Friday
February 1st, 2014
11:30 a.m.
So at this very moment Darien has the police on his trial, Joey, Kanesha, and not to mention countless of others competing for a chance to off him, but frankly none of them are as much of a treat as Joey. Joey was the person who knew all Darien’s weaknesses and strengths, and the fact that Kanesha was brought into the mix meant Joey was pullin’ out all the stops.
I knew there was something strange about Kanesha showing her face around town again, and now that she had a role to play in the setting up of my baby daddy I wanted her head now worse, then I did back in school. When Darien came back over to my house covered in blood I knew that my worst fears from earlier were confirmed. He didn’t even have to explain because I just knew what he was about to tell me was going to be too much to swallow.
As the detectives insulted me and accused me I heard footsteps on the stairs, and knew that it was my siblings and my man. Luckily they were too busy being assholes to notice. When they left I called out for the fools on the stairs to come down, and when they did, and I seen his face my anger rose; I had to leave and lock myself into my room. When I heard a knock on the door I told whoever it was to go away, but they entered anyway. I watched as he entered into the room. After so many times of telling him to get out he sat me down on the bed, and forced me to listen to him.
As I continued to listen to him I got more into it, and knew that it would work. The only problem was that it would it require more time and more hands; my hands. If there’s anyone who knows more about this life than him it’s me. I've practically been in this game since my single digits, and didn’t fully comprehend it till my double digits. Anyway back to the main point, he’s gonna’ need my help and I don’t know if I’m ready to get back into this mess. I’ve been sober from this game for a little minute and just as I was enjoying my freedom here goes the leader- Darien, thrusting me back into it. Because he’s so known, I have to keep a low profile till all this shit blows over, meaning my social life has to come to an end.
Even though this is the first day of the second month of the year, and it’s suppose to be a time where lovers get closer and cuddle, in my world that didn’t happen and this was as much quality time we were gonna’ have. These past four months have been big learning experiences. It seemed as if every day I awoke I learned a new lesson that would stick with me forever.
It’s Friday morning and as I sat here in my fourth hour class I tried not to day dream. The story we were reading had me thinking about my king. Even though my man is a mess I wouldn’t take his light bright ass any other way. He was hood royal and even though he had baggage, he was perfect in my eyes. I can’t necessarily blame him for half this shit, ‘cause most of it came from my father, but still, he played a big role.
Many of times I’ve asked myself the famous question Why not leave? And many times I found myself saying, because you love him dummy…
Like I said I knew what I was getting myself into I just didn’t know it came with all these trimmings. No one ever told me that I would bare witness to 187’s or know who was in charge of the next hit, or who the biggest drug suppliers and cartels were. If most girls seen what I seen they would have fled at the first chance they got. My downfall is I’m too faithful to Darien, even though he don’t deserve it; the boy is tempting kinda’ like Eve and the apple-sin breaking. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not blaming him, because I have just as much to do with this shit as he does, I’m just sayin’, unlike my baby daddy I choose to branch away and make a better life for myself.
My attention focused everywhere beside reading. I just couldn’t focus knowing that I might have to start helping back out again. I’m nowhere near ready to turn back to the old me and for damn sure not when I’m expecting. Why would he ask me knowing I'm pregnant, there's nothing more I can do for him except some behind the scenes work, I thought as I bit my nails.
When the bell rang I was the first out the class, but trudged through the hall like a zombie. Walking up to my locker I did the combination and opened it. I exchanged my morning books for my afternoon books and then proceeded down the packed hall. Through the mists of kissing couples and people chatting in groups I saw my younger brother standing at his locker talking to Zay. I stopped walking and watched them from a distance. I watched as they gave each other dap and then exchanged a bag. That sneaky fucker! Caught your ass in action! I thought as I walked closer. As I grew closer my brother looked up and noticed me heading his way. I heard them exchange a few more words and the Zay rushed off.
One of his friends scoffed and the said. “Logan we gon’ catch you later.”
Logan shook his head okay, and we waited till they walked away before exchanging words. “Wassup big sis.” Logan greeted.
I took notice at the gear he had on. He was fresh from head to toe and I know mama hadn’t taken him shopping. “You look fresh today.” I sarcastically complimented.
“You know how I do.” he boasted. “Wassup though?” he asked as he rubbed his hands together.
“Why don’t you tell me?” I questioned. “What the hell you doin’?”
“What you mean?” he questioned.
“You know exactly what the hell I’m talkin’ about,” I told him.
“No I don’t.” he argued.
“Look Logan I saw what you did so stop playin’.” I told him as I folded my arms.
Logan pushed off the locker and came towards me. “You ain’t see shit.” he told me. “You got that?” he questioned.
I looked at him as if he had lost his mind. Getting into his face I asked, “Who are you getting tough with?”
“Look I gotta’ go.” he told me.
I grabbed hold of his arm. “No you don’t.” I said as I pointed my finger at him. “Do you know what kinda’ fire you’re playin’ with?” I asked. Logan shook his head yes. “No you don’t.” I told him.
“What do you know?” he questioned. “
"You needa' stop." I warned him.
"I can't big sis,” he defied. “you better get to class." he said as he swung his arms back and forth.
"No you better get to class, and no more." I told him.
"I'm not going to stop." he shot back.
"Look Logan, I'm not asking, I'm telling you, I let too many people lose their-"
"Like who?" he asked interrupting me.
Not being able to tell him the truth I said, "People,"
He shook his disapprovingly as he said, "Big sis want me to stop, but can't tell me her life,"
By this time both bells had rung and we were now late, "Just stop."
"No," he defied.
"Why are you being so hard headed?" I asked.
Logan began to walk off as he said, "Because I don't think Darien will like that." When he mentioned Darien my mouth fell open. He was working for my baby daddy.
The rest of the day went by in a flash. As we walked up the front path I noticed my mother’s car was gone. Figures, I thought. As usual I was going to have to play mother. Unlocking the door I went inside and immediately called Darien’s number. A little while later Darien, Junior, and Lola walked into the house. “Lola take Darien upstairs.”
As I waited for them to descend upstairs Darien asked, "Why you call me over?"
“Why didn’t you tell me that my little brother was working for you?” I asked.
"Damn, bae, you being assertive today huh?" he asked. I shot him a glare. He laughed and casually said, "That shit don't scare me bae.” He moved closer. “Wassup?"
"Why is my brother working for you and when were you gonna’ tell me," I repeated.
"What you mean?" He asked.
"Don't give me that shit you know exactly what I mean!" I yelled just as my brother walked down the stairs, he stopped at the bottom and looked from me to Darien.”Just the person I want to talk to, come have a seat.”
"What's up?” he asked as he stood in front of us.
The room went quiet until I asked, "You gon' tell him or should I?"
"Shit, you know I can't." he said.
"Oh yes the hell you can Marcell!" I yelled.
"No I can't Layla, and don't call me by my middle name, I hate that shit." he fumed.
"Darien-"
"Tell me what?" my brother asked interrupting us.
We looked from each other to him, and then I said, "Fine, I'll tell him,"
"Go ahead." Darien said.
"Logan, you can't work for him or anyone else anymore." I told him.
"What, why?" he asked.
"Because you don't know what it's really like to be in the things that you are trying to get involved in, it's not all cake, baby." I told him.
"I know, and I'll be fine, I work for Darien not some other cat, I can handle." he said.
"You think just because you work for De' everything gon' be all sweet?" I asked.
"Yeah." he admitted.
"See, that right there just proved you are not ready, you are not as grown as you think, you don't need to do this, you have a stable life, you have no idea what you are doing, this is not a game, you can get killed in one wrong move." I told him.
"Look, Layla I love you, but I gotta' do what's best for me," he told me.
"Yeah, Logan, I love you too, but this ain't what you want, trust me." I told him.
Finally speaking up Darien said, "Look, Logan, listen to your sister, I gotta' go." he stood up and walked to the door.
Shocked and confused by him agreeing I asked, "Where you going?"
"Business ma." was all he said as he left out the door.
I turned back to Logan and told him not to move and then followed behind Darien. Shutting the door and yelling down the pathway to him I said, "Wait,"
"What you gon' make me late, time is money and you know I don’t like wasting both." he told me.
"Okay Mr. Time is money, what was that all about?" I asked as I moved closer.
"What was what?" he asked nonchalantly.
"You know back there the whole agreeing with me." I answered.
"Yeah so,” he said. “it's a problem I can't agree with you now?" he asked.
"I didn't say that,” I said, “it was just unexpected." I admitted.
"Look you had a point, and I'll watch over him, he is growing up, gotta' stop babying him and I'm sure he's gonna want out, he's not like my younger knucklehead twin brothers." Darien stated. "I love you girl, I won't let nothin' happen to him, I'll make sure he wants out, I'll help with money for a while." he told me and then gave me a kiss.
"Alright," I agreed as I wrapped my arms around him for a hug. Looking over his shoulders I saw a red truck creeping up the street. Getting an uneasy feeling in my stomach I whispered, “Baby,”
“Yeah,”
“Look,” I told him as I directed his attention to the truck.
A millisecond after he turned around the car sped up as shots rang from the cracked tinted windows. “Get down!” he yelled as he pushed me down and covered me from the bullets. The shoots were not that long but they seemed like forever. When it ended he stood up and checked, scoping the area and seeing that it was okay he stood me up and I cried in his arms. A couple minutes later I heard the neighbor’s voices. Lifting my head and looking deep into my eyes he told me, “Get in the house and don’t come back out.” He kissed my lips and then walked away. I watched as Darien got into his car and sped away, leaving tire marks on the street. I knew at this point he was seeing red and that it was game time. I went inside the house, and as I dialed Darien’s number Logan and Lola continued to ask what had happened. Darien sent me to voicemail each time and now I was becoming worried of what he might do. I knew I had a lot of explaining to do when it came to the bullet hole in the window, but I didn’t care as long as no one got caught in crossfire.
As I sat down on the couch I was shaken in my draws. You know that déjà vu’ feelin' you get when you're placed into a situation and you felt like it happened, and even though it happened it still felt unreal? Well that was my emotion now considering it brought back that faithful memory years ago in my front yard-the day my father was pronounced dead.