not being able to take this talk anymore, “You know what you need? Wine.”
I stalked over to the cabinet that held the alcohol and poured Megan a glass, along with myself because honestly, I needed to relax too. Megan began to protest against but I forced it into her hand, not allowing her to refuse.
She studied me, “Are you trying to get me drunk?”
I laughed, “No, I’m just trying to get you to relax and tell me exactly what is wrong with you.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“That’s why we’re going to figure it out right now.”
She sipped on her wine, almost downing the entire glass before bringing it away from her lips. She sighed heavily, “Sam, this isn’t right, and you know it.”
I waved my hand, “Yes I know, I’ve been knowing, oh well. Do you like being controlled by a psycho bitch?”
She looked at me, “No.”
I nodded, “Ok, good. We’ve already made progress then. Second, do you still want to fuck Nikki?”
Megan’s eyes dropped, swirling her wine in the process, “Kind of.”
I threw myself back on the couch, “Is it because you love her or because she’s smoking hot?”
Megan put down her glass, standing, “I can’t do this.”
I stood too, grabbing her hand and preventing her from leaving me. I shook my head, “Megan, I’m just trying to help you.”
She stared at me, and then I witnessed her eyes glance at my lips for a slight second, and then back to my eyes. She pulled her arm away from her slowly, “I’m more worried about this lie you started.”
I rolled my eyes, “I’m not, no one knows besides you, me, Nikki, and her freaky little cousin that I assumed to be her girlfriend.”
I coaxed her back to the couch, pouring her some more wine as I leaned back and watched her. She seemed to be battling with something within, and I was wondering if it was still over Nikki or something else.
Her worried blue eyes were still haunting, and her body language still managed to turn me on, even after everything that had happened today. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her, and suddenly everything around me no longer mattered.
Megan and I had come a long way since meeting each other.
She looked at me, sipping her wine, “Why do you always stare at me?”
I smiled, sipping mine as well, “Because do you own a mirror, idiot?”
She rolled her eyes but I swore I saw her blush under her long, dark hair. She shook her head, “Well I mean, you’re gorgeous but you don’t see me staring at you every time I’m near.”
I laughed at her attempt to compliment me, “I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”
I turned on my phone, switching to a radio app and putting on some acoustic rock to chill out and relax on this very weird Friday. Megan needed to chill out, and I was determined to get her mind off of Nikki by getting her drunk.
And no, I wasn’t trying to fuck her.
She looked at my phone, “Soft rock? Since when?”
I smiled, shrugging, “Since I want to relax and have a nice conversation with my hot history teacher while drinking cheap wine.”
She sipped, studying me, “You know, I should be extremely upset with you to the point of murder… but I’m not.”
I shrugged, “Well, wine can do that to people.”
She looked at her glass, which seemed to be decreasing quickly, “Our relationship is really fucked up Sam.”
I nodded, “Agree, totally. Like, you’re such a bitch to me but for some reason I kind of like it-”
“I was talking about me and Nikki.”
I quit talking instantly, “Oh, yea, I knew that already.”
She shook her head, “She’s never going to apologize for what she did, simply because she doesn’t want me to move on. It’s so conceited but at the same time it’s so fucking bitter-sweet. She still wants me to love her, whether it’s for her ego or her heart, and that means something.”
I responded, “Means she’s fucking crazy.”
Megan shoved me, almost causing me to spill my red wine onto Shawn’s couch. She spoke, “Stop, you don’t know anything about Nikki.”
I leaned on the couch, “Then tell me about her.”
She just sat there looking at me, as if she didn’t know where to start. I honestly couldn’t give a fuck about Nikki, but I wanted to hear of Megan’s past, which consisted of Nikki. I wanted to hear how she felt with her, and how she became who she was because of her.
There was something really wrong with me.
She sighed, “Well, what do you want to know?”
I shrugged, “First date? Or did you two not do the whole first date thing?”
“No, we had a first date. She brought me to my favorite restaurant, and then to a sweets bar that sold nothing but unhealthy crap. We tried like, twenty different types of chocolate. It was amazing.”
I listened closely, knowing that this is what couples did except I had never really experienced it. I had never had a serious relationship, ever, which was sad and good at the same time. I never had wanted the drama and everything, but it was because I never found anything interesting to do with someone.
It was always bowling, or the movies, or dinner, never anything weird like trying twenty different types of chocolate.
That was insanely clever.
She continued to sip her wine, “Anything else?”
I snapped out of my day dream and asked, “First time having sex.”
She huffed in exaggeration, “Um, well, it was a couple weeks after we had officially started dating. It wasn’t planned, she had come to drop off a book I had let her borrow and I was alone in my dorm for the night. We stayed in and talked, then one thing led to another…”
“Was it like the whole sparks flying ordeal?”
She sipped, and I leaned forward to fill her again, “She was my first girlfriend, my first time with a girl. I was a nervous wreck, but she made me feel comfortable. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t like our second time.”
I laughed, wondering what it would be like to see Megan completely naked. I bet she looked absolutely stunning, just the imaginative picture made me tingle.
Oh God I was getting a buzz.
I sighed, “So no fireworks until the second time?”
“The second time was… perfect.”
I smiled, “I remember the first time, I was a freshmen and a senior on the softball team took interest to me. I knew I was a lesbian before her but I had never had sex with a girl. It was the night of her last home game and we had lost, miserably. I had gone to the after party and she was there, we got drunk and fucked. She didn’t talk to me again after and I haven’t seen her since graduation.”
Megan just looked at me, “That’s really sad.”
I laughed, sipping my wine, “She made me cum so fucking hard though, so I don’t regret it.”
“Your first time… it’s supposed to be special.”
I looked at her, feeling the effects of the wine as I responded, “Do I seem special to you? I mean really? Everything about me is fucked up, my family, my history, my choices… losing my virginity was no different.”
I don’t know why but Megan seemed to change perspective, and she touched my leg. She shook her head, “Sam, you’re special. Don’t think you’re not important, because people love you here, okay?”
I raised my eyebrow, “Chill Megan, I’m not going to slit my wrist. I just figured you would want to know about my first time too. Sorry it wasn’t as fairytale as yours.”
She retracted her hand at my stern response, seeming confused as to why she had reacted so weird. Then for some reason I wanted to tell her about everything, about everything that had fucked me up since day one. All the girls, all the drugs, all the abuse… I wanted her to know everything.
She sighed, “You’re a strong person, Sam. I forget that sometimes.”
I punched her arm lightly, smiling, “I’m a hard-ass, rock lovin’, whiskey drinking bitch.”
She nodded, “That’s very true, but you’re also a very passionate, strong, and dedicated person that has a beautiful old soul.”
All I could do was eye her curiously, “I think that’s the first time you’ve genuinely complimented me.”
She sipped the last of her wine, “Yea well, most of the time I hate you, so don’t forget that.”
I sat on my feet then, liking this conversation, “So what do you consider yourself?”
She shrugged, “A hopeless romantic that always gets herself into fucked up situations. I tend to be a real cunt too.”
I smiled, “I second that notion.”
She shoved me, “You’re supposed to be sweet.”
I leaned back, continuing her idea of herself, “You’re also the most beautiful creature on this God forsaken earth, and you tend to see the best in people no matter how fucked they are.”
She stared at me, “That’s all I get?”
I laughed, “Ok, well, you’re selfless, and you have a great taste in music. I’ve never met anyone who could test my patience and still live to see the day, and you’re strong, just like me.”
“It freaks me out how you can be such a bitch, and then such a sweet talker in two different instances.”
I smirked, “Maybe I’m just bipolar, just like you.”
“That would make us extremely alike.”
“And God forbid that.”
She stood, “You know what would be funny? Checking our sign compatibilities.”
I watched her retrieve her laptop as I questioned, “Sign compatibilities?”
She sighed, “Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer… you know.”
I rolled my eyes, “You don’t actually believe in that do you?”
She laughed, pulling up a website, “Of course not, but it’s fun to read when you’re drunk.”
I looked at her, “You’re drunk?”
She smiled, nodding, “Kind of getting there.” She typed in and asked, “When’s your birthday?”
I answered, “August twenty-third.”
“Virgo,” she pressed enter and smiled, “And I’m a Capricorn.”
I watched the website pull up our results and I read out loud some of the highlights to Megan. I narrated, “Virgo adores Capricorn’s dedication while Capricorn admires Virgo’s intuition…” I smirked as I looked at Megan, shaking my head, “I don’t believe that at all.”
Megan laughed, continuing to read, “Virgo can help Capricorn to relax… you sure did that tonight.”
I nodded, laughing along with her, “And all it took was some cheap red wine!”
She shoved me, “I’ve had three glasses!”
“Lightweight.”
I poured her another glass as I skimmed, seeing another highlight, “Oh, and according to the moon and stars, if we were a couple we would share a life of domestic and romantic bliss.”
She laughed, “I wonder what they mean by bliss.”
“Maybe our sex life would be phenomenal.”
She shoved me lightly again, giggling, “Yea well, we’re not trying that theory.”
I groaned, “But according to the website of the gods it could be blissful Megan!”
She continued sipping on her wine along with me, looking at me with a funny look on her face. She shook her head, “When I met you I thought you were in college. I was so surprised how pretty you were.”
I flicked my hair back, “Well duh, I mean I’m pretty fucking hot huh?”
She rolled her eyes, “You’re so conceited.”
“You surprised me too, I mean, I expected Shawn to bring someone pretty home but… damn. You know, Blair’s convinced you were a Victoria Secret Model.”
She laughed, looking at me from her wine glass, “Blair’s a trip.”
“At least you don’t have to deal with her.”
She sighed, eyeing me more as she contemplated something in her head. I knew she was getting really buzzed, and soon would be really tired and want to sleep. How long had we been talking anyway?
I checked my phone, realizing it was already nine at night. I whispered, “It’s already nine.”
She shook her head, “Damn, must be late for you, grandma.”
I opened my mouth, not expecting a sarcastic remark from her. I laughed, “Fuck you, you’re the one that’s gonna be what? Thirty in December?”
She frowned, “Twenty-four, idiot.”
I stood, flashing my pack of cigarettes, “Wanna come out with me? I gotta smoke one.”
She shook her head, “You can kill yourself, by yourself.”
I rolled my eyes, walking out and lighting up quickly, feeling the anxiousness I had been feeling fade away. It was weird, the way I had felt all night while talking to Megan. Not to mention how fast the time had gone by, as if we had been lost in it.
I inhaled, exhaling quickly as I felt the familiar burn of the smoke. Megan and I had something weird going on, and I didn’t really know how to read her. Most of the time she tried to keep her distance and stay within her boundaries, but then every once in a while I’d get a flicker of something more.
It was confusing.
I let the cool air whip around me as I finished up my cig, stomping it out as I returned into the apartment. I came to Megan, seeing her lying down on the couch seeming as if she was already passed out.
I bent down, pulling her up, “C’mon lightweight.”
She groaned as I pulled her to her feet, realizing she was a lot lighter than I had imagined. She stumbled next to me as I brought her to Shawn’s bed, lying her down and covering her with the comforter.
Then I heard a faint whisper through the dark, “Stay.”
I felt my heart explode with emotion, as if something inside me had ruptured and overtaken me. I stared down at her, wondering if she really was that drunk… I felt a compulsion to touch her take over, and I grazed my finger over her jaw, pushing hair out of her face.
I retracted quickly, closing the door quickly behind me as I retreated to my room. I didn’t have any clue what had come over me, but there was something wrong.
Something wrong with how I felt about Megan.
~ ~ ~ ~
I awoke, feeling a throbbing pain in my head as I groaned, realizing I was very hung over from last night’s wine tasting. I crawled out of bed and trudged into the kitchen, attempting to make it to the coffee pot.
I began brewing as Megan joined me in the kitchen, looking like shit but beautiful at the same time. How did she always manage that?
Her messy dark hair surrounded her as her eyes were squinted, “I feel like death.”
I laughed, “I’m actually too hung over to even insult you.”
She smiled, sitting at the cabinet, “I should get you drunk more often.”
“Actually I got you drunk.”
“Same difference.”
I recalled the last thing I remembered of last night, when I had heard Megan mumble a very faint stay as I put her to sleep. I didn’t really want to bring it up, but then I did, because I was curious if she remembered too.
I spoke, pouring her coffee, “You normally talk in your sleep?”
She eyed me, “Huh?”
So she didn’t remember last night.
I smiled, “You said something last night, when I put you in bed.”
“I was curious as to how I had ended up there. When I woke up I had a mini heart attack, until I realized there was no one next to me.”
I laughed, “What would you have done if I would’ve been next to you?”
She eyed her coffee, shaking her head, “Moved out of the country.”
“Jeez, am I that despicable to you?”
She smiled, shaking her head, “You’re my student Sam, my best friend’s little sister…”
I shook my head, pushing the pain to the back of my thoughts, “Right.”
She continued, “So what exactly did I say last night?”
I looked at her, wondering if I should tell her the truth. I didn’t want to seem hopeful, because she had just confirmed we would never ever have a chance together. Megan didn’t really care about me like that, she knew me way too well to want to love me like that…
I shook my head, dismissing the truth and lying to her face.
“That you missed Nikki.”