123. Sunrise
It was a sight very hard to tire of.
The meadows were green, a shade of harmony in its overgrowth-- if I lay down, I would feel warm, and so very safe. It was the epitome of serenity-- and I found myself enjoying the calm in this place I could call my hideaway.
"Hey, Mukuro, could we just stop this already?" I joked, closing my eyes to satiate the tickle of the breeze past my face. "We're both here now, even in the same building. Can't we just meet each other face to face?"
Mukuro exhaled in resignation, "I believe the real statement here is that you should get out of my headspace, Ninomiya Rei."
I laughed dryly, "well, if you know how to get me out, please do."
Mukuro tutted.
With a simultaneous sigh escaping our lips, Mukuro made his way over and sat down beside me. We leaned against the tree-- the mood was quiet.
"So what are your plans for the future, Ninomiya Rei?" Mukuro spoke up.
I crumpled, "please, just 'Ninomiya' is fine." Drawing my knees to my chest, I sighed, "for now, I've got nothing much in mind except adapting to the loss of my father."
"You and your sisters are far from legal, so would that send you to an orphanage?" Mukuro inquired, his expressions turning grim.
I shook my head, "fortunately not. Our legal guardian at the moment is Dr Kunomasu, because he's our uncle by blood."
"I see."
The silence was stale, but I did not hate it.
I found myself leaning just a little closer to Mukuro's side-- enjoying the warmth of another human being. He did not see my movements an annoyance, and I appreciated it.
"Will you ever return?" Mukuro inquired, his voice low-spirited, "to this world... to the Mafia?"
My fingers squeezed the grass. I didn't leave, I wanted to say, but I knew I had. Even if Tsuna would tell me I could belong with them, no one had the intention of keeping me here where I risked my life so recklessly.
"Maybe I will," I told him weakly, "but for no, I want to get my body working again. I want to find out what I can in this world-- what I can be without her influence on me. I'll make my decision after thinking it through, deeply."
I felt Mukuro's weight veer onto me.
"What about the Vongola?" his question was straightforward.
Will I leave them now, after claiming to have joined them?
That was the move of a traitor, and I knew. Biting down on my lip, I looked toward the sky.
"I envy you, Mukuro," I admitted, "you know your sky and despite anything, you follow him. You were invited to the sky you serve."
I felt Mukuro tense. He didn't really like being told he belonged with Sawada Tsunayoshi, but I persisted, "...the me that was in the Future, and the me just about a few months ago. They're not me-- not anymore. So can I really serve the sky they strove to serve?"
I thought back to Xanxus.
To Squalo, and to the rest of the Varia. The connection, the rejection and the exclusion.
"The man I wanted to follow-- the one I wanted to follow-- they're likely no longer the one for me," I felt hurt just needing to admit this one fact, "I want to believe that my sky is somewhere else. Somewhere, someone can let me flow freely, like the cloud I don't understand I am."
My finger ran over the Void Ring.
"The Void was a very tempting place. I didn't need to do anything. No decisions, no sufferings, no hardships, no pain," I rambled, "I thought everything could be as easy as the nothingness of that place."
Bringing my hand to my face, I folded down my wristband and looked at it-- at the birthmark I loved and despised so much.
Mukuro cast a forlorn gaze toward me.
"Will you not follow Sawada Tsunayoshi?" Mukuro asked.
I didn't answer.
"Then, do you believe your sky to be that... Xanxus?" he asked again.
My face buried in my knees, I could not answer.
"I see," Mukuro was understanding. Lifting his head to the sky, his next words were chosen with consideration. "If you hate to be astray, would you be content with me?"
I tensed.
Craning my head up slightly, I felt a tear coming at me again.
"I'm sorry, Mukuro," I told him, choking back words, "I don't think you're the one for me, either."
I couldn't bear to look at him-- but I knew he was looking at me.
Mukuro chuckled, a strangely delighted 'Kufufu' rumbling from his throat. His body shook slightly on my back, and he seemed to lean in closer.
"I hope you'll find your sky then, someday," Mukuro assured me, "One you'll live and die for with a smile on your face."
"Does that apply to you and Tsuna too?"
"You really like to get on my nerves, huh?"
-
When I woke up, the world was a blur. My throat was dry, but the clumsy newbie nurse had left my source of water on the cupboard much too far for reach.
There was a light pouring into the room-- the door was slightly ajar. Lifting my head slightly, I noticed a girl by the door. When my sight adjusted to the dark, I took in her purple hair.
She peeked in nervously, her body in clear sight but she still failed to take a step in.
I shuffled a little, and she visibly jumped in surprise.
Getting up with a little effort, I chuckled.
"Great timing, could I trouble you for some water?" I decided to ask, my voice a little strained but could be easily dismissed as sleep babble, "there's a jug to the right."
Panic evident in her movements, she registered what I had asked for her. Quickly entering, she closed the door behind her as quietly as she could, reaching for the jug-- looking for a glass, figuring out where to pour and how-- she was nervous, but she quite obediently did just as requested before meekly handing it to me.
Why did she come to me? I couldn't find the words to ask.
"Are you... having fun with your life now?" I asked.
With hesitation, she nodded.
"Are Ken and Chikusa treating you well?" I asked again, "Feeding you right?"
Has M.M been bullying you? Does Mukuro treat you kindly?
In the dim hospital room, with only the moonlight to illuminate, she sat down quietly, on the chair beside my bed. Her hands clutched her skirt, but she answered each question with a bashful nod or a hasty head shake.
It was an uneventful conversation, but I found joy indulging in it.
"Thanks for accompanying me," I decided to say, "I haven't been sleeping well these few days, so...I kinda wake up at this time a lot. You being here really relieves my boredom."
She shook her head in astonishment, humbly denying the gratitude.
"I- I just came because-- everyone told me you were nice and..." Chrome's voice got softer in each word spoken, "because I thought you were scary..."
Surveying a possible opponent? I comedically figured, or was she just trying to get a better image of me?
I laughed, "I really gave you a bad first impression, didn't I?" I realized, "Sorry, but I guess I deserve it. Thinking back, I was so stupid back then!"
Chrome panicked, trying to assure me it was not my fault at all.
She was an adorable child.
I smiled, "can we try again?" I leaned back against my bedrest.
She stalled, bewildered for a moment.
"I'm Ninomiya Rei. It's a pleasure to meet you!" I introduced myself, "and you are?"
Chrome was taken aback for a long moment-- but she broke into a very delighted smile that made my mood flutter.
"My name is Chrome. Chrome Dokuro," she told me, "it is a pleasure to meet you too."
-
It was near the sunrise, so Nurse Fujimiya suggested we go to the roof for a change of pace.
Secured on a wheelchair, we rolled up to the rooftop garden. Nurse Fujimiya stopped my by the edge, before the fence.
The sunrise was perfect. The deep contrast of rich blue and burning orange joined together in a flaming orb no one could directly look at. The clouds swirled to form the horizon, converging like a reversed vortex, painted in the colours of the sky.
It was breathtaking.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Nurse Fujimiya asked, leaning on the grip of my wheelchair.
I was inevitably cheered up. "Yes, it is."
We stood, absorbed into the glamour of nature-- and I felt just a little melancholic.
"Are you thirsty?" Nurse Fujimiya asked. Maybe it was how I looked-- but she sounded so relieved, "how about a coffee from the vending machine we passed by just now?"
I nodded, but my eyes were zoning out toward the warm orange.
I told her I wanted to stay a little longer-- so she went off with a promise of being quick, and I was now alone with the aurora of daybreak.
I breathed out, leaning to the side as I cast a glance to my back.
"Hey, did we wake you?" I spoke, "It's alright, you can sleep a little longer. Sorry for crowding, we'll be gone soon."
From the crevice within the bushes, a black-haired prefect tutted softly. Sleeping in the shrubs somewhere hard to see, the soft grass may have been a lull sleeping area in the early hours of the morning.
"Two isn't a crowd, herbivore," he grumbled.
"Then, does you being there make us a crowd?" I teased, "were you being quiet because you didn't want to admit you were crowding?"
"Be quiet," his voice was snappy and irritated.
"Because you're a carnivore?"
"Hn."
Getting up, he stretched and yawned. He stood and stepped over to me where he, too, could view the daylight.
"What's so great about this?" he seemed annoyed.
I chuckled, "well, it's orange," I tried, "and warm, and really pretty. It calms me down, y'know?"
He was silent after that. The conversation did not flow as easily as it did with Mukuro-- maybe he disagreed with me. Or maybe he simply found it cheesy and did not want to entertain it.
"Hey, Hibari-senpai, "I turned to him, hopefully, "what is pride?"
My gaze sent back to the scenery, I took in the swerving crowds framing the majestic form of the sun. It was undeniably the most beautiful part of the entire scenery-- I reached out my hands, grasping for the clouds so close and far away from me, knowing I won't catch anything.
"How do I find it?" I sought an answer, "where do I find it?"
There was a moment of silence.
As I turned around, Hibari raised his hand-- and a black, silver, purple object-- the grand metal Vongola Gear shone in the light.
It was the first time I was seeing it-- and I was immediately charmed.
Hibari made a bright purple orb of flames flare to life in his palm.
He did not activate the Vongola Gear, but the flickering purple blaze spoke to me deeper than any words could.
"Pride is meaningless if you do not find it yourself," he uttered those words so simply. Extinguishing his flames, his hand lands on my head to ruffle my hair gently. "As a cloud, you must first find a space to flow freely. Only then will you be able to go on with yourself."
I found myself sullen. "Hibari-senpai, do you think I am fitting to bear the Flame of the Cloud?"
"Not at all," Hibari was frank.
I sulked.
"Will you flow under the shoulder of Sawada Tsunayoshi?" Hibari's question surprised me.
But this time, I found myself an answer to that question. "No, I won't," I told him, "Tsuna already has you-- that's maximum capacity!"
To my utmost delight and earth-shattering horror, Hibari snickered.
Looking down at my Void Ring, I sank into myself.
Into Drew-- and into everything I've been through. I thought and thought-- of the current; the past; the future; the steps I took and the steps I can take form now on.
I thought of Takeshi; and of Tsuna; of Gokudera-- of the Vongola, of Kyoko and Haru, of the kids-- of the ones I knew like family, Sae, Sui, Hanae-san, Nurse Fuse and Nurse Fujimiya-- of my father-- and of the Varia I couldn't be.
Internally, I hoped the ring would flare to life right there. I felt the warmth, the rush of adrenaline that fueled my determination-- but when I opened my eyes, the ring was quiet and dormant.
I sighed, and lifted my head to Hibari with a pretty contented smile.
"Guess it won't be easy, huh?"
Hibari's hand landed on my shoulder reassuringly-- then he turned around and walked away without another word.
The warm sensation of his palm on my shoulder remained just a little longer-- it was gentle, comforting, and spoke words of encouragement that didn't leave his lips.
If Nurse Fujimiya saw us talking, or if she heard anything we said-- she did not say, but the hot coffee in her hand was a little lukewarm.
I left the sunrise behind, and hope I'd see it again.