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REALITY.
"Are you sure about this? We could always just talk in place for you." Chan asked out of concern which causes the others' attention to fixate on me, especially the one who currently sat beside me, death grip on my poor hand.
"I will deal with this situation calmly. JYP will be like any other man I encounter." I smiled assuringly to the group who were frankly, looking more nervous than the person who is to be confronted by JYP himself.
And that person is me.
Apparently word got out that me and Jisung had a thing going on and it reached the old man. He sent me an email and a message to Jisung regarding the issue and that the two of us should really discuss matters.
And here we are now.
As we waited for almost an hour, Jisung couldn't help but keep pestering me with nervous questions. His foot was persistently tapping the ground, his eyes were filled with so much fear and worry, and the only thing to conceal that fear was his trusty snapback that he wore almost everywhere.
I looked over to Jisung, who was still anxiously darting his eyes around and I tighten my grip on his hand. He looks at me and I send him my most reassuring smile.
"What are you so nervous about? I can handle this." I say softly, using my other hand to adjust his cap. I fix his bangs which were lousily resting over his forehead and I then caress his cheek in an attempt to soothe his rattling nerves.
"What if, he won't let us be together?"
"Then so be it." I hummed. "We just have to accept what he wants so we can be together in the end. I'll find a way. Rely on noona, will you?"
"B-But what about you?" I smile at him out of amusement. He still worried over me even if he himself was so close to pissing himself.
"If you were able to wait for me to open up about everything, then I'm pretty sure that I could wait a whole lifetime for you. I'm more than capable of waiting y'know?" I grin, which causes his expression to soften a bit.
"But what if the distance drifts us apart?"
"It's only an hour drive to your dorm."
"But I'm always busy and our schedule is always packed."
"And has that stopped us before?"
"What if you set your eyes on another guy?" That certain question caused his expression to harden up, and I roll my eyes.
"You see this?" I rubbed my thumb over my bottom lip, and his eyebrows furrowed with intrigue. Out of spontaneity, I pecked him on the lips shortly before pulling away causing his eyes, and a few others, to widen.
"These are only yours, and not anyone else's." I smile smugly, which only intensifies the warmth on his cheeks and a very forced cough reverberates around the hall.
"I get that the two of you has shared saliva before but please don't do it in front of the children." Minho spoke out loud and Chan slaps a hand over his mouth, shooting him a glare.
"Damn it hyung! We were having a show!" Hyunjin whined with his phone ready on record and Chan glares at him as well.
"I can't believe the squirrel who barely even goes outside has already scored a girl." Changbin mutters to himself from beside us and Jisung was quick to smack him upside the head, causing him to whine out in pain whilst the younger members laugh at him.
A strong presence suddenly arrives on scene and we were all quick to stand up, bowing automatically to greet him.
"Jisung and Yuri, let's chat inside my office shall we?" I momentarily heave deep breaths before following after Jisung's footsteps, who walked first inside.
I expected the office to look more like a business type thing but it was actually very cozy. There were couches and a tv inside, a mini fridge, and a gigantic window overlooking the city
We sat down on the chairs provided and JYP sat in his seat, or throne maybe.
JYP then looks over to me, but there was no sign of hostility in his expression. "I'm glad you agreed to this meeting, and I'll cut to the chase as I don't want to prolong this agony for the both of you." He jokes, which we forcibly chuckle at which doesn't really lighten our moods.
"So, I see that you two have developed quite a thing for each other?"
"It appears that we do." I nonchalantly speak, rattling Jisung even more since he has not one idea of how calm and collected I can be in front of someone with such a big presence.
"I'm sure that the two of you, especially Jisung, are aware of the fact that artists under my company are on a dating ban for at least 3 years right?" We nodded silently.
JYP brings out a few sheets of paper before setting them down on the table. Confused, I look at what's written and they were all reports of how Jisung was doing for the past months
"Based on Jisung's development, if I'm not mistaken, the two of you have been communicating for nearly four months now, correct?" We nodded again. "Apparently, despite the, what we usually see as, a diversion, which is Yuri, Jisung has been doing substantially better than before, which is something new to me, in cases like these."
I look over to Jisung, whose expression has brightened up tremendously, but JYP was quick to notice this.
"However," cockblock.
"It doesn't mean I'm letting the two of you off this easily. The media already knows that the two of you are close friends, I don't want them to progress any further about the topic. I also want Jisung to focus on his career more since he just debuted a year ago. Rookie idols have to be trained in shape for the future, so I'm afraid it's not yet time for you to go about the dating world like your seniors." An evident frown appears on both our faces and we look down, crestfallen.
"Because of this, I won't be taking any risks. I'm banning Jisung from seeing you," Ah.. there it is. Not surprised yet it still carries a pang to it.
"However I'm willing to reduce the years. all of Stray Kids will have their dating ban shortened to 2 years so there won't be any suspicion about Jisung being the only one with a shortened term. it's the most that I can do since Stray Kids has been doing relatively well."
He suddenly inhales deeply, "I should... I could still terminate your contract, this is a clear violation of the rules I've imposed on my groups for so long."
The temperature suddenly drops to a devastating low, and the white noise that's been ringing in the furthest corner of my mind starts to grow louder by the waking seconds of suffocating silence.
I can't.. No.. I can't just ruin everything he's worked so hard for...
I peek at him from my peripheral vision, and the emotions that's usually been so effortless for me to read has been erased completely from his expression.
He suddenly returns the gaze, and at that short exchange of eye contact; I sensed it teeming with regret.
I could hear his apologies, his misery, his regrets. As if... he was sorry for putting me through this.
We both knew what would become of us if he were to choose paths.
".. but.. kicking Jisung out of the team really didn't sit right with me. You are.. something like a pillar, that would lead to the demise of the whole team if it were to suddenly crumble down, and destroying that might potentially tarnish their whole future. I found that removing you was not wise at all."
I lace my fingers with Jisung's, wearing a small smile at the praise he's getting but the temperature of his palms said otherwise.
"As much as you don't want this, many artists had to go through this too. I won't be banning your means of communication through your messaging apps but please don't show signs in public media. The only reason I'm allowing this is because I'm pretty sure Jisung won't do really well without you, Yuri. I'm a man of emotions, so I know how it feels like to be cut off so suddenly. I just don't think cutting you off from his life completely will be beneficial for his mental state since I've noticed he's taken such a great liking to you." JYP eyed me in particular and I could only nod. He did have a point.
"Today will be your last day together, spend as much time as you can. Stray Kids currently has a day off today that's why I decided to hold this meeting today. You'll be allowed to spend time together for one last time but only around this building's proximity, any other place is prohibited." I nodded on behalf of the two of us since Jisung was still speechless; well, even I myself have nothing to say so nodding was the best that I can do.
He stands up, placing his hands on the table and he looks at us both. "I know it will be a really excruciating time for the both of you but think of it as a test to your bond. If you guys are still together after two years, you two get to be together whenever and wherever you want. you can publicly date, you can post in your social medias, you'll have your well-deserved freedom."
JYP then looks over to Jisung. "This is sadly the idol life you signed up for. some entertainments don't even have mercy about these things but I'm being nice to you and your members since I really believe that your group can make it to the top. I trust you all."
He smiles gently, taking his hands off the table and he nods at the both of us.
"I have a meeting so I'll be going now, I'll leave you here to talk it out. Spend your time together well." he speaks for the last time before leaving the room, which has now turned eerily quiet.
After I make sure he was out of earshot, I turn to Jisung and held his hands, tightening my grip to hopefully ensure him that I'm still here.
"Are you okay?" Was immediately the first thing to leave my mouth, and he looks up, his eyes a bit glossy.
"Are you?" he asks and I send him a wistful smile, grazing my thumb over the tear that manages to slip out of his eye.
"I am, I will be for you." his bottom lip trembles at that and he slides his chair over, wrapping his arms around my waist. He buries his face in my chest and my arms automatically lay on top of his shoulders. I let my fingers rest on the nape of his neck with my right hand and rub his back with my left.
"I-I'm so sorry." he sighs, regretful.
I saw him cry in the survival show but he had always hid it so well. Right now there were no cameras, no staff, no one but me. I was witnessing this all. All raw and unfiltered.
I couldn't help but tear up as well, two years? Will we even still be together in two years?
After a few moments, I cup his face in my hands and I force him to look at me. He straightened his back and it showed the small height difference between the two of us. He wasn't that tall to the point he could look down at me but our height difference was still blatantly obvious.
It was faint, but I saw it again. The hue that always used to be so bright, has shifted into a paler one. Yet it fills me with hope somehow. Somehow, I knew that what we had was not temporary. That I need not worry about the potentially dangerous future, because it's there. Color is there where the sun shines brightly, and it doesn't matter to me if I turn into an Icarus; just as long as I get to be there wherever he is.
"... Yuri?"
"... Yeah?"
"I.. What do I have to do.. to make you stay... forever?"
I knew he was certain, so damn sure of the path he's taking with his boys. But the more I read into his unsaturated eyes, the more I recognize that hint of uncertainty.
"What-"
"I can't.. go through something like that again. I don't want to be left alone anymore, I-I can't-"
"Let's not waste any time moping yeah? I'm not leaving you, I will never think of it." I murmur softly, loud enough for him to hear and his gaze flickers down to my lips.
Without any warning, he leans in, pressing his lips against my mine. This startles me of course, but I was very quick to submit. I tangle my fingers in his hair and his arms tighten around my waist, pulling me closer.
I savored this, I savored it as much as I can because we both knew that this will be one of the last few kisses we're going to ever share before he gets banned from seeing me.
We pulled away after a few moments, and I gaze into his forlorn eyes yet again.
"I'm really sorry." he spoke up clearly for the first time since this meeting happened, and I tilted my head.
"What are you even sorry for?"
"I 'm sorry I can't be there for you when a thunderstorm happens." my heart cracks at that, and the dam in my eyes starts to collapse. I pursed my lips and held him even closer.
"I'll be fine—"
"I'm sorry I can't be there for your birthday, I'm sorry I can't be there to celebrate when you publish your comic book, I'm sorry I can't be your shoulder to lean on when you eat your melted yoghurt as we both cry about our issues." I let out a throaty laugh, the turmoil building up inside my chest growing more unbearable by the second.
"I'm sorry I can't meet expectations." These were the words that came from a people pleaser, someone who's constantly tiring himself out just to see the smile on their faces, and it's times like these where it annoys him greatly to know that even if not everyone will like him, he can't even seem to please one of the people dear to him most.
"Shut up." a tear slips out of my eye as I shook my head, caressing his puffy cheeks.
"No... no I have no expectations. You're perfect, the way I want you to be. Every flaw of yours I am hopelessly in love with." I send him a reassuring smile. "I just have to face the consequences if I want to be with someone as great as you."
"But there's someone- many out there, who are better than me, and will do a better job of taking care of you. Someone who doesn't have to be so far away-"
"And they are none of my business. In the end, it will still be you Jisung." I frown, as more tears slip out of my eyes.
I suddenly sigh. "You're so hypocritical."
He raised his eyebrows, shocked at what I said. "W-What?"
"Have you even heard what you said? People who are better than you? You made a song about me, and it was all about how I may not be as bright as the sun but I was still great in my own way."
He purses his lips instead of giving a reply and I smack him upside his forehead, producing a soft 'ow' from him
"Yes, there may be people better than you, but you know I kinda want things to be balanced here. You can't be better at me at everything." I grin smugly and I finally see the smile that I've been yearning for, for the first time today.
Then out of the blue, he mused. "You know that I really love you, right?"
My breath hitches, it sounded so . . . weird.
Those three words, aren't I used to it already?
They sounded so, right, amazing - it felt amazing.
Everything external suddenly becomes so insignificant to me, and the only thing that mattered was the angelic being that was clinging onto me so tightly, wearing the same smile that all my demons had.
" I . . " I search for any emotion in his expression, and his eyes displayed so much love and sincerity. It was genuine, so genuine that it got rid of any doubts I was having.
I smile at him warmly before responding, trying to imbue every sort of feeling I'm experiencing into my voice. "I love you too."
The biggest smile stretches out on his face, and he pecks my forehead gently before resting his chin atop my head.
"I love you, noona." he sighs out, as if satisfied that he could say that to me anytime.
"I love you, I love you, I love you." I began to notice that his voice had started to quiver a bit.
I then realize this would be the last time I'd see him in a long time, and I start tearing up.
I hugged him closer, tighter, whatever it takes to have him close to me as possible. I breathe in his scent that I long for almost everyday as much as I can.
no, no i really don't want you to leave.
"I love you too, hunty."
"Peter Han has found someone after all." He discreetly murmurs but I was able to catch it. I pulled away and raised my eyebrows at him.
"I thought this wasn't his story." I frown. To hell with being Tinkerbell.
"It still is, but it's different this time." My head tilts at the statement.
He smiled in defeat, wanting to erase the disappointment in my expression and spoke. "This time he found his neverland, a place where he could escape it all, a place where he enjoys it the most, a place which has always been there for him. His getaway, and his favorite place. "
He chuckles at that. "he just didn't expect neverland to be right in front of him all this time."
Then it's suddenly overflowing, it's blinding, and it's sitting right in front of me. The most vibrant color is yet again present in his pair of lovestruck eyes that stared me down, and in this moment of sheer vulnerability, I am robbed of my words once again.
He leans in and utters out a few words, that was soon going to be my mantra for the next two years, before meeting my lips with a searing kiss.
"I found neverland with you."
oh, it's love. i feel loved. i finally felt loved.
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one chapter left ;0;