If there was ever a time where my stomach was in my throat, now was that time.
It was Sunday morning and the fun of Saturday and quality time with our fathers from the night before, was long in the past. I woke up at 6am to the supportive texts from my friends such as; Al, Chris, Sam, Jason, Jameson, Aiden, and some guys on the Olympic team. Emma and Owen didn't exactly know what the trial was, just that we had to be gone for a week. I didn't feel like bringing up the specifics so I wasn't surprised to not hear from them.
Finn woke up at the same time I did, trying to calm down my already erratic nerves. This would be the first time that I would face Jack, Ryan, and Coleman since my panic attack. I was praying to whatever God that existed that I would be able to hold it together. No one could save me if I had a panic attack white testifying.
No one.
I could take the Xanax my Psychologist gave me, but I didn't want to. It made me want to throw up and I had only used it once after I first saw her. That was right after the incident in Jersey in March. It had been Finn's idea, but I had never gone back
I took a long, warm shower hoping that the more I delayed my arrival at court the shorter the day would be. It was a stupid sentiment but it was still a sentiment. I used the same painfully slow pace as I dragged my dress pants up my hips and fastened my black belt around them. My button down was buttoned painfully slowly and my suit jacket settled on my shoulders like a weight of the world had just been given to me. Even my black leather heals felt more uncomfortable than usual.
Both my father and Finn as well as Finn's dad, much to my surprise, forced me to eat some eggs for breakfast. I felt like all I did was stare at the clock until 8:30 when we had to leave.
Finn looked dashing in his grey suit and dark blue tie. He knew it and I knew it but I didn't have the willpower to say anything to anyone right now. Instead I just looked blankly in front of me as the three men greeted my attorney.
I don't think any of them had seen me this broken.
It stung but I couldn't pretend I was alright.
The car ride was eerily silent because of me. Finn gave my hand a reassuring squeeze after sending me a worried glance. I barley returned the gesture and I think that put Finn on edge even more.
Before we got out of the car where news cameras roamed around, Finn leaned over and whispered in my ear. "You will do great. If you get nervous, just look at me. I'll be right behind your lawyer. Just pretend we're having a conversation. They can't touch you and they can't hurt you. Everything will be fine. You are strong." His thumb rubbed back and forth lightly on my hand to try and calm me. It worked slightly but not totally. "I love you."
"I love you, too." I murmured back without looking at him. Instead my eye was trained out the window of the car.
Inside the courtroom was tense. At least for me it was. It felt like the walls were closing in and everyone was starring at the poor victim. The comfy chair did nothing to soothe my nerves. Instead, I tried not to fiddle with my hands which sat in my lap. The image I was projecting was one of strength because I knew as soon as I started crying, no one would see me as strong or brave. I would be a weak, defenseless girl.
When the three boys entered the room, my heart skipped a few beats and not in a good way. Jack had the audacity to send me a cruel smile when he passed my lawyer and I on the way in. In that moment, I though I knew what the weight of the world felt like but I was wrong.
I truly know what that meant the second I uttered the words, "I swear that the evidence that I shall give, shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God." and my eyes locked on the judge in front of me. I wanted to look at Finn, I really did. But the courts had removed him from the room as to not contaminate testimonies and accounts of the events.
At certain points I had to look away from all of the people in front of me, the blank faces that greeted me. My voice would shake or a few tears would fall but I would force myself to continue if not to convict those three men, then to uphold the little dignity I had left in these moments.
By the time I had finished my story, my tall and lanky lawyer with a balding head took his spot to question me. I inhaled deeply in anticipation.
"Ms. Mason, what was your relationship to Mr. Griffin Riley on December third, 2019?" My lawyer, Mr. Tarsky asked.
"We were friends." I replied easily. These were not the hard questions that the opposition would ask so I forced myself to relax a little but I couldn't fully even out my tone or erase the sound of my crying.
"You say 'were'. What is your current relationship to Mr. Riley?"
"My boyfriend."
"Had you and Mr. Riley engaged in any sort of sexual or romantic contact up to this point?" His voice was slightly monotone and his face gave nothing away.
"No, I did not."
Even I saw the slight smirk on his face with that answer. He knew we had a good prosecution. Technically I'd given him a lap dance but that was a dare. I broke the law and lied under oath, but I didn't think it was that bad. I didn't want to explain myself. "Why was Mr. Riley staying behind after the game? And did you know he was still at the school?"
"He wanted a ride home from me because we lived close together. I did not know he was still there because I had assumed he went home with our teammate, Samuel Valentino, who he had arrived with which was evidently not the case."
"Did you feel that your life was being threatened when Mr. Alverez put his hands around your neck?"
I answered without hesitation. I might have been weary about charging Ryan with attempted murder before, but now that the moment was here I was ready and determined to give him what he deserved.
"Yes. I feared for my life when my air supply was cut off my Mr. Alverez in the middle of being assaulted. There was not doubt in my mind that he would have gone further if given the opportunity."
"That is all, Your Honor." Mr. Tarsky said before returning to his seat at the table I previously resided at. Now for the cross examination. By the time the defending lawyer, Mr. Smith, had started speaking to me, I felt like I was going to vomit.
"Ms. Mason, let us confirm some facts. Did you or did you not engage in sexual intercourse with Mr. Jack Green?"
I gulped. Where was he going with this? "Not consensually. But yes, by definition there was sexual intercourse."
"Where you or where you not 18?"
"I was."
"See? The defendant was 17 at the time of the sexual intercourse while Ms. Mason was 18. The State of Connecticut states that a seventeen year old can not consent to have sexual intercourse with an 18 year old, only a 17 or 16 year old. In reality, Ms. Mason should be the one on trial for statutory rape."
My eyes went wide and I felt everything inside of me crushing when my lawyer shot up from the chair and spoke loudly. "Objection, Your Honor!"
"Permission granted." The old woman replied.
"While there was sexual intercourse, it was not consensual which is in the definition of statutory rape. It is that consensual sexual intercourse between a person or persons over 18 with a person or persons under 18. The fact that Ms. Mason unwillingly was forced by three men, just a few months younger than her, is rape regardless of their age. The fact that she protested to the act multiple times is evidence that she had no say in the matter making the claim of statutory rape inadmissible."
"Let the record show disregard for Mr. Smith's previous line of questioning and the age of the persons involved it is irrelevant to this case. Let the record show that Ms. Mason is not a person of interest in a statutory rape case." For once I actually liked this bloody intimidating woman. I couldn't imagine my life as a convicted sex offender. I don't know what I would do.
After a moment, the defense continued his questioning. "It seems that you remember everything that happened that night. It is undoubtedly a lot of information. Do you believe that you are able to know who was doing what to your body specifically?"
I cannot believe he had the audacity to ask me that. I was fuming inside. All feelings of nervousness seemed to disappear with the insinuation that I did not understand what happened to me. "With all due respect, something as traumatic as the one I went through is something one remembers in vivid detail. I know exactly who raped me, who said what degrading things, and who attempted to strangle me." My voice was harsh and cold. Even I almost recoiled in shock at what I sounded like. I'd never thought I could even get close to that eerie tone of voice.
How I wished I could take that back. I didn't want to sound unstable. This was falling apart at the seems for me.
"That is all, your Honor." Mr. Smith retired to his seat besides the three boys glaring at me.
When I was eventually returned to my seat, Finn was allowed to come back into the courtroom. It was at this point that the rape kit results and the crime scene pictures were being presented on screens in the courtroom.
I wasn't particularly listening at this point. I'm sure most people would call me crazy for not paying attention. I'm sure others would remember everything word for word if they were in my position. For me, everything was a blur. My eyes were solely focused on the images on the screen, the noises around me be damned.
The images of my blood on the brick wall and the three boys blood on the ground, how my stuff was haphazardly thrown on the ground in what seemed like a rush. Images of my severely bruised neck lingered on the screen as a doctor gave testimony to the extent of my strangulation and how I would have died from it if the same pressure was applied for another minute or so.
Images of my beaten and bloody face were shown along with the images of my torn and red stained clothing. A computer generated visual represented the tears and abrasions on my vagina as the same doctor reported on the extent of my injuries.
DNA results for under my nails showed All three boys skin and blood as evidence that I tried to fight back. My eyes wouldn't leave the screen no matter how much I pleaded them too. Those images made me feel like I was there all over again
In.....out.....in.....out.....
I couldn't look at Finn because he was behind me but I somehow managed to stay calm. I told myself that those images of my neck was the same thing I saw when I looked in the mirror when I was at home and safe in Finn's arms.
By the time the trial had finished for today, I was worn out. We hadn't even gotten to Finn, Jack, Coleman, or Ryan's testimonies yet. It had shocked me that the three boys agreed to testify. I honestly don't know what they would gain from it. Although they did reject a jury trial which almost always gains sympathy for the victim. It lasted hours and I was relieved when it finally ended. It was like a weight had been finally lifted off my shoulders.
"That was...hard to watch. I didn't even know the extent to which it happened. And those pictures. Those marks were bad. I don't know how she did it. Or how you took care of her on your own, for that matter. " I heard Sam say. I froze on spot. His voice came from around the corner where I had just been in the bathroom.
"Yeah. I knew it was bad after that second panic attack at the hotel but that was next level. I feel so bad for her." Jameson said. I knew he was here, he had decided to come down from Boston to support me. Aiden couldn't make it though. I didn't want Jameson to feel sorry for me. I hated pity. "She's a strong woman, that's for sure." That made me feel slightly better about the pity but not completely.
"I was with her when she gave the police her account. It was scary. She's so damn brave and I love her for it. I'm so proud of her. I'm just disappointed I couldn't be there in the room when she was suffering. I feel guilty." It warmed my heart to hear Finn say that when he thought I wasn't listening. It let me know just how strong his feelings were. I couldn't let him feel guilty.
"Don't blame yourself. There was nothing you could do." I said, surprising them as I came around the corner and entered the quiet and empty marble chamber-way. The press was humming outside the building and even the reporters just outside the court room were jumping.
This trial was one of the ones that the judge permitted to be televised. I hated that but it was reality. People wanted to know whether the first female on a men's Olympic team was a liar, a loser, or both.
All three of them snapped around to face me. They all looked dashing in their suits, similar to the night of the Olympic trial dinner. Finn was the first to reach me and engulf me in a hug. I hugged him back before pulling my face away from his chest so I could kiss him. He seemed surprised that I was being affectionate after being so cold all day but he kissed me anyway.
I needed this relaxation.
It was a short and sweet kiss but it was still a kiss. "You did a good job, Baby," he whispered in my ear once our lips separated.
I took a deep breath and inhaled his masculine scent. "I'm just happy I didn't have a break down." I told him before pulling away and giving Jameson a hug. "I'm so happy you made it. It means a lot to me." It meant the world that my friends were skipping their expensive college classes to come see me and to support me. Especially since it was something that was so close to my heart.
"No problem. We're all here to help you. That's what friends are for." Sam offered me the same sentiment when he gave me a hug.
"Besides Finn, it was probably best you weren't in there when they decided to call me a statutory rapist. Thank the heavens the judge shut that down." I murmured the end.
Finn's dirty blond eyebrows almost shot off his tan face. "They did what?" He asked in shock and anger. His large muscles tensed but I placed my hand on his bicep to calm him.
I shook my head at Finn. "It's fine now, but they tried to say I raped Jack because I was 18 and he was 17. That part was deemed inadmissible though so it is all good now. Gave me a heart attack."
"Me too." Jameson and Sam muttered under their breath at the same time.
"How about this? Your lawyer is already having fun entertaining the press and we are less than fifteen minutes away from world famous Colony pizza in Fairfield so how about the four of us go Snapchat Chris and Aiden about it and make them hella jealous that they aren't with the original spectacular six." Sam suggested.
"Colony? You don't have to tell me twice." I responded eagerly and they all laughed.
Maybe I would get through this national embarrassment after all.