Trigger warning: the following chapter is very bitter and may have disturbing content both for the past of the reader and her interaction with Kid.
*
«I'm done with the stiches. The pain will be back in a couple of hours, you apply the ointment I gave you. And, hum... it may scar.»
«Great.» you grumbled, putting your shirt back on and jumping down the infirmary bed.
«Try not to move too much.» the doctor warned.
You didn't even look at him while heading outside.
«Girl.»
Your hand stopped on the doorknob.
«Use your brain. I know you have one.»
Anger entered your wrinkled face.
You quickly exited the room and slammed the door.
There was no banquet, that night.
The whole ship was pretty quiet. It was already dark, and the tables were back below deck, and the pirates resumed their roles.
Not wanting to deal with any of them, you climbed the mast and slid inside the craw's nest.
Of course there was going to be someone on lookout duty, you were only hoping they were no one from the higher ranks.
So you scoffed in frustration when you found Wire there.
His sharp eyes briefly landed on you before fixing back on the wide sea.
You crouched down in the farthest spot, leaning against the bench.
For a few minutes, nobody talked.
«Are you going to spend the night there?» he asked, with an uninterested voice.
«Yes.»
Wire waited for you to add something, but your gaze was lost in the dark waves, features imbued with bitterness.
«Can I ask you a question?»
You hissed.
«I really don't wanna talk now.»
«I see. Just tell me this, marine girl: in the Marines, if someone disobeys an order, what will happen?»
Your eyes flicked on him, filled with resentment.
«Why are you asking me this?»
«Don't they get hung?»
Your fingers grabbed the fabric of your trousers as you turned your face away.
«Even if they are boys?» he piled on it.
«Shut. The fuck. Up.»
He shrugged.
The night got colder than the previous ones. There was no moon, and a thick coat of clouds covered the stars, so the darkness was almost complete.
You were nearly asleep when a shiver shook you.
«You know what.»
Wire's calm voice gently dragged you out from agitated dreams.
He spoke lowly, without looking at you, like he was chanting a poem to himself.
«This morning, we came across an island we know already. Of course I'm not supposed to tell you this. Anyway, we asked the captain if we had to dock, like we usually do.»
From your crouched position, you peered at him, chin resting on your crossed arms.
What was he talking about?
«He said no.»
His faced changed for a moment, as if he was asking himself whether to continue.
«There are a lot of women on that island. It's kind of a brothel, actually.»
Oh.
«Some of our favourites are there.»
Oh.
«The captain's favourite is there.»
You suddenly felt an acute sting in your chest.
The captain's favourite.
Kid's favourite.
You never thought about his other women, but obviously there were some.
Just because you were the only one on the ship, it didn't mean you were exclusive. After all, you were just a prisoner.
But he said no.
«Why would he?»
You voice came out like a blow.
Wire shrugged again.
«I guess he didn't feel the need to stop there.»
«...since he has a sex slave right here.»
His eyes moved on you.
«You're being obtuse and you know it.»
You clicked your tongue in frustration, averting your gaze.
«Leave me alone.»
He changed his position to sit more comfortably.
«Do you mind telling me about the Marines?»
«Why would you want to know such things?» you snapped.
He was really getting on your nerves now.
«If they managed to get someone like you so attached, I think I want to know.»
«"Someone like me"?»
«One of the best snipers around, a tiny girl who can dig her place on a vicious pirate ship in the New World. Just with her tongue.»
You swallowed, lowering your head.
«Yet so sensitive.» he continued «A marine who cannot stand to watch a mutinied getting slaughtered if he's young. Are you that pure, [Y/n]?»
«Please! He's the only son I have left.»
«I promise we will leave, and you'll never hear about us again.»
«She was my sister.»
«Take me, but let him go. Please, please.»
«I'm not!» you snapped.
Wire sharpened his eyes.
«You're pure enough to call our captain a monster.»
«Isn't he?!»
«Oh, he is. But not for killing a mutinied on his ship. By the way, he usually likes to take his time with stuff like that.»
«He was a fucking boy!»
«Yes, a boy who decided to set sail in the New World. Who wanted to murder a woman that saved my mates and my captain during the last battle. He chose his fate.»
«He wasn't old enough to choose!» you shouted.
«Were you?»
Your eyebrows knitted together.
«What?»
«Were you old enough to choose when you joined the Marines? Were you old enough to choose when you killed your first victim?»
Your fingers grasped the fabric of your trousers.
«[Y/n].» he sighed «None of us was old enough when the world dropped on our heads.»
Your fingers travelled in your locks, restless.
«Is this an excuse?»
«I beg of you. He's just a boy. My boy.»
«If there's any mercy left in you, let him go.»
«Maybe you were strong enough to avoid getting your hands dirty, despite all the crap.» Wire said «But it's not always possible, [Y/n].»
Your empty eyes dropped on the ground.
«I was not.»
He quirked an eyebrow.
«What do you mean?»
«I was not strong enough and my hands are dirty.»
Your heart started to pound and the breath grew faster.
You never spoke about it.
Not once.
Not even with Aokiji.
Not even with yourself.
And now you couldn't stop the desperate screams in your head, the feelings you felt that day, they came back all together inside you.
You grit your teeth, as physical pain invaded you.
Suddenly, the sole idea of keeping all that crap inside you seemed absurd, a suicide.
How had you ignored it for all those years?
No. I know why.
I fucking know why.
Aokiji said "ignore it", and so you did.
Well, those were not his words, but that's what he implied.
And now everything was coming up your throat, and you felt the impossible need of throwing everything up as soon as possible.
Wire watched you became pale and sweaty, fists quickly closing and opening, breath speeding up.
«Girl...?»
You lifted your trembling eyes on him.
No, it was not right, he was not the person you had to tell.
«I... have to go.» you whispered.
Before he could reply, you jumped beyond the hatch and slid down the mast.
Without looking at the few pirates on the deck, you entered the ship and reached the cabin, opening the door in your frenzy.
A knife brushed your temple, piercing the wooden wall right beside you.
The movement froze you in place.
Eustass Kid sat at his desk, giving his back at you.
«You should be wiser that rushing into this room.»
His voice was cold and steady.
You swallowed, closing the door behind you and leaning against it.
For a few moments, your panting was the only sound in the dark cabin. Then Kid turned to you, his eyes sharp in a cruel expression.
«I wasn't expecting you to come here tonight.»
You felt like you were about to burst.
You took a deep breath and stared at him in the eyes.
«I was called to assist Admiral Akainu for a mission, once.»
The captain frowned, but didn't interrupt you.
«He and his men were not my usual team, but he wanted a sniper and I was one. I am one. Anyway, no one told me what was the mission about till we reach the island.»
You stopped, looking for the words.
«When we arrived, he called me on the deck and he communicated his orders. Apparently, the Celestial Dragons had visited that place a little time before, taking slaves here and there. A lot of young women, as always. And there was a boy...»
You had to swallow.
«When his sister was taken, he... he threw a rock to one of the World Nobles, hitting him on an arm. Doing absolutely nothing, but... you know what happens if someone attacks those... things.»
Kid stayed still, eyes fixed on you.
«Apparently, the town was hiding the boy and his family, so Akainu was ready to order a Buster Call on the island. Unless.»
You grimaced.
It hurt. But you forced yourself to go on.
«Unless I found the boy and shot him down.»
You waited for Kid to say something, but he didn't.
«I went on the island alone, and used my Observation to spot him. They were simple civilians, so it took less than an hour. I intercepted them before they could reach the shore and sneak on a cargo ship.»
You closed your eyes as memories flew.
The woman froze the very moment she saw you stepping in front of them, cutting their way to the sea.
The beach was white, the waves quiet.
Seagulls were singing in the distance.
She grasped her son shoulder, pulling him behind her body and covering him with the dark cape. Her husband moved in front of them.
You quietly waited for their reaction, rifle hanging from your shoulder, a soft breeze blowing from the sea, agitating your hair, your uniform shining under the sun.
«Get away, girl, before I make you.» the man hissed.
His words were unsteady, though.
«I cannot let you pass» you said «or the whole island will be burn to ashes.»
The woman let out a choked groan, while his expression drained.
«Why?! The other villagers didn't do anything...»
«I know.»
He looked around desperately, like the solution had to be somewhere to be seen.
«Mom.»
The boy's voice was sweet and young. It squeezed your chest.
«Shh, mom is thinking.» she murmured, giving him a trembling smile.
«Mom, it's fine. I don't want anyone to die because of me.»
He tried to gently push her aside, but her claws held him back.
«Don't!»
The father turned to you, his eyes were now filled with terror.
«Please, I beg you.»
«Look,» you started «I don't want to kill you. Your best option now is coming with me to the Admiral, and ask him for mercy.»
«The Admiral?! Are you crazy, girl?»
You sighed, trying to push the nausea down your guts.
«If I let you go, everyone dies.»
He grit his teeth, fists painfully closed.
«Fuck!» he shouted in frustration, startling his wife.
«Is it... is it Akainu?» she asked.
You hesitated, then nodded.
Tears escaped her eyes.
«He will burn him down... he will burn my son down!»
She fell on her knees.
The boy grimaced and used his strength to wiggle out her grip.
He must had been about thirteen years old. His eyes were humid, and you felt the tears stinging yours too, but you didn't let them out.
«She was my sister.» he whispered.
You felt your inside crumble. Not an emotion crawled on your face.
«I'm sorry.»
He took a deep breath.
«If you shoot me, will my parents be safe?»
You swallowed and nodded, not trusting your voice.
«What about the rest of the town?»
«Nothing will happen to them.»
He hummed, then a resolute expression appeared on his green eyes.
«Do what you must.»
Taken aback, you blinked.
His mother threw herself forward, grabbing him, sobbing on his shoulder.
«Don't! He's the only son I have left!»
«They took our daughter... I promise we will leave, and you will not hear about us ever again.» the father cried «If there is any mercy left in you, girl, let us go.»
You growled in frustration, fingers nervous on the handling of your rifle.
You looked around.
There was a small boat taken ashore. Could they disappear with that?
They had to be quick. You had to be quick in vanishing as well, if you did that.
But what about the Buster Call? Was there anything you could do to stop it?
And... were you really thinking about that kind of treason?
Were you ready to say goodbye to Aokiji forever?
Your haki tingled.
Wait.
Aokiji's subordinate sent alone for such a mission. By Akainu.
"But yet again, you're Aokiji's underlying"
They looked at you in confusion when you quickly take out your marine hat and boots to examine them.
And there it was, on the heel, the baby transmitter snail, sending every sound to the warship, including all the conversations around you.
It's over.
You took it away and placed on the clear sand before putting your items back on.
«The Admiral knows you're here already. There's nothing you can do. I'm sorry.»
She let out a pained scream. The boy, though, took a step forward.
«Do it.»
«No! Take me but let him go! Please, please, let him go.»
«Don't listen to my mother. Do what you must.»
Cold sweater was running down your neck, your fingers were trembling on your rifle.
What were you supposed to do? Kill the boy?
This is wrong.
This is so fucking wrong.
But Akainu listened. Akainu knew.
His men were probably somewhere on the cliffs around the beach, watching you.
«I beg of you. He's just a boy. My boy.»
«Stay away from him!»
Your mind was racing.
If you let them go, was there a chance for them to actually make it?
What about you? Could you escape Akainu?
And...
The thought froze in your head.
What would Aokiji-sensei say?
«I...»
You were totally lost.
Without even realizing it, you found yourself with the rifle pointed at them.
If I shoot and miss him, but he falls down, and then I do the same with his parents, if they fake their own death, then...
But when the father saw the weapon aiming at his son's head, he lost it.
He attacked you screaming like a mad man.
«I HATE YOU AND ALL THE WORLD GOVERNMENT!»
From that moment, everything happened too quickly.
You shot him down.
It was an instinctive reaction, and since it was you, it was a sudden death.
You barely saw the other two faces distorted in horror. They started screaming.
Your body knew it was over before your mind did.
The sound they were making was drilling your brain.
It took two blows to make it stop.
You were left with three bodies on the sun-soaked beach, waves gently brushing the sand, till your transmitter called you back on the warship.
Despite your still expression, tears were running down your cheeks.
Quiet, warm, copious tears.
You never cried for that family before. You never cried for what you did.
Because you knew, Aokiji didn't want to see you cry. It would have hurt him.
So you kept everything inside you, you pressed it in the darkest corner of your mind, a place you never visited.
But Aokiji wasn't there anymore.
«I called you a monster,» you whispered «but the truth is that I'm far worse than you, Eustass Kid.»
He stood up, moving heavy strides towards you, up to invading your personal space.
The tears were now rolling down your jaw and neck.
You lowered your head, escaping his piercing gaze.
His metallic finger brusquely grabbed your chin and forced you to lift your eyes.
«I am a monster, birdie.»
You grit your teeth to prevent the sobs to come out.
His amber eyes were fixed on your face, unmoved.
«If it felt wrong, why did you do that?»
You did your best to swallow and collect the voice. Yet, it came out like a squeak.
«Because I... am weak.»
His grip on your chin tightened, growing painful.
«Bullshit. Someone made you weak.»
A poisonous shadow darkened his eyes as realization hit him.
«You stayed for someone.»
The air dried in your lungs.
«I didn't.»
The second after the reply left your mouth, Kid slammed you against the door.
Your wound hitting the wood first made you gasp and cough in pain.
«Is it the same marine who hired you?» he hissed, pressing his body against yours.
Pain pulsated, both physically and emotionally.
«Fuck you.»
«Oh, birdie.»
His metal hand moved on your forehead, pushing it against the door.
«Why are you so loyal to him?»
«Because he...»
Your hands ran on his to make it release the pressure on your head.
Kid was furious.
At that point, denying was only going to make it worse. Plus, you were too tired to lie again.
«Because he saved me, he taught me, and he always protected me!» you blurted.
There were a couple of second of silence.
Then Kid dropped his arm and let out a cruel laugh.
«Protected you?»
The pain on your back was stinging, and now your head felt about to explode too.
You were so strained that you didn't even think about wiggling out.
This time it was his flesh hand crawling up your torso, fingers encircling your soft neck, although he didn't apply any pressure.
His other hand grabbed your arm and kept you in place.
«Where was he when you had to kill the poor innocent boy and his family?»
You grimaced, trying to slide away.
«Shut up!»
But Kid lowered his face to yours.
«Where was he when we attacked your ship and you were left behind by your own comrades?»
«Stop it.»
«Where was he when you were tied up to that beam and I shoved my fingers in your wounds?»
«Stop it.»
«Where was him when you were tied on that bed and I was free to do whatever I wanted to you?»
«Stop it.»
Your voice was broken, your face soaked.
His grip was the only thing keeping you from sliding on the floor now.
«Where was he during all the years you got wounded and wounded? And don't you dare looking at me like that! Your body is fucking covered in scars. Do you think I wouldn't notice?»
Honestly, you did.
Kid snarled, your pain seemed to increase his rage.
«Where is he now?!»
«I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!» you screamed in his face.
He closed his mouth, so you leaned back, panting heavily.
«He left.»
Your heart crumbled.
«He left.»
Neither of you spoke or moved for a while.
Then, unexpectedly, his touch grew softer.
His fingers twitched on your skin, but they rose to your cheeks to brush away the streams of tears.
Emptied of everything, you lifted your trembling eyes on his.
He cupped your face, but it was more of a grab, and he leaned his forehead on yours not too gently.
«Yes, I killed the boy, and I would do that again. Because...» he hesitated, jaw tense, his whole body tense «...because he touched you. And I will kill every fucking person who tries to touch you, doesn't matter if they are men, women or children. Do you understand?»
You didn't.
Because you were hurt, and in pain, and confused. And it was his fault.
Despite your heart racing in your chest, your cold mind rejected his last words.
Your hand found his chest and pushed him away.
«Look at me, Eustass Kid.»
He frowned, taking a step back, eyes running up and down your figure.
You leaned on the door, not having the energy to stand by yourself. Your skin was incredibly pale, with the exception of your reddened face. Where you were not covered in sweat, you were covered in tears. Blood stained the back of your shirt, since some stiches were ruined. Your hair was a mess and your eyes were swollen red holes.
«You say you will kill anyone who touches me?»
A bitter smirk bent your lips.
«You should kill yourself.»
Your hand groped around behind you till it closed on the doorknob, then you stumbled out the cabin without bothering to look at him again.