Emma left shortly after I texted Finn. She didn't want to be seen awkwardly leaving while I looked like I was about to have a borderline meltdown. That amazement I felt for a brief ten seconds? That's long gone.
I didn't look up when I heard the door open and close. I stayed seated on our bed with my legs crossed while I fiddled with the long sleeve of my dry fit T-shirt. Finn's footsteps padded into the bedroom but I still didn't look up. I don't think I could meet his eyes.
He stayed in the doorway, watching me play with my shirt for what felt like an eternity before Finn finally spoke up. "What's wrong?" He sounded concerned but he kept his distance from me, remaining just inside of the doorway.
I finally willed myself to look up at him but I couldn't look into his eyes for more then a second before I looked at the wall behind him. "I need to tell you something..." I trailed off nervously. He didn't say anything so I forced myself to look at his face as I blurted it out. "I'm pregnant!"
His lips parted slightly in shock. Other than that, his face remained neutral. He didn't say anything for a long amount of time and it only made me more nervous. This couldn't end well. There was no way in hell. I knew he loved me but love wasn't always enough. Eventually, he finally answered.
"Okay." He said calmly before keeping an unreadable face. I could literally hear my heart breaking.
"Okay? That's all you have to say? Okay?!" I asked bewildered while getting slightly worked up. "I've been getting myself worked up over this for an hour and you're indifferent?! To a fucking baby?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! You don't even care, do you?!"
I wasn't playing with my sleeves anymore, I was full on gesturing my hands and border line yelling. His jaw clenched slightly and he responded in an annoyed tone. "Nothing is 'fucking wrong with me' and for the record, I'm appalled and hurt that you think I don't care that you're carrying my child."
"Then why are you acting like this?" I asked bewildered while flinging my hands in his direction for emphasis and to release my anger and stress.
"Because I didn't want to influence your opinion or make you feel pressured to make a certain choice before you told me your opinion."
I froze in my tracks. Of course he's a nice guy. I've known him for a year and I think he's a monster. I closed my eyes and huffed out a breath while leaning down onto the bed. "I'm sorry. I just..." I paused, not knowing what to say. "I feel like a dick now." I muttered to myself but Finn heard it too.
"You are one."
I lifted my head off the pillow and glared at him when he shrugged innocently. "Your words not mine." I dropped my head back down to the pillow and after a moment of silence he spoke up again. "Is this where you tell me I'm not the father?" I could hear the joking air in his words so I flipped him off without looking back up at him.
Finn wordlessly took off his leather jacket and slipped off his shoes before sitting down on the bed in front of my folded legs. I forced myself to sit up again before I turned my body to sit next to him, instead of facing his side. His arm touched mine, the warmth putting me at some ease but not completely.
"I just don't know." I said, my voice cracking at the end. Finn wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. I was about to cry. "I don't know what to do. We don't have jobs or time. We're students and we are training. Hell, I don't even know what's going to happen with my sports career. The Olympics is almost out of the question completely. How are we supposed to raise a baby while we're only going to be sophomores in college. Abortion-," Finn tensed beneath me at the mention of it even though he tried to force himself to relax. I still noticed it, though.
"Well you obviously don't want an abortion." I muttered through my tears.
"It's not my life. It's yours. It's your decision. Do you want one?" He asked eventually. The cautious tone in his voice made me want to scream but I didn't know why.
Regardless, I was full on crying now. Tears were dripping down my cheeks and I couldn't stop it. God, I hated cryers. Now I was one of them.
"I thought I did but I don't know anymore. It always seemed like an easy choice but it doesn't feel that way anymore. But I can't deny that I'm scared. I've worked my whole life for this and now it's all going to be ripped away. We're not even 19 yet. We haven't even been together a year. If I can't play lacrosse the I loose my scholarship too. A baby's going to put strain on our relationship but so will an abortion. I just don't want to fuck this up for us." I sobbed while rambling. He probably didn't understand half the words I just said.
"I don't care how long we've been together. I love you more than anyone in the world. I won't lie to you and say I want an abortion but it's ultimately your decision. I'm not going to resent you for the choice you make. It would be selfish of me to do that because you've worked even harder than I have to get here and I'm the one that put you in this situation." He paused again. "I know you don't like children so I won't push it especially this young. I'm assuming you took multiple pregnancy tests?"
"Yeah. All five were positive." I muttered into his chest. I was still on edge but least he wasn't walking out on me. I didn't think he would, but you never know. People are unpredictable. I'm also a paranoiac but let's forget about that.
"Why did you take them? Where you getting sick?" Finn asked out of curiosity, I assume.
"No. I missed my period from two weeks ago."
"Well, lets do the math. You're at least two weeks pregnant and it's the middle of October so assuming you got pregnant at the beginning of the month, the baby should hypothetically be born by the end of June. That gives you a month and a week to get back to lacrosse before the Olympics. With our trainers, you should be fine. Besides, you can train up until the last two months. You just can't do contact stuff. That doesn't mean you can't go to the weight room or practice stick work." Finn tried to reason. He was right, I hadn't even thought of that yet. Theoretically I could make it. Plenty of women got back into A-grade athletics just a month after giving birth.
"What about the money and school problem?"I pointed out.
"Well, we both just got a hefty 100k each for that Nike interview and photo shoot. That's over a years salary for a lot of people. I can get a job over the summer and since the Olympics will be over, I can keep that job. I can even quit lacrosse. We can make sure our class schedule stays staggered so someone is always home. Our fathers would help out if need be." Finn's gentle voice had me warming up to the idea.
I felt like an idiot once I thought about it. "I'm a dumb ass. I can't believe I forgot about my Nike contract. I feel stupid for forgetting our golden parachute of $5 million dollars." I groaned like the imbecile I am.
Finn's arm subconsciously tightened around my body. "Just because it's there doesn't mean I want you spending your money on our situation. It's my fault too."
"Finn. Get over it. It's my choice and I'm not about to start an argument with you about money of all things." I said in a warning tone. It was my child too and if I needed to dip into my savings, then I would. Luckily, Finn let it pass without much of a fight.
I ran my tongue over my teeth before wiping my drying cheeks. "I know I said I don't like kids or want them but that isn't a reason for me to get an abortion. I mean, it's a reason to avoid pregnancy but it isn't enough to end a life in my opinion. Especially since everything else will work itself out." I murmured.
Finn processed my words for a minute or two. I wasn't as stressed out now that he helped me walk through the details. As long as I had him, it would be okay. If we could balance our current hectic schedule, then we would manage classes, a job, and a baby. We have money in the bank, and both of us were willing to give up on lacrosse. Not that I wanted Finn to do that, but I know I can't stop him from doing what he thinks is best for our family.
That felt nice to say. Our family.
"Is this you saying that we're keeping the baby?" Finn asked cautiously incase I hadn't fully decided. It was so sweet that he was still so concerned about my feelings about this situation. Sadly, I know for a fact a lot of men wouldn't be this supportive. It warmed my heart. All the sudden I was hit with those emotions I felt briefly in the bathroom.
I pulled my head away from his chest so I could look him in his emerald eyes for the first time all day. "Yes." I replied confidently. For once I wasn't questioning everything, I was in the moment.
A beautiful white smile broke out on Finn's face and he wasted no time in cupping my face and kissing me passionately. His excitement translated into his feverish kiss that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my pulse rush. My hands settled on the back on his neck when he pulled away. "I'm going to be a father." He said, almost like he didn't believe it. "Holy crap, you're carrying my baby."
I laughed a little. "That was my reaction too." I swung my right leg over his lap so I was straddling him, our faces brushing each other. "It's almost surreal." I murmured
"Hell yeah it is." Finn responded, his dimples showing. His large hand slipped up my shirt and under the waistband of my booty shorts, holding my lower stomach where my uterus was. It was a simple gesture but it seemed so intimate now, with the knowledge of what was growing inside of me.
Finn must have felt it too, because his eyes looked up into mine at the same time. It was so intense that I felt like I did when we had sex. "I'm so in love with you." He murmured, that endearing smile still on his face. Finn was genuinely ecstatic about having a child with me.
That meant more than the world.
"I love you more than you will ever know, Griffin." His smile seemed to widen somehow with the mention of his full first name rolling of my lips. "We're going to have a baby."
"Our baby. I wouldn't want it any other way."
Just when I thought my heart was full.