After Carly told me I'm expecting, I have been trying to avoid Noah. It's been a challenge, because Noah can't seem to leave me alone after what happened. He thinks I might be attacked by a moth and it's both endearing and annoying. I can only go to the bathroom alone... Sometimes.
I haven't seen Noah today though. Usually I wake up an entire thirty minutes before he does and I just drink in the warm embrace he cages me in. He always reaches out to my body whenever I stand up and it has happened once or twice where he starts whimpering. This morning I woke up alone and the sheets were icy, meaning he hasn't been in the bed for over an hour. I know he slept here because his side of the bed is ruffled and we went to bed together last night after an exhausting three hour training session in both our human and wolf forms.
I haven't looked for him yet, but I trust that he's in his office. He has been drowning himself in work lately, still trying to piece together how Menosyn and Veronica tricked him and manipulated our whole situation. He is also trying to figure out what else Menosyn could've done before she died. I don't think she did anything, I rather like to think that we surprised them and they didn't expect to die.
Most importantly, how did she even help Veronica escape and when? Noah doesn't go to the dungeon unless there is a new rogue. He only interrogates them once before assigning four wolves to patrol the dungeon. They switch every six hours and only one keeps an eye at a time since Noah's dungeons are more secure than most.
After what had happened to the bloodsucker, Aiden and Alice completed the mating process and we are waiting for her to miscarriage, since there has been no signs of the baby being rejected yet.
I hope it isn't painful for Alice, she is a fragile wolf with a big heart. She's been thriugh a lot and I know Aiden knows that. I knew he wanted to accept her the second he saw her, but knowing that she's pregnant with a hybrid, it made him livid. He was always someone who believed that waiting for your mate is the best way to assure the perfrct eternity. Well, perfect 150 plus years.
I am currently in the shower, washing off the sweat from the hour morning training session I just had with Aaron. Whenever Noah is too busy to train me, Aaron helps out. It's always fun to kick his behind. Julie is talking again, she went mute for a day after we found her in a cave behind the waterfall where Noah and I often go to relax. We found them unscathed and unharmed, they were only dirty from the mud in the cave and a few scratches from climbing the rocks behind the waterfall to get to the cave. They must have been terrified. Aaron cut our training short though, since he wants to stay near Julie and Lukas whenever he can. He used to be extremely protective of his mate and baby, but now he won't even let them breathe without checking if the oxygen levels are correct. That is an overexaggeration... He does go to the bathroom with Julie though.
"Love, I've been looking for you. Why didn't you come get me to train with you?" I look over my shoulder to Noah leaning against the wall opposite the shower. I sigh and squirt some honey scented shampoo into my hand before scrubbing it into my hair. I hear the sound of clothes rustling and soon, I can feel Noah behind me.
"Noah, what are you doing?" I question cautiously turning around. I am a massive clutz and I might just slip and die. He smirks down at me, his eyes roaming my naked body torturously slow. I gasp as his hand grips my waist and pulls me closer to his musled torso. My hands instinctively fly up to his abs, softly rubbing my small hands over them, across his chest, over his shoulders and finally around his neck. I gently tug his head down and he captures my plump lips between his teeth before massaging them with his pink lips. The kiss is slow and sensual, awakening goosebumps all over my body, even though we're standing underneath a scorching hot stream of water. My breathing comes out laboured and uneven as his lips skillfully move down to suck on my mark.
"I want to wash your hair." He whispers and I let out a surprised yelp as he swiftly twists my body around. He grabs the shampoo since the glob that was already massaged into my scalp rinsed off during our kiss.
"Okay." I gasp out, the steam isn't really helping me with my whole breathing situation. The feeling of his hands expertly running through my tresses, massaging and tugging just the way I like it. I groan as he starts massaging my shoulders and neck.
Next he combs the conditioner through my hair, admiring each blue and black strand.
"I love your hair." He murmurs into my ear, biting down on my earlobe. I twist back around and he catches me before I slip. Noah pulls me into his chest, his arms tightening after I slipped mine around his waist, the skin tightly pulled over what I assume is pure muscle.
"I love you." I whisper back and this makes him kiss the top of my hair, even though it's still covered in conditioner. I know this is the moment to ask him about his thoughts on kids. I quickly rinse off the remaining conditioner and Noah helps me out of the shower since I always fall out.
He grabs a towel and wraps it around my body for me before wrapping one low on his hips. My baby bump isn't showing yet, but the skin is slightly tighter and harder. Noah hasn't noticed yet, probably assuming it's muscle.
I lead Noah to our bed and he sits with his legs spread, inviting me to sit in between them and lay on his chest like I always do after a shower together.
"Noah?" I call, his fingers are softly running up and down my arm; I love that feeling. He knows exactly what to do for me to relax and feel safe, even when I'm naked- in a towel.
He mumbles a response and I quickly continue.
"Is this it?" He tenses before relaxing.
"What do you mean, Love?"
"Is this how our life will be forever?" I don't know why I'm whispering, but I just want him to stay calm, because usually whenever I bring up children he blows up.
"Pretty much, yes. Is that a problem?" He's not defensive, just genuinely curious, but he might get defensive when I ask him about kids.
"No, of course not. I just expected us to have a little more, you know?" The question almost refuses to jump ship and leave my tongue, but my mind pushed it off the plank.
"Well, we still have the Luna Ceremony to prepare and make it official." I sigh and nod my head. Clearly he knows what I'm getting at. He always brings the Luna Ceremony up whenever we talk about our future. He always tries to evade the baby question.
"W-what about children?" Walk the plank.
Noah tenses and slowly removes himself from underneath me. He stalks to the closet, speaking from the inside,
"What about children?" I cringe at the hint of anger in his tone. His voice is tight and it's clear he's talking through his teeth.
"Uhm, w-when are we going to, uh, you know, have some?" I hesitantly ask and he storms out of the closet dressed in a black t-shirt and some sweatpants.
"Hopefully not anytime soon, if any at all." He grits out. I try to control the tears, absentmindedly rubbing my stomach, but Noah doesn't notice the movement.
"Why not?" I am treading in dangerous territory here. I never get these questions answer.
"Because, Blaze. I don't want kids! I hate my parents for abandoning me to lead the pack because they were grieving and I don't want a child to feel like I did! I just don't want to have a child who will despise me one day and quite frankly, I don't need anymore distractions from work. I already have you, which is a handful as it is." I gasp and tears start falling down my cheeks. I suck it up, because I know he didn't mean that. He loves me.
"They won't, Noah. They'll love you as much as I love you! You won't ever abandon a child, I know you. You are so good with the kids from the pack and orphanage, why don't you want your own?" I sob as he starts leaving.
"Why are you so adamant to have children, Blaze?" I shut my mouth, thinking of an answer.
"I want my own children one day, Noah and I don't want to wait forever." I whisper and Noah growls.
"Are you saying that you would have children with someone else if I don't want to?" I shake my head vigorously and quickly run up to him.
"Of course not. Sorry I brought it up, I'm sorry. Go back to work, I'll help with dinner downstairs." I whisper and peck his lips. I rush to the bathroom to wash my face and look down at my flat belly.
What are we going to do, little ones?
Don't.
I'm trying not to.
Go talk to Carly.
I nod my head at my reflection in the mirrow taking up the wall. After making my way out of the room, I run down the stairs, but immediately stop when I remember I have two baby peanuts inside me and if I trip and fall, they might get hurt. I look around the Beta floor and then the rest of the floors, only to find her in the kitchen making sandwiches for both her and Nathan.
"Hi, Momma-wolf." My eyes widen at Nathan's comment and my accusatory gaze rests on a guilty looking Carly.
"What? He's my mate and we don't keep things from each other. He promised me he wouldn't blab." She flick the tightened dish towel at her mate.
"Ouch, Woman! Abuse!" Nathan exclaims, grabbing the towel and neatly folding it into a swan before placing it in the middle of the already crowded island. I sigh and shake my head at this interestint character that Carly is blessed with to spend the rest of her days with.
"Carly, can we take a walk, please?" I ask and she nods her head, instantly sobering up. She can clearly sense that this is serious. I smile at Nathan and he waves us off, cheerfully munching on his sandwich.
Carly and I start at the trail leading into the woods and I can't help but reminisce all the times Noah and I took this very same route and each adventure had a different outcome. Whenever I need to think, I go to the river and whenever he needs to relax and get away from everything, he goes to the river as well. It's like our unspoken bonding place. We always take the other with, for safety and privacy reasons.
"So, how are you holding up?" I fold my hands behind my back, concentrating on the stones I'm kicking out of my way.
Noah removes the logs occasionally, and places them near the mouth of the river pooling into a lake. We do have beavers, but they mostly keep to themselves, afraid of the big bad wolves roaming about. I love how Noah conserves nature and keeps it as it is.
He has a recent project where he wants mated couples who's expecting to go and build their own houses around the pack house, since he doesn't want to expand the pack house. He is big on privacy and most of the mated members move into town to expand their family, since there isn't room for more than two people per room. I mean, you can always have two rooms next to each other and break down the wall to make more space, but that's unsafe and time consuming and just plain unnecessary.
I convinced Noah how expanding the territory could also be beneficial, he could build a little market so that we don't have to drive thirty minutes to go to town and risk the humans following us back.
"Blaze?" I look up at Carly with a 'hmm' and she just shakes her head with a silent giggle.
"I asked, how are you holding up?" I look back down and shrug. I don't know if I should say things about her brother to her, but she's the only one I can trust with this right now.
"Uh, not really great, actually." I murmur and we soon settle down against a boulder near the river, enjoying the sound of the rushing water. It rains a lot more these days and that means that the waterfall is running more water than usual. The river rushes faster when it rains and the closer you get to the waterfall the louder you have to speak, because the water hitting the river is intensely loud.
I glance at the singing wrens in the trees, serenading the gentle strokes of sunlight piercing through the dense cover of jade leaves gleaming like the eyes of my mate.
"What do you mean?" I sigh and start explaing everything about every fight Noah and I have had about children.
"He just- blows up. I don't know what to do, Carly. He's going to be so angry with me. He has made it abundantly clear how he may never want children and here I am, carrying twins." I sob and Carly moves closer to embrace me.
"Shh, Blaze. You'll see. You'll get through this. Just tell him you're pregnant and he'll instantly change his mind." I shake my head and pull away.
"You don't get it, I have been hinting at it and I don't want to tell him. What if he doesn't want them? I don't want to lose my babies, Carly. I can't lose them too. I know it's odd, but I can feel every movement, every heartbeat, everything and I'm in love with them already." I look up at the darkening sky and gently rub my tummy. In a week, I'll start showing as if it were three months. In a month, I'll be showing like a five months pregnant lady and in only two months, I'll be popping and it will look like eight months. Then one last week before they are born. Alpha babies develop a whole lot faster than normal babies and wolf babies. I have until next week to decide. I can do this.
"I'll help you." She says and I look up at her confused.
"What?" I whisper and she sighs, running her hand through her hair.
"I'll help you in case he... Reacts badly."
"You can read my thoughts?" I gasp and Carly shakes her head.
"Only glimpses, but something like that." She whispers and we both stand up.
"I need to go and figure out how to tell Noah." I sigh and we start walking back.
"Good luck." I nod and enter the house, making my way to our room.
"Hey, Love." I look up from the floor to Noah who's laying shirtless on our bed. I nod in greeting and walk to the bathroom. I clean my face and jump in the shower to wash the dust off and heat up my cold body. The woods are freezing at night and it's noon, almost dusk.
"Love, What's wrong? Is it about the baby thing? Look, I know I've been harsh about it, but I'm just not ready yet. And if it's something we do in a decade it's fine, but now I just want to be with you and enjoy having my mate." I nod my head and turn around, already knowing what I have to do.
"I love you, Noah." I smile at him and he smiles back.
"The Luna ceremony is happening in four days. It's on Sunday, when the full moon is at it's apex." I look at him and study his face, engraving every detail of him in my mind.
After an hour or two of cuddling and watching a movie, Noah fell asleep, pulling me flush against his chest with my icy nose touching his pecks.
Blaze-
It's going to be okay.