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Gone She Goes
***
The Bloodlust Alpha
I stared at him. His words played in my mind like a broken record. Each letter, each syllable from his lips pierced deep within my heart and left a segment of his apparent distaste for me haunting my thoughts. I could hardly breathe. The invisible weight on my chest pressing harder and harder made swallowing down my sorrow that much more difficult. My eyes flittered around me wildly only to fall back to Landon when I realized there'd be no one on my side.
I was left to fend for myself.
The silence was unbearably thick. The shock momentarily distracted me from my parents' blank faces. Even when I felt like the world was ending, I couldn't help but feel surprised from their reaction-- or rather, lack of. They were indifferent to the fact their daughter was being rejected. Most parents, if not all, would be angry at the idea of their pup being denied. Denied by none other than their other half. Seeing as my father was Beta, his reaction would've been much more aggressive. With higher ranking came with a much stronger sense of protection over family. Looking at him now, I couldn't sense the tiniest bit of anger radiate from him. Instead he looked somewhat relieved that my mate chose my sister. Like I was some deadweight that would've worn Landon down.
The pain I felt magnified.
It felt like I was tied down to a boulder slowly fall further and further into the darkness of the ocean. None of them doing a thing but watch as I sink from the shore. No hands outstretched in an attempt to save me. No glance of guilt spared my way.
This isn't going to work.
I won't accept you, Selene.
I never will.
I shook my head at the words taunting me. He couldn't have meant it. No wolf could ever say such words to their mate. To confirm my suspicion, I looked to him with hope that he was lying. Hope to see that he was only putting up a front. If I were to see any hesitation in his eyes, I would've been happy. I would've been content with the smallest form of care. My heart, already battered and out in the open, was stepped on and crushed when Landon looked at me with such pity. His dark eyes swirling with emotion he didn't voice out.
He felt bad for me.
He didn't care.
He felt sorry for being my mate.
It could've been anyone and he would've done the same thing.
I tried to tell myself that. Tried to lift my mood by convincing myself that the reason he was rejecting me wasn't because of who I was, but because of who he was and what he wanted. But that somehow made it all the more painful. Although he made up his mind even before finding his mate, I expected him to at least consider it. He didn't.
There was no part of him that wanted to give me a chance.
He never intended to change his mind no matter who his mate turned out to be.
He just felt sorry it had to be me whose heart he breaks.
"Bu-But Landon, I-I'm your mate! The Moon Goddess put us together for a reason. You can't do this. Please Landon, please-"
I pleaded. I took a step forward to reach out to him. The tears rolling down my face blurred my vision but I could still make him out perfectly. His tousled hair messy from the amount of times he must've ran his fingers through them. He had the habit of playing with his hair when he was frustrated or stuck on what to do. I barely managed to grab hold of his arm but he quickly pulled away as if my touch burned him. His fist clenched as he stared at me. Those beautiful eyes flashed with disgust. He stepped back. Landon's stance postured in a way to protect Hestia, who stood behind him wordlessly. Her eyes glued to the floor but her hand holding onto Landon's sleeve trembled.
"Selene, stop it. You're embarrassing yourself. Out of consideration for Hestia, I will overlook your display of disrespect."
I stared at him in disbelief. Even when I was being rejected, he didn't put me first. He didn't punish me for my 'disrespect' purely out of consideration for her. Not for me. Not because he felt for me but because he felt obligated to for the woman beside him. Because he didn't want to hurt Hestia by laying a hand on her sister.
"Understand that this isn't a request. I- I love your sister. I'm sorry. I'm sorry the Moon Goddess made the mistake of pairing us together, but I can't abandon her. She's my life. Bond or no bond, she is who I choose. You have to accept that. I won't let some bond dictate what I will and won't have in my life. I wish it could've been any other way, but-"
He swallowed,
"This is how it has to be."
He looked almost sympathetic. The initial anger and disgust in his eyes softening to mere sadness.
I was the charity case in his eyes.
He was definitely hurting internally, but it wasn't in full effect. I glanced at their clasped hands. He had support. He had someone steadying him by his side even if his wolf was howling in the worst kind of agony. In some way, Landon and Hestia's wolves formed some type of companionship. Never passing the boundary of a platonic relationship because they could only ever feel that way for their mates, but it was to the point that they'd receive a sort of comfort from each other's touches.
The kind of comfort I would've gotten from Hestia.
The family kind.
But I had no one.
"What about me?"
I asked quietly. The tears trailed down my cheeks. I didn't bother wipe them away when I knew they'd just keep coming. I didn't care if it made me look weak. I didn't care if the whole Pack saw this. My heart was bleeding from inside out and the only form of consolation I had was to let it go. The sister who would comfort me was the reason this was happening.
"You have Hestia, but what about me? I didn't do anything. I- I'm being forced to watch you two stay together while I can't find my happiness. You say you don't want the bond to take control, but-"
I sucked in a shaky breath,
"Why do I have to get punished? Why are you punishing me for something out of my control? You may not want a mate but I do. Wolves only get one mate, Landon. No wolf can ever be truly complete without their other half. I only ever wanted my mate. Who will I have if not you?"
My voice cracked at the end. The strength that held me up slowly leaving me. I felt so weakened. So drained both emotionally and physically. I could feel our bond prick with waves of discomfort and despair. Landon's eyes closed for a brief second before he pried them open. They were hardened, glossed over with certitude. I begged the Goddess above for him to give me a chance. Pathetic as it was, he was my future. The future I wanted so desperately. Even if it made me look like the bad guy, I wanted to have him. Even if I looked like a fool chasing after him.
"Selene, I'm sorry."
I blinked away my tears. Landon had turned away, glaring into the floor. All the pent up frustration in him being taken out by drilling his anger to the ground beneath him. He couldn't bear to look at me anymore. Not that I could blame him. I looked like a mess. Red rimmed, swollen eyes, skin pale from anguish.
His resolve would surely waver if he looked. Much to his dismay, his wolf was fighting for control. The hurt his human side inflicted on his mate urging him to come forth. The green in his eyes flickering to a soulless pitch black. I looked to my sister who still had yet to say something. My eyes pleading with her to understand. She knew better than anyone how much I wanted my mate. How much I longed to finally meet mine since the moment I turned six and learned about them.How disappointed I was when I didn't meet him the day I turned sixteen. How I spent hours looking around the pack territory in hopes to find him wandering about.
Hestia met my gaze and shook her head. She grabbed onto Landon before wedging herself in his arms. She cuddled into him, using his body to shield her away from reality.
"I can't let go of him."
She whispered hoarsely into his chest.
"I love him, Sel. I love him with all I have. Who knows, maybe- maybe you will fall in love one day. Find someone of your own! It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to follow the mate-"
A loud snarl cut her off. Everyone's attention drifted to Landon who's lips were tugged upwards to the point his extending canines were visible. He obviously didn't like the remark of me falling in love with someone else but none of us dared to comment on it. While he claims to want my sister, he also hates the thought of me having another. Absolutely despises it. My wolf growled in disapproval for his hypocrisy. What surprised me was that my wolf was taking his rejection far better than I was. While I felt the need to cater to him and plead him to stay, my wolf was angry for his denial of our bond. She was aggressive, flicking her tail against the ground in my mind out of aggravation.
She sent forth raging emotions of hostility at both my mate and sister. It took all it had in me not to act upon it. Thankfully I managed to control her anger just barely. Hestia pursed her lips together as she stared at me. The earlier hesitation, gone from her gaze. It seems like his reaction bothered her more than she let on.
"It doesn't work like that Hestia. The mate bond will always exist between us. Our souls were intertwined from the moment the Moon Goddess put us in our mothers womb. Only true mates can be one together. Body and soul."
I gingerly wiped my puffy eyes. A mate bond wasn't some flimsy thing that a simple mark on the neck could erase. If one of the true pair was marked, all the other would have to do was place their mark over the other one and it would be like it was never there to begin with. It was painful, yes, but it would disappear almost instantly. Like it was draining poison from the marked's skin.
Overwritten by the rightful imprint.
This happened with countless couples just like Hestia and Landon. I just didn't know if it were any different since Landon was of Alpha blood. No Alpha blood ever rejected their destined Luna. Not only was it unlikely for mates to reject each other, but it was dangerous as well. An Alpha's mate was crafted for the purpose of leading a pack alongside the Alpha. She would have characteristics that no average she wolf would have. Rejecting a Luna was like sending the pack to a road ruin.
At least, there wasn't any record of it actually happening.
"It doesn't matter."
Landon finally regained control over his wolf. The veins in his neck popping out as he stiffened.
"We came up with a solution."
My eyebrows shot up. The wolf in me pawed at the restraints I placed on her. She was itching to let loose, to challenge Hestia over the right of my mate. She wouldn't kill her. No matter what my wolf valued our blood relation, but that didn't mean she wouldn't force her to submit. She projected images of pinning down Hestia in my mind and watching as she showed her neck in submission. A feral growl of amusement resonated in my mind. I almost shuddered from her rage.
"Solution?"
I asked. Landon looked over to Hestia who held his gaze before giving him a brief nod.
"My wolf... he wants you as a mate. He won't settle for anyone else." He looked over to my parents grimly.
"But if we were to separate, the bond would weaken."
I felt my jaw go slack. Is he seriously suggesting what I think he's suggesting? I furrowed my brows together and looked to my parents. Their eyes narrowed down at me as if daring me to object. They knew about this? They were fine with Landon tossing me to the curb? They wanted to ship me away? To abandon me?
"This transfer won't be permanent. It'll only be until Hestia and I finish the completion of our bond. Once she's marked and officially titled Luna, you'll be permitted back."
I scoffed bitterly at his words. He sounded so dignified. Like he was doing me some big favor. My wolf howled inside me, trying desperately to comfort my internal destruction. She nuzzled her head against the barrier, offering me as much solace as she could muster.
"You're kicking me out?"
I asked quietly. Father stepped forward, taking my arms in his large hands and tore my attention from Landon to him. He looked at me with apathy. His lips pressed in a thin line.
"Selene, now is not the time to get emotional. This is bigger than you. You have no say in this."
A flare of anger grew inside me at his words. I pulled from his grasp roughly, ignoring the sting from where his grip laid. This would've counted as disrespect and was punishable by law, but I couldn't care for that. Not when my father had the audacity to tell me I had no say in my rejection.
"How could you?"
I looked at all the faces in the room. My gaze lingering on Landon a little longer than the rest. The overwhelming tension in the air had made an impact on Hestia. She couldn't handle the growing hostility coming from both my father and Landon directed to no one but me. Any average wolf would succumb to show submission when higher ups would display their power. My mother was at the point of crumbling, but since she was the Beta's mate, she had somewhat more of a resistance. Being an offspring from a Beta doesn't always ensure power or the ability to handle power.
Only Alpha bloods were guaranteed that.
It didn't matter whether it was a first born, second, third...
They're ensured to have power. Maybe not as strong as the first born, but power above average wolves nonetheless. Mates were designed to be compatible with one another. If one of the pair had a title, their partner would be designed to suit them in both personality and strength. That would explain my deflection from their surging aura trying to bend me to their will. An Alpha's Luna wouldn't yield to anyone but their mate. Unluckily for them, I was hellbent on standing my ground.
"It'll only make it harder for you if you stay here."
Father answered tightly. I could feel him staring at me but I didn't look his way. I couldn't bear to look at the man who so willingly tossed his daughter to the side for his other one. I guess I underestimated his favoritism. I could've expected anything but this.
"So, what? You're just going to abandon me on some pack and call me back after you mark and mate each other? After you announce her as your Luna? You're sending me away so I won't interfere?"
I knew my voice was rising but I couldn't stop myself. My hysteria was letting loose and the encouraging growls from my wolf wasn't helping me in the slightest. I snapped my gaze to Hestia when she said my name,
"I know you've been waiting for a mate since forever but... I had him first."
I could almost taste the bile in my throat. The underlying threat in her voice went unnoticed by everyone but me. The worst part was that I couldn't say anything back. She was right. She had him first. If word gets out that I was Landon's mate, everyone would see me as the other woman. I was the man stealer. Even with the bond between us everyone would undoubtedly look at me with revulsion.
I could easily say that they weren't supposed to be with each other in the first place but what good would that do? They'd simply skim over that and argue that the bond was replaceable. That even if the Moon Goddess paired us up, they were already much too involved with one another. And somehow everyone would look at them like they were twenty first century version of Romeo and Juliet. Up until my very own rejection, she was the heroine and I was the side character.
Landon sighed heavily. He darted his tongue between his lips and swiped it along his dried opening. With one stride toward his desk, he opened the drawer and pulled out a thick manila envelop. The top had the words "PACK TRANSFER" written in bold, black ink.
I could physically feel myself recoil at the words. They were practically banishing me for something I didn't do. They wanted to make things easier for me when really, it was easier for them.
"You are not fit to be Luna. You don't have the qualities. If the pack were to function with you at the top, we will surely fall to ruin. Your sister is more than capable, Selene. You know that. Your sister shows more promise compared to you who fiddles around all day in the soil with your garden. No Luna does that."
"But did you ever give me the chance?"
I yelled in spite. The words my father said cut deeper than I would've expected. Everyone was so sure I wasn't good enough but have they ever given me the chance to try? Was that asking for too much? A chance to prove them I'm worthy and more than capable to do what the Moon Goddess wills me to?
"Sign the papers Selene. This isn't up for debate."
Landon said, thrusting the blank sheet in front of me. I shook my head. I felt the rage coursing through my veins as I stared at the paper in pure hatred.
"No."
It came out bitter. My wolf was right above the surface. The last string of my restraint slowly chipping away. This was ridiculous.
Entirely insane. My father growled at me, canines extending passed his lips into a menacing snarl. His Beta instincts kicked in. My refusal to do what the "Alpha" ordered agitating his wolf.
"Does Alpha Harrison know about this?"
Landon flinched. The paper in has hand crumpled at the end he was holding onto. His eyes flashed dangerously at me before repeating,
"Sign it."
Then it all clicked. The reason my father was calling Landon 'Alpha' wasn't because he had the position yet. It wasn't passed down to him. Landon was going to forcibly take the title. He was going to challenge his dad and my father was in full support. He no longer recognized Alpha Harrison as his Alpha.
There was only one reason he'd do it.
Hestia.
There'd been whispers among the pack concerning over Landon's missing mate. Alphas often found their mate not too long after turning sixteen, so the worry over Landon's mate was valid.
Both the Alpha and Luna worried that Landon wouldn't find her or that perhaps his counterpart had been human. It very rarely happened but to ensure a back up plan, they've decided to set an age limit. Time was ticking and Landon had been expected to have the title by now. With no other choice, Harrison had conceded to the idea of a Chosen.
Alpha Harrison, as much as he loved Hestia, would not accept Landon choosing Hestia over me, his true mate. He was a traditionalist. Had Landon not found me, he would've accepted Hestia with open arms. But that hadn't happened.
Landon would have to act now if he wanted to have Hestia as his chosen. His wolf was already spiraling out of his control. Alpha Harrison had wanted to wait until Landon was twenty-five to pass down the title. He wanted Landon to wait a little longer for his mate.
Landon's hesitance was understandable.
There would also be a chance that other Packs would look lowly at Landon. He didn't want to risk losing respect and his reputation. Not to mention, giving our pack a bad name. He didn't want his father to be disappointed in choosing another over his fated either. So if he sent me away and finished the bond with Hestia and titled her as Luna, it would be too late to undo. There was never a revocation of titles in our history. Alpha Harrison wouldn't be able to do anything even after he finds out I'm Landon's true mate. Once someone was titled, it was impossible to take back or pass on unless the person in question breached the law or passed away.
Landon probably never thought he'd find his mate.
Now that he found me, I was getting in the way of the future they built together.
And now he couldn't afford to wait until he reached twenty-five to take his rightful title
His wolf was getting reckless. I may be thousands of miles away but the longer we are apart the more his wolf would go crazy with need for me. In order to prevent that he needed to mark Hestia as soon as he could and somehow sate his wolf. Or at least, lessen our bond. I'm still unsure how it'll affect our bond but I'm guessing he was certain it would break it.
My father would obviously be on his side. If Landon manages to claim the title, not only will he ensure Hestia a fitting title but also her happiness. I was never in this equation, it was always her.
"I'm not signing it, Landon."
Landon's eyes narrowed down to me.
"Selene Dixon, you are signing this paper. Now."
I stiffened at his usage of the Alpha command. As his mate, I was his equal. But we never initiated our bond, never strengthened it with a mark. As far as I'm concerned, I was still below him in terms of rank and thus falling weak to his command. Regardless of whether or not he has the title yet, he was the only pup of the Alpha and the only heir. He had the power of the Alpha command since he was eighteen.
My hands obediently reached for the paper against my will. I could only mutter out "no's" and pleas for him to stop when I finally took it from his hand. The pen my father handed to me grasped tightly between my fingers as I shakily signed my name on the line beside the x. I stared at what I've done in horror. Forced against my will, I had signed away my right to reside in the pack I was born and raised in.
"We have one more thing to do."
My father said quietly. I peered up through my lashes to see the men give each other a knowing look. Landon straightened up, eyes cold and hard.
"I, Landon Walker, future Alpha of the Nightwake Pack, sever my bond to Selene Dixon, future Luna of the Nightwake Pack."
An involuntary gasp left my lips as I gaped at him. A flow of emptiness settling in my chest. My wolf whimpered to herself, curling into a ball in the depths of my mind. My body was shaking. I convulsed at the stream of intangible pain stabbing every fiber in my body. My knees bucked, my legs falling weak until I fell to the floor with my hands the only thing holding me up.
"Accept it Selene."
I could barely shake my head. A fresh stream of tears sliding down my face and falling onto the floor. Little droplets of my sorrow looking up at me as my head hung low. My muscles were sore. My head pounding from the trauma all hitting me at once.
"Accept it."
Again. He used the damned Alpha Command again. My bottom lip rolled out, quivering as I looked at him. I parted my mouth but no words would come out. This was all too much. My mother silently watched on, a hint of sadness in her eyes before she briskly turned away. I didn't have to look at my father to know what face he was making.
"I, Selene D-Dixon, future Luna of the Nightwake Pack, se-sever my bond to Landon Walker, future Alpha of the Nightwake Pack."
The bland words coming from my mouth burned in my throat. It felt like such a sin to utter these words. Landon hunched over, his eyes screwing shut as he tried to steady himself. Hestia soothingly rubbed his back, cooing at him as she tried to calm him. In that moment, I felt so numb. So gone to the world. So gone to the land I never earned a place in. When he finally looked at me, my eyes were downcast as the tears kept trickling down my chin.
"Pack your things."
He said hoarsely,
"You leave tonight."
Tugging Hestia behind him, he allowed my father and mother to leave the room first. My father walked on, not bothering to look over his shoulder once. My mother trailing quietly behind him. Once the two left, he let Hestia go first before taking a step to the door.
"You know,"
He stopped at the sound of my voice but didn't turn around. My heart ragging loudly against my chest but was quiet to the world, shattered. I ached with intense pain shooting through every atom that made up my body. The day I met my mate became the day I lost everything.
"-for someone who hates having his life being controlled, you sure have no problem controlling mine. So tell me, how is it any fair?"
He stilled, his muscles tight before going out the door and letting it close slowly behind him.
"It isn't."
He whispered just before the door locked.
"But that's just the way it is."
***
a/n: I can't believe the amount of support I got from this story. Like seriously. I was so surprised to find so many people voting, commenting, saving it to their library. Honestly made me feel so good to know people actually like it.