"I bet your mother would be proud of you "
Please listen to music linked with chapter.
Warning: Gore, mentions of mutilation, mentions of murder and death, guns. Mentions of SA.
Erik pov*
The moment her finger pulled the trigger she dropped the gun. I step back when she holds her stomach and pukes. She immediately enters a catatonic state not answering to anything I say. She just stares at the body and then into space. I grab her shoulders and slowly walk her to her car and place her in the back seat .
" Watch her. Don't let her drive off just let her sit with it a bit. I'll drive her home when I'm done ", I say to Tyler. He nods sitting on the porch to supervise her. I cleaned up the bedroom Bryson was being held in and wrapped him up in the tarp we had laid out, putting him with the others.
" The sulfuric acid is ready in the back ", said Antonee.
" How long ? ", I ask.
" We got three bins for all three guys so I say about...6 /7 hours give or take. Although big boy in the corner might be about 7 and a half. He's pretty tall ", he points to the dread headed one. Dissolving a body wasn't anything to fuck with. They'd be here all night making sure it went through well.
" Just call me when you're half way through. I gotta' get her to bed ", I rub my face in exhaustion. My knuckles were busted up and I had someone else's blood on me which was never pleasant. There was blood all over my good shoes too and Bia was about to have her first "I just killed somebody" break down.
" I gotchu' don't even trip ", Antonne nods. Him and Tyler would be here all night. I rinse my face off in the sink, riding of any blood splatter there may have been. I rinse the blood off my knuckles patting them dry. Walking out to the porch, I pull my shirt on cautious of the chill in the air.
" I'll see ya bruh ", I nod to Tyler and he goes inside. I open the back seat and Bia is still staring out the window, void of emotion. I search for her keys and find them in her pocket. I then get into the drivers seat and drive back to her apartments. It's about a 30 minute driver to her place. I turn on the radio to a jazz station trying to find some way to bring her back to reality. In the middle of the open highway I can see her start to shake.
" It's alright Bia ", I call back to her keeping my eyes on her and the rear view mirror. She's muttering under her breath and I can't make out what she's saying.
" I KILLED HIM! I KILLED HIM! I KILLED HIM! I KILLED HIM !! ", she screams loudly. I nearly swerve off the road as she becomes belligerent shaking and beating her fists into the back seat. I pull over onto the side of the road.
" whoa whoa whoa -hey ! ", I try to call her down. She grabbing her hair rocking as she screams.
" I KILLED HIM. I CANT BELIEVE I DID THAT. I CANT BELIEVE I DID THAT !?!? ", she cries even louder. I get in the back seat with her and hold her arms. She's hysterical at this point, not sitting still.
" I'm going to prison ?!! Am I going to prison !! I'm going to prison I can't believe I did that. Why did I do that ?!? ", she starts to hyperventilate now. I grab her and bring her to my chest trying to ground her.
" I can't breathe ", she wheezes. Her anxiety was tricking her into thinking her windpipe was closing. I had been there before. She clawed at her neck as hot tears poured from her eyes.
" Bia you're breathing through your mouth. Breath in through your nose and out of your mouth. You can breathe Bia, you can ", I coax her. I turn her body towards mine and make her face me. Her face is broken up in panic. I demonstrate the breathing technique.
" Do what I do. Look ", I breath in through my nose and out of my mouth deeply with my hand on her chest guiding her breathing. She shakily follows my lead and her eyes look at me wide in the dark with panic, desperately trying to acclimate to the situation. Her fists are balled up in my shirt as she mimics my breathing technique. After about 10 times she's still panting and crying but she's panicking less than before. I turn her around so that her back is to my chest as we lay in the back seat. I turn on the light in the car and pull out a newspaper clipping from my pocket. She's still squirming and hiccuping trying to leave my grasp.
" Bia Bia..look. Look ", I pull out a news paper clipping and hold it to her face.
" I can't read this can you help me ? ", I try to distract her with a task. She needed to find something she had control over to bring herself back down from this panic.
" Erik I can't —", she cries harder beginning to claw out of my grasp.
" No, no look. Look. It's about me look. Can you tell me what it says. See here ", I hold the paper clipping in front of her pushing it closer.
" Us Navy seal Erik Stevens age....", I start for her.
No response.
" No I really can't read it Bia. Us Navy seal Erik", I start again. She sniffles for a bit longer.
" Age 23 won a medal for his extraordinary hhhheroism after he and his unit saved 13 children from a kidnapping ring in Baghdad. The attackers completely surrounded the t-team and Stevens managed to out smart the attackers with bombs that set off a chained reaction, isolating the attackers. E-Erik's plan saved the lives of the children and his team leaving them unharmed with n-no fatalities or injuries ", her voice shook as she read.
" What else? here look ", I point to the next passage.
" When asked about how he knew that children were in this building he says it was a "sixth sense or maybe divine intervention ", said Stevens. Stevens photo can be seen on page 6 ", she sniffled. She's noticeably less panicked than before.
" See ? ", I lean over to look at her wiping the tears from her face. It was no use she kept silently crying.
" Am I a bad person Erik ? ", she sniffled. I sigh holding her to my chest even firmer.
" Nah...you ain't a bad person Bia. Although you'll quickly come to find that being a " good person" is over rated. But he got what was coming to him. Bryson hurt a lot of people who looked like you and me. You gave other peoples justice by taking him out. You know how many girls on campus that he's probably already hurt ? He was a disease and you ended the suffering of a lot people by pulling that trigger B ", I explain.
" Then why don't I feel better ? ", she hiccuped.
I have no answer for her. I continued to hold her as her cries went from whimpers to sighs and more sniffles.
" Am I going to prison ? ", She asks in an almost childlike voice. I chuckle.
" No you aren't going to jail. My finger prints were all over that gun. Even if we were caught I would take the blame. It's registered in my name and even THEN. Bryson and his house niggas are taken care of. Nobody will find them. You ever heard of something called sulfuric acid ? ", I ask her. She looks up at me curiously.
" They'll be liquid by brunch time ", I said flatly.
" Okay but I still don't think that killing them was necessary. I'm just as bad as him if I—", I cut her off.
" He killed your boyfriend in front of you. And then he threatened to r*pe you Bia? ", I explain louder.
" He said only if I told anyone —", I cut her off again becoming upset.
" Any man who harasses you, stalks you and then threatens to r*pe and kill you will eventually try to r*pe and kill you Bia. He has no moral code. He could have done whatever to you and made it look like an accident, ya know why? Because he has the privilege and the connections. He was dangerous. He had you cowering and looking behind your shoulder for almost two fucking years while I was gone. He was about about graduate. This would have been the only chance to take him out. He was playing with you before he destroyed you ", I explain. She sighs and relaxes into my chest.
" This was your Justice. I know it feels like shit right now I know, but I needed to know that you could do it. This is how I know that I can take you with me ", I explain. She pulls out of my grasp looking at me strangely.
" Take me where ? ", she asks.
" We can talk about this later. All you need to know is that it's over. You aren't going to be watched anymore. You aren't going to prison. You'll be just fine. You didn't deserve to live how you were living beforehand. Nobody will touch you as long as you're in my life. I will protect you ", I urge. She wiped the remainder of her tears from her chin.
" But you can't always count on me to be around. There will be times when I'm not there but I'm going to teach you how to defend yourself. You need to learn how to work a gun, how to fight. How to say the right things to get what you want ", I persuade further.
" Why do I have to learn how to fight ? Or how to shoot a gun? I'm not some fucking GI Joe like you. I'm normal...", she whines.
" Not only because it's beneficial for you if you ever get in danger while I'm not here , but also if you have any plans on being mine...there might be a time where you have to defend yourself Bia ", I break it to her.
" What if I don't want to be with you ? ", she sniffled looking at me sadly. I choke on my words.
" Is that what you want ? ", I ask, raising a brow at her. She looks at me for a few seconds before looking away.
" No", she whispered.
"Let's get you home ", I climb into the drivers seat and head back to her apartment.
When we get inside she sits on the couch anxiously. I draw her a bath and add some fruity bubble bath mixture to the water. I walk out to the living room and pick her up bridal style, carrying her to the bathroom. I strip her of her clothes and she steps into the tub. I clip her hair up for her so it doesn't get wet.
" You've got blood on you", she said quietly.
" Yeah. I'll bathe after you ", I start to wash her back for her. She stares at the faucet as it drips water.
" I'm scared ", she says.
" What are you scared of ? ", I ask her while I scrub circles into her shoulders.
" You ", she says shortly. I pause looking at her with concern. I guess she had a point. I think it was sinking in now for her that I was killer and would continue to be until I got where I needed to be. Somewhere she did not or could not comprehend quite yet.
" You don't have to be afraid of me, I'm not going to try and hurt you. Most of the people I hurt are people who've done something bad ", I explain.
" Not the people over seas ", she mentioned. I sigh not liking where this is going.
" I have to do those things. Not because I want to but because I have to B ", I plead.
" Why ? ", she asks.
" Because I have to ", I groan.
" I've never seen you as the type to serve for a country that doesn't give a shit about you ", she scoffs.
" It's not about the country Bia ", I spat.
" Then what's it about ? ", she said louder.
" I AM DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION. Drop it B. NOW ", I raise my voice louder. She doesn't bother to look at me. I wash her and help her out of the bathtub with her robe. She brushes her teeth while I start my shower. I make this one long, scrubbing every inch of his blood off my skin. I scrub hard.
Stepping out, I brush my teeth and finish everything I needed to do in the bathroom. I see she's already in bed with just her underwear on. I get in beside her and type three names in my notes app.
" Are you writing the names down so that you can mark yourself later ? ", she asked quietly. I don't answer and I set my phone on the night stand. I turn off the lamp making sure it was pitch black in the room. We both lay in the darkness.
" How long are you staying in MA until you have to leave again? ", said Bia. I picked up a sadness in her voice.
" I'll be here for another 9 months just in time for graduation. Then I go back for a bit ", I admit. I can feel her wince beside me.
" Hold me you fucking idiot ", she snaps. I pull her to my chest. I find her lips in the dark and kiss her goodnight.
The next morning I wake up and make her breakfast. I know she'd appreciate the gesture after how many times she'd cooked for me. I also knew she wouldn't be 100 percent when she woke up, so this was a kind gesture too. She stumbled into the kitchen and sat at the kitchen table. I serve her the plate and she pushes the food around. We sit in silence for about 10 minutes before I speak up.
" You have to eat Bia. You can't get trapped in this. It gets easier ", I explain.
" Being a murderer gets easier ? ", she raised a brow at me.
" Murdering murderers gets easier ", I rearrange the sentence. She doesn't reply.
" After we eat I'm taking you to the shooting range and then I'm gonna start teaching you how to fight. Once you learn how to defend yourself over these next few weeks you'll start to feel more confident about being able to protect yourself. You won't be as scared...as jumpy. And you'll stop sleeping with that damn night light ", I tease.
" What if I told you to leave right now. If I wanted no parts of this ? To forget we met ? ", she asked seriously.
" Then I would take my L. I would pack up my shit and leave. You would still be looked out for. From my boys of course ", I shrug.
" Your boys ? What are you ? The fucking god father or something ?Besides I know you wouldn't let me leave so easily. Not after that stunt you pulled at my dorm a few days ago ", she sneered. Her temper was testing me. I had half the mind to make her eat those words face down ass up on this table but I knew she was still in shock.
" Why are you even acting like you're thinking about leaving ? You aren't going anywhere. You know why? Because you and I understand each other. And you know exactly what I mean when I say that. Shiittt...maybe I'm wrong! Of course you could always go back to the fucking with that squidward looking ass nigga. I'm sure he's getting the job done right ? ", I snap.
" He doesn't look like fucking squidward ", she spat.
" He's got his charisma ", I snort. She grabs a biscuit and throws it at me.
" Stop it Bia ", I bang my fist on the table. She picks up another one and throws it at me. I worked hard on them biscuits.
" Stop ! Fuck bro ! ", I tell covering myself. Then she throws the entire basket of biscuits at me and then the eggs and the sausage. I stand up and charge towards her backing her into a corner. She had a biscuit in her hand ready to throw it but she cowers underneath me.
" I'm done playing these fucking games with you throwing food at me like you're a goddamn toddler. Grow the fuck up Bia. I'm NOT one of your little friends or that Pee wee Herman ass nigga you was dating. THIS is me. I'm not changing who I am for you or anybody fucking else. You in or out ? SHIT or get off the pot !", I sneer. Tears brim her eyes before they land on my lips. They stay there for a while and then she unexpectedly kisses me, grabbing my face in her hands. I still, momentarily stunned at her reaction. I kiss back smashing my lips on hers. I feel her mouth open, willing and ready to taste me. I obliged her.
The kiss was so needy you think she was trying to swallow me whole. I wasn't complaining. She moaned into the kiss as I gripped her ass tightly. Her hands traveled up and down my stomach and my pecks. She pulls away breathlessly looking less scared than before. She was hot in cold with me.
" You're fucking insane ", I mumble, resting my forehead against hers.
" The pot calls the kettle black ", she snickered. I caught her lips in mine again. I can feel her hand travel down my stomach until they reach the top of my zipper. I pull away and we both look at each other for a few seconds contemplating.
" We got somewhere to be in 30 minutes. I'm gonna need more than that with you to make up for lost time. Now go put on some clothes ", I ask softly forgetting my anger. She slipped past me doing just that. We get ready for the gun range and I drive us there about 15 minutes out.
I'd frequented here before so I was familiar with the inner workings. We get her ready. I put her bullet proof vest on and secure the straps. The instructor helped her with her form. I watch in the distance with my headphones on. She kept looking at me for reassurance ever so often. I nod giving her encouragement to keep going. She was clearly hesitant but she was determined to hit the target closely.
I cross my arms and watch her from behind as she got tips from her instructor. She was starting to get the hang of it. I noticed she was a bit of a natural. After 7 tries she hit the target. We were the only ones there so they changed the props for us. After the session at the range I noticed she was buzzed. She felt good and I can see in her face how empowered she was to use one the right way. It would be a long journey ahead to get her up to speed , but I had no doubt she could get there.