(Note: Ibinalik ko na po ang buong epilogue. ‘Yung special episode ay exclusive lang sa book. Enjoy reading!)
***
IRIS SETTE TORRES
If someone ask me my favorite authors, without thinking twice, I would always say my parents’ name. They are my biggest inspiration and motivation in everything that I’m doing.
“Iris,” tawag ni Argan sa akin. Nang lumingon ako sa p’westo niya, may binubuksan itong papel na galing sa lumang gamit ko.
He yawned. Halatang pagod na siya galing sa pagbabantay sa kanilang business— ang Happy Bites. Nasa business trip kasi ang mga magulang niya. Ngunit sa kabila ng pagod, tinutulungan pa rin niya ako sa pag-iimpake.
“Ano ‘yan?”
He shakes his head. “It seems like a confession from your father. Naisulat niya ito bago sila nawala. It is dated the day of their wedding.”
“Read it out loud.”
He looked at me. “Bakit hindi na lang kaya ikaw magbasa?”
“Grabe ka. Pakibasa, sige na,” I pleaded.
“Ang tamad mo. Kunin mo na lang dito. Ikaw na ang humihingi ng pabor, ako pa ‘tong inuutusan mo.”
I rolled my eyes. Tatayo na sana ako nang magsalita siya. “Stay there. Babasahin ko na.”
Natawa ako. Babasahin lang din pala, ang dami pang reklamo. Tiningnan niya muna ako nang masama bago nito ibinalik ang atensyon sa puting papel.
He cleared his throat before he reads the content of the paper. “I’m Winther Iris Torres, a lung cancer patient. I have learned a lot when I suffered from cancer. And I hope, this confession will be shared to all those who suffer from a disease or whatever sickness they’re going through.”
Tiningnan ako ni Argan, tila tinatantya ang magiging reaksyon ko. I smiled. “Go ahead. I can handle that.”
“Baka gusto mong ikaw na lang? It seems private.”
“You’re not a stranger. Just continue.”
He nodded and went back to where he has ended. “It’s painful and tiresome to live day by day, afraid of dying in any moment. It’s also burdensome for the people I love to see me crying and shouting in pain so I isolated myself. But the moment I met my reason to continue breathing, it is the time I wanted to actually live and achieve that purpose.”
I squated at the floor. Inihanda ko ang sarili ko sa mga maririnig ko pa.
“There are three important things that I have surrounded myself. Una sa lahat ay ang komunidad ng medisina at kung ano ang magagawa ng gamot upang humaba kahit kaunti ang buhay ko. The medicines, needles, machines, doctors, radiation, surgery, chemotherapy. Whatever they can throw at me, either experimental drugs or anything that make me alive, I want to use them to the full extent. If I need to get third, fourth, fifth or many opinions, if I need to go somewhere else for treatment, then I will. Gusto kong gamitin lahat para sa ikabubuti ko.”
Napangiti ako at kasabay nito ang luha sa aking mga mata. Sana, nakilala ko man lang siya bago ito nawala sa mundo. I’m really proud of my father. Kahit na ang hirap ng pinagdaanan nila ni mama, nagagawa pa rin niyang magbahagi ng magagandang aral.
“Second, I don’t just rely to medical practitioners or doctors. Kailangan ko rin maghanap ng bagay na makakatulong sa mismo kong katawan. I have to build my strength up. I have to increase my own immunity. That includes getting adequate rest, eating right, getting exercise, and actually taking care of my own health. I have to make myself as strong as I can, so my body can fight the cancer. And—”
I lifted my head because Argan suddenly stopped reading. “Bakit?”
“You’re crying.”
I laughed. I immediately wiped my tears using my thumbs. “Huwag mo ako pansinin. Ituloy mo lang.”
“Sigurado ka?”
I nodded.
“Siguradong-sigurado?” pag-uulit niya.
“Kulit mo. Oo nga. Nakikinig ako.”
He hesitated at first but eventually resumed. “The third thing is to believe in Him. My faith in God and the power of prayer gave strenght. That has to equally be a part of my treatment. There’s no statistic on what the power of prayer can do. There’s no way to describe what faith in God will do for my spirit to keep me fighting. That has to be an equal part of the other two.
“Remember, if you surround the cancer with those three things, then I think that your chances of fighting it are much better. Even if it’s not a lot of time, even it’s just a day, still it gave you the chance to be with the people you care the most.”
Argan lifted his head, looked at me and back to the paper.
“The end?” tanong ko.
He nodded without looking at me.
“Baka hindi na niya ‘yan naisulat sa ending ng libro,” komento ko.
“Your father is really something huh,” he said while folding the paper into its original form. Muli nitong inilagay sa pahina ng lumang drafts. Bumalik na rin ako sa pagtitiklop ng mga damit ko.
Ilang minuto rin kami na naging abala sa pag-iimpake nang bigla siyang nagsalita. “Iris.”
“Bakit?” tanong ko nang ‘di siya nililingon.
“Are you mad with your parents?”
Natigilan ako sandali at nabitin sa ere ang paglalagay ko ng picture frames sa maleta ko. Unti-unti kong ibinaba ang aking hawak na frame at nilingon siya.
He’s intently looking at me.
“Ba’t mo natanong?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m curious.”
I shake my head at slightly smiled. “I’m not.”
“Kahit sabay ka nilang iniwan?”
Tumango ako. “I’m actually amazed. Oo, minsan nalulungkot ako dahil hindi ko man lang sila nasilayang dalawa. Pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako dahil iniwan nila ako sa mga tao na nagsilbing magulang ko. Mas nakakalungkot siguro kung naiwan si mama.”
“Your mother died after giving birth to you. Pareho silang namatay noong araw na ‘yun. Hindi mo ba naisip na selfish ‘yun? ”
“Nope. It maybe God’s plan. They need to be happy. Sa sobrang dami nilang pinagdaanan, they deserve to have a happy ending, even if its not in this world. At dahil sa libro nilang Writer’s Hour, naramdaman ko ang pagmamahal nila sa akin kahit hindi pa ako ipinapanganak. They are no longer here, yet they are everywhere in my memories. They are all around me, and they are within me. They left me, but they will always be with me. So I know, that even though I wasn’t able to meet them, I still hear them saying how much they love me.”
He nodded, understanding my feelings.
“Beside, naging masaya naman ako sa piling ninyong lahat. Tita Artemis and Tito Reigan treated me as their real daughter. Kahit hindi mo ako itinuturing na kapatid,” natatawang saad ko.
“I don’t want to be your brother.” He said and immediately look away.
Tatanungin ko na sana kung bakit ayaw niyang maging kuya sa akin nang iniba niya ang usapan. Kinuha niya ang papel na nasa loob ng kabinet ko. “Dadalhin mo ba ‘to sa apartment mo?”
He’s referring to the old belongings of my parents.
“Malamang, dadalhin ko ‘yan.”
“What an old folk.” Umiling siya sabay pasok ng original drafts ng Writer’s Hour sa kahon na dadalhin ko sa bago kong apartment. Inaayos na namin upang pagkatapos ng klase ay diretso na kami. “Bakit ‘di mo na lang kunin ang librong nasa kabinet ni Dad? Bakit pinagti-tiyagaan mong basahin ang lumang-luma nang drafts na ‘to?”
“Sentimental value, Five. Sentimental value, gets mo?”
“It’s Argan, not Five,” he corrected and glared at me.
Bahagya akong natawa. Ayaw na ayaw niya kasi na tinatawag namin siyang Five. Mas gusto niya ang unang salita ng kan’yang pangalan. Lagi kasi itong naikukumpara sa papa ko.
“I’ll call you whatever I want. Huwag ka nang magreklamo. Five isn’t a bad name. Pasalamat ka dahil ipinangalan nina Tita Artemis at Tito Reigan ang isang napaka-onorableng pangalan sayo.”
Pinanlisikan niya ako ng mata. “I’m not your father, Iris.”
“Alam na alam ko, Five. Kung sana, kahit kalahati ng ugali niya ay nakuha mo, masaya na ako. But you’re everything that he’s not. My father always gives his best, always smiling, and knows how to interact with people.”
Umismid siya. “Good to know that you’re not thinking me as him. Mas mabuti nang alam mong hindi ako magiging katulad ng papa mo.”
He’s mean and rude. I wonder if he’s really Tita Artemis’s son.
“Still, I admire your father,” bawi niya.
Natigilan ako sandali sa kan’yang sinabi. Kahit minsan, hindi ko pa siya nakitang humanga sa isang tao maliban sa mga seniors niya sa debate team.
“You think I’m lying,” he interrupted my thought.
“Yeah. You’re lying. Ang alam ko, ayaw mo siya.”
“Who told you that I hate your father?”
I frowned. “You always talk like you hate him.”
He tilts his head and moved his eyes away from me. “I love Tito Winther’s books. I just don’t want people to compare him to anybody, including me. He’s too good to be compared to anyone.”
My jaw fell.
I’m dumbfounded.
“Bahala ka kung ayaw mong maniwala. Basta sinabi ko na sayo kung anong saloobin ko,” he added.
Slowly, my lips formed into a smile. Sa wakas, napangiti niya rin ako.
“Huwag kang ngumiti. It’s creepy,” he commented, but I remain smiling.
“So, what’s your favorite part in the book?” I asked, completely giving my attention to him.
He stopped closing the box and look at me. Para bang nag-aalalangan kung sasagutin niya ang tanong ko o hindi.
“Sa tingin mo pa lang, alam ko na. You’re a twisted lover, so maybe, your favorite part is their wedding day,” I guessed.
He shakes his head. “Not the actual wedding. I like the part before their wedding ceremony.”
Inisip ko ang scene na tinutukoy niya. ‘Yun ang araw na sumakay silang dalawa ng motor.
“Seryoso ka?”
He nodded. “And I like their wedding vows. I actually memorized them.”
Wow. Hindi ko alam na may romantic side rin pala ang lalaking ‘to. Akala ko ang puro thrillers lang ang gusto.
“Sige nga,” I challenged him. Kinuha ko ang notebook kung saan ko isinulat ang wedding vows ng mga magulang ko. “Game. Recite their vows.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“Kung ‘yan ang tingin mo. Gusto ko lang patunayan kung memorize mo nga o hindi.”
Akala ko ay hindi niya gagawin ngunit nagsimula na itong magsalita. Agad akong tumingin sa notebook ko.
Inuna niya ang vow ni mama.
“I pledge to give you an acceptable answer whenever you ask ‘where should we go?’ instead of saying, ‘I don’t know, where do you want to go?'”. Pangako, mag-o-order ako ng sarili kong pagkain kung gusto ko at hindi ako hihingi sayo lalo kung gutom ka rin katulad ko. Hindi ako magiging plastic. I promise to embrace all the parts of you – lahat ng kawirduhan mo, lahat ng flaws mo, ‘yung paghihilik mo, or even your farts, your gross habits, and your strange fashion taste. Pangako, ibibigay ko ‘yung remote control sayo kahit na ayaw ko ang romance movie. I promise not to spoil the ending of a movie or a book you haven’t seen yet — unless you piss me off. And in sickness or in health, for better or for worst, dadamayan kita.”
“Eh ang kay papa?”
“I vow to acknowledge your needs and respond to them in the best way I can including your late night squash shake cravings. To solemnly swear to be your best wirdo husband and your number zero and greatest fan, to walk beside you through thick and thin, and to support and encourage your dreams. I promise not to care if you grow ugly or fat or old. Kahit na kumulubot ang balat mo. O kahit magsilaglagan ang buhok mo. Basta, kahit ano pa man ang mangyari, mamahalin kita. And in sickness or in health, for better or for worst, we will stay together.”
Napanganga ako nang makabisa niya ang buong vow ng dalawa na nasa nobelang nilikha ng magulang ko. I know, my father didn’t write the whole wedding scenes and vows in his book, but, wow.
“Oh, naniniwala ka na?” tanong ni Argan. He smirked.
“Why did you memorized it?”
“Because it’s the most genuine and most realistic vow I’ve ever read.” He answered. “Ikaw, what’s the best part?”
“Lahat naman gusto ko, mula una hanggang sa umpisa. Siguro, tanungin mo na lang ako kung ano ang pinaka-cute na part.”
He looked at me with disbelief.
“May nasabi ba akong mali?” tanong ko.
“You’re so childish,” he blurted.
Inirapan ko siya. “Pakialam mo ba? ‘Yun ang pinakamadaling sagutin.”
Umiling-iling siya sa ka-praningan ko.
“Okay, what is it?”
“The cutest part is their first kiss. ‘Yung bago sila makasal.”
“And why is that?” he asked, raising his thick eyebrows.
I smiled. A rush of memories from the book flashed in my mind.
*****
WRITER'S HOUR
(First Kiss)
(Excerpt from the Book
written by Fivemonths)
“What the hell!” bulalas ni Kalabasa nang makita niya ang mga pagkaing nasa mesa. Gusto ko na agad siyang pagtawanan dahil sa kan’yang itsura.
“Ang epic ng mukha mo, Squash.”
“What is this, Five?” she curiously asked. Ibinaba na nito ang bag niya sa upuan at lumapit sa akin. Pareho na kaming nasa tabi ng mesa.
“Sinigang na kalabasa, adobong kalabasa, pakbet na kalabasa, dinengdeng na kalabasa, bola-bolang kalabasa, tinapay na kalabasa at kung anu-ano pang pagkain na may kalabasa,” I explained without laughing. “Pinaghirapan ko ‘yan para sa espesyal kong bisita, na ang pangalan ay Kalabasa.”
Mahina niya akong sinapak sa ulo. Hindi na ako naka-ilag. “Mukha kang may topak. Bakit ka nagluto ng ganito? You hate it right?”
“But I love you,” wala sa sariling sagot ko. Minsan wala talagang preno ang bibig ko.
Tiningnan niya ako ng masama. “Para saan ba ‘to?”
“Wala lang. Trip lang kitang ipagluto. Masama ba?”
“Puro kalabasa, sa tingin mo gugustuhin kong kumain nang ‘di ka kumakain?”
“Kakain ako. Promise. H’wag ka nang magalit,” I said unable to hide my smile.
Sandali itong nanahimik bago ako biglaang hinila paupo. Umupo rin sa siya tabi ko. Kumuha siya tinidor at itinusok sa isang slice ng kalabasa sa may pinakbet.
Kinabahan ako nang isinubo niya ito. Natatakot ako sa magiging reaksyon niya.
She chewed it slowly, then swallowed. She diverted her gaze to me. Wala itong emosyon noong una hanggang sa unti-unting umusli ang ngiti sa kan’yang labi. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag.
“It’s good,” she said. Kumuha ulit siya ngunit hindi na ito para sa kan’ya kundi para sa akin. Inilapit niya ito sa aking bibig. “Taste it.”
Kahit ayaw ko, isinubo ko pa rin dahil sa saya na nakaukit sa mga mata niya. Okay naman ang lasa.
“You did this for me. Sobrang pasasalamat, Five. Ikaw, ano bang gusto mo?”
'Your kiss,' gusto ko sanang sabihin pero hindi ko magawa. She might punch me.
“Baka magalit ka.”
“Hindi mo naman siguro hihilingin na isuko ko na ang sarili ko sayo nang ‘di pa tayo kasal ‘di ba?”
Natawa ako. Ang advance naman nito mag-isip. “P’wede rin,” biro ko.
“Sapak,” saad niya sabay taas ng isang kamao niya. “Gusto mo?”
See?
Umiling ako, saka lang nito ibinaba ang kamay niya.
“Ano bang gusto mong gift? ‘Yung gusto mo talagang ibigay ko maliban sa puri ko.” Hindi ko na napigilan, napaghagalpak na ako ng tawa. Iba rin ‘tong babaeng ‘to e.
Makulit rin talaga. Mamaya hindi ko na mamalayan, naisagot ko na pala ang nasa utak ko.
“Earth to Five, wala ka bang gusto?”
Sigurado ka bang gusto mong malaman?
“Five, namumula ka.” Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko. Shit. Mas lalo akong manlalamig sa ginagawa niya.
“Are you okay?” she asked worriedly.
Pumikit ako at huminga ng malalim. Bahala na.
“Five, ano ba.”
“P’wedeng pa-kiss?” tanong ko. Hindi muna ako huminga dahil natatakot ako. Binitawan niya ang aking pisngi. Unti-unti kong iminulat ang aking mga mata.
She’s blushing.
Oh God.
Ang ganda niya.
“Kung ayaw mo, okay lang. Baka sabihin mo, ang manyak ako and—”
“Yun lang?” It’s my turn to get confuse. “Kiss lang?”
What.
The.
Heck.
“Akala ko pa man din, ang bigat ng hinihingi mo.”
“Okay lang sayo?” naguguluhang tanong ko.
Ang plastik ko kung sasabihin kong hindi ako masaya. Nagulat lang ako dahil sa reaksyon niya.
“Yhup. Sa kamay o sa pisngi?” she asked.
Gusto kong matawa pero pinigilan ko. Kamay? Pisngi? Ano kami, magkaibigan?
“You’re mistaken. What I mean is a kiss on the lips, Squash,” sagot ko sa kan’ya na ikinalaki ng mata niya sa gulat.
“Ha?”
“Sa lips kako.”
Pumayag man siya o hindi, okay lang. I just need to let it out. I wan’t to her to take time in absorbing 'us'. But I’m dying.
Yes. I am dying.
Hindi na talaga ako kayang gamutin. Alam ko at ramdam kong kaunti na lang ang itatagal ko. Kaya gusto ko nang gawin ang mga bagay na makakapagpasaya sa puso ko.
I love her.
But I respect her. Kung ayaw pa niya, I will never ever force her to do it with me. Basta nasabi ko, okay na ako.
Ngumiti ako. “Okay lang kung ‘di mo gusto. Let’s finish our lunch.”
“Five. . .”
“Hindi ipinipilit ang mga bagay na ganu’n, Squash. At alam kong hindi ka pa kumportable sa mga bagay na ‘yun.”
“Yun ba talaga ang gusto mo?” she asked.
Tumango ako. I don’t want to be plastic. “But I don’t want you to do the things that—”
Hindi ko na naituloy ang sasabihin ko nang pumikit siya. “Go ahead. Kiss me.”
Nalaglag ang aking panga. Is she serious?
“Huwag ka nang pa-conservative. Kapag binuksan ko na ang mga mata ko, wala nang second chance.”
Ang lakas ng kaba ko. Ano ba ‘tong pakiramdam ko. Is this the effect of too much love? Kung kailan nasa harapan ko na ang pagkakataon, saka pa ako natorpe.
“Five,” she called me and I unconsciously cleared my throat.
“I’ll count. One...two...” Damn! This is crazy. Baka mawalan na ako ng hinga nito “...three—”
Haist! Bahala na nga!
I captured her lips with mine. And this moment, I want her to be with me until I die. She’s the best person I’ve ever had and this feeling is the best emotions I’ve ever felt. Like living and dying and being reborn, all at the same time.
(Chapter ended)
*****
------
“Iris!” sigaw ni Five na dahilan upang mabalik ang ulirat ko sa reyalidad. Lumilipad na naman kasi ang isip ko dahil sa libro.
“What?!” I shouted back.
“Nade-daydream ka na naman. Baka nakakalimutang mong may pasok pa tayo,” he said before carrying the box of my things.
Tiningnan ko ang oras.
I rolled my eyes. Hindi pa naman oras eh! Ang time conscious talaga ng lalaking ‘to. First day pa lang naman.
“Bilisan mong maligo! Tigil-tigilan mo nang isipin ang first kiss ng mga magulang mo. Magkakaroon ka rin nu'n,” he blurted and went outside.
Natawa ako.
Yeah.
Maybe.
I’m not hoping for a tragic love. I prefer a not–so–Writer’s Hour kind of love story.
I just hope that the person I’ll fall in love with is someone that loves like my father or my mother. Someone who will choose me despite of being annoying as hell. Despite of how difficult I am to deal with. That even though I’m not the best looking girl in the world and the most beautiful flower in a garden, still chooses me. Someone who chooses me even though there are a million reasons not to..
That kind of love.
A love that forgives.
A love that accepts.
A love that fulfills.
And a love that gives.
—THE END