Demi
With every step she took, I felt emptier inside. Before she disappeared out of my view she turned around and gave a big wave and blew me a kiss which I pretended to catch and hold close to my heart. Just then, my phone buzzed indicated that I had received a text message. I checked and noticed it was from Marissa.
"Are you free for today?"
"Oh so NOW you remember me."
I texted back as I made my way to the car holding my head down so no one would recognize me so easily even though we were way past that point now.
"You've been so busy though don't blame this on me."
"That might be true... so movie night?"
"I'm up for it.... I'll be over at 8?"
"Cool."
I drove to this old abandoned playground which I used whenever I wanted to write something or even just to clear my mind and took out my writing pad and pencil from the back seat and got settled in a low patch of grass not to far from the seesaws and I started to scribble random thoughts on the paper though nothing really gelled nor felt right. I know I should've brought my guitar. I used my writer's block as an excuse to phone Wilmer and he picked up after the second ring.
"Princesa..."
He stated cautiously, unaware of where exactly he stood with me.
"Hey Wilmer."
I too, was unsure of why I even called him in the first place.
"Look, Demi, about the other ni-"
"It's fine....really."
I cut him off mid sentence. I didn't want him apologising for something he didn't do.
"No its not. Just le-"
"Hey, Wilmer, just drop it OK? For me?"
"If that's what you really want?"
"It is."
"I've missed you... alot."
"I've missed you too."
An awkward silence fell over the line, neither if us knowing what to say at this point but Wilmer decided to try his luck.
"So what are you doing now?"
"Just writing a bit and decided to call you up."
"Oh... writing about anything special?"
"I wanted it to be about the wonders of love, how beautiful it is y'know? How one person can make you feel indestructible and like nothing else matters when you're with them."
I smiled to myself as I thought of Jessica through all of my word vomit.
"Oh I'm glad you feel that way."
He said a bit skeptically.
"Yes! You make me feel that way."
I attempted to redeem myself and he seemed to drop his inhibitions.
"Is it OK if I come over tonight?"
"Not a good night babe! Girl's night with Mar... tomorrow is good though."
"Aah... tomorrow is fine then... listen I have to go but I love you.... always remember that."
"Yes, I know and I uuh... I love you too."
We hung up and I started to gather my stuff and make my way to the car as I had to go to the supermarket to get a few snacks for later. After I bought some ice-cream and microwavable popcorn and random candy, I made my way home. I still had a few hours to spare so I took to the backyard to try finishing a decent song. Still no luck. What was up with me today? Maybe a swim will help get me in the mood. I changed into a bikini and returned to the backyard and dove into the pool. The warm water proving to be very therapeutic. I swam around a little bit more then decided to go upstairs for a warm bubble bath.
After a few minutes in the bath and scribbling some song ideas on my phone I heard some shuffling downstairs. I checked my phone and it was only 7:21 pm. Marissa shouldn't be here this early. She's alwayslate. I unplugged the bath, put on a robe and made my way toward the living room.
"Congratulations Marissa, not only are you on time y- Wilmer?"
He turned around and started running his hand through his hair and gave a sheepish grin.
"Uh... Demi.... didn't expect to see you here."
"It's kinda my apartment."
"Yea... that's right."
What the hell was going on?
"Why are you here? And why are you looking through my stuff?"
I asked, taking note of the contents of my handbag scattered all over the couch.
"I was just.... looking for some gum?"
That came out as more of a question than a statement.
"Soo..... let me get this straight... You passed maybe 3 or so grocery stores to come to myhouse, which, by the way, you didn't know I was in, to come look for gum? How stupid do you think I am?"
Seriously? He couldn't have come up with a better lie?
"Demi... I just..."
"Just what?"
I shouted at him.
"I wanted to prove to myself that you weren't cheating on me."
God dammit Wilmer. How many times are we gonna go through this? He sounded so pathetic as he said those words. I moved in and placed my hands on either side of his face.
"Aww honey... What makes you think I would possibly cheat on you?"
"After our argument, you never called or texted or anything and today on the phone you sounded so happy Ijustknewthere was someone else was doing that for you."
He looked me dead in the eyes and I could feel his pain. So much so my heart began to ache for him and my annoyance started to fade.
"Wilmer... That happiness you heard over the phone was just from me hearing your voice again after so long. I wanted so badly to leave you but I just couldn't...I couldn't stand the thought of not having you in my life."
Even I was taken aback by how much truth there was in my statement.
"Can I kiss you?"
Wilmer asked me cautiously.
"Yes. I would want nothing more right now."
He lifted my head and looked me dead in my eyes as a few tears fell from my eyes. He slowly leaned in to capture his lips with mine and I instantly reciprocated the kiss, sighing happily at the feeling I didn't realize I missed so much.
"I believe we have some unfinished business from the last time we were together."
I say in a raspy seductive voice snaking my hand towards his crotch. I continued our heated make out session and he opened my robe and dropped it to the floor to reveal my naked body and I dropped to my knees and unbuckled his pants.
"So sexy."
He whispered as I looked up at him while I started massaging his manhood.
"That feels good?"
"That feels amazing."
"Well this is gonna feel even better."
As I flicked my tongue over the tip, he jerked in response just before I took his whole length in my mouth.
"Aaah."
He groaned as I watched his eyes roll over from pleasure and I started to go faster as I began to fondle my boobs.
"Are you close?"
Instead of answering verbally he started to thrust his hips at a violent pace as he held my head in place as his orgasm drew nearer.
"Demi I'm so sorry I'm late its just....... Am I interrupting something?"
Wilmer's eyes flung open as I jumped away from his body in shock while frantically trying to cover myself up.
"Marissa! You're here."
I said awkwardly as I tied my robe and Wilmer zipped up his pants.
"Hello Wilmer, Demi remind me never to be late again because then stuff like this happens."
She casually makes her way into the kitchen and calls out.
"Pizza or Chinese?"
I gave Wilmer an apologetic look and he leaned down to kiss me.
"Its OK Nena... I'm the one who's intruding anyway... I'll call you later?"
"Yeah sure."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
For the first time in a long time I actually felt a tinge of emotion towards him. We kissed one last time and he made his way out the door as Marissa came back into the living room and leaned on the door post.
"Do you kiss your girlfriend with that mouth?"
"Hahaha very funny.... you should go on the road."
I answered sarcastically and made my way to the bedroom to get some clothes.
"You know what else is a joke? You."
She said angrily as she followed me into my bedroom.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
I spun around and glared at her but since she was used to this she wasn't the least bit intimidated by my efforts at getting her to back off.
"What are you doing? How long are you going to continue this game?"
"You think this is a game to me? I don't expect you to understand anyway."
"Then tell me Demi! Tell me! Who do you love?"
"I love them both."
My response was barely a whisper so she asked again.
"Who do you love?"
"I said I love them both OK?"
I yelled at her but she didn't seem the least bit sympathetic.
"You see, that's the problem... you cant have them both."
"Well that's just how its gotta be until I figure this thing out."
Her level of anger seemed to increase to an indescribable level.
"How selfish can you be? You really have no idea how much you're hurting people do you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I wouldn't expect you to get it because you weren't the one who had to spend hours drying your girlfriend's tears and assure her that she was beautiful and capable of being loved after you blew her off for Wilmer!"
"What? Bullshit. No.... Jessica never cries infront of people."
Not even me. I shook my head in disbelief. I would only know about her crying after it actually happened. She thought it was a sign of weakness. Not even when her parents had died she had allowed herself to be vulnerable infront of me but now she was breaking down infront of Marissa? Did me skipping our anniversary hurt her that much?
"You know what your problem is? You still haven't accepted the fact that you're gay. The only reason you're even with Wilmer is because your mother forced you to all those years ago."
I looked up at her, anger taking over my body as I took up a vase and hurled it in her direction but still being careful that it wouldn't hit her.
"I'm. Not. Gay."
She looked over at me and chuckled.
"Then why are we having this conversation then? Why are you even with Jessica? You're just wasting both of your time. Tell her. Allow her to be with somebody who isn't afraid to walk with her down the street. God knows she deserves that much."
At this point I was slumped on the floor, crippled by the amount of tears and confusing emotions I was feeling. Sure I knew I had to be gay because the love I felt and shared with Jessica was comparable to no other but having someone else tell me that I was gay sparked a degree of shame I didn't realise existed within me. Just then my phone rang and Marissa piped up.
"Judging by the time, I think that's your friend who you love more than just a friend calling."
With that, she disappeared from my view and before long, I heard the front door slam shut and I continued crying as my phone rang out.
This chapter was kinda bad (don't kill me). It just got away from me a bit and this is the end result of writing when you're hopped upon too many pain killers. Here's chapter 13 though. Hope you guys liked it! XoxoJessWess.