"Can I kiss you,"
His words hung in the air, waiting for an answer; an answer that consisted of a three letter word indicating approval. Approval to take my lips in his and interconnect our souls evermore powerfully.
I, however, had no answer.
I'd only met Luca 5 day's ago. It didn't seem right to touch him just yet. I knew on the inside I sounded prude and futile, but I was still a woman of the north. There, no woman was allowed to rest with a man that was not wedded to her - punishment for such an act would be 11 lashes to the spine. It went the same way for the men, though for them, it was 16 lashes.
Mother taught me - she ingrained in me to protect my body from strangers.
And Luca, well, he was technically a stranger to me.
"I," I began, eyes staring into his, "I'm sorry,"
He smiled, shaking his head, "Why are you apologizing,"
"I've bruised your ego,"
"And soon enough, you'll build it up,"
My brows furrowed, "How so,"
"When you scream my name,"
"Luca!" I smacked his chest, eliciting his eyes to glow once more, "stop turning every little thing I say into something inappropriate! It makes me queasy,"
"You mean to say you want me to stop making you blush like this?" He smirked, "Never in a million years. Even if it meant you deprived me of your body for an entire weeks time,"
"Are you willing to test that theory?"
He stilled for a beat before regaining his composure, "Sure, I'm no animal,"
"Ok then," I took two steps away from him, "you are to stay 1 meter away from me at all times,"
His jaw slacked, "you can't be serious,"
"Joking has never been my thing, Luca,"
He squinted his eyes at me, jaw twitching as he attempted to take control of the situation. My mother told me that Alpha's hated it when they had nothing to say, that there always had to have the last word, even if it meant they had to take the wrong side to seem right.
"Before this challenge starts, can I hold you for a minute?" He asked, taking a step towards me.
"Make it 30 seconds,"
"Deal," He took another step towards me so that we were back to our previous position, chests barely brushing against each other's and arms swinging beside on another, "how should I approach you,"
"As you like," I smiled up at him, "starting now, I'm all yours for 30 seconds,"
"If that's all I get then-" Without another word he snaked his long arms around my waist and squeezed my frame; spreading a warmth I never knew existed from my core.
The butterflies that once sported razor edged wings now swam through my stomach as graceful swans. Feathers white as day with eyes blue as the East Sea.
Slowly, I wrapped my arms around his neck and dug my head into his chest, breathing heavily against him.
It was so- so nice. So ethereal. So peaceful.
Time didn't pass, only our heart beats did.
"Is my time up," He mumbled, voice deep.
I thought about it for a second.
None of us were counting.
So even if I said his time wasn't up, it wouldn't discredit my ability to stick to my word.
"I think there's about 15 more seconds left," I mumbled into his shirt.
He shivered, holding me tighter against him. It wasn't until then that I realised I was standing on my toes trying to hold him. His decision to wrap his arms around my waist was uncomfortable for him - bending so he could reach my height, but it was so completely and utterly whimsical for me. Almost like I was flying.
Too soon he let go of me, forcing my chest to cave inwards and the hollowness residing within it to return.
Why hadn't I given him a minute?
Who knows? Maybe I did? Maybe I just didn't count correctly.
"Does it start now?" He asked, a frown displacing the smile on his lips.
"I guess it does," A frown was also on my lips.
"None of us are quite happy going through with this challenge,"
"Indeed we are not,"
"Does that mean we still have to go through with it,"
"Indeed it does,"
"You infuriate me, Leila,"
"As do you, Luca," My caught the clock behind his head, gasping, "Goddess, it's half past 6! I must leave before the Luna finds me here!"
"How long did you survive in the cursed lands?" Luca changed the subject, tilting his head innocently.
I let out a stressed breath, unable to deny him an answer with his wonderful eyes begging me for one.
"Just about 6 years, now I have to-"
"6 years?!"
I nodded, a hollowness settling atop my chest at the rush of unwanted memories.
"You deserve an award for that, honest to the goddess Leila. I don't think I could fend for myself for such a period of time, and I'm an alpha," He ran a hand down his face, "why were you banished anyways?"
My heart paused as mothers words ran through my mind.
Don't deprive me of those eyes, Leila.
Father's face came up my whirlpool of memories; images of him shouting at me as I stumbled upon my steps. Slaiman, my brothers, face came into my thoughts, smiling at me with his toothy grin. Mothers eyes barked at me, their green to stark. Too much was rising up to the surface all at once.
I shut my eyes and shook my head like a wet cat before looking up at him.
I was sure he noticed the cold my eyes held.
"You're quick to assume I was banished," I spoke with no colour.
"Nobody would willingly step into the outskirts, Leila,"
"Nobody said I willingly did," I took a step away from him, "Anyways, i best leave to my chambers. The Luna will be furious if she finds me here. See you tomorrow,"
"Leila- wait,"
I left his area of the castle without another word.
I knew it was wrong of me. Morbidly wrong of me, even, but too much was rising to the surface at once. I spent 6 years fending for myself, and now, I had to fend for Luca's feelings too. His heart was in my hands, the same way my was in his. I didn't know how to deal with it.
So I ran away - just like I have for the past 6 years.
-_-
I watched the sun rise from my couch, unable to catch a blink of sleep as I thought of the way I left Luca.
My heart ached at the thought of telling him of my family's death. Not just that but he was so quick to assume I was banished- that I'd either murdered someone or cursed the goddess of the moon because those who were banished were the worst of the worst. Rapists. Serial killers. Dark artists.
He was so quick to assume.
Why did you get banished?
Was I overreacting? Honestly, I did not know, but deep down I didn't think I was. He couldn't just throw something that held such depth so easily into a conversation. He couldn't just ruin a memory I made with him, of us holding each other's so tightly in his kitchen, by bring up my exile.
I ran a hand through my hair, stressed.
Never had I dealt with such complex emotions. I was not raised to know how to kiss someone. Nor was I raised to know how to open up to someone- my male specifically. Mother always told me, when I found the father of my children, to sit down and listen. The only questions I should ask should be related to him and only him.
Did she know I was going to be tied to an Alpha?
She never acted that way with my brothers mate, always urging her to fight for her voice and come home if Slaiman ever raised his tone at her.
Talia, her name was. She was pregnant with my brothers child the day of the invasion.
I was so excited to hold the child- my niece.
I never got the chance to, though.
A lonely tear slid down my cheek and I wiped it away with no hesitation. I deeply desired Lara's company and bubbly voice. She was able to lessen the weight of my burdens and add colour to my line of vision; colour I deeply lacked in my survival.
Just one look at her dresses and I would be mushy all over again.
I still laid in my spandex and t-shirt, too comfortable to change out of them. Might as well sleep in them if I were to wake up in 2 hours? Right?
With a slump in my back I walked to my bed and threw myself onto the mattress, a huff leaving my chest. Who knew love, the most beautiful sensation curated by the moon, would be so confusing? Mom and dad made it look so easy. Exchanging a few words every now and then and discussing politics until they fell asleep in each other's arms, the couch too small for their warrior like bodies.
The more I thought about it, it didn't seem my parents had the connection Luca and I had. They respected one another more than anything. They would exchange nods of approval before going to work, not kiss each other's goodbye.
That's what arranged marriages were like, I guess?
With too many thoughts to grasp in floating in my head, I fell asleep, lips parted and sun rising.
-_-
I woke up feeling like I was thrown into a cauldron of boiling water. My eyes oozed open slowly, expecting the view of a rocky ceiling, only to find Dalal leaning over me with a hand on my head.
I screamed, jumping away from her.
Dalal flinched backwards, stumbling, "Goddess! I didn't mean to scare you, it's just that- your skin - it seemed to be, very, very red. And wet? And hot. You had these droplets sliding down your hairline and I worried your fever was back-"
"Relax, Dalal, I'm not angry, you just-" I paused, attempting to slow down my heartbeat, "you startled me is all,"
"Apologies," She mumbled, bowing before me, "the Luna wants to meet you and discuss matters of the Ball taking place tomorrow night. I must get you into your armor as soon as possible,"
"Alright, let me have a quick shower,"
Her eyes widened, "Make sure to take a shower in warm water. The castle waters are blessed by the church of the moon. Cold water washes away the blessings,"
I nodded, sending her a small smile, "Alright,"
The warm water didn't work. It wasn't a surprise considering a blizzard was making its way towards the castle, but still, I had hope it would be warm.
I guessed I'd have to do without the blessings that day.
I was sure mother was sending me a ton already.
-_-
"Remember what I told you, alright. Bow before entering and don't rise until she says so," Dalal patted my back before knocking on the door of the Luna's office, "Oh, and the Alpha is there with her,"
"What-" My sentence was cut short by the opening of the doors.
With a heaviness accompanying my steps, I walked into the room; eyes facing the floor, and bowed till my knee made contact with the floor. It didn't feel right, lowering my head for a female of status lower than mine. My wolf felt the same way too, but we both knew it was for the best. Mother would be satisfied and father would be very, very proud.
That thought, the one of father smiling down at me from the skies, made it hard not to smile myself.
"Rise,"
I rose, meeting the Luna's icy blue eyes.
"We meet again, guard," She spoke with her nose in the air, "bow down to the Alpha,"
"There's no need, mother," Luca eyed his mother, "the guard is welcome,"
"As you wish, dear," My brows rose at his mothers endearing pet name, "your first mission starts today. You must make sure our gates are burglar proof. You must also seal all of our secret exits before sun down. We mustn't have a commoner interrupt our ball," She eyed my suit before speaking again, "You can't wear that to the ball, too,"
My face remained stoic, "What do you suggest I wear, Luna?"
"Choose one of Lara's dresses for all I care," The Luna huffed a hair out of her head, "We can't have the northerners find out you're the kings guard. Let them think you're some maid or princess. After all, we did sanction the attack on their kingdom 6 years ago. If they find out it was us, they're bound to make a move on us after re-establishing their pack name,"
My ears rang so fiercely I went completely deaf for a second.
Luca tilted his head at me, sensing the extremity of my shock.
"May I ask why you attacked?" My voice shook.
"Why?"
"I need to understand their motive to attack. It helps with my technique," That was complete bullshit.
"A seer warned us that two warriors from the north would bring down our line of family," The Luna shrugged, "beat get rid of them if that's the case,"
"Understood," I spoke, stomach churning.
I wanted to grab the sword strapped to my back and plunge it into the Luna's pretty little head so hard it slipped through the other side; appalled by her stupidity. Angered by her carelessness. Shocked at her naivety.
What she didn't understand was that attempting to stop a prophecy form coming true would only make it come back stronger.
I just hoped those warriors were already somewhere in the castle.