Dedicated bc of the serious enthusiasm about my recent chapters, thank you tons for reading!
Chapter 23
I sat there staring into James' eyes, hoping that when I was finished telling him everything, the sparkle wouldn't be gone the next time he looked at me... because as much as it drove me crazy, it was also the best part of my day. I’d been denying that truth for months.
I thought about how my Halloween kiss had been that of a pumpkin rather than a prince... or more appropriately a zombie instead of an angel.
Processing all I needed to reveal, I found myself drifting once again back to London. Jon and I stayed there for two weeks of what I considered pure bliss at the time; making love and talking about life, laughing, listening to him play the guitar. He often had to take business calls, but aside from that we enjoyed each other. We stayed cooped up in the beach cabin the entire time; if we went out it was separate.
Jon claimed that he wanted us to be together without the drama of cameras and questions before reality back home set in. I followed his lead and we kept ourselves a secret, even from Marcus and Trudy, who both believed Jon was taking a break in London while I isolated myself from the world in some remote location where I couldn't be reached.
At the time I saw no problem with it; I wasn't ready for people to question us or start rumors about our relationship. I just wanted to enjoy every minute of it. I thought it was great that I didn’t quite have to share him with the world; I wanted to be selfish. Because of that I fell into a false sense of security.
After those two weeks together, he announced that he needed to head back to begin shooting his new film. I knew all about it and was well aware of the obligation, so I reluctantly accepted the fact that he had to go. When his car pulled up to the cabin, we kissed like we'd never see each other again.
He pulled me to him; arms wrapped tightly around my waist and gave me a long, lingering kiss. My arms were around his neck instantly, pulling on his wild hair as I loved to do to keep his mouth melded to mine. Our mouths moved slowly, deliberately, memorizing each movement of each other’s lips until he finally pulled away.
“I love you Holly,” he said, looking directly into my eyes.
“It’s only a couple weeks, right?” I smiled at him, trying to put on a happy face.
He pulled away and I watched him wave before he got into the car. That was the last moment I was able to look at him without disgust, anger, or pain.
I didn't go with him to the airport because of the potential photographers. Jon didn’t want any stories about us circulating yet, which even at the time seemed silly considering I’d gone everywhere with him before when we had been just friends and he never worried about the rumor mill then. I was just his assistant as far as everyone knew, but he seemed paranoid that the truth would come out. I chalked it up to the insecurities he had from such a public relationship and breakup with Danielle before I met him and tried to think of the rest of my vacation as a time to do things for me.
Of course, I’d worked for him for so long that after a week of not knowing what to do with myself, feeling lonely and bored, I decided to head back early and surprise him. It had been hard enough to leave my boss and friend, but to be away from my boyfriend and lover after just only accepting and acknowledging my feelings was too much.
We’d hardly spoken since he left because he was busy shooting his new movie and I knew I had to see him, the man I was head over heels in love with. Granted, I figured my days of anonymity were over, but I had so much to gain at having Jon by my side that I could care less. I smiled as my plane flew into LAX, knowing that he would be just as excited to see me. I pictured the joy on his face, the big smile when he saw me, and his voive when he told me how much he missed me. I didn’t expect what I walked into.
Pulling through the front gate and up the driveway, I grew giddier the closer my cab came to his house. I wasn’t entirely sure if he was home or on the set, but when the cab stopped I noticed a black Mercedes I’d never seen before and knew he had to be there. I figured I could use a work-related excuse to get him away from whoever was meeting with him so we could make up for lost time. A bright smile wouldn’t leave my face.
Using my key I slipped in, not bothering to bring any luggage that the driver had set down in the driveway. I walked through the entryway past the empty kitchen and dining room only to discover no one was in the living room either. Confused, I walked outside and checked to see if he was out by the pool; no such luck.
I came back inside, thinking he must be gone and made my way to my room. Throwing my purse on my night stand I flopped on the bed contemplating calling Trudy to see where they were. Just as I pulled my phone out, I heard a feminine giggle through the wall – the wall between my room and Jon’s.
My chest constricted but I tried to ignore it, remembering that Jon loved me and there was no one else for him, just as there was no one else for me. I stood up slowly, making my way out of my room and up to the door to his. I was about to knock, sure that if I barged in like a crazy psycho I would end up looking dumb because there was no way he was doing anything wrong.
As my hand hovered over the door, I heard a loud girlish moan following by, “Oh Jonathon!” several times. My breathing grew difficult and I grabbed the handle slowly, twisting the knob but not opening it. I was terrified of what I might see because it had the potential to break my heart in tiny pieces.
When I heard Jon utter the line I thought I would hear him say to me -“I missed you so much”- I pushed the door open.
There in front of me lay the scene I swore to myself I wouldn’t see; an image that wouldn't leave my mind in months after. Jonathon Roberts, my boss, best friend, boyfriend, the man I was in love with… was f**king his ex-girlfriend, Danielle. Her legs were wrapped around him as he barreled into her. I could see the marks on his back where she’d been scratching and suddenly they flipped over and she began riding him. The blankets were on the floor and every little movement was in clear view.
He reached up, cupping her face and kissed her like he had with me before. I felt nauseous watching them enjoy each other and angry for trusting and believing him. I decided to leave, I couldn’t take it, but that’s when he saw me. We made eye contact and his face dropped, his already light skin paling to match my own. Danielle was still trying to grind on him and when she moaned his name it was like a slap to my face and a bucket of water on his.
Tears started running down my face; I failed miserably struggling to hold them because it only seemed to make things worse. He grabbed her naked hips to stop her movement and we he broke eye contact to look at her I turned and ran to my room. I grabbed my purse and cell phone and bolted to the garage, opening the door and sliding onto my Harley.
When I finally started moving the garage door burst open and Jon stood there in unbuttoned pants yelling for me to stop and let him explain. I revved my engine louder as I sped off, not wanting to hear another word. I drove around for a couple hours before the tears stopped flowing and I had a plan of action.
I got a hotel room for the night and called Trudy, asking her what time Jon would be working the next day. She said he was due in at six so I told her to slip out around nine to meet me at the house and for her not to tell him anything. The next day, after she confirmed he was on set, I had movers go in and take everything from my room and put most of it in storage, along with my bike. The rest – some clothes and things I needed- I packed in suitcases and bought a ticket for Ireland with the plan that I’d spend some much needed alone time there, Sweden, and London.
When Trudy showed up she met me in the living room, excited to see me. I wanted to return the sentiment, but just holding the tears back were enough work. I gave her the cryptic and lame excuse that something had come up and I was leaving for good. I gave her my cell phone and everything she needed to do my job, telling her she was promoted.
Poor thing, she was terrified. I told her I would help her and she could call me any time of day for anything, but I made her promise me something in return- that she wouldn’t let anyone know she had my number and was in contact with me. I couldn't be bothered with Jon in any way.
She was confused, and that’s when she said it, "Is this about Jon and Danielle?"
I whipped around to look at her, wondering how much she knew. When she saw the look of surprise on my face she said, "I know you guys seemed to like each other... I actually really thought you would get together... I'm sorry if you're hurt, but please don't leave," she pleaded.
"This has nothing to do with them," I lied, hoping she wouldn't see through me.
Being the innocent that she was she believed it, "Oh, okay. I mean I guess if you were gonna quit over that you'd have done it went they first got together, before you went on your trip... Why wait til after your vacation, right? Sorry for accusing you of anything."
Before I went on vacation? That jerk had gotten back with her before he kissed me! It all made sense; the paranoid secrecy, the constant 'business' calls. I was so angry at him I wanted to break something and scream, but I knew it wasn’t Trudy’s fault and i didn't want her to see the affect he had on me... so I made her agree to my terms and I left.
A long sigh brought me back from my thoughts. I looked up to see James painfully ripping off his wings and found I was too embarrassed to even ogle at his bare chest. I’d given him the less detailed rundown of me and Jon’s short affair and then stopped for a moment to let him absorb it.
His handsome face was serious, not at all like I was used to. He wasn’t making eye contact anymore and I wasn’t sure exactly which part of the story made him uncomfortable.
“I traveled after that, just like I said in my interview, until I came back at started working for you.”
James was leaning forwards, forearms resting on his knees staring straight ahead, his expression unreadable. He rubbed his face with both hands, and mumbled, “Wow.” After that he was silent and unmoving.
Watching him I grew weary of what he would say. Didn’t his silence say it all? I rushed out of the room without another word and once again headed for my Harley, a different kind of bitter sting resonating inside me, one stemming from old insecurity and fear of his rejection and judgment. I couldn’t sit there and wait for him to remove his hands from his face and look at me like I was a bad person.
As I rode off I realized that he hadn’t even come after me. This recognition only added to the feelings of uncertainty.
It was morning before I pulled back up to James’ house. Driving for hours lost inside my own head had only increased my trepidation. I walked into the living room only to find James in exactly the spot on the couch, still wide awake and in only his dark jeans. The only difference was, this time he was looking directly at me… and confirming my fears, the expression on his face was one I’d never seen... anger.