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-August 6, 2013-
"Come on, Kait, there's no need for tears, honey, breathe," Andrea begged her younger daughter.
"Kait, come on, follow my breathing," Taylor said before taking deep breaths, hoping to help her younger sister out of yet another panic attack.
When Kaitlyn was young, she suffered from panic disorder due to her anxiety, resulting in multiple panic attacks when she cried so hard she could no longer breathe. After everything that happened with Austin, her panic attacks had come back in full swing. Between the sadness of the breakup and the anxiety for what people would say about them, the panic attacks occurred almost three times a day.
"Better?" Taylor asked Kaitlyn as the younger sister's breathing slowed back to normal.
"I hate this," Kaitlyn said, wiping her eyes.
"I know, honey, you just need to stop worrying about what other people are going to say and just focus on the truth, what we know happened," Andrea said, rubbing her daughter's knees as she crouched in front of the girl.
"I can't help it," Kaitlyn said defeatedly, dropping her head in her hands.
"We know, Kait, we know," Taylor said, rubbing her sister's back comfortingly.
"What time is it? Shouldn't you be heading over to the arena soon?" Kaitlyn asked her sister, picking her head up.
"Yeah, we should head over now," Taylor replied.
"Is it okay if I stay here tonight? I'm not really in the mood to leave," Kaitlyn asked.
"Of course, honey, do you want me to stay here with you?" Andrea asked her daughter.
"No, you should go, I'm just going to relax and watch TV," Kaitlyn said, shaking her head.
"Are you sure?" Andrea double checked.
"Yeah," Kaitlyn nodded.
"Okay, I love you and remember to breathe," Andrea said, kissing Kaitlyn on the head before heading to the door.
"Love you, Kait!" Taylor yelled out as they left.
Kaitlyn sighed as the door shut. Now she was even more alone. She decided to go take a shower as she hasn't taken one in at least 36 hours. She wandered into the bathroom and turned on the shower, stripping her clothes off of her body. Kaitlyn stepped into the warm water and let it burn onto her back. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, letting the water calm her.
'I think we need to take a break.'
The sound of Austin's heartbreaking words rang in Kaitlyn's ears as she slowly came to a sitting position in the shower. She pulled her knees to her chest and slowly rocked back and forth as she cried. She stayed like this for the next 15 minutes until her back was numb from the heat of the water. She then turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. Kaitlyn changed into a pair of athletic shorts and one of her long-sleeved soccer shirts.
Kaitlyn walked out into the bedroom and laid down, turning the TV on so she could watch Grey's Anatomy. She cuddled into the comfort of the empty bed as the show started.
Six episodes/hours later, Kaitlyn was still awake and sobbing as they killed off one of her favorite characters, but she knew deep down that that wasn't the only reason for her tears.
Taylor and Andrea gave each other a sad look as they walked through the hotel room door and heard Kaitlyn's loud sobs.
"Kait?" Taylor said, poking her head into the bedroom.
"H-Hey, how was the show?" Kaitlyn sniffled, wiping her eyes and pausing the TV.
"It was good, how are you?" Taylor asked her sister.
"I'm fine, I just forgot how sad it was when they kill off Lexie Grey," Kaitlyn lied, taking a shaky breath.
"Do you mind if I join you?" Taylor smiled, kicking off her shoes.
"Go shower first, you smell," Kaitlyn said, scrunching her nose as her sister came closer to the bed.
"Uh," Taylor said, bringing her hand to her chest, acting hurt.
Kaitlyn raised her eyebrows at her older sister and Taylor's shoulders dropped.
"Fine," Taylor said, trudging into the bathroom.
Once Taylor had showered and changed into apparel much like her sister's, she got under the comforter and wrapped her arm around her little sister as Kaitlyn snuggled up close. Kaitlyn hit play on the remote, resuming where she left off in her show.
"What episode is this?" Taylor asked.
"Season 8, episode 25," Kaitlyn replied tiredly, laying her head on her sister's shoulder.
"Aw, right after they killed off Lexie," Taylor pouted.
"Yeah," Kaitlyn said. "Now shush, here comes Meredith."
Just as Kaitlyn finished her sentence, the girls felt a small dip in the bed as Meredith jumped onto the bed.
"Oh my god, both Meredith's in one room!" Taylor laughed.
"She always seems to know," Kaitlyn said, rubbing the cat's head.
"Not only dogs can sense human's feelings, you know," Taylor said, wanting to get Kaitlyn to talk about her feelings.
"Tay, stop, I'm not in the mood to talk about him," Kaitlyn said knowingly.
"Okay, I respect that," Taylor said, throwing her arms up in surrender.
"I just wish I could stop thinking about it, but I can't help it," Kaitlyn confessed. "It's like I just need to know what happened, you know, like what did I do wrong?"
"Oh, Kait, you didn't do anything wrong," Taylor sighed, running her fingers through Kaitlyn's hair.
"I must have or why else would he have broken up with me?" Kaitlyn cried.
"Kaitlyn, don't say that," Taylor said, turning to face her sister. "It's not your fault that he broke up with you."
"Yes, it is," Kaitlyn sobbed, breaking down into her sister's arms, "I must have done something to make him hate me. It's all my fault; I chased him away."
"Shh, Kait, don't say that, it's not your fault. If Austin's just too stupid to see the beautiful, amazing girl that he had, then he's not good enough for you anyway," Taylor said, pulling the younger girl into her arms.
"I miss him," Kaitlyn cried into her sister's neck.
"I know, Kait, I know you do," Taylor said, comfortingly running her hand up and down Kaitlyn's back.
"What am I going to do?" Kaitlyn asked helplessly.
"Oh, Kait," Taylor said sympathetically, glancing down at the girl whose eyes were as red as her hair. "You're going to be okay, I promise. It'll take some time, but you'll get over him. You are a strong, independent woman! You don't need him."
Kaitlyn gently laughed at her sister's comment.
"It'll be okay," Taylor said, rubbing her sister's arm comfortingly.
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-August 7, 2013-
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things, like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you and the memories I never can escape. 'Cause I'm not fine at all
Kaitlyn sighed and set down the guitar she had in her lap.
"What song is that?" Taylor asked, walking to sit down on the couch next to her sister.
"I don't know," Kaitlyn shrugged.
"Oh my gosh, are you writing a song?" Taylor asked excitedly.
"Not really, I don't know, the words just kind of came to me," Kaitlyn shrugged, looking down to where she was playing with her fingers.
"I feel so proud," Taylor grinned.
"Yeah, well, I spend enough time helping you write songs I guess I picked up on it," Kaitlyn said, looking up at her sister with tears in her eyes.
"Oh, Kait, come here," Taylor said, bringing the smaller girl into her arms.
Kaitlyn cried on her sister's shoulder for what seemed like hours.
"Kait? Do you want to stop for some food or something babe?" Taylor asked, brushing her fingers through her sister's hair.
Kaitlyn silently shook her head, burying her head into Taylor's shoulder.
"When was the last time you ate?" Taylor asked.
"Yesterday," Kaitlyn replied.
"Kait, babe, you need to eat," Taylor told her little sister.
"I'm not hungry," Kaitlyn grumbled.
"How about something to drink? A milkshake or smoothie or something," Taylor pleaded.
"I don't want anything," Kaitlyn said again.
"How about some coffee?" Taylor suggested, knowing that Kaitlyn could never resist coffee.
"Fine," Kaitlyn reluctantly agreed.
"Perfect, I'll go ask the driver to stop by the next rest stop," Taylor said, standing up.
As Taylor walked to the front of the bus, Kaitlyn couldn't help but realize that she was alone... again.