A/N: Sorry i haven't updated, i've been going through some personal shit lately and it fucked with my writing. Anywhore, that doesn't matter. I listened to the album Best Kind Of Mess by Get Scared writing this, and the song Moving really inspired this chapter. Honestly, listen to it while reading. There is a certain girl i talked to recently, and she kinda helped me write this. If she's reading, (which i doubt), i dedicate this to her pretty face.
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I bit my lip, trying to stifle the giggles that I was sure were seconds from erupting. Lonnie was unwillingly stuffed into the backseat of Jesse’s car, his hair disheveled and his clothing haphazardly rumpled. Needless to say, he was pouting big time.
I reached over and ruffled his hair, chuckling softly. He glared at me, snapping his teeth playfully. His face broke out into a radiant smile and he laughed at himself, tears squeezing out of the corners of his eyes. He shook with the force of his laughter and I could hear Mason groaning in exasperation.
Lonnie changed his outward appearance a lot. When I first met him, his hair was black as pitch, and not a week later, it was a soft brown with caramel streaks. He even traded in his contacts for a pair of rectangular glasses with a black rim. It was adorable. He wasn’t as tall as I first thought either, maybe it was just that I was sitting down and he was standing. Now I could tell he was around 5’9”.
Jesse shook his head at Lonnie, who was now rocking back and forth, giggling hysterically.
“Are you SURE he isn’t nutso babe?” he questioned Mason, only half joking.
“I wish I could tell you for sure,” Mason tossed back dryly, “all I know is that he’s an idiot and I have to take care of him.”
Lonnie stopped laughing immediately and straightened up indignantly, “Hey! I resent that!”
“It speaks,” I muttered sarcastically.
Mason exploded laughing and Lonnie glared back and forth between all of us.
“I don’t like any of you,” he concluded before slumping back into his seat dejectedly.
Mason just chuckled and shook his head, while Jesse turned on the music and Ghost Town blasted through the speakers.
I nodded my head to the song and hummed along with the lyrics. I was lost in my own little world when I felt someone’s eyes on me. I turned my head to the side and Lonnie was staring holes in my face.
“Ouch,” I verbalized sarcastically, “thanks for burning craters in my face, asshat. See something you like?”
I cocked my eyebrow at him and he nodded enthusiastically, his eyes bright. I rolled my eyes at his antics and turned my head to look outside the window. Shockingly, I already recognized my neighborhood and we were seconds from reaching my house. I groaned when I saw mom and dad’s cars both in the driveway.
“Dammit,” I muttered under my breath, “fucking great. Just what I needed.”
Lonnie looked at me in confusion, and Jesse saw the cars soon after. He mumbled a curse and slammed his fist on the dash.
“I wasn’t expecting both of them at once,” He groaned, running his hand through his hair, “fantastic.”
Mason murmured soothingly to him and my heart raced. What would mom and dad say when they saw me like this? Fuck, Lonnie was here with us! He would find me out!
“Jesse,” I spoke urgently, “I just want you and Mason to come in with me. Please.”
Jesse looked confused before it dawned on him, and he nodded his head in understanding.
“Sure, kid.”
Lonnie looked hurt, but Mason threw him a glance and he didn’t say anything.
Jesse stopped the car and the three of us got out, all of us bracing ourselves. Mason had heard just how bad our parents were, and I was sure this wouldn’t be pleasant for him.
I bit my lip nervously, looking at Jesse. Mason had Jesse’s hand gripped tightly in his own, and it sent a pang to my chest. I wish there was someone to hold my hand.
I shook it off and sucked in a deep breath, opening the door.
“Renee Briar Winters, is that you? Where in the Lord’s name where you young lady?!” my mother screeched, before turning the corner and seeing the three of us standing there.
She screamed, one hand going to her mouth, the other to her cross necklace.
“Laura, what's wrong?” My father’s deep voice demanded, and I heard his powerful steps seconds before I was faced with the man I hadn’t seen in nearly two months.
He stopped dead; obviously shocked at the scene he happened upon.
My family pariah of a brother and his socially inacceptable boyfriend, covered in their piercings. Chances are he didn’t even recognize me, but nonetheless, I was some random kid in his house with rings in his lips.
“Jesse,” he said through gritted teeth, as if the very name of my brother burned as he spoke it, “who are these people in my house?”
A brief look of intense pain flashed across his face, before he erased it of all emotion and spoke, “well, this one here is my boyfriend,” he drawled and pointed at Mason, who waved sheepishly, “and this,” he paused, “is your daughter.”
My dad’s eyes snapped to me and gave me a withering look of disgust. He turned to my mother.
I choked silently, tears threatening to spill from my eyes, but I bit it back.
“Laura, why is my daughter dressed like a man?!” he hissed hatefully, causing her to flinch, “What have you allowed her to do? She looks like a disgrace. I will NOT have a filthy transvestite in my home.”
Every word seemed to stab my in the chest, and Jesse looked as if he wanted to rip out my father’s throat.
“I didn’t allow this to happen, Richard,” she spit in hatred, tilting her head to glare at me, “She did it herself. I had no control over the ingrate. This was her idiotic choice. Choosing sin over goodness.”
I swallowed harshly and gave them both a droll stare, “well, if you two are done being ignorant, I’m getting my things. I’m staying at Jesse’s for spring break.”
I turned and dashed up the stairs as they both yelled after me. Jesse and Mason scrambled after me.
I burst into my room and tugged a suitcase from my closet, opening it and tossing the few male clothes I owned into it. I combed my room, collecting journals, books, art, and other prized possessions.
“Are you okay Preston?” Mason asked timidly.
No.
“Yes,” I answered, on autopilot.
“Are you sure?” Jesse asked seriously.
No.
“Yes, I'm fine.” I said dismissively, walking into my bathroom, glancing at myself briefly in the mirror.
My face was blank, completely void of emotion. But in my eyes I could see a swirling storm of pain. I shook myself off and reached into my shower, hesitating before taking my razor with me. I may be transgender, but I didn’t feel like getting jungle pits.
I zipped up my suitcase, and reached for my school bag. I tossed it over my shoulder and gripped my belongings in my hand. Jesse and Mason had looked on in silence up until this point, but now Jesse spoke up.
“You ready?”
Fuck yes. Get me out now.
“I guess.”
We stampeded down the stairs and Mason bailed first, Jesse following seconds later. I stupidly hesitated, looking back at my parents.
My mother shook with some emotion, anger or pain, I wasn’t sure. Her blond hair was in disarray around her blotchy plain face, and my father stood beside her, tall and impending, like a brick wall. His expression was cold and filled with hatred.
“You are no longer part of this family. I do not know you. I do not love you and never will. Don’t bother coming back.”
My breath swooshed out of my lungs and I was numb. I struggled to turn and leave, but I finally did. I dashed out of the door and didn’t bother with turning back. I was never going to make that mistake again. No one would stay, no one would love me. I had learned my lesson. I refused to let anyone in, not even Jesse.
Not even Lonnie?
“No,” I agreed bitterly aloud, “not even him. Never.”