♕Harley Anderson♕
To say I was confused, excited, worried, and scared shitless, would be an understatement. I was bundle of emotions I had no idea how to control. I didn't know where Cameron and I would go from here- friends don't make out but that's exactly what we are. Friends.
My mind has being swirling with questions since last night. Like why Cameron said he couldn't kiss me even though he wanted to, why he wanted to in the first place and most importantly- what happened here on out. Was the kiss just an in-the-moment kind of thing or did he reciprocate feelings towards me? My mind is buzzing with questions and I find myself grow uneasy. Sure I loved kissing him- it was incredible and I want to do it again- but I don't know if I'm even ready to get involved with a guy.
Having a relationship requires honesty and I don't think I'm ready to share my past. How can I date someone who doesn't even know what I've gone through? That's hardly a decent relationship. Besides, I don't know if Cameron is even dwelling on our little make-out session. For all I know, his mind is focused on anything else but what happened last night.
"Harley? Are you alright?" Audrey asks me from where she's sat on the couch. I'm woken from my reverie of thoughts and I glance at her, nodding my head dumbly.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm good." I smile, my mind still in a haze.
Her eyes don't leave my face and she takes on a worried expression. "You're unusually quiet." She remarks and I shrug, scratching my neck.
"I just have a lot going on in my mind."
She nods in understanding. "Well in that case, when you get back from racing with Cameron, lets head to the mall and go do some shopping." She suggests and I find myself smiling.
"That would be great," I respond and she grins at me before returning her attention back to Gilmore Girls playing on the TV. However, my thoughts stray back to Cameron and I find myself frowning.
What am I going to say when I see him?
Gosh, I am so inexperienced. I probably kissed him like a dead fish.
I cringe to myself. That sounds awful.
When I hear a knock on the door, I jump slightly and Audrey casts me a curious look before I stand up and grab my bag, feeling my hands grow clammy. When I pull the door open, Cameron looks up at me in all his glory. Standing in a crisp white shirt, dark wash jeans, his usual leather jacket and boots, with his hair styled messily on top of his head, I can't help but swallow thickly.
His hands rest in the pockets of his jeans and I give him a smile. When he returns the gesture, my previous worries slowly melt away at his usual behavior.
"Don't bring her back too late!" Audrey calls from behind me, making Cameron and I glance in her direction. "We're going shopping."
Cameron lets out a breath of a laugh. "Alright."
"Bye!" Audrey shouts and I wave at her before closing the door behind me. I follow Cameron down the hallway and into the elevator- the same one that we made out in last night- and I feel a blush creep up my neck.
"Do you have a race tonight?" I ask in an attempt to ease the unspoken topic in the room, and he shakes his head.
"Not tonight. But I'm going to be there anyway."
I nod, the both of us lapsing into silence. The drive is silent too, but it definitely isn't awkward. Most of the time, our drive is silent and I usually find it comforting and relaxing. Just being in Cameron's presence is enough for me and most times than not, I'm so engrossed in my own thoughts that I don't even notice how silent we both are until he stops the car and we switch seats. However, today is somewhat different because I have so many things I want to say, ask, but they don't seem to make it passed my throat. They simply stick to my tongue and stay there, making me kiss my teeth.
As much as the atmosphere in the car isn't awkward, it isn't all that comfortable either. It's obvious that we both want to say something just neither of us do.
When the car finally stops at the familiar strip of road, I can't help but let out a relived sigh as Cameron stops the engine of the car. We both get out and swap seats and once I'm in the driver's seat, my hands on the wheel, I turn to Cameron.
"What am I doing today?" I ask and he purses his lips.
"I want you to hit three hundred miles."
My eyes bulge out of their sockets and I look at him with a surprised look, "What?" Sure, I've being doing well in everything Cameron has being throwing at me but hitting three hundred miles was basically playing with death. If I loose control of the car, we'll surely be dead. No doubt. And he's expecting me to do this with him in the car? So not only do I have to risk my own life but his, too.
I'm not prepared to do that.
"I'm not going to do that." I voice my thoughts and I see him raise an eyebrow at me.
"You've gotten the foundation Harley. From here on out, you need to push yourself. Even if it scares you."
I shake my head, chewing on my lip. "You're overestimating my ability Cameron." I tell him, finally meeting his eyes. "And I am most definitely not risking your life. If I loose control of this car, we're both screwed."
"Do you really think I would tell you to do something that I didn't think you could do? You've done everything I've told you to well and now I'm pushing your limits." He says before leaning in and my eyes widen as he stares at me intently. "Because that's what I do Harley- push your limits- because if I don't, you're never going to get the racing right. Racing isn't about being comfortable, it's about being insane. But being good at it." He leans back in his seat.
I look back at the road in front of me and I nervously drum my hands against the wheel before gingerly switching on the engine. I lick my lips and I pull onto the road, ever so slightly pressing on the gas so that we keep going faster until everything becomes a blur and all that I can focus on is the world blurring outside of my window, letting me know that I'm doing it.
When I see the curve approaching, however, I feel panic rise up inside of me and I change gears at the last minute. It's as if time freezes as the car swings along the road, my hands tightening on the wheel before I step on the gas and I straighten the car so that we're no longer sliding across the gravel and change gears again, picking up speed that I lost. I feel my face break into a smile as I feel the familiar adrenaline pumping my veins, informing me that I've done it.
I feel invincible, unbeatable and completely powerful while racing and I let out a laugh as the world whizzes by me.
When I slow the car down, I run a hand through my hair and turn to Cameron who is watching me. His eyes show me his pride and I grin widely. "I can't believe I did that," I mumble and I hear him chuckle.
I lift a trembling hand up to my face and and push my hair back before climbing out of the car. I need some air before I pass out. I lean against it and look out along the vast expanse.
I wonder if I'll ever race like Cameron; be able to walk into a race so confidently that I don't even have to pop a calming pill before that. Be so good at racing that I won't need a job to sustain me- racing can do it. I wonder if I'll ever be able to race in general.
"You alright?" Cameron asks me, rounding his side of the car to me. I cross my arms over my chest and nod, enjoying the crisp air that enters my lungs.
"Yeah."
He silently takes a stand beside me, his shoulders brushing mine ever so slightly. We both look out at the landscape before us and I purse my lips.
"Do you think I'll ever be able to race at the track?" I ask him, glancing at him to see Cameron watching me. His eyebrows knit together and his eyes slide over my features.
"Why do you do that?" He asks and I frown, feeling confused.
"Do what?"
"Underestimate yourself." He responds and I look away.
"I'm not going to give myself false hope Cameron." I retort and he shakes his head.
"You said you've being a passenger during a race. Who was the racer?" He asks and my eyes widen before I avert my gaze.
"Just a friend. Why?"
"Because you already have the understanding Harley. You pick up on my lessons quickly and you actually use your own instinct when you're behind the wheel. The issue here is that you don't think you can do it. And that's a silly idea on your behalf because you can."
I'm taken aback by his words and my eyes widen.
"You should thank your friend for teaching you what you already knew."
My heart drops. Maybe I would if he hadn't abandoned me, saying he was going to be gone for three days and then not return for the next eight years. Maybe I would if I had the courage to track him down and go find him. Maybe I would. But there's too many maybes I can't focus on because they're never going to happen. Cyrus is gone and he's not coming back.
"So yes, I definitely think that you're capable of it."
I watch as Cameron stares at me and I rack my brain for a reason as to why I feel this way towards him- the cold and stoic man in front of me- and then it hits me. It's because he cares, he actually cares about me. But he doesn't treat me like a kicked puppy because of that. He doesn't make me feel inferior because I'm terrified of the dark and it makes me freak out or because I wake up with random anxiety attacks because my emotions can never be kept in check. I like him because I like being in his arms that make me feel safe and secure which I haven't felt since Cyrus left. I like who I am around him.
I don't think twice about my actions, I don't even hesitate, as I pull Cameron by his shirt towards me and smash his lips against mine. He's frozen at first, obviously shocked, before he relaxes under my hold and snakes an arm around me. My skin lights up on fire and butterflies flutter around in my stomach before I pull away, my eyes wide and my lips tingling. We both stare at each other and I let go of his shirt.
"I'm so sorry." I apologize, shaking my head at myself. "That was abrupt and I shouldn't have done that. Shit, I'm such an id-"
I'm cut off when Cameron kisses me again, the feel of his lips on mine shutting me up. It's short and sweet and he pulls away to stare down at me. "No need to apologise." He murmurs and I smile, my eyes straying to his lips on their own accord. His lift into a smirk and when I meet his eyes, I find amusement flashing through them. That is until we both pull towards each other, as if an imaginary magnet has being placed between us, and when my back hits his car and he bites my lip, I smile. I run my hand through his hair and his hands around me tighten.
And I let myself enjoy every second of it.
Every. Damn. Second.
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