I blink away the sleep in my eyes, momentarily confused by the white surrounding me. I sit up, rubbing at my eyes and a quick look around the room causes last night's events to become fresh in my mind.
Skylar.
Skylar standing on the edge of the building.
Skylar passing out.
Skylar lying in the hospital bed.
I turn to my left and my memories are confirmed when I see her there; eyes closed, chest rising and falling slowly, the morning sun beaming through the window across the room and illuminating her pale skin. My eyes run across the length of her petite body and I find our hands still intertwined with each other.
I place my other hand on top of it and lean forward in my chair, watching her as she breathes peacefully. I reach forward to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, my fingers lightly brushing against her cheekbones.
I smile and can't help but remember how much I've always loved seeing Skylar asleep. I know, I sound like Edward Cullen and it may seem a little creepy, but if you've seen the never ending tension always tucked behind Skylar's eyes and the tiredness that always layered them and the way her eyebrows were always a little pulled together... then you'd be in love with the serene way Skylar sleeps too. Because seeing someone who always seems to be working their muscles, physically and mentally, finally at peace... it puts you at peace as well.
I pick up my phone resting on the little bedside table and find an unread message from Nash. I press on the message icon before reading the text,
Went down to the cafe for breakfast. Well bring u back some food. If its possible try not to break Skys hand while were gone
I roll my eyes at the text and look around at the hospital room. There are rows upon rows of flowers of all types and colors lining the walls and helium balloons of different Disney characters floating in the air. Tied to the edge of the bed is a single blue, rubber balloon covered in little messages from all of us. The fam had went all out last night and even had to make two trips to and from the van before they got everything up. It was a good thing too. With all the depressing things going down, they needed something to get excited over.
At 2 in the morning, while all of the guys were scattered around the room watching a movie on the flat screen tv hovering in the ceiling corner, I had left the hospital to attain my own bouquet of flowers and balloons for her.
I look over at Sky, stroking her hand with my thumb, and rest my chin on the edge of the bed. The doctor had said that she should be awake sometime today or tomorrow, though they couldn't be too sure; she's deprived herself of sleep and had taken a lot of drugs and alcohol the past couple days and the whole about to take her own life thing had been a little overwhelming so there's a lot of factors to consider. For all we know she could be unconscious for a week.
"Hey, Sky..." I say quietly, "Look, I don't know if you can hear me, I mean for all I know I could be talking to myself right now and what I'm about to say is all just gonna go to waste, but... But if you do hear me I hope you know that I miss you."
I let out a little laugh, "It's only been about half a day but after all that's happened it feels like eternity." I look at her again and drop my gaze, "There are so many things I want to say that I don't think I'll ever have the balls to say to you when you're awake because you and those stupid eyes of yours that are a really pretty shade of blue are so fucking intimidating so I'm just going to say it now." I say, taking in a deep breath and exhaling loudly.
I look over at Sky, allowing myself to sink back into the emotions that I've drowned in last night and letting the thoughts that have overwhelmed me resurface in my mind and make its way out my mouth, "Alright, here goes... Skylar I've known you my whole life, okay? I know your favorite movies, your favorite books, I know what you like to eat during the middle of the day, I know what songs you like to listen to when we're lying in the park, I know what your voice sounds like when you get excited, hell I could even tell you right now that you're favorite color is orange - and not just any orange, you like the same vibrant orange of the sky when the sun's setting and the day's ending. And I can even tell you now that you've only ever told me that once, when we were 6 and we watched the sunset for the first time together, and I know it's still your favorite color because you still watch the sunset with that admiring look in your eyes.
And I am one hundred percent sure that there is no one in this world who knows you better than I know you. But in spite of all of this, Sky, I don't think I'll ever in my life be able to associate the girl I've known my whole life with the girl who was about to kill herself last night... And that fucking scares me."
I bite down on my lip, "Sky you're my rock, you know that right? Since the day I met you you have been what fueled me - you were my source of strength since day one. Do you have any idea what it's like to see all that you've ever known about strength crumble before your eyes? It makes you start to question your own strength... Seeing you so raw and vulnerable... It wasn't easy. I mean who would have ever thought that the girl who could move mountains and slay dragons would ever need saving?"
I sigh and my eyebrows come together, "Remember when we were younger and you talked about how you'd be some guy's 'princess charming'? Things were a lot easier then, weren't they? It was easier to believe that you could be strong enough to save both you and someone else. And I know that the older we got and the more challenging our battles became, you stopped believing that. But you wanna know something? Despite everything, you still managed to do it."
I close my eyes, taking in a deep breath, "I want so badly to be mad at you, Sky. I mean, you've spent the past 15 years telling me how invincible we are and then you go against everything you made me believe by standing on the edge of that roof," I run a hand across my face, "But I can't do that. I can't be mad at you. Because to be mad at you would be so unfair.
Because really, I'd be less mad at you and more mad at myself for allowing me to depend on something that doesn't last; something so fragile. And I think, without really being aware of it, that has always scared me. It scared me to think how much I needed you in my life because just the idea of you not being in it anymore was unbearable.
That's why it was so hard for me when you left after middle school. And why it was so hard for me when you came back. I thought this relationship we had between us - this dependency we had on each other - was unhealthy. Because in the end I knew it was going to hurt like hell if we ever lost each other... it'd be like having your spine ripped from you and taken away.
But last night showed me that it wasn't like that.
I mean yeah you were my backbone growing up, but throughout that time you have helped me create my own backbone. You've helped me keep it from breaking and when something out of your control did happen to fracture it, you helped me mend it again.
I've come to realize that everything is fragile, Sky. Everything is bound to break. And everyone has a short period of time before we completely shatter into a million pieces. But in the meantime, we can choose whether or not to stay in one spot our entire lives, too afraid to break... or we can choose to roll around, jump, dance... fly... and live life as if we're unbreakable. And you know what? You can stop people from slipping, you can stop people from crashing, you can even take the fall for someone, but I don't think there is anything that anyone could ever do for someone that is greater than making that person feel unbreakable. And you managed to do that for the both of us. Because it's that feeling of being unbreakable that saves us. Otherwise, we'd allow the world to crush us.
Like it almost did with you...
Skylar, you're gonna wake up and you're gonna look at me with those bright blue eyes of yours and you're gonna tell me that I saved you. But I didn't. I may have pointed out what was in front of you, but you chose not to fall. I always thought being unbreakable meant that you never fell, but it's not. Being unbreakable is going through shit that trips you and still surviving the fall. It was your choice to save yourself. And that was what saved me. Because the only dragon that I ever truly had in my life was the dragon that was about to push you off that building. But you slayed that thing like there was no tomorrow and even though you came out of that battle with tears on your face and blood on your skin, you still won. You still won."
I pause for a while before grinning at myself, "And I'd also like to add as a side note that in fairytales, the 'Cam in distress' always falls in love with the princess charming of the story. All that's left is for the two of them to ride off into the sunset on their white horse and live happily ever after. And maybe throw in a kid or two if that's cool with the princess charming."
I look sheepishly at our tangled fingers, "Okay, now I kind of hope you didn't hear any of that because I didn't mean to say that last part out loud. I was joking - by the way. About that last sentence I mean," I stutter and scratch the back of my head. "But I do hope that you did hear the first part. Because I used a lot of similes and metaphors and I think you'd be proud of how well I used them. You tend to do that a lot that's why. I think you've rubbed off on me."
"I think so too."
My head whips up to look at Skylar's face and the weak state she's in doesn't stop her from smiling amusingly at me. I shoot up to my feet in surprise and immediately leap forward to kiss her on the forehead and hug her, ignoring how difficult it is to hug someone who'se lying down, "YOU'RE AWAKE OH MY GOD YOU'RE AWAKE I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH YOU'RE AWAKE!"
I pull back instantly and blink when I realize what's just come out of my mouth, "Um, I mean it's great that you're okay. I'll go - I'll go tell the doctor you're awake." I turn to leave but Skylar's fingers encircle my wrist and I turn to look at her.
"No, Cam," She says, a small laugh escaping her lips. I feel all my insides go warm at the sound of it. "It's okay. I'm fine. She'll come by later."
I glance back at the door before returning to my seating position next to her. I watch her as she watches me, taking her all in; every strand of hair, every eyelash, every movement she makes as she breathes - inhaling air; living.
She then opens her mouth to speak, "I'm sorry - "
"Skylar." I cut her off immediately, shaking my head. "I don't want any of your apologies. Don't waste your breath on something so unnecessary." My eyes continue to watch her face, "Do you know remember why you're here?"
She stares at me for a moment before nodding and glancing down at the bandage wrapping her forearm, "I tried to find a way around it. Another way to cope. I drank and I cut, and I guess I must've cut too deep, but I didn't feel it. I didn't feel anything. That was the problem. The pain in my chest blinded me and nothing caused enough pain to distract me from it. Before I knew it I was on the ledge."
"Okay, Sky, stop." I say, closing my eyes for a second to blink away any images that have begun to form in my mind. "It's over, it's done. What matters is that you're here, you're breathing, you're alive. That's all that matters right now."
Skylar looks at me then glances around the room. Her eyebrows shoot up, "Whoa..." She laughs a bit at the sight of the flowers surrounding her, "What happened here?" She looks at me, a questionable expression on her face, "Wait, were the guys - "
"SKYLAR'S AWAKE!!!" Both our attentions turn to the doorway where 10 boys and a Mahogany are all trying to fit through the rectangle hole at once to enter the room, cups of what looks like coffee and sandwiches covered in plastic falling to the floor in the process.
"Move!" "Ow, you stepped on my foot!" "I saw her first!" "You're dropping the food!" "I wanna hug her first!" "I hate all of you, seriously."
The atmosphere in the room immediately shifts and I watch in amusement as the group falls through the doorway, tripping over each other, hitting the floor face first, and landing on top of one another. Skylar's eyes widen but they all recover immediately, dusting themselves off before shooting forward to hug and kiss Skylar lying in the bed.
"Oh my god, you're okay!" "We missed you so much!" "It's so nice to see you awake!" "We have so much to talk about!" "We love you so much!" "Lookin good, Castellan!"
"Please don't ever leave us again!" Hayes pleads loudly, throwing the upper half of his body over Sky's stomach. The others laugh at the 13 year old and unsure of how to respond, Skylar pets his hair awkwardly in an attempt to reassure him.
I bite down a laugh and glance over at Nash who seems very entertained by his younger brother's reaction, "Hayes," he laughs out, leaning forward to pry his brother off of her, "Maybe you shouldn't..."
"Right, sorry," He says, straightening up, "Lost my cool for a second there."
"You're about to lose a lot more than that, my friend." Nash mumbles as he pats Hayes's back.
The whole lot are grinning down at Skylar excitedly and Skylar smiles back at them, but she seems confused, "What are you guys doing in LA?"
"Cam called us and said you were hurt," Gilinsky starts off.
"Yeah, so we took the first plane to LA that we could get on." Shawn continues, his hands resting on the edge of the bed as he leans toward her to talk.
"We were really worried," Matt says, "Cam told us what happened when we got to the hospital," he continues and Sky's face seems to go a shade paler when he says this, "So we went out to get you flowers for when you woke up."
"Pretty, aren't they?" Jacob smiles, gesturing to the bouquets.
Skylar nods, still looking astounded by their presence, "Yeah, they are."
"We really care about you, Sky." Matt says.
"We only met a couple weeks ago, but you're a big part of the family. You're important to all of us." Aaron adds. The others nod in agreement and Skylar stares at them as if she's not completely sure whether or not this was really happening. She looks around, at every single one of their faces, before nodding, "You guys are important to me too."
They all smile widely when she says this and look like they're about to respond, but a soft knock at the door interrupts them. Everyone's head lifts at the sound.
I turn in my seat to face the door and end up finding Chad, Elizabeth, and Skylynn standing there.
☼ Dedicated to @melissastyles20 because she's great. (And so are the rest of you). ☼