1 MONTH LATER
Perrie's P.O.V
“Mr Higgins, you have to understand… I can’t,” I breathed deeply, “I can’t be here anymore."
“Perrie, there has to be some alternative. You only have four months until graduation; it’s impractical for you to leave school now.”
“Mr Higgins’,” I begged.
“Perrie. I see where you are coming from, I really do, but you are the best student we’ve ever had. You can’t just leave now.”
“But I-I need to!” I didn’t mean for my voice to get higher. I was just so scared.
Since I found about Zayn and Rebecca…
Never, in my entire life, has anything been this terrible. I would happily take back the bullying I had to endure before if it meant that I no longer had to put up with what I did now. I haven’t talked to anyone in a month. I can’t. I literally have no one and have never felt so alone. Harry and Eleanor have tried but… How can I trust them? How can I ever look at them without having my heart shattered over and over again? And then there’s Zayn. Beautiful, wonderful, Zayn that I hate to love so much. He did something unforgivable to me for some stupid revenge plot but still when I see him I can’t stop my insides from missing him. I gave myself to him in every way possible and he took advantage of that. This is what I get for letting people in.
“You don’t need to do anything Ms Edwards. I have heard about your situation,” Mr Higgin’s gave me a meaningful look, “and I am sorry Perrie. But you leaving Cowell won’t make anything better. You need to rise above this.” He said sternly.
“You have no idea what being here is like Mr Higgin’s. The constant torment, reminders, bullying. If I stay here any longer god knows what will happen.” God knows what I’ll end up doing to myself.
“Perrie, if you just tell us who is doing these things to you we can punish them-”
“How can you punish the whole school?!” I shouted. Mr Higgin’s looked at me, slightly taken off guard from my outburst. “It is everyone! I am thankful for everything that you have given m-me Mr Higgin’s, the kindness, the speech therapy, the opportunity to come here in the first place, the chance to make something of myself, but I just can’t do it anymore.”
I always thought that somehow I could stay strong. That even though my life played out like a dramatic soap opera and I was the definition of broken, I could still do something with my life. I was wrong.
“You realise if you leave now you cannot come back Ms Edwards. You will have nowhere to go and forget about finishing your education and having a successful career.”
“I u-understand what the repercussions of my actions will be.” I spoke more calmly.
“Then I can’t force you to stay Perrie.”
“Thank you.”
He gave me one final nod, and I took that as my sign to leave.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was actually going to attend a different school, Cowell’s rival, and had a full scholarship. I didn’t want to magnify his disappointment in me anymore.
I made this decision about a week ago. I love what Cowell offers me but nothing is worth what is happening. I see Rebecca smirking in the hallways, people laughing at me, friends treating me like I don’t exist, and it breaks me. It’s like all I am now is a shell, and slowly but surely they’re crushing every piece of me until there won’t be any left. I originally went back to spending any free time at school in the drama centre toilets but Eleanor soon found me and wouldn’t leave me alone, so I left. I guess I just wander now. I should get used to it; it’s probably what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life.
I walked towards my locker to start emptying my things out. It was the middle of third period, so no student would be wondering the halls for at least another hour. I got to my locker and saw the word ‘FUCKING SLAG’ spray painted across of it. At least now that I was leaving I didn’t have to worry about rubbing those messages off anymore. I can’t remember what I last rubbed off. Was it ‘incest cunt’ or ‘anorexic bitch’? I can’t remember. I tried to put in my combination but it was hard. My glasses were scratched and crooked form when someone had pushed me over this morning.
I gathered my books and packed them as tightly as I could into my bag. I would still have to carry the majority of my things, but at least I have two bags to help me.
“Need any help?” A voice asked.
“Not from you.” I snapped back.
That didn’t stop them though.
“You’re not leaving are you?”
“I don’t s-see how that is any of your concern.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, of course I’d be concerned.”
“If you say so,” I scoffed.
“Would you like me to drive you?”
“No Zayn, I don’t want anything from you.”
He looked disappointed. “How are you?”
“Not that you probably care, but I really, really f-fucking suck.”
“I do care, Per.” He put his hand on my shoulder. I shoved him off and kept moving out my stuff. “I’ve been really worried about you. I barely see you around. It’s like your avoiding me.”
“I am avoiding you.”
“Oh.”
I turned and looked him up and down incredulously. “Well what d-did you expect?” I said that with a lot more sass than intended.
“I thought we could talk some more. I don’t want us to end like this.”
“Zayn,” I groaned. “I refuse to be one of those girls who go back to their boyfriend even after he’s done something terrible. Contrary to the popular belief, I do have some self-respect.”
“Does the fact that I love you mean nothing?”
“One: you sound like a whining child and two: no. Because if you loved me you wouldn’t have m-manipulated me, cheated on me, taken advantage of me and broken my heart.”
I finished with my stuff and hauled my bags over my shoulder. I flinched in pain when they made contact with my bruises.
I tried to walk away but Zayn stopped me. “Please just let me drive you.”
I looked in his amber eyes and saw regret. “Fine,”
Much to my protest he took both bags from me and started walking to his car.
He walked in silence. The parking lot was deserted and silent. It reminded me of the first day I really let myself be vulnerable in front of Zayn. I had cried into his shoulder and he had comforted me. I was amazed that he cared about me. It seems so long ago but it was only, what? Eight months ago? How little did I know then.
He placed my stuff in the backseat and opened the door for me.
“Thank you.” I mumbled.
***
He parked outside my apartment complex and turned off the car.
“Per?”
“Zayn?”
“Why were you taking your stuff out of your locker?”
“I’m leaving Cowell.” I sais monotonoulsy.
He sighed in frustration. “You don’t need to leave, Perrie.”
“We both know that I do Zayn.”
He nodded his head in sympathetically. “I’m so sorry.” His face crunched up in a pained expression.
“I know Zayn.” A tear slipped down my cheek.
“I don’t completely regret it though.” He confessed.
I held back a sob. “W-why?”
“Because if I had never done it than I never would have fallen in love with you, and at no time will I ever regret that. I love you, Perrie Louise Edwards.”
He slipped his hand into mine.
“I love you too Zayn Javaad Malik.”
“Then stay.” He moved his hand to my cheek. “We can work this out. I know we can.”
“No we can’t Zayn.” I put my hand over his and entwined our fingers. “What you did… there are no words Zayn. No way for me to properly tell you what this feels like. This kind of betrayal,” I released a shaky breath. “I love you b-but I can’t forgive you.”
I pulled his hand down and rested it on the car console. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
Without another word, I got out of the car and collected my things.
Then I did something harder than I ever imagined; I walked away, well aware that I might never see him again.
x Please read the authors note x