Oscar Glyde Won't Heal Your P...

By TommyFawcett

15K 1.7K 944

He won't get his class under control. He won't make friends apart from the shamelessly unique school misfit... More

Waiver For Your Fucking Safety
ACT 1
Oscar's Monologue
1: Ronny and the Racial Raptors
2: Oreos Taste Better Without Milk
3: Fender Brail's Epic Fail
4: Residue
5: No One Gave You One No
7: Someone Turned The Lights Out
8: Slippery Slope
9: What Can Be Can't Be Canned
10: Convoluted Coitus
11: Truckload of Love
12: I Go When You Go
13: Drunk Girl's Guilt
14: Straight Like An Arrow
15: The Confessional Stake-Out
ACT 2
Oscar's Monologue
16: Frodo and Sam
17: The Igor Effect
18: Poisoned Arrow
19: The Cupid Dance
20: Riot at the Red Bean
21: All Of Us, Or Nothing
22: Return of the Indefinite Pronouns
23: The Fountain on Feral Street
24: List of Faggots
25: Tie Me Up and Choke Me
26: Cock Cakes and Milkshakes
27: The Day of Reckoning
28: Spiel of the Shower
29: The Death Star(t)
30: Put It Down
ACT 3
Oscar's Monologue
31: Suicide Fever
32: Nobody Knows the No-No Man
33: Pluto Far
34: A Million Miles Away
35: Hidden Weapons
36: The Ghost of Ronny Diggles
37: The Turdstall
38: Night Before White
39: You Won't Take Our Life From Us
40: The Fate of Elsie
41: Will It Ever End?
42: Benzodiazepine
43: The Trolls of Atenamal High
44: From Grown To Gone
45: All I Once Cared About

6: Wheatpasted Target

272 36 22
By TommyFawcett

Chapter 6: Wheatpasted Target

[The Gym, Atenamal High, 9:02 AM, Wheat Beat Feet Delete]

MR GOERING: (in a hurry) "Move aside, Oscar."

OSCAR: "Why are you so stressed out?"

MR GOERING: (as he hurries away) "The posters won't come down."

OSCAR: (looking around him) "Wait - why won't they come down?"

RANDOM GIRL: "They're wheatpasted."

OSCAR: "Thanks RANDOM GIRL, that really clears things up."

BASIL: "It's this thing where people use a mixture of flour and water to permanently keep posters up on walls, idiot. The back, please. And hurry, there's a line behind you. Never thought the girl who can't walk would be telling you to hurry up, huh?"

GABI: "Hey, Oscar, we're having an Academic Council meeting today during lunch."

OSCAR: "What - I thought that was over. You know, after the whole 'ooo Fender you're a fucking disgusting piece of shit I'm gonna castrate you' thing. Thought we wouldn't, you know, go through that again."

GABI: "Fender isn't invited. Just the four of us. And it's important, so be there."

OSCAR: "I usually eat during lunch."

GABI: "I usually use freshmen guys to tickle my throat during lunch, but we're all making sacrifices here."

OSCAR: "I - uh - okay."

...

[The Secret Lair, Atenamal Regional High, 12:18 PM, REELECTEREIONONNF666!!!]

RAYMOND: "Are you suggesting that we help 'No One' fuck with Fender's image?"

GABI: "Look, I know it sounds bad - "

RAYMOND: "No, it sounds like bullying."

GABI: " - but it was just a suggestion. Like, a side-line project. Something to give 20% of our attention to. What I really want to do, is get a new fucking school speaker."

RAYMOND: "Fender makes a good school speaker. He's good at talking, he's serious, he can be kind of funny when he wants to, he dresses well."

GABI: "Why don't you go and suck his fucking dick then, Raymond?"

RAYMOND: "He'd probably shove it in without me even asking."

GABI: (slams hand down on desk) "This is what I'm talking about! Guys, we have a rapist as a school speaker. The most influential person in this student body is a rapist. We all know Mr Wilks won't do shit about it so let's take it into our own hands! All of us have until March until our offices are reelected. Fender stays school speaker until the end of the year. If he stays in this position I'm going to be sick every time I see him walk on stage."

OSCAR: "I think the propagandists have penetrated your armadillo shell of fortitude."

GABI: "Huh?"

OSCAR: "Do you believe No One?"

GABI: "It's pretty obvious, Oscar. Stay woke. Do you think No One would have wheatpasted the school if they didn't have proof?"

OSCAR: "Proof?"

GABI: "Emma Hernandez sent a text about it to her friend and her friend posted a screenshot on Snapchat. It was about how Fender forced himself onto her and wouldn't pull out when she begged him to."

OSCAR: "Are - wh - er - "

GABI: "It's all starting to make sense now, right? That's why I suggest Victoria Doukas be the school speaker - "

RAYMOND: (scandalized) "Oh, nooooo. Not Victoria!"

GABI: "She's smart, confident, political. And she's not half bad to look at. Kind of like Fender, just without the whole rape part."

ELSIE: "How do we accomplish this?"

GABI: "We go straight to Mr Wilks, obviously. Maybe make a few posters ourselves. Petitions. The Academic Council will be making substantial change around here, for once."

...

[Canteen, Atenamal Regional High, 12:08 PM, Drama?]

OSCAR: (periodically taking students' money, giving them change, and serving them snacks) "How often do you go?"

BASIL: "Now it's twice a week. When I was in the hospital I'd do it every day."

OSCAR: "Three more months?"

BASIL: "Until I stand on my own? Yeah, bitch. Let's fucking hope so."

OSCAR: (handing a student a muffin) "Does it... hurt?"

BASIL: "Does what hurt? Having numb nerves in completely immobile legs that stay in the same place every fucking day and never touch anything other than the supple leather of my seat cushion?"

OSCAR: "I was thinking more of the notion that you know you'll be crippled for the rest of your life and never accomplish all the goals, hopes and whimsical dreams that had once propelled you with ease through a crumbling world, and now, the world is just crumbling and there's nothing you can do about it because you can't fucking walk."

BASIL: "..."

OSCAR: "Too far? I'm sorry. I'm inappropriate when I'm uncomfortable."

BASIL: "Then if you were in my position you'd be swinging your dick around and dribbling on random girls' tits."

OSCAR: (quietly) "If I was in your position I probably wouldn't be able to reach the tits."

FENDER: "Turkey sandwich, please."

OSCAR: (shocked) "Oh - hi - it's you - well, of course it's you, you're Fender, what I'm saying is that I know that your name is Fender and that's why I said 'Oh - hi - it's you' in that kind of creepy way and I'll get your sandwich, here, that'll be four dollars."

FENDER: (kind of uncomfortable) "Thanks." (walks away)

OSCAR: (huffing out a held-in breath) "Gosh. Can you believe - what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

...

[Baseball park, The Suburbs, 6:14 PM, You Keep Me Warm]

RONNY: "I didn't really expect to be seeing you here, Oscar."

KHASHAR: "Tumour."

OSCAR: "Very funny guys. You know this is where my dad and I play catch."

RONNY: "Your dad? There's about eight of them around. Which one is he, now? The black one? The one who looks Filipino? The South American one over there?"

OSCAR: "You know, for a guy who's inherently racist you sure are good at telling races apart from a distance."

RONNY: "My point was that I couldn't tell yours apart. You're like, some special mix-breed."

OSCAR: (delighted) "Hey, that's what my mom used to call me when I was a kid. Just, a bit more lovingly, I think."

KHASHAR: "So what do you want to do? Want to play catch?"

OSCAR: "I'm doing that with my dad."

KHASHAR: "Hahaha. We know your dad's not really here, idiot."

RONNY: "Chill out, Khashar. I think it's too soon to be cracking jokes about Oscar's dad getting deported."

OSCAR: (through gritted teeth) "My dad didn't get fucking deported, you cunt. Could you quit it with the Mexican jokes?"

RONNY: (having way too much fun) "Ah! So that's what he is. You see, I couldn't tell. All brown people look kind of the same to me, I guess. Asians, too. You're Asian too, right? How can you be both?"

OSCAR: "I don't know, actually. Maybe it's this crazy fucking thing called genetics. It's like you haven't passed second grade science class."

IGOR: "What do you think about your boyfriend knocking up all those girls?"

OSCAR: (visibly annoyed) "I don't know why you guys all keep calling him my boyfriend. Out of all the guys in the school, you pick us two to fuck around with."

IGOR: "It's just fun, man."

OSCAR: "Okay. Cool. Can you guys, like, take a step - or forty-six - out of my personal bubble? I'm trying to get in some evening exercise, here."

RONNY: "You want exercise, faggot?"

OSCAR: "Jesus - you really had a hard time holding that in, didn't you?"

RONNY: (grabs Oscar's throat in a tight choke-hold, drags him to the ground) "Try running - that can be your exercise." (lets go of Oscar's throat, but rips savagely at the base of his t-shirt so that there's a rip entirely down the front, exposing Oscar's abdomen)

RANDOM MIDDLE-AGED PARK-GOER: "Hey! Young men! What's going on there?"

(Ronny and his friends start making a break for it)

IGOR: (shrugging with his arms held out) "See, Oscar? Fun!"

OSCAR: (stunned and sitting up, ripped shirt falling away at his sides) "I'm hysterical."

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